₦airaland Forum

"So u dey smoke Cigar?" Brainbox suddenly said as we continued drinking.

I initially thought he was reffering to me, because alcohol could cause one to create imaginary things. "u see cigar for my hand, abi dis 501 wey u dey drink dey make u see double?" I said to him.

He wasn't reffering to me, he was reffering to Tega who just lit a stick of Cigarette. Dor chester to be precise.


"so Tega you dey smoke Cigar?" Man said, "ehen, na bad thing?" Tega replied. "i no like cigar, Igboh better pass cigar" Snoop stated. "na lie, Cigar better pass Igboh" Tega argued. So began a debate.

A debate inspired by dry gin.

Tega was the Chief speaker opposing the motion that said; "cigarette is more dangerous to the health than igboh", Baba jay was his supporting speaker.

Man was the Chief speaker supporting the motion that said; "cigarette is more dangerous to the health than igboh", I was his supporting speaker.

Since Brainbox wasn't a smoker of neither cigarette nor Igboh, he was the Moderator.

"if Igboh no better pass cigar why dem com dey write say cigar smokers go die young for the body of cigar" Man gave a good point.

"The Federal ministry of health warns that smokers are liable to die young" was the Cliche written in every pack of Cigerette to warn smokers of the dangers of smoking cigerette.


Suddenly a fart that sounded like a drum beat came out of my a''sshole.

"u no see am? naso people wey dey smoke Igboh dey do, them no dey get sense, their sense dey dey for their nyash" Tega pointed out.

"u dey mad, make i no mess? abi u no dey mess?" I said.

My fart smelt uniquely, it smelt more like air freshener.

Or was it the dry gin we were drinking that beautified our sense of smell? because my fart had never smelt that nice all my life.


"but na true oh, Igboh smokers their brain no dey correct, but cigar smokers na correct people" Baba jay the supporting speaker said. "na ur papa no get correct brain" Snoop attacked. "no curse my papa oh, no curse my papa oh" Baba jay warned.

What baffled me wasn't because Snoop insulted Baba jay's father, but how Baba jay who wasn't a smoker of Cigarette supported cigarette smoking. Or was he a secret smoker? Even if he was, like they say; "there is nothing new under the sun".


"make i no lie for una oh, i dey taste Igboh sometimes, but no be everytime oh" Tega gave up the debate.

We won the debate. We the debaters from Igboh Secondary School, Nekede, Owerri.

Tega said the fact. because, Statistics has it that 65% of Cigarette smokers usually ends up as Igboh smokers due to their urge to get more "highness".


"guys, i wan yan una something oh" Tega suddenly said. "wetin be the thing na" I inquired, "those things wey i bring come house wey all of us chop that morning ehnnnn" Tega added. "ehenn, wetin do the things, poison dey am?" Brainbox asked a f'oolish question.

"no, na that Officer Bimpe na she give me" Tega said, "why she give u na, u do work for her?" Snoop asked.

"ehnnn, i do work for her na, i do work for her on top bed" Tega replied.

I instantly understood what Tega was driving at. He had started eating Kpormor, not Ibo Kpormor, but the Kpormor in between Officer Bimpe's Leg.

Even though i was drunk, i was still able to comprehend what Tega meant. But the ever Dull or rather Dollina Baba jay couldn't comprehend what Tega meant, so he asked, "which kin work you dey do for her on top bed? shey u dey help her arrange her bedsheet?".

Cute bliss: Flow dis update is very short

no vex abeg.

"Tupac so this kin business you dey do, nahim u no tell us since" Man said as we sat in Tupac's Room, "nahim i dey do oh, u know say no be everybody dey sabi dis kin bussiness na, nahim make me no tell una" Tupac said, "guy na me be Flow, e no get any job wey i no go fit do, i no be Doolina na" I said.

"guys dis business make sense oh, if u buy on necklace for like 500naira, u go sell am for like 1200naira, but na if you fit yan wella make people buy" Tupac added. "guy i don tell you say we no be Doolina, we go fit do am" I said.

Doolina was a slang we said back then in school to reffer to a Dullard. If someone was a dullard, we would say the person was not a Chelsea Fc fan or a Manchester united fan but a Doolina Fc fan.

"make una no worry if i go Onitsha go buy more market, i go introduce una to the business" Tupac informed.


We left Tupac's room to meet Tega drinking Dry gin in our room. He and Baba jay were very high, i could tell. High on 501.

Legend has it that dry gin reduces one's lifespan and makes one looks older than his/her age. But in Tega's case, the reverse was the case, he was growing younger with every passing day. And more handsome also.

"guy you just drink Tramadol and you wan still drink dry gin, e be like say you no like ur heart?" I told Man who was already gulping the dry gin as if it was ordinary water. "guy bone dat thing, you no know say na the dry gin go make the Tramadol work well" Man said.

Before i knew it, all my friends were drinking the dry gin. i was really tempted to take a sip. just a sip.

30minutes later, they were on their second bottle, "make i just follow una drink small na" I said and joined them.

Small soon turned Big, Big soon turned Bigger, Bigger soon turned Biggest, I was soon drinking with the Biggest cup.

What i never knew was that, inasmuch as we would all run mad, i would be the Biggest mad man.

[quote author=Yellow_Mosquito]Sorry to meddle into you matters but you are all invited to this Foxybone's birthday whose birthday eve is going on now.

Brenda promised a cake, yet to see it delivered.

Follow this link with Flow's permission...

https://www.nairaland.com/1258506/happy-birthday-me-foxybone-advance

See y'all there.[/quote]i feel everyday should be one's birthday.

Happpy birthday Foxy baba, many HAPPY returns. Long life and prosperity.

[quote author=Yellow_Mosquito]Sorry to meddle into you matters but you are all invited to this Foxybone's birthday whose birthday eve is going on now.

Brenda promised a cake, yet to see it delivered.

Follow this link with Flow's permission...

https://www.nairaland.com/1258506/happy-birthday-me-foxybone-advance

See y'all there.[/quote]what is it with you guys with birthdays? Am not saying you shouldn't celebrated ur date of birth. But do u expect Nlers to come to the party?

PS: I can't remember the last time i celebrated my birthday. Am not just down with the birthday ish.

deji47: chei, flow no go kill me with laughter o. men that last post was hillarious. i thank god say na only me one dey room. dem for fink say i don madt finish.

take am easy oh. Make dem no com tie u rope say u don mad oh.

auditor0471: flow i hv been followin u from barrack boy but 2day i hv 2 comment. u got me laughin so hard thank GOD na late night i read dis ur last post

thank you auditor0471. Laugh still plenty well well. But is just that i will be very busy throughout dis week, so update might not be as usual.

salaudol: Ha Flowa, u don make me laugh con dey disturb my wife wey they pray. They are suspecting if I have gone back to weed. My baby thought I was very busy. Yeah my ribs!!!

so why you no follow ur wife pray na?

On our way home, "Man make we enter Okada, dis my leg dey pain me" I cried bitterly.

Not only was my leg hurting, my stomach was running also.

"Flow i dey pulge oh, e get as my belle dey do me oh" Man complained. "me sef oh" I added. "how una belle no go do una anyhow, when una dey chop Ibo Kpormor una no know" Brainbox said.


"guy make we enter bush go sh'it na" I suggested. "but wetin we go use clean nyash na?" Man queried. "no worry we go use leaf" I assured.

I and Man walked, or rather I limped and Man walked into the bush while Brainbox stood at the roadside waiting for us. "make una do quick oh" Brainbox said.

Since the bush we entered was a bit far from our place of work, so it would be rare for anybody we knew to see us. Or so i tot.

Albeit, it wasn't a thick but a shallow bush. Shallow that passers by would easily sight us from a distance.

But we cared not. Let them see, as far as we were doing ourselves the good of freeing ourselves of the troubles in vivo.


I got a spot to poo in no time. Since the poo was almost coming out of my a'nus, i quickly brought down my trousers and the watery poo came running down.

Running down like water from a tap. It was running down, and i cared not to know where it rested.

"mehn dis my s'hit dey smell no be small" I said. Man heard what i said from a distance and replied, "me sef oh, my own dey smell, Mama Calabar don finish us oh".

My poo suddenly stopped coming out, so i pushed hard like a pregnant woman delivering, it came out, but it seemed it was dragging my Large intestine along.


Throughout the "exercise" i never thought it right to take a glimpse at the mountain that came out of my system.

Not until i was about standing up to leave.

I tried standing up, but something dragged me back.

I turned to meet an u'gly sight.

All the while, my trousers had been my toilet.

I had pood on my trousers.

Not an ordinary poo. But a "sky scrapper" poo.

Part of my poo on the floor formed a bungalow, while the rest on my trousers formed a sky scrapper.


"Man!! Man!!" i yelled at the top of my voice. "wetin na?" he responded.

"i don s'hit for my trouser eeh" I cried out.


"guy u go go house with only boxers be that oh" Man stated as he came to see the funny sight. Funny, yet he never laughed.

I was to go home with just boxers wasn't the problem, the problem was that my boxers was torn.

"and me i no wear boxers here, i for give you, i no dey like wear boxers come do kponkpon" Man said.


We left the bush, leaving my designers jeans trouser and the sky scrapper poo.


"guy where ur trouser na?" Brainbox asked me as we came out. "guy i s'hit on top am, i don leave am there" I replied. Brainbox almost laughed his way into the express way.


"guy make we enter bike dey go house, i no want make anybody see me with this boxers oh" I said.

In no time, we waved at a bike and it stopped. Three of us were to enter just one bike. Man sat on the bike first, Brainbox was next.

And as i raised my right leg up to seat on the bike, my worst nightmare came to pass.

"braaaaaaaa!!" i initially tot it was the sound of my fart. Not until my d'ick came dangling out of a hole.

It was then i realized my boxers had turned a Skirt.

Make una no vex, today update go be evening tins. **Abeg make unu no vex** in Old Solja's voice

petokey: Guy, meant no offence oh!

The way this ur looting biz dey go, it look lucrative oh,

but hope u ar not promoting this act unknowingly, because underage full nairaland oh! I don talk my own.

:D8)

na true you talk petokey. But nothing we go do na? Na to just warn dem say "DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME"

Next day, we were getting set for work, "Man, wetin we go work today sef?" Brainbox asked. "when we reach site you go know" I responded on Man's behalf.


We got to Mama Calabar canteen. "Mama Calabar give me rice and beans, with two meat" Man ordered. "bring the same thing for me" I also ordered. "bring the same thing for me but no put meat, doctor say make i no dey chop meat" Brainbox the miser said.

Miser could be interpreted in pidgin English to mean "Money miss road". True talk, any money that found its way to Brainbox wallet had really missed way.


"Mama Calabar, dis meat don spoil oh" Man complained as he munched the huge chunk of meat he was served. "na true oh" I said.

"e no spoil, naso Ibo Kpormor dey taste" Mama Calabar informed. A customer that sat close to me also complained.

Kpormor means Cow hide in English.

Legend has it that Kpormor has no nutritional value. Even at that, Kpormor was still my favourite, any time! any day! But what i had never tasted before was Ibo Kpormor. To the best of my knowledge, Kpormor was Yoruba by origin.

Was Mama Calabar the inventor of Ibo Kporkpor? Or was she just trying to cover up her lapses? Were the questions i asked myself as i continued chewing the spoilt meat or rather Ibo Kpormor.

What i never knew was that the Ibo Kpormor would bring disaster in vivo in the nearest future.


We left Mama Calabar canteen and we got to the site in no time.

Madam Ifeoma was already there, likewise Ochagbuorie and Igbakwambo.


The Jeans mini Skirt Madam Ifeoma wore could be named Kùsà dé bàrki.

In Hausa Language, Kùsà dé bàrki literary means Close to the mouth.

Madam Ifeoma's Skirt was really close to the mouth. It was really close to her poolsize honey well. If Madam Ifeoma's poolsize honey well were to be a mouth, then it was the widest mouth in planet earth, i must say.

She told us we would start casting the outside floor of the Filling Station to be. That was the most difficult Rice and beans work in the doctrine of Kponkpon.

She also told us that if we knew it would be very difficult for us to finish the casting within days, she could hire more labourers.

Man told her not to bother, that we would finish the work perfectly even if it took us several days or weeks.

Like the pidgin English adage goes: "chop alone and die alone". We wanted to "chop" alone. My prayer was that we wouldn't "die alone" mixing rice and beans that day.


The ratio was; One bag of cement is to Eleven head pans of sand is to Twelve head pans of huge gravel. My problem was neither the cement nor the sand, my problem was the gravel. They were mighty gravel.

Since the size of the gravel was bigger than the size of a conventional gravel, the price of mixing and pouring a bag was increased to 800naira. A handsome pay, if i must say.

We started work.

Man was mixing by my left, Brainbox was mixing by my right. Igbakwambo and Ochagbuorie were to dress the work, that was the agreement.

I wished i drank Tea IN before the work started.


To finish mixing and pouring a bag was a herculean task. A serious task. A killing task.


An hour later, and i was still on my first bag, so were my friends.


Suddenly, I saw Man staring at Madam Ifeoma's Television size a''ss. He was staring and at the same time mixing rice and beans. I too was staring but i wasn't mixing.

All of a sudden, i felt something hite my left leg.

It was Man's shovel. He had injured me.

"aaaaaaaah!!!" i cried.

Blood came gushing out of my leg forming a mighty ocean.

"aaaaaaaaaah! Man because u dey look big Ikebe, u don wound me" I cried.

It seemed Madam Ifeoma heard what i said.

What i said made Brainbox laughed, and surprisingly Madam Ifeoma laughed also.

[quote author=Foxy_Ultimate]Flow... With due permission... Looking forward to seeing you there self.

https://www.nairaland.com/1258506/happy-birthday-me-foxybone-advance#15256248

Thanks [/quote]i can not categorically assure you that now. But is going to be made known by my Oga at the top. Thats all.

Damex333: Brainbox suppose 2 dey think of how to turn man wey dey reason 's talent into money o,i mean cash. Circus tinz suppose start o.

if u want Man number, i go give u later so u and him go start the business. He is in Anambra state at Present.

"Mama Chigbo we wan buy Akara" Brainbox ordered as we got to Mama Chigbo's joint. "Akara how much?" Mama Chigbo asked. "Akara 500naira" Brainbox replied.

"eeeeh! The Akara wey dey here no go reach 500naira oh, make una wait make i do more" Mama Chigbo said.

"ok we go wait, we fit taste am?" Brainbox asked wanting to take one Akara ball. "we no dey gree people taste here oh" Mama Chigbo bluntly said. "no wahala" Brainbox said and we sat on a bench waiting.


As we were seated, Brainbox began humming softly. I listened attentively to hear he was humming a song by the gospel singer Don Moen titled "God is Good".

"dis one wey u dey sing God is good? Abi L102 no go happen again? Abi u dey fear?" I almost said.


"make una wait for me make i go house go bring beans wey i grind, e dey house, the one wey dey here don finish" Mama Chigbo said and she hurried to her house which was just a stone throw.

The coast was clear. War started. L102 war.

"Flow hold dis nylon" Brainbox gave me the nylon bag we came with.

As we were loading or rather looting the Akara into the nylon bag, a customer walked towards us. And we stopped abruptly, even before she came close.


The customer came closer and i saw that her face was familiar.

She was Florence.

Florence the boutique owner.

"i want to buy Akara?" She said.

"hello!! u remember me?" I said offering her my hand for a hanshake.

How f'oolish of me offering her a hand "flooded" with oil from the Akara we were stealing. She took a quick glimpse at my hand and smiled, refusing to stretch out her hand to join mine.

"yeah i remember you, you are......... Flowan" She said. "no Flowey" I replied. "who u dey form for, u remember my name jor, u just dey pretend, no be only Flowan, na Florida" I almost said.


We exchanged the usually pleasantaries and had a little chat. I told her why i haven't called since the past one week was because my phone was stolen. And i took her number.

"where is Mama Chigbo?" She asked me. "ehnnn she went home to bring more grinded beans" I replied.

"what is ur friend doing close to the Akara basket?" She was reffering to Brainbox who was seated on the seat Mama Chigbo sat. "he is watching over the Akara, Mama Chigbo instructed him to do so" Lie number one.

"what of you, why is oil all over your hand?" She was beginning to be too inquisitive for my liking. "ehnnn, i was helping Mama Chigbo fry Akara before she left" Lie number two.

She fell for both lies.

About 2minutes later, she said, "i can't wait for her any longer, i will come back later".

And she left. I thanked my stars she never saw us stealing the Akara balls. She was only suspicious.

About 30minutes later, Mama Chigbo came.

Brainbox already hid the Akara we stole somewhere in the bush.

Mama Chigbo stared at her Akara basket with suspicion written all over her face because the Akara she met was about half of what she left, so she asked, "anybody come buy Akara as i comot?". "nobody come oh" We chorused.

Yet she was still suspicious. I was praying for God to come save the day.

God of Looting, if there was any such God.

"Mama Chigbo, we no go fit wait again, give us all the Akara wey dey the basket make we dey go" Brainy Brainbox save the day.

She sold what was left of the Akara to us at 200naira, albeit reluctantly.

And we left.


Brainbox secretly went to the busy to collect the Akara he hid.


On our way home, i reminded Brainbox that we had forgotten to buy Akamu at Mama Chigbo's place. He smiled and said, "Akamu dey here na, i thief Akamu join".

Wow! I never saw him stole Akamu. Was he a magician also.

I was dazzled at Brainbox's looting skills. He was Numero uno in looting. Such skills i had never seen in the past, and i was sure i would never see in the future.

Like he was humming earlier, "God is Good". Of course, God is really good. The Looting God.

Mologi: Gud interpretations.i tink ur nxt operation shuld near suces.FLOW stil dey flow

so i tot.

plainmirror: Flow ℓ taste 4 more !! Knack me tori Ooº°˚ ˚°ºoo (or so ℓ tot)

i go knack you tori plainmirror.

seuncyber: nice story write up..u are good

thank you seuncyber. But wait oh, shey u get cyber cafe? Wey ur username na seuncyber

The skies cried heavily on us the next morning. From morning up until about 5pm.

So no Kpokponism. We stayed indoors chating. Chating with a friend, the bottle of dry gin Tega brought the previous night.


"guy A square go make sense for dis cold weather oh" Man said.

"wetin be A square?" i asked. I tot he would respond his usually way.
"A square na Akara and Akamu" He replied.

"e go make sense na, make we go buy am, take money, buy plenty oh" Tega offered Brainbox 1k. He offered Brainbox clean 1k. Tega's life style had changed lately, he was beginning to live Large. I assured myself i would find out why.


I and someone hit the road to buy the A square. I and Brainbox of course. The perfect two.

"guy make ur head straight oh" Brainbox said as we walked out of the compound. "how my head go straight? My head round like ball na" I f'oolishly replied because i didn't get his slangs. "i say make ur head straight oh, na L102 we dey so oh" He informed.

Brainbox!! Always up to mischief. We were on an L102 mission and my "looting brain" had gone with the dry gin i drank.

That wasn't the problem, the problem was that the person we were to cheat with L102 was very Observant and sharp.

By name Mama Chigbo.


"Tupac where you dey come from with bag?" I saw Tupac, "i go do my business na" Tupac replied and we shook hands. "wetin be ur business sef?" Brainbox inquired. "my business na GL and CC, I dey market GL and CC" Tupac replied. "wetin be GL and CC?" Brainbox asked.

I interpreted in my mind that GL and CC could be a code name for "Groundnut league" and "Concentrated corn". Maybe Tupac was a marketer of gùgúru àti èpá.

In Yoruba language gùgúru àti èpà means Corn and Groundnut when fried together. "how fine boy like u go dey market guguru and epa? Abi u no well?" I almost said.

"GL and CC na type of necklace, if una come house i go show una, na dem full dis bag" Tupac said and left.


As I and Brainbox walked towards Mama Chigbo Akara joint, i wished we were walking one step forward and two steps backwards. because i was scared Mama Chigbo would get our L102 con.

Why would i be scared, when i was with the most dangerous con artist in the world. Brainbox!

yemi2plus2: What do flow and slow have in common?

wetin you mean na? U mean say my second name na SLOW MOTION?

Legend has it that the bone of a Snake is poisonous and deadly.

Yet the meat was very delicious.

Legend also has it that Snake skin when dried and grinded would add a superb highness to Igboh. The mixture was an excellent elixir. An elixir i had tasted just once. And i promised not to taste again.


"Flow come follow me arrange the Snake na" Man yelled from the kitchen. "i no well" I replied.

Truely, i wasn't feeling fine, i had caught Parkinson's disease, not only because i withnessed a magic, but also because the fellow that performed the magic was my bosom friend. A friend that slept on the same bed with me, ate from the same plate with me, and even worked as a kponkponist with me.

It was Man's turn to cook that day, so after he prepared the Snake pepper soup, he informed us he had seperated part of the meat he would add to the food he would cook later.

It was time to eat the Snake pepper soup.

I promised myself i wouldn't eat, but the Aroma made me thought twice.

"The thing sweet oh, Flow come taste am na" Snoop said to me. I went to the Kitchen, took a spoon and joined them.

It was indeed delicious. As i gulped the soup, i heard the worms in my stomach singing songs of praise. I was really famished. "Man wetin we go chop dis night?" I asked. "na Egusi soup oh" Man responded.

Power was restored. Since our sound system was faulty, and our Dvd also was faulty, we had no choice but to watch NTA 9pm news on Tv, although the reception wasn't clear enough, we continued watching as the patriotic Nigerians we were.

As we were watching a news report on the men in the "red chambers" Snoop said, "guy, dem dis senators, dem be thief oh". "na today you know? U no know say the money wey dem dey pay only one senator for Nigeria pass the money wey dem dey pay American president" I informed. "ehenn? If na like that, watch out for me for the next election, Brainbox for senate house, Mbaise for senate house" Brainbox teased. "na your type?" Snoop said to him.

We were still discussing politics when Baba jay walked in. Baba jay the "dandiest". He had a very poor dress sense, i must say. Infact if there was Mr shabby pageant, Baba jay would sure emerge the winner.

"where u dey come from na?" Snoop asked Baba jay. "i dey come from church, weekly service" Baba jay replied. "u dey come from church, nahim ur cloth be like the cloth wey i dey use do kponkpon work, shey dog no bark for u for road?" I dared not say that, unless i wanted the Opopo incident to repeat itself.


"wetin una dey cook?" Baba jay asked. "na Egusi soup, Egusi soup and chicken" I told a lie.

Chicken indeed, Snake chicken.

"una be correct guys" Baba jay said.


25minutes later, Man dished out the food and we ate.

My prayer was that none of us would manifest as a Snake that Night.

valboy20: flow dx ya last update x 2 short

it was for a reason. The reason was to put you guys on suspence.

I know by now you would be asking what was the fate of the Snake.

Well, Albeit the Snake was tamed, Man finally killed it. He killed the poor snake, and his reason was that the meat would be used to prepare Snake pepper soup. He said he loved snake pepper soup alot. I promised myself i wouldn't eat of it, or so i tot.


We left Soroagwa canteen with two things in mind. One was for Man to perform the Magic of chewing the blade and broken bottle, another was for us to get home and prepare the Snake pepper soup for our munching pleasure. The later was what i wouldn't pertake of, even if i was under duress to do so, or so i tot.

I had eaten Snake meat before but not a tamed Snake. Not a Snake that was tamed to death. I believed there was something fetish about it.


"Flow hold dis nylon make i go buy razor blade wey we go use do that thing" Man said offering me the bag containing the dead Snake.

"hold that thing jor, i no fit hold that r'ubbish" I cursed.

He held it to Nkiru's shop.

Shortly, he came back with two brand new razor blades and an empty Coca Cola bottle.


We met Snoop alone at home. I explained to Snoop the drama that was about unfolding, and he kept his fingers crossed.

We all watched keenly as Man struck the Coca Cola bottle on the floor. Pieces of broken bottle scattered everywhere and Man gathered them together.

He resumed his "famous" incantation, this time it sounded like Efik.

He widely opened his eyes, with his eyeball bulging. He looked more like Awó. Awó in Ibo means Ópòló in Yoruba, which means Frog in English(i no know wetin e mean for Hausa oh).

He also opened his mouth like a Frog. Suddenly he inserted the pieces of broken bottle into his mouth. And he started chewing. I waited to see blood gushing, i waited in vain.

I caught cold instantly on hearing the sound his chewing made. I had seen such magic only on Tv. I was seeing it live and direct.

He unwraped the two razor blade and resumed another round of incantation. This time it sounded like Chinese. It seemed to every task there was a particular incantation for it.

Suddenly, he garnished the broken bottle he was chewing with the two razor blades and continued chewing.

I almost peed on my p'ant. "this boy na original babalawo oh, shey him go swallow am?" I asked myself.

"i don swallow am" He answered my question.


"where my money? Flow give me my money?" Man suddenly said.

I was with the bet, and since the did had been done, i gave him his 4000naira. He was worth it, even more.


Brainbox's mouth was ajar, he was surprised at how Man munched and swollowed the bottle and blade, and he was also surprised at how he had lost 2000naira, little or nothing was left of his pay for that day.


Was what just happened a talent or was it fetish? was what i asked myself.

What would happen to Man's digestive system? was what i also asked myself.

"Man wey dey reason!!" Snoop suddenly cheered. "Man wey dey reason! Man wey dey reason!!" we gave a roof raising cheer and a standing ovation to Man wey dey chop bottle.

Soroagwa Place was the place to be.


"Man so you hold snake for your hand. U be babalawo oh" Brainbox said. "na ur Papa be babalawo" Man responded.


"That thing wey i do na small thing, i fit chop razor blade and bottle" Man added.


"u no fit abeg" Brainbox said.


"ok make we set money, 2000naira, if i chop bottle and razor, u go give me 2000naira, but if i no chop am, i go give u 200naira, u gree?" Man said. "i gree, but u go chop am like as person dey chop food oh" Brainbox said. "no wahala" Man agreed.


I was beginning to be scared of Man.


So he had this weird talent, and i never knew.

A magician indeed.


Infact as i stared at him, a Snake stared back at me. I was scared.


In Yoruba Language Nkàn bé means strange things. Things were really strange.

Francuiz: Oga flow where u na? Abi u d watch man u match

I go one meeting for one big church oh. Make una imagine oh. because i dress well(suit tins), dem go carry me put for front seat. Omoh naso i sidon there jejely oh, i no dey even understand wetin dem dey talk. Naso dem come ask me make i contribute to the discussion.

Guy, see where Flow begin speak French/Swahili oh.

Na there i dey since morning oh.

Cold faya: Abeg make d mods put dis tori for front page make e for ginger flow to dey update shaparly sharparly.cos dis nwayorly nwayorly update don taya me o.
Abi e don hit FP b4?

make una no vex abeg. I dey for one meeting.

agent M: I am really sorry for the "derailing" I caused to this thread I was trying to comment on oga flow post but due to the terrible network it won't "submit"what i wrote.so I just kept on submitting until it opened a new page.The MODs in charge of this thread am really sorry,oga FLOW help me beg your followers.Am just a newbie on nairaland i have always been a guest.I am proud to say it is FLOWs stories that made me sign up on NAIRALAND.I have been reading is stories all the way from "Barack boy" to "ibo boy wey like Yoruba boy" as a guest,when i finally decided to open an account on nairaland.

thank you. U are forgiven.

petokey: I comment my reserve.


Btw you must like udeme so much hence ur username flow-{1759}

thumbs up bro

I am a die hard fan of 1759. Infact Guinness company suppose give me award.

salaudol: E dey flow well and more after Odeku. Flowa baba.

i be Odeku master na

[quote author=F.K.O]FLOW U NOR GO KILL PERSON.,ABEG CORRECT UR MISTAKE U WRITE SWEET AS SWEAT[/quote]thank you F.K.0, I don correct am.

No Mama Calabar that day. We ate at home, so we weren't hungry, or so i tot.

No Ike Nwoke also. Were were full of strength, or so i tot.

The work for that day was different.

We were to clear the bushes that were grown around the partially erected building of the Filling Station to be.

Madam Ifeoma ordered us to clear the bushy area because we would be casting the outside concrete soon.

She agreed to pay us 2500naira each for the job, and she left to return later when we might had completed the job.

So it was more of a collective task than an individual task.

"but na cheating oh, some people sabi clear grass pass some people na" I tot.

People like me were expert in clearing bushes, be it Field or Forest. Cutlass was a tool my right hand loved so much.

I was an expert in the game.

An expert because i grew up in a Barrack surrounded by bushes. Bush Clearing was what i started practising as young as age 10.


As we continued clearing, i saw Brainbox was fumbling with his cutlass. Infact he was practically quarrelling with his cutlass. Like they say; "bad workman always quarrels with his tool". He was indeed a bad workman.


As we were half way through, suddenly, i saw something moved in the bush just close to me.

I tot it was a snake, so i withdrew.

I continued cutting, and it moved again, bringing out its u'gly head. I instantly realized it was a snake. A huge green snake.

"make una come see snake oh" i cried out.

My fellow labourers came closer to see that the Snake had gone hiding.

"e don run" i said. Before i finished saying that, it came out again.

Igbakwambo and Ochagbuorie ran away very fast stumbling in the process . I too ran, but not too far from sight. Brainbox was nowhere to be found, he had disappeared. I could recall he had told me he hated Snakes.

But Man still stood there.

He stood there speaking what sounded like Hausa.

Was Hausa Language the Language of Snakes? So i tot.

I came closer to hear it wasn't Hausa, it was an incantation. An incantation to tame the Snake.

"Man u get mind oh" i said.

He paid me no attention but continued his incantation. He even added dancing to it.

The incantation continued for about 10minutes.


And all of a sudden, the Snake came out of the bush and crawled to Man's leg.

From Man's leg it advanced to his d''ick area. Was it heading to eat up Man's third leg? Or was it adding to Man's Legs to make him have Four legs?

"Man e go chop ur p'rick oh" I said.

Man paid me no attention but continued with incantation.

Or was Man a Native doctor when he was in Sokoto?

The snake came out from the belt area of his trouser and headed for his chest.

Before i knew it, the Snake had twined Man's stomach and Man held it by the head with his left hand.

The sight made huge goose pimples grew all over my body.

Was i dreaming?

"make una come, e no go bite una" Man said walking towards me.

"make i come wetin? i never wan die" I said as i gathered momentum to run.

As i placed my foot "gear lever" on "gear 5" to take to my heels, something obstructed me and i fell to the ground.

I tried picking myself up but couldn't.

I managed to turn facing the skies.

Man was getting close. He came even closer and said, "Flow e no go bite you, i don tell am say make e no bite you".

"Man abeg, anything wey u want i go give you. Abeg no put that snake for my body, Abeg!! Abeg!!" I pleaded. All to no avail.

"brahaanwawakamadamama!!" was the only word my mouth found to pronounce as Man placed the Snake on me.

True to his words, the Snake didn't bite me. Albeit as it moved round my lower abdomen it sent a sweet sensation to my brain.


Strange world indeed, you would say. How would a human being God created tame an animal with incantation?


The kind of friends i had were gradually scaring poo out of my a''ss.

Since they say; "show me your friends and i will tell you who you are". Man was my friend, so was i a Native Doctor?

Ishilove: Your post drips of sarcasm. i will pretend i didn't notice.

I will highlight your mistakes because, like drsolob wrote, we want yoo go far with your talent. We will not damn your work with faint praise.

Do just that, am waiting.