₦airaland Forum

omg what a thread
"if the akpu is naked who go chop the akpu?"
dem talk say if man hit table and shout he dey control, but if na woman she dey loose control.
tell me who your friends are and i go talk if i go follow you.

@poster
tight joke

hm, isn`t this supposed to be a joke`s section??
post a joke and i`d be the first to condem commend you.

If for the bus park na only ABC motors dey there then you be ajebota
If u trek with ennyluv go the club or una no fit buy drink because ennyluv lie say she forget her purse, then u be big AJEPAKO.

now this got me cracking up,   

u guys haven't seen nothing yet, come to brazil and u'll all know what homosexuality is about. it's a pity.

@Virgie, i'd just break this down
initially the three men each paid 10 dollars= 30dollars
for it to be $25, it must be = $8.33,  each
10-8.33, =$1.66,
on refunding $1, it means that they have paid 9.33 instead of 8.33. therefore 3(9.33)=27.999,  which is approximately $28. now adding the balance of $2 with the boy means $30.

He never changes.No one can oppose him or stop him from doing what he wants to do.
he will fulfil what he has planned for me; that plan is one of the many he has; i tremble with fear before him.
ALMIGHTY GOD has destroyed my courage, it is God, not the dark, that makes me afraid even though the darkness has made me blind.

This simply keeps me going. May the LORD bless you all as you read. AMEN

hi brethens in christ: the passage in the bible that keeps me going is job 23:13-17.
may the LORD bless you all as you read. AMEN

i hope you guys enjoyed the jokes, thanks for your comments they are really motivating. see you later for more

in a psychiatric hospital: a doctor found a nut case writing a letter and said to himself, wow! this guy now writes letters he should be alright by now. he went close to him: hey you, to whom are you writing there? the nut case responds, oh! am writing to myself since i never receive letters from anybody. and what is written inside it?asked the doctor. how would i know that? i haven't received it yet! said the nut case

another igbo man calls his family together every night and asks: uche have you done it? yes sir, chidi have you done it? another yes sir, ike have you done it? yes papa, emeka have you done it? yes sir. good, now you can flush the toilet,

an old igbo man on his death bed calls his first son and removes with difficulty from his pocket an old watch. he says: son, can you see this watch here? yes papa he replied, with tears in his eyes. his father continued: it was initially for my great grand father but was later passed to my granny, later my father, and to me, son, it's now your turn, do you want to buy it?

hey j unit or department or whatever u call yourself, i don't do copy and paste. if u're so worried about it create a thread.

One day in a meeting
hugo chavez the Venezuelan president, bush and our president
Hugo chavez got off his shirt, hits the chest and says:
-- This is like venezuela, strong as ever!
Bush shows his ass and says
-- This is like the states, impenetrable!
our president shows his privates and says:
-- This is like nigeria, never rises!

A politician got on stage and said:
- look here in this pocket,no public money has ever entered!
a guy down there said;
-new agbada, eh?!

The man decided to go home early and to his suprise, he found his wife in bed with a beggar.
- What the hell is this? he yelled.
And the woman replied:
-  This beggar came here and asked me: please, do you have something that your husband do not use anymore? So, i gave it to him!

in the court room:
a caught hardened criminal is being interrogated by the judge;

JUDGE: why is it that u don't only steal money from your victims but also their credit cards, clothes and shoes, wrist watches, Jewries, books,food, ? u even sometimes rape the women and beat em up. i don't understand your specie.

CRIMINAL: my mum once told me that money isn't everything.

A guy married a virgin girl, and the next day went to the doctor - Doctor, the problem is: I got married, my wife is a virgin! i tried to disflower her but my privates could not enter! - the doctor responds, alright take this ointment and apply it u'd get a good result, ok? The next day, the guy returned. -- Doctor, it didn't enter! this is not possible, said the doctor! Take this other product here, it is a special ointment for this type of case! apply it well, u'd get a better result, ok? Again the next day, the guy appeared again - Doctor, it did not enter! No this is not possible! no one would believe this! Look, I will make one last attempt ,  Take this german ointment I received today. You only have one caution, it must be used with milk! use the ointment and put the privates in a glass of milk. The next day the guy appeared again. Doctor, it did not enter! the doctor very scared, not entered? How? what? The guy - it did not enter the cup.

The guy phoned his home one afternoon wanting to know what his wife would make for dinner. -- Hello? Says the voice of a child. -- Hi, dear, this is dad. is mom close to the phone? -- No, Daddy. She is upstairs in the room with uncle Frank. After a few seconds, the guy says: - But dear, you do not have an uncle named Frank! -- Yes, I have! And he is there in the room with Mom. --  alright dear, I want you to do the following: run upstairs, knock on the door and yell at mom and uncle Frank that my car just stopped in front of the house. -- alright Daddy! A few minutes later, the girl returned- I did what you asked. -- And what happened? -- Well, Mom jumped naked out of the bed and began to scream and run all over the room, suddenly she slipped on the carpet falling out through the front window, and now she is dead ,  -- Oh, my God! and the uncle Frank? -- He jumped from the bed naked and very scared, jumped out the window to get into the pool, but he must have forgotten that you emptied the pool last week for cleaning, and there he hit his head at the bottom, and Now he is there, also dead,  After a long pause, the guy asked: - Swimming pool? excuse me, is the phone number 3212-0739? -- No, the girl responds - sorry, i dialed a wrong number! he hangs the phone.

a brazilian blond in the course of an interview by a television reporter was questioned, which is closer to brazil, the moon or london? she replied, ' due to the fact that i can´t see london from here while i can see the moon from anywhere around town, i'd say that the moon's closer to brazil than london'.

TRUE STORY!!

IN CUBA
some horrible looking men with long beards got into a restaurant and ordered for lunch. after eating:as they got up to leave without paying their bills the owner of the restaurant went after them to ask for his money. one of them responds: 'look we are fidel Castro's police officers!'.the frightened man decided to let them go in peace. meanwhile a hungry guy who watched the whole incident from outside also decided to have lunch in the restaurant. after eating: he  was interupted by the owner of the restaurant as he got up to leave
OWNER: hey mr. where is my money?!
THE GUY: look here man u're addressing a fidel Castro officer. u could be in trouble for this!
OWNERlaughing) look at you trying to deceive me. now tell me where is the long beard like the others?

the guy looked around to ensure that no one was watching as he went close to the owner and put down his trousers and boxers to show him the region of his privates. he then whispered to the owner of the restaurant,'I'M A SECRET AGENT'.

u're sick

a man saw his female colleague at the office and says to her, 'your hair smells nice'. immediately, the lady goes to the director's office to report a sexual abuse after explaining the incident. the surprised director asks her- what is bad with a colleague telling you that your hair smells nice? the woman responds - he is a dwarf!

a drunk gets onto a bus and sits next to a girl:

drunk:how could a human being be this hideous? you're the most horrible looking thing i have ever set my eyes on

girlfurious) and you a disgusting drunkard. look at yourself before talking.

drunkyawning) yes i know i look digusting but tomorrow i'd be better. 

question: which is the best way to give a woman an orgasm

macho man:who cares!!!
***********************************************************************************************
a macho man gets home as his wife meets him at the door:
wife: look our house help,
macho maninterupts rudely) that's your problem
wife:she's pregnant
macho man:it's her problem
wife: she says that it's yours
macho man:then that's my problem!!!
*********************************************************************************************
eve asked adam, 'do you love me?' adam replied,'and do i have a choice?'
**********************************************************************************************
do you know why women have small feet?
ans: to be able to move closer to the cooker.
***********************************************************************************************
adam: oh why did you make eve very beautiful?
voice: for you to like her.
adam:why did you make her that soft?
voice:so that you would like her.
adam:why is she such a dummy?
voice:so that she would like you.
***********************************************************************************************

@poster
just a constructive criticism, why can't you use only one thread for all your jokes? anyway nice jokes.

i grew up listening to his music. am just seeing this now on nairaland since am not in naija,i feel so sad. may his soul rest in peace.

@poster
look my friend, a man will always be a man while GOD will always be GOD therefore do not let the sayings of any human being influence you. the term 'SUCCESS' has nothing to do with your education, university,family background or grade, it's spiritual. present your case before GOD and he shall direct your ways whether you're a muslim or christian or whatever.
remember, am not trying to say sweet words but only trying to open your eyes to the meaning of success.

actually not only the ladies should be rebuked,it applies to we guys also thatz why i try to stay fit by going to the gym and doing some jogging. practicing exercises however requires a balanced diet(u know what i mean), it's of no use doing exercises while eating garri,mc. donalds,and all those junk stuffs all the time. lol

a man got home one day and said to his wife,' good morning dear'. the woman responds,'good morning super man',she asked in turn,'are you going to take breakfast superman?are you going to work superman?' the man very confused asked her,'why are u calling me superman for heavens's sake?' the woman responds,'only superman uses boxers on trousers!!'.