₦airaland Forum

Username2021:
Please i really need your advise on what or who to chose. I've been a member of NL for almost a decade now and I've seen alot of people getting solution for their problem here.

I have two (2) girlfriends who are madly In love with me. The first one is a girl I've been dating for seven years plus and she has aborted six pregnancies for me (even going against her family belief/law). I met her a virgin and we started dating when we were very very young and during our dating then, we were cohabiting for those years (i'm an orphan so we lived like brother and sister) until i was posted to one of the northern states for my nysc. During my service year, i met my second girlfriend who happened to have a boyfriend too. So we were just dating for fun with the intentions to end everything after our service year, but unfortunately, the lady fell in love with me. She broke up with her guy while i was still with my own girlfriend. She started concentrating on me. After our service year, she invited me over to her state with the promise that i will get an offer very fast, i had no choice than to succumb to it with the intentions to make enough money so i can also take care of my first girlfriend because that girls has been a blessing to me and I don't think i will be able to pay her for all The sacrafices she've made for me during and after my schools days. She's very humble, faithful and loyal to bone marrow. Despite my inability to buy or take care or her, she never complained. Rather she's always praying and giving me hope for a better tomorrow. Never cheated on me as she has sworn that as long as she's with me, she will never cheat on me and she's has been keeping to that promises. Even when i went for my service, she calls to check on me almost every hour. Many guys tempted her including my young landlord, but she never fell for it. Which made my landlord to call me and advised me never to live her. She can do anything just to see me happy. Even if it requires her own happiness, she wouldn't mind. She places me incharge of everything about her and she never had a double thought about that. She believe so much in me.

Arsenate:
But I was told here by the relationship gurus in the family section, notably Hathor5, that women just need someone to help out with the chores and watch them never reject sexual advances from their men.
So much for their love for sex they cook up all sorts of excuses to never have it with the men who commit to them.

bizme:
It's actually interesting reading through others' comments on the original thread in particular. I only wished I knew the marital status of the individuals suggesting certain dangerous ideas. It is sometimes dangerous listening to suggestions from unmarried individuals about how a marriage should be structured. Until you are married you don't know anything about marriage: it isn't just something you know by reading books or by watching others' marriage. My wife and I had known each other for nearly 7 years before marriage and yet I sometimes felt I had married a stranger... Not in bad way though.

In sincerity I have nothing against polygamy but to destroy your own wife emotionally just so you could have more sex seems too unwise for me. But then it depends on the wife we are talking about. Some of us our wife is literally our best partner at every single thing...home, business, friendship...etc.

Some of us have working wives, and not full housewives and I believe the most practical solution is to delegate house chores as much as possible. We have a house help at the moment and I have been on my wife's neck that we take a second help because I know house chores have increased; my wife is the one hesitating.

In any case, I have enjoyed your contributions and I only wish we could have more mature contributions from others on this beautiful forum.

trilobite:
Problem is that "These men" are in the majority. Many African bachelors would have sex with a sexually exposed woman, and marry the village virgin.

Slut shaming reigns supreme on the African continent.

Arsenate:
That's all you got from that write up?

Arsenate:
Women use sex to buy love. Men use love to buy sex. Like any economic transaction each party is looking to find a bargain, i.e. spend the minimum amount of their currency to purchase the maximum amount of the service they need. So once women have gotten the man's commitment, they will thereafter spend as little sex as is necessary to keep him from straying to another market. Whereas, once a man has acquired the woman's sexual favours, he will spend the minimum amount of love and commitment to keep her from withholding them. The best solution is to marry more than one wife. Thereafter, they can share the sexual burden among themselves, and the man can pretend to love all of them equally and share a little of his attention among each of them; satisfying all parties involved.

By RisenPh.oenix1 is the best answer, not this Simp of a response blaming domestic duties. Most homes even have maids these days so what da fckk are we talking about?

LadySarah:
This is the whole truth whether or not some believe it.
Homechores/childcare is a very stressful thing.Add Being a working mum to it,the libido goes on holiday.

Nothing changed for me because my partner has been helpful right from day one.Once hes around I know my job is minimised. He doesn't wait to be asked.
The result. Na me dey rush him.

cococandy:
Tofu stir fry

Prestonn:
Village kitchen


Biscuits and milk


Happy new week my beautiful people

Brian47:
Wake up one morning, and say "The lord called me" I shall become a pastor

tobechi74:
Agree to call on for work late and sex when they go to school

trilobite:
One word: HYPOCRISY.

Many men on Africa don't want to get married to women that are sexually exposed. So women pretend to be sexually dumb in order for the men to take them to the alter.

This becomes a problem after marriage when madam who is used to having sex like a IndecentStar but got married by having sex like a village woman cannot tell her now husband she is not sexually satisfied.

Sex becomes a chore, and she becomes fed up with only pleasing Oga with time. Then comes the sex time tables, which inevitably drives Oga into the arms of a girl who can do what madam used to do in her youth.

The solution is for African men to be sexually open minded when it comes to marriage and communicate with their partners. But we are not ready.

banmee:
That is not the reason. We as men tend to forget the amount of responsibility women/wives shoulder. Especially in this day and age. Our wives will cook, clean, and be expected to go to work as well. They are human. Not superheroes. I first noticed this after my first kid and I would tease my wife about not doing everything she used to do for me before and when we first got married. Manicure my nails, massage my back, etc. It got worse after my 2nd kid and I really began to have an issue with it. We got into a fight once and she made a remark about me not understanding how hard it's been for her but I was too angry to listen to anything and went to bed. Saner heads prevailed, so the next morning we had a long talk. She was like "dude, I cook, clean, take care of the kids, go to work and when I come back from work I still have to prep the kids for the next day. How romantic would you be if you had to do all that". Then it hit me. She needed help. Things changed tremendously after that. On my part, I became a master chef which reduced the cooking pressure on her and I helped her out on things around the house which freed up more time for us to do things together. We started working out together and going out more for no reason. You see, I'm married to a goddess and I love showing her off. I'm pretty sure I handled it right because we've been married for over 20 years but it feels like yesterday. I will highly advice you to take this approach when you get married.

Takotsubo:
After marriage, no need to pretend the sex is great.

All the fake moans and fake or gasms grind to a halt, the need to massage the man's ego disappears.

Majority of men know nothing about pleasing a woman, they just jump on her and expect her to clim max miraculously because they're thrusting like a jack hammer and turning ni pples like screw driver.

A huge percentage of women do not achieve org asms from penetrative sex,know that and know peace.

There is no way a woman who gets her back blown out with pleasure will say no to sex, unless there's a really good reason.. She will leave everything for good loving because she knows her mind will be melted every damn time.

If your wife is dodging you, it's because you are completely shit in bed and probably always have been shit at it.

Pele

bizme:
Okay, I need to quickly credit Hath.or5 who originated the idea of this line of discussion.

As a married man/woman or boyfriend/girlfriend, have you ever been in a situation where your sex life was affected by the fact that you have children and they are living with you?

I know it will be easier for couple with bigger living space that has multiple rooms, than for family living in one or two-room apartment...

What practical ways have you invented to ensure that your children don't walking in to find mummy riding daddy? Of course, apart from closing the door.

Kindly share your experience and ideas.

Blueelf:
This is the most beautiful, logical comment I have come across on Nairaland and trust me, I have been here a while.

Devoid of toxicity, filled with love and common-sense.

Ma, If I know where you stay, I'll buy you your favorite perfume this Night

Such an amazing write-ip. Kudos

Hassanmaye:
Terrorist?

Sexyjigga:
Appetizer

Fried yam and Fried turkey sauce.

Alexa please play me Let's get it on by Marvin Gaye❗

WoundedLamb:
Say no more! Your English is heartbreaking enough.

DoyaPlace:
Bring your preferred swallow

P.S: if yours is pounded yam, we now have selected Benue yams(suitable for pounding and all yam delicacies) in stock from N380, N280 and N180 per tuber. Awof don land

bizme:
You have beautifully captured it. Marriage can be beautiful or can be hell on earth depending on how the two players handle things. I have been married for eight years now, and oh yes we have had conflicts which have only made us much stronger than when we started. I honestly cannot imagine any other women to replace my wife. She is not perfect, but much more I am far from being perfect... I don't even think I would like to be married to a perfect somebody...scary thought.

I think marriage is more like a starting a company... I will quickly paint a picture. When one of our businesses went through some difficult patch few years ago that burglars came and carted away a lot from the company, and someone from the neighbourhood suggested that it's probably a message that some people wanted us out of business. I got the message, but instead of doing as suggested I told my manager to open up immediately for operation while the police went about their own investigation. I brought in the appropriate persons to install metal door, and then asked that the whole company be given a fresh paint job. Some would wonder why I did that, I told my wife that business becomes a lot easier to run successfully when you have settled in your mind that you are in it to stay. You are not just trying things out. No matter what you face and come across, that the only path for you is forward... I believe marriage is like that too, when both of you know that the only way is forward regardless of whatever... Then you wouldn't need to keep looking outside for a better partner.

bizme:
Thanks for your insightful comment. I know a lot about polygamy, and why I cannot fault any man or woman for desiring a polygamous arrangement for him/herself, I can not even think about it in a million years. Why on earth would I even want to break my wife's heart and disrupt the relational equilibrium I have with my children? I find it very stupid and selfish. If I had lived in the days of my forefathers I certainly might, out of necessity, taken perhaps up to 10 or more wives to efficiently manage things... But I live in the now, and I have an awesome partner for wife...

I know that sex is an important part of a marriage relationship, but it's just one of the many important aspects. There are more important things than that, and it seems irrational for a man to choose to upset every other good thing in his home just for sex. It makes no sense. As a man, after you get your spare p*ssy or p*ssies in a polygamous union, what then? Why should any man be excited about hurting his wife and making her jealous? I don't get it. It probably reflects the type of marriage some have with their spouses. Regardless of what SM tries to make everyone believe, some people actually have healthy relationship with their spouses, and just as one wouldn't go about hurting and damaging one's friend, such couples don't go about planning how to hurt their partners.

What if the woman decides to also take another husband, say because you as a husband isn't enough in bed? I know many don't like to think about that, but it remains a valid possibility.

@the bold; that's actually an interesting line of discussion and I totally don't mind at all.

Once again, thanks.

bizme:
You have made very important points. Personally I think getting house helps is a vital aspect of the domestic life. Some of us don't mind spending time doing chores around the house and in the kitchen... (I prepare more delicious dishes than my dearest :-) ) However, there reality is that oftentimes the man's (woman's too) time is likely much more valuable outside the house... This is why I don't get it when some men that I have met don't like the idea of taking house helps citing their own mothers as an example of why a wife should do fine without help. Well, many of those mothers were very sad creatures and would have preferred more humane treatment.

I think what I have noticed is that after marriage the man and the woman stop dating each other. They took things for granted, no special outings...just church services together. I also think that sex is deeply mental, and that it is these dating/chasing rituals that develop the sexual tension and excitement in each other. Take it away and it turns a routine. I don't accept polygamy as a solution: many who keep preaching it as a demonstration of their manliness don't even practise it. The last time I checked polygamy is still well practiced in Nigeria and no one stops anyone from going that direction in the first place: that is, the so-called Western indoctrination doesn't force anyone not to. It is however interesting how these pro-polygamy men get furious whenever a man messes up their own daughters.