₦airaland Forum

it can tell wen kasala is abt to burst e.g wen will ekpan boys wahala begin? wen will d next tribal tread on nairaland be opened?

Were will boko boys attack next?

Why is ebola common in only apc control states? Lagos n rivers

A girl cums to ur huz n wants to be in control

A girl cums to ur huz n instead of bein nice n communicate wit u decides to watch telemundo (me I go just go remove d fuse tell u say nepa don seize light)

A girl leaves her family huz n cum visitin a bachelor n first tin she says is she is hungry

D ones wen de pain me pass:

a girl cums to a bachelors huz quiet huz n start actin rev.sis maria or she came in company of 1 or 2 of her silly friends ( me I go tune to t.b joshua den I go start to act dumb)

A girl be scouding anoda guy in my presence or not pikin anoda guys call. ( It givs me d impression dat she can do same to me)

Kinkybraids: Im so sorry for the late reply can we continue this weekend?

its ok n weekend will be perfect.

joeterri: Make sense

Tanks

Ensure u try it out, its a sure treatment 4 insects but for safety concern stay away from d powder, it can be cancerous.

Afta hundred years pple ar still argueing hu owns were n there, Nigerians ar myopic, u were given a whole Nigeria u ar not contented u ar still dragging port harcourt, Its like argueing dat my pants belongs to my legs cos dats were its worn n not to my body or me. Tell me if its agreed dat igbos own ph wat will change? Sack oda tribes n employ easterns? If u can't build ph n east as of now, den forget it u can't even build biafra if its given to u wit all d niger delta states.

I presume dat if a large amount of natural wealth is discovered in d middle belt just now, d eaterners will remember its dia forgotten territory n start digging out lugard n macphersons old file.

Let's forget dis hu owns were n start buildin every were. Yoruba buildin yoruba town in britain, igbos buildin igbo town in america, hu will build naija town in nigeria? Boko haram or massob or opc or 9ja delta militants?

M really hopin to be a governor sumday.

All u shud do is spray rambo powder on d bed n in ur room, do it by mornin wen u ar goin out wen u cum bak n wanna sleep, use a bedsheet to cova d bed, repeat same process.

Each tym I get a new dog n its infested wit tick n lice, I use Rambo powder, its only 60naira in d market.

In a country of blind men d 1 eyed man is a king. GEJ is not perfect but honestly he is better dan d old men @ APC, I'd stick to GEJ n kip wishin APC field a better candidate (not neccessary fashola).

As an individual I lyk dat we av an opposition party n as such I don't want APC to go into oblivion I want dem to be around n to ensure d incumbent sit tight n to promote healthy competition.

@op, u ar doin a gud job, I can see many pple ar no longer commentin cos of d loose or cos de were banned just like me. But pls kip it up, we ar watchin closely, to oda followers, put in mind no venture no success, as at d tym d nigerian stock market was crashin n pple were running away n sellin dia stocks, d wise were buyin shares if u tink say I lie ask owners of oando n seplat shares.

My point dis is d tym to focus n do not loose hope.

Can I ask y I was banned? Hu banned me? how n were do I go to view d reason y I was banned?

Kinkybraids: (The waiter comes with the food...Dam it looks soo good, Kinky tries not to stare at the food before it gets placed down...she reaally loves rice ) ... oh It kinda makes sense.

Wow you are so young... Im 25 but next year Ill be 23 in the years to come , im an Aries... the Lord of war, my birthday is in April. You are an Aquarius . You are - Witty
- Clever
- Humanitarian
- Inventive
- Original

but some of your weaknesses are:

- Stubborn
- Unemotional
- Sarcastic
- Rebellious
- Aloof

hmmm is this correct?

Me young? I take dat as a compliment.
Now u actin all sherlock on me .) Zodiac, dont really take a cue/ look at it. But d weaknesses u stated ar so kinda correct, I am emotional but I hate expressing it, sarcasm yes but wen m relax n happy, wen restricted m rebellious but wen free m loyal.

Lord of war? How many wars av u fought n conquered? I'd make a search on Aries n see wat n who u ar... Wat day of d month in april? Common dat get all secretive.

Kinkybraids: lol this is strange how can one eat rice with no stew Normally if i made you a rice dish id serve it with chicken or beef and some veg...but Ill be open minded...Ill let you lead.

Oh I understand, so how old are you...( Kinky crosses her fingers that he wont ask her how old she is...)

Dis one no need stew, but if its home made, u can add stew or any sauce to it, "kpomo" (cow skin) or any kind of protein is good to go. I lyk mutton though.

(OMG not Age!!!) m 27 yrs feb 19. (Praise loose ties n gazing into kinkies eyes) Wat abt u how old ar u?

Kinkybraids: hmmm its a very expensive habbit. is it like a curried rice? will you also be having the same?

im just curious why have you remained single... im sure you have many ladies queuing in line?

Hmmm, yea like curry rice but I tink it has diff ingredients. Hmmm (tryin to be modest na Eba de man mind o) yea m gona have same (tic menu cards n call in waiter naija style) Funmilayo!!!!!

Bachelorhood is a sweet n sour stage in a mans life, ladies do cum n go, dia is so much uncertainty n unstableness in bein a bachelor. As a man u sumtyms get tired of ladies cumin n goin

Kinkybraids: Let me not bore you with the details of my day... so how long have you been coming to this Nigerian restaurant? its so different, do you mind ordering for me... I really dont know any of the foods on the menu (kinky turns the menu pages wondering what Jolof rice is... hmmm this food is so strange)

Ha!, wen u ar a bachelor n u don't cook, restaurants becomes ur second home... Bin hanging out here 4 abt a year.

Hot Jollof rice is gud, test/ taste it n ur life will neva remain d same...

Kinkybraids: lol enemies, i hope I dont have any of those. I start my final exams in a month. i feel like we have to both be online at the same time so this can work ...or else our date will last for days

Success in advance, abt bein onlyn same tym same is felt here, m onlyn now, if u ar onlyn now, m cool wit d tymin.

Wats up wit ur day? Wat did u do n wat did u not do?

Nigerians ar d biggest hypocrites eva.

If u can justify "wordly" dancing in churches, den u can also justify homo's n lesbians in churches.

Pple be comparing demsefs wit David n I'd be askin: David danced lyk dat just once in d bible but dat sister on mini skirt, n brazillian kip dancing like dat every sunday. Wat is she dancing 4? If u wanna Dance like David take of dos clothes n let's see how spirit filled u ar.

Kinkybraids: (lol As an aside the things I write in brackets are my thoughts so just pretend you dont know them... its just to add more fun to it)

(Kinky takes a sip of her drink when it arrives)... that sounds like a very demanding job especially in that industry, do you ever have an casualities like someone slipping on on a puddle of oil and breaking their leg

School is fine, im one month away from finishing...cant wait, its been a very exhausting year.

Very few cases of accidents (although cover ups do exist), we ar more concern abt preventin dat spill dan recordin d accident, howeva, dia have bin no case of slip/trip due to oil spill, except occassional stumbling n odas not connected to spill

(Really tryin hard to read her expressions, tink av lost my sherlock holmes ability here, wats left is Mr. Beans ability)

I guess u must be into ur heavy accountin books now, have u started exams? D feelin of leavin sch, u gonna miss d pple u av made friends n enemies wit.....

Crap

Wat abt u? How is d accountin sch?

Kinkybraids: um Ill have a long island ice tea with extra lemon... and you?

( Kinky looks down at the menu not really sure what to say next...should she ask him something obvious like what does he do, what hobbies that he like...gosh those questions are boring but they are formalities) so... Henry what do you?

A shot of Jack Daniel n ice cube is okay.

m a safety consultant in d oil n gas industry.

Boring questions ar usually d important ones n de ar neccessary.

Wat abt u? How is da accountin sch?

jmoore:
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he doesn't understand the meaning of marriage vows.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he lacks selfcontrol.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he thinks with his di**.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because he is filled with insatiable lustful and selfish desires.
A man cheats on his beautiful wife because when he was a bachelor, he was busy sampling many women and carried the foolish behaviour into marriage.


"Ugly" or beautiful wife, a man who has a wandering di** will always cheat.

#TeamChastity.

I hate hypocrites. N u better stop sellin dis crap to women, tell dem d truth.

Why will a husband cheat on his ugly wife? Since ur post addresses beautiful women.

My question is: while dating, women tell us: love isn't abt sex. In marriage de can let d sky down if cheated on, why is cheating an issue if sex isn't love?

Kinkybraids: why thank you mr Praise... Im good, once again I apologise for making you wait. May I have a seat... I love the spot you picked (kinky smilling while she looks around)

... Im so rude, How are you doing?

M very gud, feel free to look around, n neva take dat smile away from ur lips.

Wine, spirit or non-alcoholic?

Negro1: A date in the business section..Whatever happened to the Romance section?

Des ar d bills, m priviledge to take d first shot, we want to start from d business section.

Kinkybraids: (Kinky rushes in...panting...wearing knee lenth body fitting black dress and a red heels)

oh my gosh Henrypraise Im so sorry im late. Hope you are not upset with me ....(extending her hand for a handshake)

On a dangling loose tie upon a white button down shirt, henrypraise receives kinkies hands, n drawing her close, henrypraise whispers: I too m sorry for replyin late, nice dress n beautiful hair do.

How ar u?

8:00pm SA tym
7:00pm Naija tym

Knock knock kinky

8:00pm SA tym
7:00pm Naija tym

Knock knock kinky

Pronmix: Good job man. Still have my reservations about water travel.

Wat is causing ur reservation? Water travel is always an adventure no matter d number of tyms u av plied d route.

joncom: So quiet in here, anybody home?

Refreshin n waitin 4 da predictions...

M glued to dis page

No noise d master is calculating.

Y m I not suprise only 1 lady has commented? Sum lady can take raggolis bottles n dia will still be space. (Apologie to under 18)

3. Who shud travel n sitting position: it is not advisable pregnant women shud travel wit a fast boat (speed boat), women n d aged shud sit behind, close to d propellar, as de will be too frigile to absorp d impact of d wave on dia bones n womb.

4. Gettin set: ensure d boat isn't ova loaded n its not too light esp if d terrain is notoriously wavey, u must insist dat d operator fasten d dead man switch to himsef, (dis is to automatically shut down d propellars, in case of a mishap.

5. Travel time: it is safer to travel early mornin b4 9am, d water is usually calm, d water is usually wavey in d aftanun dependin on d tym of d year n pls discourage night sailin as it isn't advisable cos of: poor visibilty, pirates/ thieves, in event of an accident, help may not easily locate u.

6. Neva quarell wit ur boat master/ let him loose confidence in himsef or his skills wen u ar sailing, ur life depends on him n ur God.

Also note: death caused by drowning cuts across ur ability to swim or not, even michael phelps can drown witout basic survival at sea traning/ induction. Survival at sea isn't abt bein a gud swimmer, its abt ur ability to survive b4 help arrives.

NOTE: d above is for users of fast boat popularly called speedboat.

Pls feel free to contribute, critizise n ask questions. I too m learning

With the recent mishap, accident n fatalities credited to water travelling in the country, Its imprtant to sensitize d public on safety tips wen travellin tru water bodies, des tips ar from personal experiences wen in transit and from safety briefings I attended.

1. Ensure u ar fully prepared for ur journey: try as much as possible to do away wit unwanted baggages, prepare ur mind 4 possible dangers and always be alert. Dia is no point to wear dog chains n long necklaces, des ar unnessary, n de may entangle u in d event of a mishap, were proper clothing possibly well fitted clothes n shoes...

2. Be fully kitted: take tym to ask questions on how to don/ wear a personal floatation device and always ensure u ar provided one or u get one ursef. A SOLAS approve PFD shud av d following characteristics:
. A whistle
. Ability to upturn its bearer i.e it can turn u face up on its own witout u struggling.
. It has a reflector

It is important to note at dis junction dat d SON has failed in its responsibility as dia ar so many substandard PFDs in d nig market n no one is bein arrested n prosecuted.

PFDs shud be worn/donned properly, it shud be firmly n tightly fitted, it shudnt av loose straps hanging out, all loose straps shud be tucked in n d buckled shud be locked ( I once saw sum group of corpers hanging n formin cool wit dia PFDs, de were concern more abt snappin n lookin cool n forgettin d dangers dat lie ahead) dis n many more inappropriate use/ donning of PFDs shud be discouraged wen in transit

A PFD dat suit d terrain/ water current shud be use.