₦airaland Forum

a young man finally realized his dreams of buying an A4,1.8T,automatic,conversible,  audi. during one good day he dashed for the high way to test the car's capacity. off he sets: wind on his face,hair flying,he decides to increase speed. meanwhile a patrol police saw that and went after his ass with a sirene and all the lights. 'ah, they can't get me' he thought as he decides to increase speed again. getting to 200km/h, the patrol car was still after him. 'what a crazy dude i am' he said to himself as he decides to stop and pull over.  the police man approaches him and asked for his licence,documents while examining the car.he said ' 1. i had a tough day. 2. am supposed to be at home resting by now. 3. i'd let you go if you give me a good reason i have never heard in my entire life for driving this way.

the man said 'last week my wife ran away with a patrol police and i was afraid thinking that he was him trying to return her to me.

'good night' the police said.

there's no point in rebuking the ladies anymore. it's just a matter of discipline, they need to watch what they eat and do some exercise (running which is the most effective in loosing fat,dancing,doing some sports). i'd never forget the day a friend of mine asked me why all nigerian girls here in the country have protruding bellies, i was simply speechless

gblokoslogy: the study of gblokos

dad, i need to do a research from school! can i ask you a question?
of course son! what's it?- dad, what is politics?- well, politics involves:
1. the people;
2.the government;
3.economic power;
4.working class;
5.future of the country.
i don't understand. can you explain?
well son, I'd use our home as an example: i'm the economic power because i provide the money.your mum administrate and spend the money, so she is the government. you are the people because we take care of your needs. your little brother is the future of the country and ramat who baby sits him is the working class. do you understand?-
more or less father, I'd think about it.
that night awoken by the cries of his little brother, he decides to see what went wrong. he discoveres that his pamper is all messed up. he goes to his mother's room and discovers that she's deeply asleep. also he goes to the maid's room only to find his father through the door hole having sex with her.as none of them noticed him, he decides to go back to sleep.
the next day during breakfast, he says to his father:
dad,now i think i know what politics means.
great son, explain it to me in your own words.
well father, i think it's this: while the economic power bleeps with the working class, the government sleeps profoundly, the people are totally ignored about it and the future of the country remains in deep shit.

really crazy

two farm invaders decided to use a cemetery as the place to share the stolen corns.
(in the cemetery) sharing starts: 2 for you, 2 for me, 2 for you, 2 for me,, and so on,  suddenly, 2 of the corns esaped from the sharer's hands only to land outside.the other guy was on his way to get it when the sharer asked him not to worry about it until they are done with sharing all the corns before them.
             meanwhile, a drunkard passing by the cemetery hears repeatedly, 2 for you, 2 for me, and so on. very afraid, he seeks the guard hurriedly to inform him about the new development.
DRUNKshaking) hey!! my security man u don't know what's going on in here?it's very serious!!
SECURITY MANin hausa accent) uga, wefin i mean?
DRUNKwith eyes wide open) GOD  and the devil are sharing all the souls in this cemetery, i heard it.
SECURITY MANhausa accent) kai! wefin i dey talk? na ogogoro be my frovlem?!! abi i dey craze?!!
DRUNK:yes. aboki if you no believe me, come make i show you.

         the guard decides to accompany him in disbelief. on getting close enough to listen to the voice without seeing them, they decide to hide behind one of the graves . they continue to listen repeatedly 2 for you, 2 for me,
after sharing all the corns the sharer said to the other guy, 'now let's go get those two out there'.  (madly scared) the drunk and the guard run for their lives.

missed you too ify.

@ify
i had to go to europe for some project but never had the time to hit nairaland cos of too much labour but am now back to my base . it's always fun with you guys here

hey!!! whatz up?it's been quite some time ify. how're u doing?

ok guys as soon as am less busy i'ld post some more to share with you on this thread

i went to spain with iberia in 2005,it wasn't a bad flight'nd nothing got missing inspite of the small size of the plane(like a school bus)

if the akpu is naked, who go chop the akpu

i already said mine. i was trying to jump on stage when my trousers divided nastily into two in front of everybody. after playing i went away through the back stage without even saying bye to my friends. i was really lucky that i went along with my car. kai!!!!!!

no problem na sauce, no worry all you need is take a flight to south america.
go check out my list of jokes, i posted new ones. see ya

an old farmer was in his office discussing with an old friend, after 15 mins of conversation, he called out 'DIPLOMA!, DIPLOMA!!, DIPLOMA!!!'.a little boy appeared sweating and breathing heavily, he said, look go get a cup of coffee for my friend here.( the boy sets off) the farmer's friend with a strange look on a his face asks him, what a funny name, is he a relative of yours?  ah yes!!! he is my grand child, i call him this way because when i sent my daughter to study overseas she returned with him.

salsa is really great especially when you know the steps.

@ify
how u dey na? salsa is great isn't it? i love it too much.

the death of obansanjo and atiku rocked the whole nation and some parts of africa. as we all know, they went to hell

(in hell):the devil laughed aloud after recognizing both of them after which he begins to explain the compartments in hell.

devilclears his throat) look there are basically 2 branches here in hell, the first is the nigerian hell while the other one
is the british kind. in the british hell it's a must to drink a tea cup of 'shit' three times a day while in the nigerian one a bucket of shit every 3 days.

on hearing this,obansanjo said to atiku, since u're beneath me i'ld go to the british hell while you to the nigerian one. atiku agreed to the proposal after a long time of argument and they both went to where they belong.
, time passed,  one day the devil decided to throw a party to unite every soul.
(at the party)
obansanjo suddenly ran across  atiku:
ATIKU: baba o long time no see, how are you coping in english hell
OBJwith mouth wide opened) ah ah atiku, bé ni long time no see.(with the dreadest tight look on his face)i don't think that i can take this anymore, drinking shit three times a day is no joke(shakes his head in dismay). and you atiku, yours should be worse,how are you coping?

ATIKUwith the coolest smile ever) you see in the nigerian hell when you have shit you don't have bucket  and when you have bucket you don't have shit. even if by mistake there are both i can bribe my way through.

OBJWITH HANDS ON HIS HEAD)

@gunpoint
prison outbreak!!!

lmao. real nasty and funny joke

i bet that the boy could write a book about what he saw

@poster
babanla embarrassment is what you get for thinking with ur fingers. aboki.

the first joke dey too funny

a boy returns from school and worriedly went to his father.

BOYwith a tight look on his face) father, why you born me na? for school the students every every day dey call
         me '(H)EDWARD'. ah ah ou is it a crime to have a big head?

FATHERhisses) look at you, during my time they used to call me HEAD MASTER.

this got me really cracking up. lmao!!

@post
nice one

SAW MILLER
who know you?na who u wan introduce or na your copy and paste already remixed jokes dey decieve you?
if you put your head inside u go turn into morpheus at once.

SAW MILLER
what do you mean by 'you do not have understanding'? what has understanding got to do with the fact u're a cow and hypocrite? too much of ecstasy tablets is making you jump too much. open your eyes before u make any comment here,YOU DEY HEAR ME SO?!!!

tyty you no go kill me o with this joke abi dem send you

this got me cracking up
nice job.

@poster
u rock man

@ poster
nice joke keep it up
why won´t u guys stop being hypocrites. sam milla for example, ur jokes madly suck and as for you felore post a joke.