₦airaland Forum

DreamersVille24:
A few questions and submissions:

Do you think sexual chastity is the most important thing a man should have in order to make a great partner?

What if after all the wait it turns out that the man can't get IT up or he's gay or coitophobic, wat would be your reaction?

Are you doing this cos you want to be upright or cos you feel a man who is serious and needs to get married asap will do thr needful if you refuse him sex?

Lastly, do you think one sin is above another? Like some shameless muslims who will not mind ravishing a 12 year old but will curse you to high heavens for eating pork or drinking wine?



You can decide to be celibate for your reasons. That's great.

However it guarantees nothing. Nothing at all, not heaven or paradise, not perfect health, not success, not even a successful marriage. So always had this at the back of your mind.



In conclusion, your challenge was not sex but the fact that you have failed to start thinking like a man, even up till now.

You have also made very wrong choices in relationships and if you're honest with yourself, you have yourself to blame in most of those relationships. There are always signs and maybe you always got carried away by peripheral things.

Dig deeper within yourself and train your mind to discern honest guys who have deepseated values and believe in one man one woman.

I could go on and on but please do not think that your decision to abstain is for God so that he can send a right man your way. You will be sorely disappointed if you're not more local than emotional and begin to understand how men think.


PS: if you hadn't read the book Think Like a Man, please do.

Are you trying to make sense Cs u didn't make any at all,sorry to say. My staying celibate does not affect u in any way so leave me to my choices, besides I am not doing it for any man , I am doing Because I love God and I want to serve him right. I believe u are a Christian, so it's quite unfortunate that u don't get the idea. Okay because no sin is bigger than the other sin, I should be sinning deliberately. If you as a Christian, are comfortable with premarital sex then something is wrong with your Christianity. There is a problem somewhere. Mind you, there is no sitting on the fence, it's either you are a cold Christian or hot Christian, please have a rethink and change your ways!


Are you also trying to say you wait on God and God will give you something that is not good Have you ever seen a blessing from God that is incomplete, so why do u have to be negative, where is your faith in God The bible says without faith, you can never please God. I know why I am doing it and since my faith is on God, it can never fail. Learn how to profess positive words, keep negativity out of your head. A Christian life is a life of Faith. All things (not some things) are possible to you if you believe. I am going to add works to my faith to be effective. Don't worry about me, I am alright and men are flocking, trust me. In Christ, I always win!

Ps: everyone is entitled to how he/she wants to live their lives, so allow me to live mine, Thank You!

bluefilm:
I can't just figure out why this idea of a backup boyfriend/s for women seem to threaten a lot of men of recent.

Most of you guys have more than enough backup girlfriends.

If you think it is okay and normal for you as a man to have your backup plan, why then are you threatened that women can and should equally do so?

This whole idea of advising women to keep backup boyfriends is even ridiculous on its own.

The reason being that it is akin to telling anyone who cares to listen that birds can fly.

I mean, c'mon, who doesn't know that already?

Women have been keeping backup boyfriends since the beginning of ages so it is not really a new idea.

Man, u need a medal... I don't understand oo, it's just common sense. I am surprised that most men don't know this, if the men can have backup plan, y can't the woman do same Nobody is having sex here, it's just friendship, so stop slut shaming here. After all most of the males crying here have female friends that they are talking to that they are not sleeping with. Everything sex sex sex, who told you sex is involved? It's just friendship !!!

Fatherofdragons:
I am not a relationship advisor, and I don't always comment in issues like this but why are men pained by this? ever since this backup boyfriend of a thing came about, men have been going crazy why?

As if una no get side chicks.

I just tire ooo, they have been posting this topic since yesterday.

livinbygrace:
Which kind friendship man and woman dey do apart from blomblom?Abeg any woman that keeps male friends should not be taken serious.Talking from experience.Na so Olosho business dey start.

please you have to renew the way you think. If you claim to have grace in your life, speak like someone that has grace except you don't know what grace means, have a nice day!

babyfaceafrica:
your partner is suppose to be your friend and lover...and please don't be the devils advocate...joro meant plainly have a backup guy in case of break up and that opinion is wrong...simple!!!

Stop living in fairytale world, dat rule only apply when you are married. U people should stop painting relationship as marriage, yes we know it will lead to marriage but let it lead to first. I get money before no be money. U have made up your mind to listen to just yourself, so stick to your opinion let me stick to mine, thank you. How is that being a devils advocate? Did I encourage sex? I encouraged friendship!!! So friendship now is bad? Y do u sound pained? Are you scared that you might be a victim of this ? Anywayz good luck sticking to your opinion, I am a female, so I understand wat he is saying. Let him that has no sin be the first to cast the stone! If you are in a relationship and you talk t to only your girlfriend, good for you but if you talk to other girls with her , then you as guilty too since u want to form Saint.

babyfaceafrica:
lolz....male friends that you can cry on their shoulders.. he he he?.. so a lady cannot cry on a ladies shoulder?.... joro is a blogger who thrives on controversial topic.. reasonable people will not take relationship advice from a blogger who is single.. the guy is scum....if one is in a relationship.. be there fully.. if it works out fine..if not.. you move on.....having backups or power banks.. is a no for me..what is worth doing at all is worth doing well!

I don't think I said that, please re-read again... The Male Friends are not der for you to cry on, they are just friends, they do what friends do. Not All of them are perverted as you think. I am no fan of joro but it still does not change the fact that he spoke the truth. At your final statement, I said so too but for the fact U are in a relationship does not mean you cannot make friends with the opposite sex!

OP I think you took it out of context. To an extent, he was wrong to use the term, back up boyfriends but I think he was referring to male friends. It happens to us sometimes, we get too carried away with our partners that we forget to make friends, both male and female, the good girls are guilty of this. When their partner misbehaves, it's as though their entire world should crash because they build their entire life around such person. So I think he was suggesting you make male friends but draw the line, let your male friends know you are in a serious relationship and build your friendship from there. Yes we have had cases where the guy will be forming shoulder to cry on but u as a lady, u should be smart enough to identify those signs and retreat. If you retreat, you won't tell me he will come to your house and force you to sleep with him, would he? Emotional blackmail happens to those that allows themselves to be blackmailed.

I personally do not advise ladies to double date because truth is, no sane man will leave a faithful woman for anything. Guys know when u are 100percent down for them and they know when u are 50 percent as well. So the best thing is to give your best in a relationship, if the relationship fails, it should not be your fault. Men Respect Loyalty, they hardly compromise for it except the daft ones.

I support his claims although he was wrong to have used the word back up boyfriend

Oritzy:
are you trying to mock me with your questions or what?

Mrs curiosity IDK
If you would like to know..... Experience should be your best tutor.

Dis is harsh, nobody is trying to judge u here, just asked a question and u took it out of context, sorry sir

Oritzy:
That guy is a Kush lord

We know our church members when we see 1.
Although I have backslided from that ministry

Please ex kush lord, how are you able to detect these signs? Because main looking at him, I see nothing... Please I am just curious, is it because his eyes are faint?

Elder001:
You're a disgrace.
An individual who can reject civilization because she's afraid to spend her money on the family.. Tufiakwa

Just like a soldier running from the war because he/she is afraid of death

SMH for Nigerian ladies.

When u are done ranting like a woman,let me know

Elder001:
Didn't even see this reply earlier.

The woman should contribute indeed.. When you ladies talk about bible when justifying your dependency on men it really doesn't make sense. If you should be told to do all house chores, be submissive, non virgins should be flogged and disgraced from the society etc that are found in the Bible, if they should do such to women I don't think you people will still be quoting the Bible when justifying your laziness and dependency on men.


Cheap likes? Who gives a damn about likes? Will likes add cash to my account? Seems like a teenager runs this account.

I don't lack comprehension ,dear kid. You're only confusing yourself.

You went to school, got a job only to say a man should provide for you, what's the use of getting a job then?
You must be a primitive joker. That man who'll do those things you just said can't be found because this is the 21st century.

There's nothing like help. Deal with it.

You don't want civilization? Really, because it wants you to provide?

Then stop voting, don't air your views in public, don't argue with a man when he abuse you because women got those stuffs through the advent of civilization!

You're a disgrace.
You rejected civilization because of laziness.

Talk like a Man!!!!

iamnavy1:
BITCHES ARE VERY WICKED AM DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF THEM.


THEY ARE ALWAYS CHEATING




REST IN PEACE



I AM JOINING YOU SOON




I KNOW HEAVEN TO BE A DULL MAGIC

We love you please don't die yet, Nairaland peeps let's show this dude some love

MissJoy29:
Elder001, come and see someone with sense. And she wasn't there when I typed exactly same thing she typed here to you yet you were arguing upandown.

I even took the time to highlight her points that tally with what I told you so you will grab better.

Ma, the funniest thing is that a lot of guys are confused. They don't want a dependent lady because she's a leech. They also don't want an independent lady because she will be controlling. What then do they want? They shouldn't say an independent woman who's submissive abeg. Why? Because they don't exist in a weakling of a man's eyes since a woman is either one(totally independent)or the other(totally dependent) but never a hybrid.
And even when they manage to find her, they take advantage of her & collect the one she has & add to theirs.




They could be pathetic at times.

I am telling you, some guys are just confused! please ignore that dude that calls himself elder, he seems like a woman hater to me... So no matter what u say, he will always find loopholes in it and attack you still, so just ignore

lefulefu:
one of my friend who grew up in lagos. The girl can speak yoruba fluently but na edo girl. If she do rice for u u go hail.if she prepare rice on sunday afternoons she will serve some to me. Na so d rice go just strong for ur mouth ehn and d underside will be burnt. If u taste her stew and d next day u go toilet...na so d pepper go just dey burn ur yansh. I no know weda na basin of pepper she dey put for her stew and soup. I jus can imagine the stress her future husband go dey feel when he dey visit toilet every morning.

Some men like pepper stew Na,it's just a matter of preference. I love pepper stew, but I dunno if future hubby will like it too but for the strong rice, I have no idea why she prepares rice strong but still some people like it like dat. U sef, her bobo is not complaining Na, mayb that's how he likes it

lefulefu:
many guys can cook these days even better than many of the modern girls we have now. Na only a very minute number of girls sabi cook. Tell some to cook beans for u...just looking at the beans wey dem cook is enuf to run ur stomach. Dem go poor the whole red oil in the world inside the beans and the beans seed will be halfdone. Ok tell them to cook yam.. Yam will be all burnt and not well cooked. Rice nko? Hmmm ur average slayqueen prepare rice for u ..na so d rice go strong for mouth like soldier rice. Tell some to boil egg...ohh goodness me...the egg will be all blackened. I remember at d time we small wen we dey school we always brag about how tasty our mom jellof rice taste...how our mom is the best cook in the world. We grew up being close to our mom cos of the sweet aroma frm the food she dey prepare for kitchen. Todays children no lucky like we cos many modern moms of today cant even boil ordinary egg. In the morning u feed ur pickin indomie...as u dey prepare am for school u package indomie give am...indomie in d morning,afternoon and evening..haba. Very few young girls that can cook these days. Honestly i feel for many children wey their mom no sabi anything for kitchen. Always watching zee world and gossiping. I will still be surprised if any man of today is still depending on a lady for cooked food.anyway kudos to the few young ladies who are married that can cook but to the slay mamas and pepper dem gang..go an learn kitchen stuffs biko.

Are you talking from experience? @ soldier rice, u are just a clown

n0fav0rs:
Melinda was stupid and foolish. Robert did nothing wrong

If you say that then you are either a male or you are just biased. Now let's turn the table around, assuming you were a man and u caught your wife cheating once when gave her everything and then she apologized u forgive her, then fast forward to 10 years later or more, u find that same man's wallet in your wife's car. What wil u do? Let's be honest, u won't even want to hear her side of the story, trust me it will take a juju man or Jesus himself to save you from divorcing her but as its a woman, Womeen are naturally made to tolerate cheating but not men?? He gave up on her too easily tho, but he is only human, don't blame him much.

Where I didn't support was the Divorce part, Divorce is never an option!

Patience is key but how many of us can be that patient with life? God help us not to faint when our testimony is near.

Earthbound:
Angy55, whatever you do, don't follow this advice from all these aunties that their time has passed and all they have to show is a fat vagina i.e obo olora as selling point.

But she is right, isn't she? Wats the probability that the humble beginning guy won't call you old fashion when he is made Human beings are deceitful, one can never know the heart of a man, it is desperately wicked.

Elder001:
are you sure that you're normal?

When did becoming independent turn into a Yankee stuff?

You also said any man who allows his wife to provide is lazy, has poor upbringing?

And you that allow yourself to sit down and be fed, you are what? Strong woman?.


If you like don't change this your archaic mentality.
If you can't provide don't bother getting married... It's either you part with the cash or stay single.

As a supposed elder, u should know when to talk and when to keep shut. I believe u lack comprehension skills and dats y u can't comprehend my statement, u are the one that is archaic but u just don't know it... Na u bring independence? Hypocrite!!! Was it not the Supposed "Oyibo" people that brought about this independence ish. Na you bring am U obviously don't know what to say, u are just looking for who to vent your frustrations on but I am just going to ignore you. Elder that will not respect himself, Elder indeed!!! Where did u see me write that I will sit down or u did not read the part where I said A woman should contribute as well,Abi? U lack comprehension!!! It's people like you that will read the bible, take what they want to take and start turning the bible upside down causing chaos! U are a troublemaker, learn to talk like a man, a real man does not talk all over the place looking for cheap likes And attention

Everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion on this forum, so I don't see why some people here will want to bully people and force people to bend to their own school of thought

I can't stop laughing because this just shows that NL never forgets... From the look of things, Not much people agrees with your point of view because they don't see you as someone that will come up with such words. They feel like you are seeking attention!! But I don't see u as an attention seeking person, I feel like u like saying it as it is, as e dey do u no filtering, no sugar coating which has its pros and cons

Back to the topic, if your husband doesn't buy you stuffs, I believe u will be concerned and u will be the first person to rush to this forum calling him stingy. Yes, women should not totally depend on men, it's okay to have something on the side and all, but that is not to say that the man should not provide for his home or his girl. They were raised with that mindset, to provide, Women HELP! Just like we were raised to do house chores, to cook and clean but modernization has changed everything. If you type this, then you should also be able to create a topic like " Dear Men, Women do Not Owe You Food" ... Even though most young dudes these days know how to cook their meals, it doesn't change the fact that they love it when the woman cooks. That is the same way it is for ladies, ladies can only help financially when there is a need to. As a matter of fact, if as a man you are comfortable with a woman providing, something is wrong with you. It's either you are lazy or you had a poor upbringing that needs to be corrected. We are not in Yankee, Na Naija we dey! Dats why the white ladies are dying over our Men because when they are with them, they take full responsibility and treat them right, no splitting of bills and you see them tweeting later " African Men Know How To Treat Their Ladies Right".... Why? Because a true African Man (correct bobo) takes Charge, he stands firm like a lion and handles responsibilities. These Days, the reverse is the case, So Sad!

I desire a man who will spoil me oo so for those of you forming strong, continue forming strong! I am not lazy,never been and never will be.

Assassin101:


why u dey worry on her behalf na?


na u be her mama ni?


don't worry, d baddest guys are always d cutest, trust me

I wan spoil your show

Assassin101:
don't worry, I will treat you like a fairy-tale princess

See your name and you want to treat her right? Abi u want to kidnap her if not kill her

djon78:
But the truth is that women have treated in the most terrible way men that were very kind to them. Infact it is these women by their actions turned many good men to beasts.
As a result many men don't send these days.

She said it in her post, any woman that does such to you is young and doesn't know what she wants yet in a man. No true mature woman will see a diamond and opt out for bronze. BTW, are you Diamond? If you are, please continue, don't reduce your value because of anyone. Jesus did not say because his generation were full of perverts, he wouldn't die for them. He died for them regardless, now we are reaping the benefits. Keep doing what you do, you will be glad u did

Like someone said, OP might not be 100 percent correct but he made sense in some part if not most. I am happy that this is coming from a man, Men observe yourselves today, you will observe the trend in what he is trying to say. 28years old acting like a child, i have seen plenty and it's very painful, They can't even make life changing decisions, This African mentality is really affecting most of our men tbh, they don't know how to act anymore. Some of them act so primitive, they are plenty here on NL. They don't know how to talk, they talk anyhow, no decorum, no iota of respect for the female counterpart and u will be amazed that one lady is out der taking his bullshit. Ladies put a Price Tag on Yourself, I feel we contribute to it in a way. "All men must cheat!" This is a stupid statement and any man that gives excuses for his wayward life does not deserve a woman in his life. Humanity is becoming cold and people no longer know how to act. It is not a lady thing to be faithful, it works both ways. When a lady sleeps around, she is called names but when a man sleeps around, he is a "Man". Stop with all this BS already, any lady that stays with you knowing that u cheat does not have self worth for herself, take it or leave it. Men learn how to Act, you must not be a Pastor first before you live right.

Born2Breed:
Nah, thats for rice.

This here is the right soup for pounded yam.

Nope this is much better (for me though)

First of all, every Christian have face this temptation u are facing now and trust me it will pass. You know when it comes to the things of Christ, u don't let your head (flesh,brain,desires,lust) dominate you, you let your spirit (Holy Spirit) dominate u... I have been through this road before where I had to choose between a rich cute Muslim Guy and my faith, it was difficult but I chosed my faith. Even now, I had this same problem where I fell in love with a rich dude but he was illegal, I had to choose my faith over everything else. Remember Mat6:33 , it said and I quote " Seek Ye FIRST, the kingdom Of God and it's Righteousness and every other thing will be added unto you. This applies to relationships as well, Marry a woman that is in love with Christ, not just a Christian by title or religion,someone that is aggressively in love with him come what may, she might be difficult to find but hang in there brother, when u see her she will be worth every wait. Marriage is a warfare, u have to seek God first before u go into it, if not it can rub you off your destiny if u are not careful, All the best ! Choose Christ!

Modified
I forgot to add, don't talk to her about Christ, leave her alone, pray for her in your closet, mention her name in prayer " lord I sieze so so and so for Christ and i rebuke every power of the enemy upon her life IJN, Amen" Remove your mind from her, keep her as a friend in your mind, pray for her, then if she is close to you, she will notice the love that you have for God and if she is interested, she will ask you to lead her to Christ. Our life is the greatest tool we can ever use for evangelism, let your light so shine bright that Men will see your good works and give Glory to your Heavenly Father

From the comments written above me, u would know that Nigerians have completely lost it without them knowing it. If you support this trend, then something is wrong with you but you just don't know it yet. Marriage is not child's play that's y we need to pray first before we get into it. Marriage is work, it is not for one person alone. At the end of the day, Marriage is for Two Responsible Adults not now that you have irresponsible lots going into it.

Geenosko:
You can pm me. I have some spare time this Saturday

Thank you so much, God will bless you, you have no idea what this means to me, thank you. Check your pm please

Please can someone help me in proofreading the email I want to send to my supervisor... I have gotten my research topic, I just don't want to be rejected by my supervisor so I want to ensure my email is standard. Anyone? I would appreciate your support, thanks in advance!

when they were doing it in private, u ppl sed they were not doing anything,they were squandering your money, now they are giving you an idea, u ppl are still criticizing, whew hypocrisy will not kill u ppl in this nigeria

Babe u shldnt have but since u already have, just move on,any attempt to tell your man is the end of the marriage.

You should be her best friend, not anyone else. What's wrong with people these days? What's wrong with your wife? She wasn't even afraid to admit she had a best friend that is not you? Where is this coming from? Or is she not Nigerian? You are a good Man, don't let her change you, just let her be and get a female best friend, u can fake one just because u want to save your marriage, then observe her reaction. If she is jealous, u guys can then talk about it but if she is not, know that your wife never cared in the first place, she just wanted to be a WIFE. All the Best!

gracechellar:
n'-
Sounds wiser

Please do u have any idea on how I can get potential supervisor to supervise me? Do u have any useful tips on that, thank u , u have been very helpful