Miami11:

It's not a preconceived idea. You enter a marriage in good faith hoping for a good relationship with everyone. Your mother in law gets hatefull what do you do.
Of course if you've never experienced this you will assume people are making up this stuff.
It's real my dear their are nasty monster in laws out there

All these mother in-law complaints, make we hear word I beg. Why are you guys not complaining about father in-law. You see! It's because men are more straight forward. The same you complaining today will become mother in-law to someone in the future and that time, she will discuss your evil on a more sophisticated forum than Nairaland.
It all boils down to how girls behave that evolve to what you see as mother in-law issues. Let us all change our attitudes! Peace.

David25:


well who the hell are you?? Buzz off

guy I like the way you think. You are making sense and I don't know why this brother is trying to challenge you that do you think it's akara they are selling?
Ankara or no akara you are logically making sense. Subscribing 3. 5g twice is 7gig at 4k so why will a sane person go for the 8gig at 8k? You see this business!
Etisalat done Bleep up for that calculation.
What I don't like is the way you answered him.
When you have fact like that you don't should.
You should have proven him wrong to his shame that's all.

Love Machine:
I don't want in kind.She isn't my taste.

Exactly. There are some girls that even if they dash me free, I no go take.
People have tastes such that even the notorious one-eyed snake is selective! Lol

queencalipso:
op you guys should stop all this your fallacy about ladies cz its not all ladies that depend on guys for money if I complain that am broke it is my right to do so and you are under no obligation to give me money if you don't want to. I don't request money from guys not even my boo what ever he does for me is out of his own will and I equally return the favour when I can that's why its called a relationship. so please stop all this nonsense about girls depending on guy Cz not every lady has time for that rubbish.

Your sense of justice is still intact.
But my dear. A lot of ladies are like that but we're not generalizing.

Love Machine:
Asking her is not the issue.Some girls can be rude when a guy demand for a refund for a favor he render.

Do not let some girls infect your sense of justice.
IfIf you loan to a man you'll ask. If you loan to a woman you won't ask. Is that what you're telling me?
If she becomes rude when you ask. What does that tell you as her friend.
Treat people equally not partially. Use your common sense.

saraphina:
shey z ur money?go ahead and ask her for ur money...

I'm proud to see this coming from a girl.
Sometimes I think girls gang up and support themselves whether they are right or wrong. But you proved me wrong!

Love Machine:
I know if a guy lend some girls money he may not likely to get it back.So i need some advise from nairalanders,as i don't have a friend to seek an advise from.There is this female acquaintance who just got a job last month.She approached me for a loan towards the end of last month,that she would refund it back at the beginning of the new month.So i loaned her #1k.We are in the first week of the new month and she has not refunded my #1k back.I know she has received salary because she bought some new stuff.She is not my gf though.I am thinking of asking her for my loan but i am thinking twice.Should i ask her?Guyz are not smiling.Everything has skyrocketed.Buhari regime is not encouraging at all.

There's an inner voice that's telling exactly what to do. Listen to it.
Let me ask you. Would you have asked if it were your guy friend?
If no. Then why should you ask her?
If yes then why shouldn't you ask her?
She's a friend. If you can forfeit the money for your friend it's your decision. After all it wasn't a gift. There's a big gap between loan and gift.
After all you are a man and should learn to live your life by a code of conduct for loans. Do you care to know this code of conduct for loans?

lifeisabitch:
make money and see how chicks will run after you

The funny thing is that everybody needs some money to keep life moving.
Most guys go and hustle to earn money.
But most ladies avoid hustling for money and hustle the guys that have money.
Diya ris God!
I'm going out to hustle. If I have a girl whose love is not an "emotional blackmail" my instinct as a man will make me spend on her once in a while.
But I won't kill myself to the point of taking some responsibilities which rightfully belongs to the father of the girl in question.
If I may ask: what is a guys responsibility to his girl and what is a girl's responsibility to her guy?
That's a topic of its own I guess!
I'm out to hustle!

coolcharm:
I'll add

EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL

Once they discover that a guy is so so into them... he becomes an experiment tool for them. On him, they will want to test their control prowess as well as their ego. Meanwhile, they are bin treated like poo by another guy who doesn't even regard them a bit.

My guys... if you find your self in that situation... Abeg do a Kanye... or even an Olamide on her shaperly o

You too make sense guy, a lot of them do that shit.

dollyjoy:
i concur

Ladies will never cease to amaze me.
They talk about something as if they are sent from heaven. If you check their life. Their life is most likely to be the direct opposite.
Unlike men that will show you they need money, want money and say through the nose to get money. Yet most men will not choose a lady cos of her wealth. But ladies will choose a man cos of his wealth.
And even when it happens that they did, they still use their lies to say they marry for love.
That reminds me of Adam Oshomole wedding. Lot of my female colleagues claimed she married him cos of love. As if they are her friend.

eyeview:


My sister,at first when I read your post,I was initially touched. I was about to offer you some useful tips till I read more of your posts and came to the conclusion that you are not serious on settling down yet.
Since you are approaching the issue of life partner with a selfish business approach,then you can be rest assured that you will be meeting guys who are on the same mission as you(selfish interest).
Goodluck.

Don't mind her, they always have a way of plying hoax on you when you prove them wrong.

ourchoice:
Don't ignore anywhere....you can meet him anywhere; on the road while trekking, at the salon, at church...though most serious-minded guys don't ask women out in church....maybe u can make him become interested but don't be the one to ask him out pls.....u can meet him in the market, at school, at workplace...in the canteen, at restaurant...in bank...at the airport...at a bus stop....online like here, fbook, twitter, google plus, at a wedding, naming ceremony, anywhere...just don't cancel any location of place because Jesus Christ was born in the least expected place for a reason.....be open to friendship...but don't keep too many male friends in the name of being friendly...but when a mature guy sees you anywhere and stops u politely to say hello...don't snub or ignore him...give him attention and hear him out...don't rule out guys trekking like most girls do....don't decide to answer only guys on car steering....just be friendly and while being friendly, develop yourself in any way u can.

If u can't find a job....learn a skill...trade...startup a business if u can....make sure u are financially productive and not a liability to any guy u meet....try and show him u aren't gonna be a liability....be proud to make your own money even if u end up meeting Aliko Dangote's son tomorrow.

Stop clubbing.....unless u are still out to catch fun...so long as u are in Nigeria...clubbing isn't good for single ladies looking forward to settle down....stop excessive makeup...makeover....dressing to kill...dress lovely...look sweet but avoid looking too flashy and sexy....


FINALLY, REMOVE THAT PICTURE ON YOUR DP.....don't feel its a faceless forum...God can use any medium to answer our prayers and bless us...always be who u are wherever u are, all the best

Ain't no body said it better.
Come to think of it, do women also look for men?
There used to be a time Only the men look for women. but now the whole thing is changing.
Diya ris God!

Gwazah:
Before God, life is life, no life values or worth more thank another, wife or mother, any one that is easier to save. All we know is, u have save a soul. beside ur wife is a mother to someone.

I respect your thoughts bro. We grew up answering this koan since we were young boys and believe me, I've never looked at it in a more meaningful way like yours. Thanks

estwhile:
Rubbish!!!......I wonder what the world is turning into. Whether being a Student or not, a man only becomes responsible for a woman when and until he's married to her.....and until that happens she's totally her father's responsibility.

I just hope ladies can understand this.

Nobody summarizes it better!

stuffs4me:


Silly hos and oloshos can't get it through their thick sculls that a man does not have to pay his girlfriend for sex.

He can help out though when she's in need.
He also doesn't have to break his back to do that.

My own type of philosophy.
See these are students. Who are boyfriend and girlfriend. Whether or not the relationship is sexual. I see no reason why the girl should be shifting responsibilities on the little dude. To the point of telling him "I can't be collecting money from my dad when I have a boyfriend" RUBBISH! so boyfriend is your dad! A student boyfriend for that matter.
If they decide to have sex, it's for the "benefit" of the two of them.
Remember:
Assuming their families are of equal financial status.
When a boy and a girl are going to school, the girl is most likely to be given more money than the guy. The guy may have no other ways of getting money except from mum and dad. And this implies that at most times she'll have more money than him.
Guy's penis don't spew money girls should know that.
Girls are generally greedy, it's all about them them them all the time.
Poster. Your natural instinct as a man will lead you to help her when she's genuinely in need and you have.
She should be able to help you too when you're genuinely in need and she has it. both in love for each other. That will make both of you feel good and never get tired of each other. Rather than one saying give me this today, give me this tomorrow.
If it so happens that you have sex. Nobody should say anybody. You're not dealing with a harlot for goodness sake.

ladyF:

So far it was a loan, she's supposed to use her church mind and pay back. He's not even supposed to ask before she does. Just my own opinion tho.

ladyf, you're one of the few ladies whose sense of "justice" is still "intact". my opinion!

400billionman:


She is a humanbeing like you with material needs. If you can sleep with her as your gf, who do you expect her to turn to at time of need , Another Guy ?

Life is give and take..

if you people have sex. it is a mutual satisfaction and no body should pay anybody for that. i cant reconcile the idea of paying a girl money just because you two have sex. she's not a pros selling her pussy for money. and neither are you selling your dick for money. to me premarital sex is bad. but premarital dependence is also bad. out of deep love for each other, you can help each other when necessary. do you know even though most guys will not admit asking girls for money but they sometimes need it and wish they could? some nigerian girls, as soon as you become interested in them they push you responsibility close to that of their father. girls should know that the "pennis" of a guy does not vomit money. it takes working hard and smart, saving, descipline to be a man! peace

nairacoded:
Should a woman go to jail for falsely accusing a man of rape? I will say yes because some ladies can do use this rape ish as a weak point for men,
Imaging person person wey you don dey ....for long cos una get little problem you go call police say he rape you

Oya say your mind

the gravity of crime of rape is equal to that of falsely accusing someone of rape, because of what the falsely accused will face: shame, reputation damage, pain etc. and this is what the raped go through in the hands of the rapist. So do unto the liar just as you do unto the rapist.

Thanks for the info. We'll look forward to that.

Thank you very much guys for the advice and concern. Thank you: spafu, xpac01, oma307, coolh3ad, Ronald4ever, amunkita, dicman, motunsuger, deewhone, ebiz12, cruzita, dealordea, herboshedhe, hamzeiy and ifakiland. Thanks a lot.

Hello guys, I must say "thank you" to all Nairalanders because this forum have been of great help in numerous ways than I can mention.
There's is girl I met and we had the chemistry and exchanged phone number. She had a guy by then, 11 months later, I got a job and I feel like I should asked her out. I did and she accepted(maybe because she broke up with that her guy). So the time I visited her when I asked her out, her phone had problem so I decided to get her a small phone to keep the conversation going and gave her small money willingly because she is a student. About three weeks after toasting her, she started asking me for money. The relationship is new and I wanted to understand her even before asking her out. But we don't live close to each other. So I had to ask her out and she seemed to be so enthusiastic about it by pushing our conversation into the toasting thing. To me I feel it's to early for her to ask me for money but I gave her anyway. there was a time we were talking on phone and she made a statement that seemed funny to me. that she was advised my her spiritual father to let go of anybody who will not help her destiny(she seems to be the church type, and this statement kept ringing in my far like a melody). So about 13 days later, she told me that she needed to buy a phone. And she was asking for money again. So I told her I will look into it and see what I can do. She asked me to look into it and reply her.
I invited her for Christmas she didn't come(that she's still under her father and I should understand that. That her dad told her not to go anywhere that time will come that she will visit me). All I want is to be together with her under the same roof for like two days at least it will help me in knowing her. I don't intend to sleep with her cos I was hopping the relationship could lead to something serious. So when she asked me for money again I told has I will look into it and while I was thinking and seeking advice(she asked me yesterday). And just by 12 am now, I saw her text that her spiritual father told Iher not to but the phone. That she should invest the little money she has.
That guy she wanted to marry, she had some issues with him. And there's this picture I snapped with her when I visited her(I visited her only twice. Once before via toasting and once when I asked her out). I uploaded the picture on Facebook and tagged her. She called me that I should please remove it, that someone called about it and that because of the issue she had with that guy about marriage, that people are beginning to talk about the picture and it's bringing too much tension And that time is coming for me to post whatever I want.
Could this girl who claim to be spiritually oriented be a good girl?
1. Her father Told her not to visit anywhere but maybe he didn't tell her not to ask money from anybody.
2. If she loves me what's up with the picture?
3. What is the meaning of letting go of anybody who will not help her destiny as advised by her spiritual father.
4. I visited her only once is it wise to be sending money?
5. She never visited me, I never had sex with her, never even kissed her.
6. I have myself to take care of. Have family members to help and a plan for masters program this 2016.
Please I need your advice.

yusuf2:
@ poster, i think there are enough replies here 2 help u with ur next step, i've alm
ost been a victim omt time. i started to date an undergraduate immediately i got a job and just 2 weeks into d so called relationship, she outrightly asked me 4 money & she would'nt tell me what she needed it 4, i just smiled at her, told her i would see her later, it was like magic, all d the feelings i had or thought i had 4 her just dissappeared in2 thin air, i never saw her, called her or replied any of her sms after that day. then i swore i wld never date a lady that isn't independent financially ever again or a student. i'm not advicing u 2 dump ur girl, poster, dont get me wrong, u just have 2 open ur eyes a little bit wider.

IHonestly, two weeks and they are asking for money.

ShyOne:
LOVE = 2 WAY STREET

What has she done for you lately?

Nigerian culture and American culture are different - I am finding this out. I am dating a Nigerian man - WONDERFUL MAN - since I know very little about anything outside of the U.S. - a whole NEW WORLD that operates totally different has opened up to me through him and his daily life in Nigeria.

We have been dating[b] almost a year[/b] before either one of us gave anything to each other especially in the area of money. Because the subject NEVER CAME UP. He sent me something on 2 different occasions before I sent something to him. He gave to me w/out expecting it to be returned to him and I didn't ask for anything - I was pleasantly surprised. His selflessness prompted me to start sending to him. A year later - now - I love him DEEPLY. There is NOTHING THAT I HAVE that I will withhold from him - his honesty, sincerity and level of being "genuine" - touches me to my core. Because we are long distance we need to REALLY SHOW each other our feelings in different ways since we can't just "reach out and touch" yet.

You are long distance from her - she is in school - you are working. She has parents. You are ONE PERSON - her parents and her are a group - the three of them can collectively care more for her and her needs - then you can or should be doing as your job is relatively new.

Soooo what that she is in school. It's obvious that she has a way to get money - it seems like that way is now you. Since you are giving money to her she can give money to you. By now, she should have made that money talk back to her and doubled it. Her love for you should have found a way to make that happen and encouraged her creativity in this area. You should be receiving money from her as well and/or her financial requests should be diminishing not increasing. It sounds like "you are her job". She is making money off of you and since she is school, let's say that she is smart - she should have used her smarts by now to turn the money around that she has gotten from you to this point.

I give to my man financially and he gives to me financially and not once has he asked me for money and not once have I asked him for money. Because we aren't in it for the MONEY. Now, we make money together. Anything that is particularly ONE-SIDED always ends badly. You are giving, and giving and giving - when does that stop?

What is she giving you? Sex? So what, you can give that to her too, Are you getting a good conversation? You can look in the mirror and talk to yourself for free, I'm sorry, so her mom and her dad speak to you? Are you lonely? There is something called falling in love and falling out of love. If you aren't getting anything from her that is similar to what you are giving to her and she is just a girlfriend, oh no, she would have to go.

This does not sound genuine to me. It sounds like you are allowing yourself to be drained like a water hose with no end in sight and it sounds like the three of them: this girl, her mom and her dad are turning on the faucet - they have your handle on OPEN.

You sound really honest and I highly commend you; God directs us to use wisdom. I totally understand that you don't want to lie. So I can appreciate your not wanting telling them that you lost your job or to have to lie and tell them that you quit your job. Tell her that you can't send anymore money for a while - don't explain - it's your money - don't feel guilty and don't give in. There are beautiful women in Nigeria and all over the planet that will and can readily take her place and shower you with as much as you shower them. With truth, love, money, understanding, sex, beauty. This is a give and take - YOU HAVE ONE LIFE - You have only yourself to blame if you don't live it. Don't be the next man's gossip or the next man's fool. You are worth MORE THAN THAT. If she walks, God will bestow on you another that is worthy of you.

You are not the Bank of America - everyone of us is responsible for OWN SELVES - God loves her and you. If God provided for you and blessed you with a job, he will provide for her too - she is still alive so obviously she has been taking care of herself before you got that job. God did not make you her banker. You are making yourself her banker at an early stage - if you don't slow it down now. You will be her banker forever. Her love for you SHOULD MAKE HER STOP BEGGING especially when you have bills you have to pay with the money YOU MADE.

Test her first. See how long she will be in your life without giving out a dime. You don't have to lie, but tell her you have no money to send and you don't know when in the near future you will have money to send because you need to settle your finances for your future and for her future. See how she reacts.

This is 2010 - THE WORLD IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A RECESSION. Your extra money needs to be going into an account to finance your current and future dreams. IF you pay it all out to her and you have yet to marry and she isn't who you marry - you will be kicking your own a-- up the road and be on NL bitter, angry and broke - talking about ALL WOMEN and HOW DIRTY THEY ARE - we won't even recognize you anymore and most of us will be too reluctant to comment on your posts for fear of getting cursed out.

It's OK to spend some money to go on a date - but forking over cash every payday? Her calculations steadily climbing? I don't think sooooo, just remember when you didn't have that job. Who forked it over to you when you were broke? You better start saving and paying your bills. When you have nothing - what can she give you? You are the one in power here, giving your money away to someone who is unemployed = giving your power away and her demands are increasing every payday? If she loves you and she knows you are working for "the two of you" in the right way - she will understand and not leave you and put the brakes on the begging. If she gets upset - my advice is to dust your feet off and keep walking.

I'm surprised that her Dad didn't pull you to the side and tell you to stop. You have to take care of yourself first in order to take care of everybody else. You need to build up your financial worth and you have no way of doing that - if you are forking it over all the time.

God bless you ma. And I'm so happy that this is coming from a lady. I feel touched cos I'm going through a similar shit right now. That's why I'm awake by now looking at Nairaland. I feel I should create a topic for mine too. Some weeks into the relationship and she's asking for money. Nothing she has done for me yet. Some girls think guys have to pay for sex but I don't belong to such category. Besides I haven't had sex with her but I do believe I should spend on my woman at will.

harakiri:
Fortunately i am not a married man but i do agree with the poster. Women naturally believe anything a man does for them is their right. Even if you give her access to all your bank accounts, hand over all documents of your assets to her and make her custodian,take care of her family members...it is never enough. You buy her an emerald and she wants a diamond instead. You buy her a C-Class mercedes and she is offended why you didn't buy an ML. You build a house for her father and repair the leaking roof of your own father's house and she will complain that you aren't doing enough for her own people.

It's not as if they don't know the effort you are putting in but they always have unrealistic expectations. They all have this fantasy of their "ideal husband" who can provide everything they want and when you aren't meeting up to that expectation, there will be trouble. They only start appreciating you when they see you are getting tired of them and thinking of moving on. They only appreciate your effort when you aren't there anymore. They appreciate your effort when they see the grass isn't greener at the other side.

Any man who thinks he can please any woman on earth is deluding himself. Their needs and wants are more vast than the pacific ocean. Just do what you feel is right and necessary and leave it at that. Do not expect much appreciation...even if they make compliments, they are more or less telling you they want more of what you are doing. If you take her to Dubai on vacation this year and think you have done a lot, be rest assured she is expecting the next trip to be in Paris and she wants to climb the Eiffel tower to take pictures to put on facebook.

Nuff said!

Correct! That's their very nature from Adam. And in this 21st century, it's even worst. Who knows what will happen in the year 2115!

@Kc-blast tanks im cool.Hope u're gud? When it comes 2 r/ship most women are greedy.They seen it as avenue 2 get from d guyz and wouldn't want 2 commit their resources as a result of fear of past xperience or there perception abt men that they could be dump d nxt min.they simply want 2 b on a safer side in order not 2 lose @ d end bt these same women would ordinarily be open-handed 2 guy(z) on a pure frndship level.

You speak sense dude!

Jimwalex:

bro,pls do u mind sharing ur experience abt d access bank training school u attended with some of us dat just got invited for d aptitude test..were u able to get d job? what happens after d training school? is d job automatic to everybody dat qualified for d training school? and what is ur own take abt d belief d job is mainly marketing job?
ur contribution will be highly appreciated.thank u

Sorry for replying your message this late!
First of all, I want you to know that what I will share with you is strictly my experience at ACCESS BANK SCHOOL OF BANKING EXCELLENCE and you are at liberty wether or not to use this information for any decision making.
To start with, Accessbank training school ruined my life! I have decided to keep quiet about it on Nairaland till somebody talks about it.
Let Me Summarize!
After they made us look for #2M customers for them. We went to Lagos and did our Medicals on Friday, we were to resume TS on Monday. When we went to TS on Monday we met a woman called Neka, and she was the Almighty in the school- she was the program director!
She welcomed us, and ask if anybody's married, obviously nobody!
She asked if anybody's is getting married, no body
Then she asked me anybody's gonna be a wedding best man, then a girl said her sister is getting married and she's a friend. The woman said "you have to choose between your sister's wedding and this TS. The bottom line is TS is hectic!
Officially it's supposed to start 8am and close at 6pm, but I tell you what! There comes a time you will wish to sleep in the school but they don't allow passing the night any longer!
The courses are of two types "soft skills and core course" you are expected to keep your all your scores above 65% to remain in the TS and 64.99 is not equal to 65!
If you come late the rule says you'll pay 2k, if you skip a day without concrete reason, the rule says you'll be withdrawn!
If you skip a gym class the rule says you will be withdrawn!
If you score less than 65 in a soft skill, no problem so long as your moving average is above 65!
If you score less than 65 in a core course YOU HAVE FAILED THE COURSE and will be given a ONE MORE GRACE TO RESEAT IT, and reseating costs 3k.
.
.
.
fast-forwarding
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.
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You must take a compulsory car "LEASE" ( pls find out the difference between loan and lease) which is kia car.
You will be given 43,750 as allowance.
Biggest news is that after graduation, the pay is huge.
No accommodations for Nigerian trainees. Only for foreign trainees. (Zambia, Ghana etc)
.
.
.
after a successful graduation, class toppers may stay at the head office.
Class/course toppers may be given a prize for their hard work!
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.
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Must trainees will be sent to marketing, however, marketing or no marking, the target thing continues.
.
.
.
Unfortunately, I became a victim of circumstances and I was withdrawn!
As me why!

ruhu:


congrats, graduate trainee or experienced hire?

graduate trainee. Ruhu, I responded to your mail but you no talk!

paulobi:
Finally Kaduna electric has called me to come n collect my offer letter between 22nd. N 23rd of dis month. Den induction starts on Mon 24th to 28th at Dialogue Computer Inst. Pls join me n Thank God 4dis Miracle

paulobi let's hook up, I'm also for customer-care!