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Bodaolawrites:
Episode 1



Hello everyone bodaola is here again! My Matter Don Cast!

Am finished! Haaaa! Am ruined! My career have ended! My life has been damaged. (crying)

Kuku kill me! Tinuke kuku kill me! (Crying and rolling on the floor).

Let me tell you guyz what happened!

Last week, my girlfriend Funke travelled to Lagos to celebrate the Christmas with her family.

Before she left, we had a good time, i rough handle her to the fullest that even if it takes her 8months to return, i won't worry about kpanshing.

But i don't know why, we men can never be satisfied. We just want to be having it all seconds, even on the road. 'Abi i lie?'

Moving forward. I escorted her to the park and help her carry some luggages. We got to the park too early, so we had to wait for the bus to be filled with passengers before the driver can start the journey.

We both sat at the back sit inside the bus and wait for passengers to come while we do some 'telemundo kind of smooches'.

Atlease now! She will be away for two weeks so i have to complete my dosage.

Some 'bad belle' conductors peeped us and gossiped about us in Yoruba not knowing we understood.

'Were lawon eleyi o, won fe dobo ninu oko o (this ones are mad o, they want to kpansh inside the bus o)'. One said jokingly to another.

'Nto ba wuyi ni ke so. Ko sa kan yi (say anything you like, it's none if your business)'. I fired back as Funke robbed my chest romantically.

'esa ma ba oko je fumi pelu gbogbo iranu te nse (please you people should not spoil my bus with the rubbish you are doing)'. The driver said jokingly.

'Kilon se yin baba, se sewe ri ni, ki lon tayin Lara si'. (What's wrong with you baba, didn't you enjoy your youth age)'. Funke responded as i laughed.

The conductors and other passengers around also laughed and we all had fun cracking jokes.

Its about 7:30a.m, after waiting for two good hours in the bus. Finally the bus is filled up with passengers. I paid for her trip and she collected a ticket from the conductor.

It's time for the bus to move. My eyes became wet as i became emotional.

'I will miss you sugar'. I said to her as i look through the window of the bus where she sat.

'I will miss you more baby'. She said as she stretched to pecked me on my cheek.

'Aunty ekoshi lo ejo. Osa ro (Aunty shift please. It's too early to start seeing rubbish.)' A female passenger sitting next to her said aggressively.

'Ejo kilode! Se mo joko si yin lori ni? Teba lomo ke bole (please what happen! Am i sitting on your head? If you know you don't want to travel again, you can drop from the bus).' Funke fired backed angrily as i calm her down and settle the quarrel between the two of them.

'Yoruba people and their wahala'. I said to myself.

The bus finally took off as i stand and see it fade out.

Standing beside the road, I started having a good feeling.

'Home alone! Time to smash Sandra my new catch to the fullest'. I said to myself as i smiled.

No! Don't say i like kpanshing. If you are a guy reading this piece and you are already judging me, something is wrong with your head. Me and you know that we love kpanshing. That's what keep us moving. Maybe you are even worst than i do.

They say if a man don't drink, don't smoke, he will shaa womanize. So please, let me womanize in peace! (angry).

And if you are girl reading this piece, don't feel as if my girlfriend is not lucky for having a cheating boyfriend. See make i tell you something. All if us nah thief, i fit better pass your boyfriend. You know how many times i have seen Arinze your boyfriend with... Never mind, I don't want this to get messy. (Lol)

As i was saying, i crossed to the otherside of the road and board a cab to go back home.

I was already feeling empty. I yawn consecutively. I know i had to eat something because i was an Ulcer patient as at then.

I got to my junction and dropped from the cab. Brought out my wallet and stretch my a Hundred Naira Note to the driver through the window and he collected it.

'Oga this money no good o'. He said as he crosschecked the money.

'e be like say you dey print money abi, how you go tell me say that money no good, wetin do am?' I said feeling less concern as i worked away and he zoomed off.

'You for no collect am nah. Me wey need money like mumu'. I said to myself thinking about how am going to get something to eat before i collapse.

'Hmmhmm! No! Don't say i like food, some of you now have started saying in your mind. 'Ola like food o! Ola like food o! 11a.m, person never chop morning food., nah till i die? Me wey i know how i take dig well till daybreak'.(lol)

It's an Xmass week, all those Igbo restaurants in my area all travelled, and i don't eat Hausa food. Not that their food is not sweet, the thing is i grew up with Igbo food. I don't joke with Akpu and Ofuapu soup. I can run naked for that meal. (Lol)

'Abi let me call Sandra to cook and bring for me while i take snacks first?' I asked myself.

I brought my phone from my pocket to dial her number when a call came in. It was Ngozi my ex girlfriend that dumped me for one Mumu boy that cashed Out from is 'Yahoo Yahoo' and Fraud activities and bought one stupid Toyota Camry. Toyota Camry that will kill him las las. He took my babe away from me with just Toyota Camry. (Sobbing).

Haaa! Oluwa magbagbe mi i won make this moni! I no wan take the same step i take last year wey no work for me. If we no buy the Benz wetin we gain oooo! Wetin we gain. If we no buy the Lamborghini wetin we gain ooooo! Wetin we gain. Victor Adere thanks for that motivating song. (Crying)

I waited a jiffy before picking, she wouldn't feel as if i was desperate to hear from her.

Nogozi: 'Hello!'

Me: Hello (Frowning).

Ngozi: Am fine, where are you?.

Me: Am at home? (Lied)

Ngozi: you are not at home. Stop lying? (aggressively)

Me: How do you mean?

Ngozi: where exactly are you? Am at the front of your house as we speak (worriedly)

Me: OK! Give me five minutes, i will meet you (anxiously).

Ngozi: don't waste my time o. Or else i will go back to my house.

Me: don't worry, you will see me in a jiffy (running home).

She then dropped the call.

Now wait! Please let's analyze this. I was hungry, One! And having Ulcer, Two! A girl was at my place without telling me. Three! Mumu me! I rushed down home without looking for what to eat, Four!

Can you see that i'm stupid. No! Wait! Tell me that. I give you the order. I'm stupid. Mumu me! Kai! Mumu me! Get behind me satan! (Crying)



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