achi4u: yes i go shorten the tin.but try us wey look like wire..u go fear fear!!!

Chimezie198: You dont like it? Cos na ₦, $, £ wey full inside oo! Hmm

ZUBY77:

bunch of crap and waste of space.
Are you tellings us that a man who paid your dowry and habours you in his house, feeds you and do everything for you has nothing to do with the children because you carried them for 9 months? How idiotic can people sound at times. So men have no role to play in producing these children.

jmoore:

You cannot separate cohabitation and premarital sex. Both compliment each other. When was the last time you read the bible??

jmoore: There is a difference, a very big difference. It is about how you value your body "why would you buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Do you want to be woman who the man milks for free or would you rather be "purchased".

Idowuogbo:

Row the boat , pon di river, pon di bank.

I don board oooo.

Idowuogbo: Poster inky was speaking for 2(me and her)

Inky stop cloning my answers.

Bombshell77: Hi everyone. The whole point of this thread was for people to vent and feel better. Since I didn't actually expect to see this many responses, I thought about asking some follow up questions and here they are. Do you think the person who broke your heart still loves you or thinks about you? Do do you think he/she misses you? And if you had a chance to reconcile things with that person, would you? If so, how would you feel if the person didn't want to reconcile?

lastpage:
Another thing l find ridiculous is this:

(Time for Expenses on the children)
Wife, to her husband: So you cant provide for YOUR children? YOUR children need this and that!

(When there is a misunderstanding in the family/marriage)
Wife, to husband: I will leave with MY children. You must not come near MY children! MY children! MY children!! MY children!!!

Question: What suddenly turns "YOUR" children, into "MY" children?
I thought the children belonged to both of them and whoever decides to "elope or take a walk", should be the one visiting the family home to see the children?
Do l sense a "gender-discrimination" here? Just wondering o!

I have read a few posts up there where peeps advised the woman "to leave with HER CHILDREN so as to protect them"!
I ask: protect them from whom? Their FATHER?

If there was violence, its obvious its between the "husband and wife", not between "father and children or mother and children".
If you talk about the "psychological effect of the violence" on the children then you must concur that all you need to do, to stem that violence, is to remove "one of the parties" to the violence, (wife in this case, if she chose to leave or divorce) but it does not extend to removing the children from the home, as well.
Consider a situation where she decides to live separately from the husband ( assuming he is beating her and not the other way round), who then will he fight, once she is out of the equation? [b]NOBODY!

Thus, the children would not witness any further violence in that situation and there is no need to pretend that taking them along will protect them from violence.

The truth of the matter is that women use "taking MY children" as a weapon, a "psychological weapon" against their husband, to punish and traumatize him further.
The result is that a "separation" which could have been possibly reconcilable (when both partners calm down), now becomes a bitter-to-death fight" over custody and assets sharing [color=#990000][/color](since who keeps the children gets to be paid maintenance!

If your children as still with their father, you will get to 'visit them' and men being what they are (easily forgiving), might just throw an arm around you, one day! But if you "punish him" by taking away his children (or even barring him access to them as is the standard practice of "our westernized women" who live abroad), you have deliberately hit him where it hurts and he should be expected to be bitter as long as that situation persists and any possibility of reconciliation is erased!

The is one of the reasons that make "Oyinbo men" very "suicidal and desperate" to the point of killing everyone including himself.

We should also not forget that in the West, divorce is "two-for-ten cent" to the point that you would wonder if they really loved themselves!
How do you explain a man or woman marrying and divorcing five times (Serial Monogamy)? But they see nothing wrong in it, seems it is their culture, just like the African sees nothing wrong in marrying two wives simultaneously! (Polygamy).

At the end of the day, each man/woman has conjugated with more than "one spouse" in their life-time.

I hope spouses would find a way to iron-out issues, in a mature way that would into result into physical violence.
Consider that "TWO cannot 'walk together' (stay married) except THEY AGREE" but how can they agree when each wants to be 'a Captain' of the same Boat?
It is common-sense that Airplanes has one Pilot/Captain (and a "supporting" or assistant Pilot), Ships have one Captain, Companies/Corporate entities have one CEO/COO/Managing Director why not the marriage Boat or Institution?

Lets sit back and think.

Lastpage!

4teelaw:

You are so funny you know?! How old are you again? Read my post again! He proposed, I said yes, and my introduction was done before we cohabited. I really shouldn't be discussing with lower cadre people like you. After you are married, we will revisit this issue. I can't even believe you are talking, less than half a man?!

jmoore: you can't separate cohabitation and premarital sex. Both are wrong.

below is a story that proves that "test driving" is wrong.



Living with a guy does NOT automatically mean a ring is waiting for you around the corner, and doesn't even remotely guarantee a marriage.

Question for those who support co-habitation. Will you advise your daughter to co-habit with her boyfriend?

Daresh: That's what I'd do!

xtenxive: @ OP ur topic reflects a judgemental mindset which is wot u're accusin Nigerians of,anywayz no intention of tryin 2 change dat Miss America continue ur clash wit bittyend cos it seems he's enuf for U.
Hi inked-nerd!!!

rosefleurs: wouldn't a spouse be family? the most important one by far.



what kind of heterosexual man would allow a man who's slept with his wife to come to his house? wtf! "hey, welcome back. take your pick of the other females in the house." lol.

CalienteMi:

(hits triple back flips and lands in a Chinese split) Say what?

inas911: DADA na DADA. Forget that dread lock as you people call it. If my sister brings a poor DADA man to the house, i go pursue the two of them with hot water but if she brings a Rich DADA, Na wa o! We go accepts am as long as him go pay us better money to carry by roseroise.

CalienteMi:

"Playing house for some people" is like test driving the product. It is their way of making sure they are compatible in all areas. However, some people "play house" to survive homelessness or to save money. There are other factors that people should keep in mind, if your name isn't on the deed/lease then you have no legal recourse against real estate violations or if the relationship doesn't work out there is no legal division of property.

Legal marriage may not be a priority to some, but if they are "playing house", it is illegal marriage. What is the point of "playing house" and why do some people need five or 10 years to "test drive"? It would have been different if there is no intention of marriage, but what happens if the partner dies and next of kin takes everything? Even wills can be contested by next of kins.

It is true there is no guarantees in marriages nor relationships, but when children are involve, gambling with their securities is selfish.

4teelaw:

Well, you are entitled to your own opinion. Like I said, no one wakes up to say I want to cohabit, sometimes it is circumstantial, like in the analogy I gave. People are different, I do not reccommend cohabiting because it almost doesn't alwayz work but I can tell you a number of people it worked for and those it didn't work for. If we had split, then it is part of life. We value our marriage, more than ever. Our relationship even got better after marriage. I won't judge anybody who is cohabiting. I will only advise them to legalize it. If you can live with a woman for 6mths, then I guess you can marry her.

But most men are selfish and wicked. Looking at it from your point of view killz, if you are without sin cast the first stone. If you can condemn cohabiting, please condemn premarital sex, since you brought christianity into this matter, I can bet you are as guilty by your sexual escapades, at least the cohabiting man tries to be monogamous, single men can decide to slp with a dozen girls.

What is wrong is wrong! Premarital sex and cohabiting are in the same category.

Dipwater: . . . Some guys are even wishing their moms were still alive to constructively criticize their choice of wife.

Any man dat. Cannot make decisions on his own is not a man he still has along way to go some guys need to grow up. as an adult u shuldnt be toooooo attachd to ur mum it is wen u seek their advice 4 evri thng they wuld start controlling u. Meeeeeen I f/u/c/k/i/n/g luv my life even if I make mistakes its my life. I don't give a damn

Dipwater: @ inked nerd its difficult to find some1 here dat can do it the way u ll like it my former locs I made it myself it wuz cool. I cut it cuz I went 4 a job interview. But now I am so bizzy gat no time to do it my self

E nice: That is 100% falsehood. The man doesn't stand a chance in court. Most people think their native custom is law, lie. Any small boy can impregnate a woman but not every man can father a child. If the woman in question can prove that the so called man abandoned his family's duty and obligations, then she has a good chance. But this will be difficult because most likely, this while, she never reported her plight to the necessary authority, making the case "your word against mine". This is one problem with nigerian women. They wait till the sh.it hits the fan before coming out to voice their frustrations.

claremont:
Not necessarily! If you look at the statistics of modern marriages, you will realize that a high number of marriages do break up as compared to those that stay up. It clearly suggests that there is no correlation whatsoever between modern marriages and commitment of both parties in the marriage.

As far as I'm concerned, a relationship that will break up will still do so regardless of whether both parties cohabitate, marry, or stay single.

Otunba_1: @inked,wingman,do u mean a friends or big daddy?