You people are funny, so because they've been together for 6 yrs and they are not married, it's not a real relationship?

Anyhoo, it has nothing to do with facebook and his status on it. What are the pictures you mentioned? Just regular pictures? There's more to the story. Either way, you should know if you're in a real relationship or not. READ the signs!!! They are usually clear.

Angel4luv:

I will be so delighted to do so. But the question is, what makes him the man then.

What makes him the man? Paying for everything makes him the man? i don't get it. What kind of men do ladies want to marry? We complain about a lot of things they do but I'm sorry to say we seem to attract the exact guys with the very attitudes we end up complaining about? As long as it's not some lazy guy that is going nowhere.

LOL I had no idea there were actual rules about this. I also didn't know it was called "sponsoring." If you pay for your own wedding, how is it sponsoring? Anyway, to answer the question, my husband and I got married in the US and paid for our wedding. My siblings also decided to contribute some money. At the time, my husband had just graduated, so I guess one can say that I paid for most of it (at the beginning anyway). Didn't bother me and still doesn't. I also don't believe I was desperate, not sure why I would be desperate at 24. It wasn't about self esteem either, it was just what we had working for us at the time. Besides, before the wedding we already helped out each other with stuff.

I don't know, is it expected that the guy pay for the whole wedding or are people here leaning more towards 50/50? Or I guess towards the parents paying for it? If our parents could, that would have been lovely lol. No money coming from us. But then again, with us paying, we didn't have our parents inviting random people.

I should also add that it obviously depends on the type of people involved. My husband would never go around saying he's the head of the house, so I have to do this, that or the other. And I would never go around saying I paid for this that or the other, you are my inferior, or something along those lines. It just wouldn't happen. We are Christians, so in our household, he is indeed the head of the household, but that to us doesn't necessarily mean what it means to many Nigerians, as it's not about culture (which I believe Nigerians tend to focus on), but more about the actual Bible and its teachings on love and respect.

I wish everyone well.

What kind of job are you going to be doing at either company? Personally, I'll choose GE. I've always admired GE and I don't even know why, really silly. It's a world renowned company, possibly the biggest in the world? It's pretty much everywhere. I just applied for a couple of jobs at GE too.

That list doesn't ncessariy mean anything. It is for the UK, not Nigeria. LIke was previously said, the level of prestige of each firm varies by city/country, but either way, all the Big 4 firms are fine.

I'll start by saying I'm an outsider, at least in regards to the Big 4 in Nigeria. I worked for a Big 4 (Deloitte) in the US.

From what I've seen/heard, in Nigeria, KPMG seems to be the most respected, then PwC, then Deloitte. I have no idea where E&Y stands or if there's even an E&Y in Nigeria. In the US, the status of the firms depends on what city you are in. I know when I was in Boston, PwC, Deloitte & E&Y came to recruit at my school and we never heard good things about KPMG, but that was in Boston. In general, it doesn't matter what big 4 you work for, but when you are aware of their little differences, definitely take that into consideration. They are all internationally well recognized so at the end of the day, they'll all add value to your resume. If I was the original poster (who I'm sure has already made his/her decision by now), I'd go with PwC, although in the US, I prefer Deloitte and even E&Y to PwC.

I can't believe someone is actually defending the poster's boyfriend/fiance. It's just extremely sad. Many Nigerians need to grow up.

ladydibia:

Well the truth is that i am ready to let go of the relationship and redeem myself back, i dont care want anyone thinks,if u truly love sumboby, u will want to create a room for for change atleast once, i have never offended anyone of them b4,they have always said they liked me, so i guess if i do sumtin wrong, they shld have called me and told me or talked abt it earlier and i would have forgotten everything by now(whether they want me or not), not starting the new year wit this, but no problem i have heard all u guys have said thanks alot, i[b] have told the guy that we should let go and just be friends but he is not ready to say it is over[/b].and u cant even move forward b4 they will say after 4-5months of not relating, she is seeing sumone else.

@ biina, you dont have to trust me, i know myself.thank you

See, that's what I'm saying. The guy doesn't want it to be over and then he lets his family butt in and treat you like crap. Please, move on. If he really really wants to continue the relationship, he should know how to talk to his family.

Igwe.:

Na waa for Nlder's responses! If you know the cause of the problem  and  the solution to it, I'd say give it a try,he may change, remember that ''one man's meat  can be anther's poison'',but if you don't know the reason and solution. . . you indeed need to find your way.
I wish you all the best.

Abeg, there is no problem nor a solution for her to stay. The only solution is to leave! It's not about what she did. Many times that men beat women, it's not about anything they did, but about the man's lack of confidence and ability to be a rational human being. People don't change easily. When getting married, why hang on to people can change? I don't understand. You're not married to the guy, he's not even in the same country as you are. It really shouldn't be as hard as you're making it out to be. Is it the visa that's exciting you? Listen to what everyone has said here. It's not worth it. Or if you think it's worh it to you, then resign yourself to be beaten every time he sees fit. If you're ready to live with that, then you can go ahead. Just expect it at anytime!

Chaircover, thanks for getting what I was trying to say. You're right that in some families people don't choose their spouse independently. I guess I often forget that, as I and my husband indeed chose each other independent of our familes. I get what you're saying about people being "blindly" in love so it's good when someone (family or friends) provide a voice of reason. That's very true. The poster and her boyfriend should indeed have explained the situation to his sister, I personally don't think she had to go tell family. If this is just one stupid mistake, I actually think it might be going overboard, but whatever. Lesson learned. If the sister already had bad feelings about the poster, that's another thing. I'm reading this as one isolated incident.

Oh please!!!
A lot of people see different things in their dreams. Nigerians sha!

Hollysmile:

Yeah! Personally, i think 60 - 70% of young gals pray to have a man who's lost his mum. I don meet plenty-plenty of gals like dat. Amean, alot of em no wan 'mother inlaw wahala'.

LOL. How did you come up with your percentage? Randomly? Just from your head abi? This is part of why we Nigerians have issues. No real backup, just random sayings.

Chaircover, nobody (including the poster) is saying what she did was not wrong. Ok, it was wrong, we're talking about moving forward. Yes, I take issue with the boyfriend, not because of what she did, that would be stupid, that's her own mistake. Obviously he has no fault with that. I'm talking about now. From what she posted, I got that he had forgiven her and moved on, right? She made a stupid mistake and he forgave her? That was my impression. After a few months, his family got involved. And I'm asking that if he has truly forgiven her, why can't he stand up to his family? If he hasn't, that's fine. He has the right to be annoyed. But if he indeed let it go and now it's being brought up, it is my opinion that he should stand up to his family. THat is what most people lack and that is why many people have issues in their relationships; because of all the external factors they let control their OWN relationship.

I'm sorry, why is this your business? You're asking about someone else right? This is not your situation? Goodness, let's mind our business. No need to cause strife in other people's relationships. If he wants to do it, let him. Are you really going to tell someone not to do something in his own relationship? And he'll listen? He has no backbone, doesn't have an opinion of his own? Anyone can pound yam for anyone. I'm not sure what the big deal is. It's his freaking choice to do what he wants to do. Is he not a grown man?

Really? I have never heard such a thing before!
I wouldn't want to marry a man who doesn't have a healthy relationship with his mum. This to me means that he talks to his mum but he is his own person. He can stand up to her and basically tell her when she's wrong. My husband and his mum have a relationship that I love. She can't control him, because he wouldn't let her. They talk a lot, she can call him to ask his opinion about random things. That's the kind of relationship I like. Close enough to your mum, but not the type of relationship where she controls him or is told stuff about his primary relationship. He never tells her anything about our relationship. She asked just one time when we were having kids and he simply said, he'll let her know. She will probably never ask me directly because she knows her son.

It's not necessarily about knowing how to cook, it's about liking/not liking cooking. I don't like cooking.

Someone said it's "unAfrican," that's fine. Everyone should find a spouse they are compatible with, it's that simple. No need to worry about other people's relationships, worry about yours.

Umm, you know the answer!
You're still processing the visa Why?
Nothing is going to change. What does love mean to you? Saying you love someone doesn't mean anything! Actions are what prove our love, not just saying it. I can say anything doesn't mean I mean it. Even if he means it, he still has a problem and doesn't know how to have a normal relationship. It doesn't matter that your family and friends are aware that you're marrying him. What is "embarassment" for a few months as opposed to a LIFETIME of unhappiness? Because that's what you are going to be, unhappy! For the rest of your life, that's a very long time!

Besides the fact that what she did was "wrong," does nobody also see a problem with her boyfriend basically not having a backbone? I'm sorry, that's my issue with the whole thing and most posts I see on here. Why can't the guy be confident and self aware? Why can't he talk to his family? Why is he letting his family basically control his actions? It's fine if he's mad that she did what she did, but that doesn't even seem to be the issue. It's only a problem because his family thinks it's an issue. Why can't people stand up for themselves? Why can't he stand up to his family? Many guys (and girls) let their families lead their lives and I'm sorry, as far as I'm concerned, people need to take control of their own freaking relationships!

To tell you the truth, I have no idea how to answer this question or what the question is really asking. Interesting like what?

lol this is odd to me. Personally, my husband and I can "touch" each other's phones anytime. Besides we have a joint plan here and either of us has access to all calls made/received with said phones. So even if we couldn't "touch" each other's phones, we could always snoop (if that was our intent) by looking at our statement. I know this is different in Nigeria.

When people are talking about bankers in Nigeria, what type of bankers exactly? Investment bankers? Bankers that work at branches of commercial banks? I get confused. Over here, those two are very very different and bankers that work at commercial banks definitely do not work long hours. Investment bankers do work long hours in many countries though. So my question is what type of bankers are these?

tpia has it right as far as I'm concerned.

I just find it funny that someone said that the women he knows that have compound names (I wonder how many people that is anyway), all seem to be less committed to their marriages, all because they have compound names. Please. Don't focus on your marriage o, be determining someone else's level of commitment in their marriage.

And I'm sorry, we can't just say someone's issue is minor just because it's not something we care about. The OP simply asked a question and gave her reasoning for why she wants to add her husband's name to her current name. She's not even simply just keeping her current name. If it's minor, why isn't it minor to the guy?

The Bible did not say anything about changing one's name abeg, please let's not add what's not there into it. I'm pretty sure, they did things according to whatever their culture was in the different parts of the Bible. People forget that there were different cultures in the Bible. Not changing one's name or hyphenating one's name doesn't mean that the OP (if a Christian) doesn't think her husband is the head of the household. One thing doesn't have to mean the other, some things are not as drastic as we think.

The simple fact is this is how it's done in our culture and most people want it to remain this way simply because this is how it is and this is what we know (tradtion). That.is.all. And that's fine. We don't need to add that the Bible says it has to be this way too. Let's just be confident in our personal beliefs that we just prefer it that way.  There's nothing wrong with that.

, but it's her name, not his name,

I'm suprised he even knows where you are to try to friend you. Shoot, please no need to be friends. How many friends does one possibly need that you'll let him be your friend? Abeg o.

for real tpia, that's all really.

Married men (and women) cheat for various reasons, some of which they are even unaware of. It's not necessarily because the other woman is prettier, nicer, better, or anything. As far as I'm concerned, most of these things simply have to do with the heart of "man" being wicked/evil. Seriously. Not all men that cheat, cheat with younger women, or prettier women, or whatever. You have to go by each individual case to really figure it out.

Is it really expected in Nigerian culture? I ask because I'm truly ignorant about that. I thought, it was just easier to accept in Nigerian culture, as in many women don't divorce their spouses becaues of infidelity in Nigeria, but in say Western countries, one is more likely to. So it's not that it doesn't happen in the US/UK/etc as often as it does in Nigeria, the spouses are just more likely to get divorced because of it, while in Nigeria, the spouse is more likely to let it be? That's my theory.

JJYOU, are you saying that some things need to change in Nigeria? Like not having to wear certain colors to someone's wedding? I agree with you there.
But, you're also saying that in terms of changing one's name, that should not change? I'm only asking, because at first I thought you were saying that things should remain the same, and in the next breath, I think I read that you don't want them to (in regards to color/dress for weddings)? Am I getting this right?

And FYI, many people on facebook don't actually have hyphenated names in real life. They just use it on there so that their old friends can easily identify who they are. It's not like they really go by those names in real life, so relax. Not that someone else's decision should bother you to begin with.

and how is it her husband's house? pleasee.

To the OP, there's no real, tangible reason why he won't budge. It's simply because that is how it's always been in our culture. That's it. People get used to things, this is one of them. Some people manage to not let things like this bother them, but many cannot shake off the fact that this is how it's always been. People hyphenate their names all the time, but it's not as much of the norm as just taking your husband's name. This has nothing to do with the man being the head of the household (what does that have to do with changing or not changing one's name?). Humans are stubborn and we "like" tradition. It is just one of those things.

Make your current last name your middle name. That seems like the best solution for you. He can't possibly be against that, can he? That would be weird.

Better yet, what does your significant other like?

You're right Radiant, it's not a women's right issue for me. To me personally, it really doesn't matter. I love using my husband's name, doesn't matter to me. But sometines names are important to others for whatever reason. Why shouldn't their opinions be listened to?

To those who are saying it's a trivial matter, why isn't it also trivial for the guy? Why is it so important that he wants her to change her name? I'm not saying he cannot want this, all I'm asking is that isn't there a better argument for his case? Because saying it's a trivial matter doesn't make sense to me since it seems it should be a trivial matter to both sides. No? Please enlighten me.

Personally, I haven't taken my husband's name yet (we've been married almost 3 years). I actually want to take his name, just haven't done so due to other complicated reasons. I do use his name in social settings (email, facebook, personal stuff, etc), just not legally (work, banks, etc). But this is because this is what I wanted to do.

I understand that it is the norm, this is what we are used to, so that's the reason why most people take their husband's names. Because it's the norm, not because it's trivial. I do believe though, that if for some reason it is that important to the OP, her husband should respect that. It's not like she's not taking his name at all. She's just hyphenating it. I'm not sure why "love" as stated by another poster doesnt apply to him? If he loves her, why can't he respect her wishes?