₦airaland Forum

schumastic:
WHO CARES IF YOU HATE MEN!!! NEWS FLASH, I HATE WOMEN WHO SAY THEY HATE MEN BUT DEEP INSIDE THEM, THEY KNOW THEY CAN'T DO WITHOUT A MAN AND YOU HAPPEN TO FALL UNDER THIS CATEGORY.

You seem to care judging by your reaction.

I've been 4 years without a man in my life and I'm still going strong! God bless.

Withambition:
please, reply my PM because I'm really interested in your experience. Haaaaa! It's like it's a no going back thing for you! Is it that bad?

If u read my posts u can get an idea of what I went thru. Yes, it was that bad. What questions u have for me?

No contact ever again. If they cheat on u they don't love you. Just cut them out of yr life.

sorextee:
I remember when one of my gf broke up with me. It wasn't even the break up dat pained me o. It was the manner at which she did it.

It is good that u were able to gain peace using this technique.

No contact is designed to help you get over heartbreak and move on quickly.

I must stress that there has to be a break-up for this to work properly for you. If there is no break up then you will always be wondering about something you never actually closed off (and no one needs those kinds of regrets). For this to work, there must be a break up. When someone treats you badly, and even though it makes you sad, you can break it off and use this no contact rule to regain your peace.

Why it works:
The ex's contact is a drug to those in love. You will crave their attention because every time you hear from them it gives you a hope things can be the way they were. When you have contact with them it will be like you are high on a drug - you will have a fleeting happiness moment.

Your happiness moment is linked to hope. You will be hoping, praying that they respond to you again. Then the cycle continues: you crave more contact, then you get some, your hope increases, then the hope fades, you crave more contact and so on. As the cycle continues you get addicted and you can't move on properly to be with someone who cherishes you. The only way you can move on quickly and properly is to BREAK THE CYCLE.

How it works:
When your love drops you, or they have cheated, say "ok. I wish you happiness." make sure all ends are closed off (like you don't have items at their house etc.) and then cease contact altogether. Remember, if they have cheated, they do not truly love you - you need to move on for your self and your peace. Do not forgive, because you will have suspicions and trust issues for the rest of your relationship and it will be miserable for both of you.

Do not tell them you are doing the "no contact rule" with them. Just be silent. Do not contact them no matter how much you want to. If they contact you, do not respond to their calls, texts, messages etc. Where you can, block their facebook, instagram, snapchat, whatsapp, EVERYTHING.

If you are strong enough, you can look at what they send to you. Cry, gnash your teeth, pull your hair, whatever. BUT DO NOT RESPOND AT ALL. Keep a diary of all the times you want to contact them instead. Day one, day two, day three, day four, day five and so on. Write all your feelings, talk to friends, but DO NOT CONTACT THEM. Even if they are begging you for one more chance, DO NOT RESPOND (see below for how this affects your reconciliation chances).

The longer you go not contacting them, the stronger you will be. You will start moving on and it will be longer between the times you think about them and crave them. One day... you will realise that you haven't thought about them for so long! When you do think about them, maybe your feelings have waned so much you wonder why you were attracted to them in the first place.

When to break the no contact rule:
NEVER. If you think that something is so important that you need to contact them, you can get a friend or a family member to do on your behalf.

If they contact you with this "come pick up the thing, or I need to pick up the thing, I need to tell you something", give their details to a friend or family member and let them respond to the request. Make sure you are not around to see them if they come to collect or drop off items at your house or school etc. You are to have NO CONTACT AT ALL.

The effect on your ex:
If you stay silent, it sends a message to your ex that you no longer have time for them. That they hurt you and you cannot be friends with them any longer. They will realise that you are better than craving after them. Your ex's respect for you will grow.

If they do want to be with you truly, believe me they will find a way to let you know - either through your family member or turning up on your doorstep to beg you. You will know when they are serious about you because they will say and do things they've never before. Do not accept a weak attempt at reconciliation. Only accept what you know to be serious and true. Remember: reconciliation is not possible if one of the parties has cheated.

If they don't want be with you, they won't try that hard. They will accept and you are free of them and their hurt forever. You have broken the cycle and you can move on to someone who can cherish and truly love you.

It is about you, not them:
No contact is about YOU - it is not about making your partner come back, even though the no contact rule can do that sometimes. No contact rule is a tool to give yourself some peace and some respect. It is a tool to help you MOVE ON. Most relationships end. ALL the guys/girls are the wrong one until the LAST ONE, the one you truly love and loves you with heart, soul and mind.

It is hard. It is very VERY hard. But you are worth it.

[quote author=nwakibe post=46903991][/quote]That's a bit childish.

Happiness is just the absenve of sadness and vice versa.

abbeyology88:
though I don't know your age but from your post, it shows you are an amateur. What you've just experienced with her shows that she has given birth to a baby. So if you are not the father of that child of hers, beware, you are f**kin' with another man's wife.

Either that or she has a thyroid / brain tumour. Go to the doctor.

Jorussia:
I hate to see men acting cowardly in the name of I love her very much.You see all possible traits that you are not the only guy in her life,yet you can't summon courage to walk away from the relationship/courtship because of one stupid transient feeling/lust you call love.

Thjs is true. U may love her but she don't love you. Her actions say everything. She keeping ones on the side because she isn't 100% invested.

Time u change ur number and never speak to her again.

Incorrect. True love never ends, that's why it's true.

Late to the thread, but if u only love with ur head tjen it's a recipe for trouble.

Yoi can make all kind of mental gymmastics to "love" someone. But it is only true love if u feel it with ir heart.

When a guy cheats, he makes mental gymnastics to justify that unfaithfulness - and so he does not feel guilty. Like she nag too much, she won't find out, etc. etc.

If he loves with his heart too, then the feeling will prevent him from cheating. He will feel guilt, he will be sad, he will not get his d to attention because his heart and mind are so invested in his partner. He will love his partner as he love himself and not want to hurt the heart and mind of the shared relationship.

No amount of mental gymmastics can change the heart feeling of powerful true love.

This why I say that anyone who cheats is not truly loving their partner. They are detached from their partner's heart feeling and emotionally detached from the relationship. Emotion and heart feeling matters.

Sign number one: he's a male. Lol.

So untrue. My ex was broke af and I never cheated on him. He was the one cheated on me. After I stupidly gave him money. There's some food for thought.

Certifiedbillio:
but you date and screw a man to make you feel like a woman

I am a woman. But if u want to stoop to making childish insults that says more about you than it says about me. It shows everyone ur not smart enough to have intellectual arguments.

Dugozpweeti:
We must not take everything they tell us hook line and sinker.
We have choices to make and don't blame any MAN for the wrong choice. Learn not to apportion blame to anybody but take full responsibility of our actions.

Cheating is a man's choice. It's not the woman's fault if a man cheats.

Debbywills:
We're in the same Leaque ...
But why don't you wanna have a Boyfriend again?

Because I already met the man I want to be with. I will not have my heart broken again.

Debbywills:
The poster above me will dump her former boyfriend when she meets a new one

Op, I'd prefer you stick to the former girl that you've known for a while, the new girl might just turn out to be a chameleon.

I don't know how many times I have to tell people, I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. I WILL NEVER HAVE ONE AGAIN. Mehn!

wizard007:
You a sadist? every relationship thread I've come across, your comment is always drop, dump, forget... Ahn ahn I dry suspect you oo

OP, I don't know what your problem is, what is it, that is always giving you people the notion that you can get good advice on here.

Yes maybe we have a couple of good heads but honestly majority of NLders especially the romance section are just a bunch of kids, having fun online thinking of themselves as adults. Some of them never understand their body anatomy finish not to talk of being in ina relationship.

Beware of the ones wey dey carry that pink (f) na Telemundo full their head, most of em.

I say drop, never talk again, because if you come online looking for help in a relationship you've basically gone down hill too far - nothing can help you anymore. It's the last resort of a desperate person. People who are in functional relationships are communicating with their partners, not posting stuff online.

People here aren't looking for advice, they're looking for sympathy. To talk out their feelings and justify their actions, confirm what they already know. Which in the most part (see above) is END THINGS.

covbrand:
you always speak like a kid that knows nothing about emotional discipline. who tells their next that their ex was their true love? NOBODY IS IRREPLACEABLE. and op, people only hurt you when you give them that power, learn to love with a healthy level of detachment. when I was younger I always felt showing people how much you loved them was the trick to keeping them,but the older you grow the more you realise that NOBODY loves an over expressive person. Op as for that lady, leave her because she has already lost respect for you, no amount of begging can correct that. this is the best time to find yourself and know what you want, pain is one of the fastest way to aquire maturity. I pray God gives you the fortitude to grow. more grace.

I disagree. I don't think people are commodities and can just be "replaced". Example: my parents can't be replaced. And I feel sorry for anyone who keeps such a detachment from others that you really don't get to know what makes a person UNIQUELY THEM. An irreplaceable individual who is special.

I'm not saying be over-expressive, I'm saying be honest - you don't want someone to get the wrong idea about how you feel. If you are not honest then you intentionally hurt someone that doesn't deserve to be hurt.

Phasesone:
Why did you decide to put your gender as female when we all know that you are male....

Are you gay??

Because I am a woman... why do you think I am a man? I hate men...

Taiyescott:
Uhhmn, E Tire Me Ooo.. Jex D Way Ur Undermining My Power Nw Abi?? Bt U Av A Point Sha.. Lets B Frnds, Follow Me Back.

I'm not undermining your power, I can't help if I'm smarter than u

Change position.

gracejy:
I met a girl while in school and we have been together for over two years now. Beautiful, God fearing and one to call a partner. It has never crossed my mind that we won't get married until recently. About a year ago, I met another lady in my place of work whom I started developing feelings for but didn't tell her because of my relationship status until I did recently. I told her of my feelings for her and about my relationship status. From all indications, she likes me too but does not want to be entangled in my relationship circle since according to her, I'm in a relationship and God hasn't spoken to her yet. I must let you know that these two ladies are without mixing words, children of God.

The issue now is, I love this latter girl more than I love the formal. People around me think I want to cheat the former ( the onew I met in school). No sexual activity has taken place with any of them cos we are all believers. I want God's perfect will (not permissive) for me but HE hasn't spoken concerning this.

What do you sincerely think people?

Be with the one you love. It's simple. Cut off contact with the school friend and move to your new girl.

Taiyescott:
Uhhhmn, so ur sayin some men rape women jex to show power?? women are actually the powerful ones..

So my logic isn't flawed then? Men rape to gain back the power thay women hold. Or to exert their power over women. Because they feel like their power has been undermined by women.

WiLdFLame:
that's the problem with you ladies
okay, no lie oo, you still contact your exes right?
so you want the guy to say no, so you can say he's insecure right?
no man wants to sound insecure nau
they don't want you having any contact with your exes

secondly , i know you ve got an old heart sis
you gat a open heart..sweet one.
you know it,
its not done yet
open your heart
dat only one whisper u need amidst all dis noise is coming.

I did because I was open and honest. I won't lie to my partner. Just saying that if am ex contact me, I tell him right away. But I always ask about my friends if my partner is comfortable.

I have no contacy with any exes. They're exes for a reason.

Say yes you're ok with her dating him. Then never speak to her again.

Taiyescott:
Rape and Robbery are two different cases and are to be approached differently.

Don't wanna get robbed? Don't own anything.

Don't wanna get raped? Don't be a woman.

I'll have you know women in Saudi Arabia, covered up in sheets and stuff, still get raped.

Rape isn't about sex, it's about power.

WiLdFLame:
sorry for that aunty,

but look, I know you are in a relationship nau, so nau u wan lie say after your guy, u no get crush or ex, you still in contact with?

I'm not in a relationship now. I'm done. And before, I always asked my partner if he felt comfortable with who I spoke to. Friends, exes, everyone. If he said no, I'd honour that.

I thought that was a Muslim thing that husband's money is ours, wife's money is hers. I may be wrong.

IAmOged:
iffa slap you

our forefathers had a stable and lasting relationship unlike now where our women who are to be an object of dignity has turn to object of sexuality

no lie ooo

you cheating on your bf...yes/no?

I don't have a boyfriend. I had a fiance who left me though I was respectable, gave love and worked hard. I tried to end my life.

And if you slap me, imma slap you right back.

talk2alabama:
Whoever I put in my past, remains there forever and ever

So what if ur partner has kids with an x?

IAmOged:
Why are there so many filthy women nowadays?

Most of them are really low life pieces of
shit since they are without a doubt the
biggest cheaters today.
Low life Loser
women are everywhere now which is the
real reason why many of us Good men are
still Single now because of these filthy pigs.

And it is sad that many of us men had
been Cheated on at one time or another
since many of us really had this happened
to us at the time that we were married,

which it was a real shame that we Never
met the Right Woman from the very
beginning which many of us by now
would’ve been settled with a Good wife and
family just like the real Good old fashioned
women that were so much nicer and much
Easier to meet back then that really made
a Great wife at that time.
It is just too bad
that we weren’t born many years Earlier
which it would’ve saved us a lot of pain
and misery over the years.


that puff puff girl and all other feminist should back off

Yeah it was much easier in the good old days when you just bought a wife from an older man, and then made awkward conversation until she died in childbirth.