₦airaland Forum

up naija!!!!!! game over!!!

If Mikel didn't score against Tahiti, he's going to score against what team?

Chimerase: See bomb way hulk de throw o! Choi dis guy na football boko haram

Kai!!! you wan kill me with laughter!!!! Anyway it very exciting to follow closely the Confed. cup since i live in Brazil!!!

LUIS SUAREZ has found a friend in the wake of his bite controversy — fellow chomper Mike Tyson.
Suarez is facing a long spell on the sidelines after the FA charged him with biting Branislav Ivanovic on the arm in Liverpool’s draw with Chelsea.
Tyson was involved in a similar incident when he bit off a chunk of Evander Holyfield’s ear in a WBA heavyweight title fight in 1997.
But the American hardman eventually made amends with his rival. And, despite Ivanovic refusing to accept Suarez’s apology, Tyson reckons the duo will eventually see eye to eye.
He said: “Suarez bit someone, it happens. I am sure he will make amends with this guy.
“I made amends with Evander and we got on with our lives.”
Tyson started to follow Suarez on Twitter when he heard of the weekend incident.
He added: “I saw this guy on the Twitter thing and thought I would check it out and see what his journey was all about.”


Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/4899711/Mike-Tyson-backs-Luis-Suarez-over-bite-controversy.html#ixzz3qEWLcds7

match already commenced.. front page pls..

FRONT PAGE PLEASE.............

Neymar's still playing in Brazil and is already sixth on the list... imagine when he moves to Europe.

THE only thing missing was a Manchester United scarf draped elegantly round Jose Mourinho’s neck.
Short of that, the Real Madrid boss couldn’t have delivered a more obvious job application for the manager’s position at Old Trafford on Tuesday night.
Signing autographs for fans, commiserating with Alex Ferguson after Nani was sent off and then claiming the best team lost, Mourinho engaged in a massive charm offensive.
Earlier, as he moved towards the technical area for the first time, the Stretford End bellowed: “Sit down, Mourinho!”
Giving them a submissive wave, the little blighter turned on his heel and did just that.
The accompanying roar of approval brought a sardonic smile to his lips.
Oh, yes, the still perfectly-formed 50-year-old knows full well that, to coin a phrase, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
As we know, it hasn’t always been like this for a man who once managed a certain West London club described by UEFA as the enemies of football.
The man whose accusations about a half-time meeting between Anders Frisk and Barcelona coach Frank Rijkaard at the Nou Camp in 2005 that he claimed would later result in a red card for Didier Drogba ended with the referee’s premature retirement and a huge stain on Mourinho’s career.
The man who was fined £200,000, later reduced to £75,000, for a clandestine meeting with Ashley Cole, then at Arsenal.
The man who called Arsene Wenger a “Viewer” for what he perceived to be an obsession with Chelsea.
The man who, most infamously of all, stuck his finger into the eye of then Barcelona assistant coach Tito Vilanova at the end of an ugly Spanish Supercup clash with Madrid’s arch rivals. And then called him ‘Pito’... Spanish slang for penis. And so on and so forth.
On Tuesday night, though, it looked like mantequilla wouldn’t have melted in the Special One’s mouth.
There was no gloating, no euphoric dashes along the touchline, no sly winks or gamesmanship.
Instead, we had a sympathetic hug for Ferguson, a premature exit down the tunnel and, afterwards, laudatory acclaim for his vanquished rival as “a man without equal” and the opposition as a team “with the mentality of lions”.
What a display, what an audition!
The only question left to ask was whether he had made a trip to make-up before a performance that couldn’t have been eclipsed by any of Hollywood’s greats.
Unlike many of my colleagues, I have a soft spot for Jose Mourinho dos Santos Felix.
Sure, some of his excesses have been unforgiveable.
But there is still something about the naughty schoolboy in him — the laundry-basket jape and other, assorted pieces of stroke-pulling — that has brought a smile and perspective to the over-analysed and far-too-serious business of football.
Yes, it was a well-planned and orchestrated Mourinho production at Old Trafford.
But the PR campaign to win over a United board for the job he covets above all others did not just start on Tuesday night.
It has been going on for the last four or five weeks.
Back home in Madrid, he has been uncharacteristically quiet... a calculated gambit that has reaped enormous dividends.
His team has responded with a run of just one defeat in 16 games, two outstanding victories over Barcelona and a gradual thawing in the icy relationship between him, the club and the Bernabeu fans.
And what he has said — in pre-match press conferences before both Real’s Champions League games against United — has been hugely flattering about both United and their veteran boss.
No doubt, he had heard the noises coming out of Old Trafford.
How Bobby Charlton had said he pontificated too much for his liking — how a United manager would never have got involved in the Vilanova incident.
Peter Schmeichel, former goalkeeping giant and United ambassador, went further when he claimed that Mourinho would never succeed Ferguson as manager because he brought too much baggage with him.
Schmeichel also pointed out that Mourinho had not lasted more than three years at Chelsea, Inter Milan or Real Madrid.
He didn’t have to explain this was in stark contrast to the two most successful managers in United’s history — Matt Busby (24 years) and Ferguson (27 years).
Mourinho’s response was to turn on the charm. Whether it works remains to be seen. With Ferguson indicating he has no immediate intention to leave Old Trafford, Mourinho may well have to continue his push for the Holy Grail at another club.
One last stopping-off point before his intended ascent to the summit.
The bush telegraph, though, hints that Jorge Mendes — agent of both Mourinho and Cristiano Ronaldo — has been dreaming up a job lot of both his clients for interested clubs.
That is bait that United would find hard to resist.
The exemplary behaviour of the two men at Old Trafford on Tuesday night will consequently be viewed in certain quarters as the first act in the most dramatic transfer coup of all time.


Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/4828384/Jose-Mourinho-turns-on-the-charm-in-bid-for-Manchester-United-job.html#ixzz3qFLoincl

Na wetin be the prize for Bummioguns? Abi na congratulations person go chop with all the voting and everything? Na wa o... You should make this more interesting by finding a way to reward winners. Do this and see if the whole of nairaland won't step even higher. Just my humble opinion

A Baby was born in a Hospital laughing instead of crying. The tried to beat to ensured that he will cry. To their surprise, the more the nurses beat him, the more he laughed so hard.

Suddenly the Doctor noticed that the baby had something in his hands, decided to pull his tiny hands apart. The doctor discovered that the baby was holding three Abortion pills.

The baby then turned his head, looking at his mother, and laughed again and said "NO WEAPON FASHIONED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER!"

Mr.T Anonymous:
AKPOS was hungry and went to 'mai
shayi' (men selling tea and bread).
The following dialogue transpired between
them:
AKPOS: You get loaf of bread?
ABOKI: yes
AKPOS: bring one; slice am into two and put
two sachet of butter in between
ABOKI: (happy and thanking God for bringing
customer,is quickly doing as he is instructed )
AKPOS: You get egg?
ABOKI: yes customer
AKPOS: fry 6 eggs put am inside the bread.
ABOKI: Okay customer
AKPOS: You get sardin for inside gongoni?
ABOKI: yes customer everything dey.
AKPOS: put two gongoni inside the bread.
ABOKI: Okay customer (happyand doing as he is told, already enthusiastic he'll make a lot of money 2day)
AKPOS: you don finish? Oya press the bread together forme. ABOKI: See am customer, idon prepare am finish.
AKPOS: OYA CUT N10 Naira OWN FOR ME!
How Many Like For Akpos

The aboki go slice you hahaha don't mess with them oo

Mr.T Anonymous:
A father believed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son...
"When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
Without looking up from his game, Akpors pointed out,"When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of TheUnited States."

old but still very nice

Akpors at it again...
Akpors and musa were
caught in an Northern
Country,
sharing a smuggled
barrel of beer.
They were arrested and
taken to the Sheik's
palace for
questioning and
judgment.
Akpors lied that musa
smuggled and forced
him to drink the beer!!
Both were initially given
a death sentence but,
as
it was a national
holiday,
the sheik decided they
should be released
after
some lashes of the
whip.
As they were preparing
for their punishment,
the sheik said, "It's my
first wife's birthday
today and she asked
me
to allow each of you 2
wishes before your
whipping, but you
cannot wish not to be
whipped!"
Akpors thought for a
second then said:
"Please tie two pillows
to
my back before
whipping."
And my second wish is
that you flog me only
20
strokes of the whip.
He was whipped, and
luckily for him, the
pillows helped to make
the pain of the whip
lesser.
musa saw this; thought
for a second, then said:
"Thank you, most royal
and merciful highness
for the wishes.
My first wish is to
receive
100 lashes with the
strongest, toughest
whip
available."
"If you so desire,"
Akpors laughed and
thought musa was a
fool...
The sheik replied with a
puzzled look on his
face..., " and your
second wish?"
musa replies: "Tie
Akpors to my back...."
Akpors fainted.

na wa o! this isn't funny ooo

NOW THIS ONE IS FAMOUS

A man was driving along Asaba express road. He sited a huge bush meat hanging on a stick and decided to buy it. He stopped and priced; Madam, how much is your bush meat?. The woman replied; Oga na N7000. The man exclaimed; Haba madam, e too cost na, how much you go sell am last?. The woman said; Oga, bring 6,500. The man then said; Ok, go put am for inside my boot. The woman went behind the car saying in her mind; If this man open the boot, i go drop the bush meat for ground go collect my money.
Immediately the boot was open, the woman put the bush meat on the ground and closed the boot without putting the bush meat inside, the man speed off without paying the woman.

AKPOS AND FATHER-IN-LAW

Father-In-Law: Young man, u’re
coming to seek my daughter’s
hand in marriage and u’re
chewing gum. That’s a sign of
disrespect!

Akpos : Sir, I only chew gum
when I drink or smoke.

Father-In-Law: You mean u drink
&smoke and u’re here to
seek my daughter’s hand in
marriage?

Akpos: Sir I only drink &smoke when I go to
the club.

Father-In-Law: U club too?

Akpos: I’m sorry sir, I started
clubbing when I came out of
prison.

Father-In-Law: U’ve also been in
prison before? Oh my God! so u are an ex-
convict?

Akpos: Sorry sir, I went to jail
when I killed somebody!!

Father-In-Law: What!!! U’re a
murderer

Akpos: Sir, it happened out of
anger. It was a certain man that
didn’t allow me marry his
daughter so I killed him.

Father-In-Law:what U are highly
welcome my son. U are on the
right track. U’re absolutely the
right man for my daughter .

4bobo: [b]A foreigner, pastor, and a black american preacher that last visited lagos ,about 5 years back around the time fashola came in as a governor, revisited lagos this week, and really saw and acknowledged what had been changed and developed( even without asking who did that) whereby some bigot nairalanders in association with 40 man laptop crew, who has never visited lagos for the past ten years( and some, i believe never visit lagos in their life time) will be castigating, posting non sense, and asking questions they can never ask their serving governors ,about lagos. Do you think it is easy to govern a state like lagos?
I dont care anyway, because they will still say it was fashola that gave the preacher ,money to speak about his achievements.
But until we appreciate our own that are really working both in federal and state levels, (criticize them, when needs be), then this country can be better than this, not political sentiment that create hatreds and wickedness just because of some individual personal interests[/b].

Dr. Myles Munroe is from the Bahamas. He's one of the people God used to transform my mind set. Highly annoited by GOD

YOU KNOW IT'S A NAIJA MOVIE WHEN

~ Chief is inside the car with the glasses windup, armed
robbers attack and shoot at chief,the bullets won't break
the glass but will kill chief inside the car.
How come ??

~ A man shoots himself on the head 3
times...Habaaa !!!!!!!
How in the world is that possible?

~ RMD remembering when he was still 7 years old as far
back as 1960 and suddenly a HUMMER passes in front of
him....... Chinekeee!!!!

~ Patience Ozokwor poisons Zark Orji's food.
She stirs the poison so that it will circulate to all parts of
the meal and then she tastes it.
Zack Orji dies while she survives. Nawaa oo

~ Someone flashes back to 1982 and behind him is a sign
board "Vote for Goodluck" Hmmmm

~ A 7year old character is washing plates and he suddenly
becomes an adult in his 20's stillwashing the same plates
and wearing the same trousers...

~ Omotola is depicted as a poor woman suffering in the
village and has to do serious farm work to survive, only for
you to see that her fingernails are fixed with long plastic
nails and painted crimson red.

~ Tonto Dike acting a born again village girl, yet has
tattoos on her body. :

~ Someone dies with low cut and his spirit comes back
wearing afro... Na wetin?

~ A woman suddenly decides to poison her husband, then
she opens her food cabinet and brings out the substance.
Is poison part of cooking ingredients?

~ They shoot you on the leg yet blood start coming out
from your nose.

~ John Okafor(Ibu) is the father of Nkem Owoh.. Biko who
is older?

~ You must cough before you die...?

AKPORS ON THE TREE

A guy won a #10 million lottery, kept the money
inside a 'Ghana must go' bag, went under a tree, buried the
money, snapped the spot and the tree with a camera and
decided to travel to London. As he was on a plane heading
to his destination, he brought out the picture from the camera,
stared at it and was shocked to see Akpors on top of the
tree smiling

Valiantvaliant: NO SPELLING ERROR 1.It's 'haram' not 'harem'. Even with the countless number of times it was spelt on t.v and NL you still can't get it right.
2. It's 'gisting' not 'jisting'. Simple and basic English. Let me ask you two questions . . .



YOU GO SKUL?








ARE YOU A LEARNER??

thanks sir for the corrections

dady12: they should come kano so that you can bomb them,nonsense

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

what is this boko harem guy jisting

I had to post this!!!! am still cracking my ribs The goalie reminds me of Ukwa

[b]We played Brazil not Nigeria - Samassa
07 February 2013, 13:21

Mali goalkeeper Mamadou Samassa compared their Wednesday’s opposition to five-time World Cup champions Brazil after they succumbed to a 4-1 drubbing at the hands of the Super Eagles of Nigeria in the semi-finals of the ongoing Africa Cup of Nations in Durban.
The 22-year-old, who plays for Guingamp in France, said they don’t deserve any blame for such a huge loss because they met a fire-spitting side that could have dismantled any team at the competition.

“I feel the team we played against was Brazil and not the Nigeria we used to know. From my post I was seeing more than 15 green shirts pouring forth against us and not the usual 10 players. They were strong, slippery, focused and pacy,” Samassa told supersport.com.

“We did our best. We heeded our coach’s instructions but they fell below what was needed to stop the Super Eagles. They were winning all the balls, pursuing us mercilessly each time we had the ball and their finishing was always on target and that was their major advantage. They have forwards that can transform the slimmest goal chances.”
[/b]

http://www.supersport.com/football/africa-cup-of-nations/news/130207/We_played_Brazil_not_Nigeria_Samassa

OKON: I saw a strap of your bra.
TEACHER: Okon Get out! No class for you for a week!
[Another Boy laughs]
TEACHER: Why did you laugh?
BOY: I saw both straps of d bra.
TEACHER: Get out! No class for you for 1 month!
[Teacher bends down to pick chalk & Akpos started walking
out]
TEACHER: Akpos, why are you going out?
AKPOS: What I saw just now, I think my school days are over!

NOBODY should ask ANYBODY for VALENTINE GIFTS ooo. Super eagles don do Valentine for Everybody

Hadeyeancah: NEW DICTIONARY WORD
Bance should replace "UGLY" in the
dictionary,,,
E.g--This girl is bance
Ur babe is so bance

i was so so so disturbed when i saw that guy, na wa o. person wey wowo like that must be extremely talented to make it....

[quote author=Sincere 9gerian]Yes oooo! Even when majority of Nigerians didn't give the Super Eagles a chance when the competition began, the Super Super Super Eagles of Nigeria finally did it.

Goodluck Nigeria![/quote

majority including you, even me sef

we are the champions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!