₦airaland Forum

I know, u're from 171 america street, Akwa Ibom state.

an anambra man said to his son,'junior if you carry first position for ya class, i go buy you big television'.on hearing this, junior got very excited and started jumping saying 'i go press am put for AIT,MITV,CHANNELS,SILVERBIRD,NTA2,NTA10, i go press am press am tire. very annoyed,his father landed on his face a heavy slap and shouted 'YOU WON SPOIL AM!'

an old farmer was in his office discussing with an old friend, after 15 mins of conversation, he called out 'DIPLOMA!, DIPLOMA!!, DIPLOMA!!!'.a little boy appeared sweating and breathing heavily, he said, look go get a cup of coffee for my friend here.( the boy sets off) the farmer's friend with a strange look on a his face asks him, what a funny name, is he a relative of yours? ah yes!!! he is my grand child, i call him this way because when i sent my daughter to study overseas she returned with him.

Harrison, a tall well built good looking young man has something all women cherish in a man (hugh privates,almost extending to his knee) but there seems to be a very big problem preventing him from getting even 1 single lady(as nigerians would say) . HIS VOICE, as tiny as the first string of a guitar. one day he decides to see a doctor as his situation gets unbearable.

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

HARRISON: with his tiny voice to the doctor) i need help sir,the nature of my voice prevents me from having ladies around me not to talk of having an affair.

DOCTOR: (flabbergasted) this is serious! come closer let me examine you.
('harrison moves forward as the doctor begins to examine him')

DOCTOR: JESUS WEPT! did you ever discover that your privates is so hugh that it pulls your voice cord? the only solution to this problem is an operation to reduce it's size which could commence anytime you want.

HARRISON: (tiny voice) please. let it commence right away i can't wait.
('the operation was successful, his dignity as a man is restored to normal(his voice). he thanks the doctor and leaves hurriedly for action)

two weeks later: he returns to the doctor's

HARRISON: (with a normal man's voice) i can't understand whatz going on.the women are now telling that my privates is damn too tiny for my size and that it's is better off the way it was.(he asks with a funny look) now doctor tell me, is the process reversible?

DOCTOR: (TINY VOICE) NO!

U dey do opening prayer 4
Night Club.
- Na God go slap ur mouth.
U come back from dubai dey
form British accent.
- Na rat go chop ur mouth
U be house boy u come dey play
Rick Ross - I am the Boss.
-4 where na.....mumu
U dey add water to egg say e
go plenty when u fry am.
- Why u no add yeast join
am....olodo.
U no go university, and u dey
find ur name for NYSC posting.
- Na yeye dey worri u.
House dey burn, you wan use
gas do fire extinguisher
- Hahahahaha....u don die.
U de say Terry G's music dey
inspire u
- unto which level!! madness
U carry candle dey look for
where fuel dey smell from.
-continue u go soon see am
U call MTN to tell dem say your
free browsing has stopped
working.
- Lolzzzzzzzzz... ..mad man
When pastor talk say 'Do
something crazy for the Lord'
You come carry church offering
run
- na who wan chase u?.....

hahahahahahahahaha

ah ah!!!! una wan kill person? wetin na?
i go sue una for hunger atempt !!

hey guys am back!!! are u folks still in da house?!!
and the rebellious chick where she dey?

Who be this booqee girl who finds herself so beautiful? na wa o... wonders they say shall never end
Well your profile photo isn't that bad

IGBO GUY: Bebe, are u on BB? Ngwa give me ya pin.
FINE GIRL: But I use an iPhone.
IGBO GUY: Ehen? ngwanu nyem gimme ur I-PIN.
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Because the Weather hot, No mean say fowl go lay boiled egg!!
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I hope you know that you don't need cutlery b4 u CHOP slap
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Stop editing ur pics. What if u go missing? How u expect us to find you if u look like beyonce on nairaland & Iyabo in person?"
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You Know God Is Punishing You when u go 2 withdraw cash via ATM & u meet d guy U're owing on d queue
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Want Nigeria to Win the 4x100 Relays? Easy................ Replace the Baton with GALA and park a DANFO at the Finish Line!!!
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Nigeria A place Where someone wld mistakenly hit you in a crowd and the next thing is for you to check ur "penis" if it's still there!
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FRUITS BRAGGING APPLE: l look like human heart. MANGO: I look like a stomach GRAPE: I look like eyes. BANANA: pls pls pls change d topic
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don't talk to me about pain if you've never thrown your #450 change out the window instead of the gala wrapper.
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Husbnd buys 12 of d same-colour of pants 4his wife: Wife protests Ah! same colour? pple wil thnk i dnt chnge my panties" Husbnd: Which pple?
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Money Can Only Impress Girls that Are Broke/Lazy.
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SHOUTOUT to those that will drop empty offering envelope in church today... God will bless your hustle.

vicky are u asking me to shut up? i thought naija babes were the most romantic in the world... see ur face, lol

ok vicky i got ur point and now warizit u want?

men this guy is lost..

naija babes na wa o... which one be warizit?

vicky na which one be this na?

chei!!

If you are a stammerer don't ever tell a nigerian girl that her toe is too big!!!

I heard that the Indian football team was banned by FIFA due to the juju they used against Nigeria.

Neymar scores three times and Brazil knocks down China by 8 a 0 in Arruda stadium Recife - Pernambuco, Brazil.

See link below for details..

http://br.esportes.yahoo.com/noticias/centroavante-neymar-faz-tr%C3%AAs-brasil-vence-china-8-025606836--spt.html

well, one thing is generating a nominal of 9000MW, and another thing is transmitting with reduced power losses. i hope they invest in transmission...

ms. potato i too am Nigerian, your boyfriend is immature doesn't mean that every Nigerian is like that but i assure you that there are lots of Nigerians like this.

seems ms. potato is seriously in love with this guy's wallet , just kidding

sorry guys for the absence, and as for you zebra the equation you actually posted has no solution since it is composed of Taylor expressions up to the nth degree. it would be useless for me to try to type down these hugh general expressions. therefore i'l recommend that you pick a book on calculus vol. 2 which explains tylor and laurent series. ok?

people like Aristotle on learning any little thing would want to use it at any glance not caring if it makes sense or not and they definitely won't make others rest. look at the misuse of english, why can't some people just contain themselves. you know what the bible says about a person without control over his spirit,

goallllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you guys should stop the use of the term 'european football'. we play our kind of football called traditional football. tell me which of the european teams do play entertainment football like we do?

men our boys played what is called football . man!!!!! na wa o, no wonder countries dey fear us even at senior level. the spanish team could not cope with all the pace,

goal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks guys justin tv is da bomb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anybody knows where i can see the match online pls?

hi poster, this is supposed to be a respectable forum and not one for insulting people's parents. afterall whatz the big deal? must you make noise about a negligible situation like this. with all due respect stop being childish. one love