₦airaland Forum

Hell yeah! Why not?

^{Thunder and lightening.} Saucekid, your sentence is hereby increased to a thousand years,  and if u make me lose my temper, you will be going there for eternity.

@mopegirl

Becos of your faithfulness and total support, a place has been reserved for you at my right side in the kingdom of heaven. Nothing u do can take away that place from you. Just listen to that young man called freezy. Make sure you do anything he wants you to do, ok? You are blessed.

^{This is God speaking.} Saucekid, my boy; because of thy blasphemies, u r hereby sentenced, at your death to Hell for 500 years. However, in my infinite mercies, i'll allow you to come into heaven after that period. "Holy & hallowed humm"

@ mimiko,

yeh. that's a very good one. Black Eyed Peas song's titled "More, "

If u were in the medical line, i'd suggested u personally carry out that test, hopin he wont slam u in the process (in case u r female)

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.

So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, “Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster named Chuck. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem.”

Well, Chuck the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he’d be worth it. So, he buys Chuck. The farmer takes Chuck home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk, “Chuck, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I’ll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun,” the farmer said, with a chuckle.

Chuck seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Chuck took off like a shot. - WHAM! - Chuck nails every hen in the hen house - - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Chuck is in there. Later, the farmer sees Chuck after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again, - WHAM! - He gets all the geese.

By sunset he sees Chuck out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught—worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Chuck dead as a doorknob—stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, “Oh Chuck, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself.”


Chuck opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, “Shhhh! Them buzzards are getting closer, ”   

Rubie, thou art exceedingly gross,

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.

The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."

The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"

The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"

He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us,

There's this guy who's in the market for a used
motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's
shopping around, answering ads in the newspaper,
and not having much luck. One day he comes across
a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign
on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the
bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with
the owner:

"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple.
Just make sure that if the bike is outside and
it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
It protects it from the rain. In fact, since
you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of
Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he
hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

So the guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy
biker. He takes the bike over to show his
girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).

That night, he decides to ride the bike over to
his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first
time he's going to meet them and figures it will
make a big impression. When the couple gets to
the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's
arm.

"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something
about my parents before we go in. When we eat
dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who
says anything during dinner has to do the
dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the
middle of the living room is a huge stack of
dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge
stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty
dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty
dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough,
no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to
take advantage of the situation. So he leans over
and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So
he decides to reach over and handle her breasts.
He looks at her parents, but still they keep
quiet.

So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her
naked, and they make love right on the dinner
table. Still, no one says a word.

"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs
his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her
right there on the dinner table. Again, total
silence.

Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the
boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He
figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle,
so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father stands up and shouts:
"All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."

The guy must really be HUNGERY

There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A girl came along and pointed to his dingly dangly and asked, "what is that?" He replied, "It's my bird!"

She ran away to play in the sand cheerfully. The man fell asleep. zZzZzZz. Later he woke up in hospital with pain around his groin. He did not know what had gone wrong. He thought back maybe the girl might know, so once he was out of the hospital he asked her.


She replied, "I played with the bird and it spat at me so I cracked its neck, broke its eggs, and burnt its nest."

Good: You go home for a quickie.
Bad: you get caught by your wife
Worse: You're with her sister.


Good: Your children are sexually active.
Bad: With each other
Worse: And your wife.


Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: Getting arrested.
Worse: By your husband


Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: The teacher is a he.

i think the bear'd better pray the frog was female,

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.


Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.
Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.
Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.

Guess it affirms the sayin; ", never mess with them old boyz, they'll phunk u up real bad>

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt. So he buys a new cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he's a little worried about being replaced. He walks up to the new bird.

"So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy.
"You're on," he said, "and since I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy!"

So the two roosters go over to the henhouse to start the race with all the hens gathering to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the old rooster on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead.
After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little -- but he's still hanging in there.

Unfortunately, the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young fella. By now the farmer has heard the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun and runs into the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the henhouse, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away.


"Damn. That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."

Oops. Some story that is, why not do it this way: Create another scenario where the guy is going to repeat the same thingy, make sure ur friend sees what he is up to. u mite eternally blame urself if she gets stuck with him and end up an unhappy woman, knowing u coulda done sumn bout it ealier. All da best!

1. My Beer
2. My Beer
3. My Beer
4. My Beer
5. MY BEER

Hey pips. Listen to this, I was asleep n suddenly this thing ( i dunno what it is) comes n stays on toppa me n it refuses to go. i can't talk, cant call for help and, jeez!!! the experience was horrible. Does any1 has any idea what causes this? How can it be stopped. IDEAS ANYONE Could it be the famous incubus/succubus?

rasulua:
@ omosexxxy
am in lagos,evri girl that av tasted my stuff av alwayz want some more,i cld reli help. You cn halla at me,
am waiting. . . . . . . . .

Like this one?

Hey! I aint the same person as ebos!!! Do not even make any attempt to entertain such suspisions. My id is very diff from ebos'; & shows that I am from naija(not upland) + y'all can see that the profiles are quite different! but Michellin, if that was supposed to score a point, u really did cos in English, u mean ebos had to create anoda personality to re-mephasize his point. for the records, Ebos is ebos n freezy is freezy, shikena!

Nadda. the post went down quite well. Its just that the Italian version would kina make more sense to some pips.

ebos:
Quite alright we are taxed twice as much by our inability to learn, three times as much by our folly. Refusing to be trained ultimately erodes power. I don’t need to convince large numbers of people to change; instead, I need to put up the annoyance of a good example. I know a cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction and at such a speed, however, what is me, is quite separate from the not-me, and yet we wonder why there are conflicts of ideas. The conflicts begin with minds that believe in crumbling and are ignorant of whole truth. Now I'm vindicated.

Word! Tis a pity this aint gon make sense to a some pips. Maybe ebos should also consider dishing it out in Italian,

Where the hell did they get all y'all from? Ayeesha, forgot to tell u y'day, I'm a Sept 1st. Will holla.

Naija guys
1. Don't suck
2. Are not dumb
3. Are the pride of the black nation
4. Are breaking frontiers and blazing trails
5. Are wonderful in bed

For that person who has only negative views 'bout Nailja guys, Perdonilo, ma sembrate come qualcuno fuori versare le frustrazioni sugli uomini per i vostri propri errori. Finito.

I'm September 1st!!! I'll holla thou 1st September pips.