U are implying that your husband can never cheat, shey? Ok I get you lol.

I think that's where you got me wrong. I was never actually giving her advice. I was talking about the advice OTHERS had given her and commenting on it. I can't give someone advice on something as painful as that, especially since I'm not an authority. My comments were actually aimed at the silly things that people had said to her.

Hope they get through it sha. Its not easy.

BTW @Jenny ; Has your husband cheated on you and what did you do ? (Sorry,I know its a personal question, I'm just curious)

Firstly, If I was difficult to reason with, you wouldn't even have been able to reply my last comment because it would have been incomprehensible. My last statement of " I don't know how this is so difficult to reason with" was a general comment because I had said all this before, before you even came along, and no one seemed to understand what I was saying.


Secondly , You've just repeated everything I said. My reason for even replying you in the first place is when you said she should eliminate every hazard that comes along. That is totally impossible and that was my original point. What you said about team work is on point too. Yes they need to work together but it was just irritating me how some idiots were saying where was she when it was happening in the first place. You need to see the thread on the man who caught his brother on top of his wife. No one said anything like that, not to even mention giving the wife more sex .

jennykadry:

^^^ and what if she decides to move on since her hubby showed no remorse what is the guarantee that another sister with the big bosoms wouldn't be coming into her next relationship?

I am not advocating for a do or die marriage but there some problems you just cannot run away from especially when your womanhood is in question here. You just have to stand up(if the op wants to remain in the marriage)with you two legs strong on the ground and eliminate every hazardous ingrate on your way.

Even if she decides to castrate him , call agberos to beat him up, deny him sex,abuse him verbally or announce on CNN what a jerk her man is. Does it solve the problem? Nope. This is a simple problem with two simple answers :

1.she packs her bags and baggages and leave her home.
2. sit her arssee down and have a heart to heart convo with her husband, think of the way forward and drive that devil's sister with the sexy bossom out of their lives.

I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say. I am not asking for a do or die marriage either!  And I am not saying she should beat him up, deny him sex or any of those things. (Although if she decides to do that , it's understandable). What I am saying is that the man HIMSELF needs to be the one to "eliminate every danger that comes across". Her husband should have the discipline to say NO.
She is just going to give herself premature grey hairs keeping every woman on the planet away from her husband. If he knew he didn't have the ability to control himself then it was a bad idea for him to get married. That was my point because no matter how many heart to heart conversations she has with him, if he makes up his mind to cheat, then he will do it regardless.  The choice  to make the marriage work from how on is his, not hers. She's staying there that means she still chooses to be there but he has to make up for what he's done. I don't know how this is so difficult to reason with.

chaircover:

The problem with many many relationships these days is that people get stuck in a time warp and are unable to move on.

Something happens; its done. Nothing can change that. What is done is done. So what do you do? do you keep on hammering on the why did you do this and why did you do that? or do you (assuming that you want to continue with the relationship) learn from the experience and find ways that it doesn't happen again & move on.

The guy had an affair/fling whatever one wants to call it but the poster in her mind has decided to stay with him. She is understandably hurt and angry but she has decided to move on. What advise do we give her? Do we teach her to reach out to her husband and be his best friend in every way possible and to close all gaps or do we give her a stick to beat the husband with?

We can go on forever about the what if tables were turned etc but that wont solve anything but only cause more strife between them.

It is not every time you get a favorable answer from a partner the first time you approach a topic. You don't have to be on the same wave length with each other 365 days a year, but play your cards right and you will soon have him facing the same direction as you.

The guy is her husband and there are many ways & time for whipping his behind but right now the priority is to team up and get sister big bosoms out of the way. In cases like this being strategic wins over being emotional.

A lot of people here seem to be suggesting that she finds ways not to let something like that happen again but people seem to have forgotten that in as much as there are two people in every relationship, for a third person to come into it means that one of the original two opened the door for that third person. That decision is not for her to take, because her husband was the one who opened the door and let "Sister Mary" come in in the first place.

Being strategic can only get you so far. People usually know when another person feels bad for what they did. And his wife is saying he does not seem remorseful at all. She can shower him with all the love and sex that she likes, but what if it happens again? What if they get big sister out of the way and another one comes along? What strategies would you advise then?

Are you guys serious?

"Hold your husband tight", "why did you travel out in the first place"," take it easy with him", "it's a good thing he confessed",  are you people high on some give-away crack?  ,  I'm sorry but you guys are making it look like its all her fault and that a man cheating on his wife is something that is going to happen so she may as well get used to it.

Why is no one saying "what possessed him to do such a thing"? Why is everyone saying "you should endure"?

I don't get it . I honestly don't. You sucked someone else's bosoms in my house?! I will kill you before I kill her, because the truth is that even if that woman leaves him alone, he will go out and look for another woman , and when he finds her, it won't be just sucking bosoms, it will be a full round and he's just going to be like , " yeah at least I didn't infect you with AIDS."

As from now on he should be the one holding on to her, not the other way round. He did something very silly and HE , not her, should be the one to prove why they should still be married.

One more thing. The fact that he confessed counts for nothing. How do you know he isn't lying about the whole thing? What if it was him who made the first move, and not the woman like he claimed? All she is hearing is what he wants her to hear. Plain and simple.

I never thought I would see such shoddy advice on nairaland.

The poster should really ask his friends what they were expecting from marriage before they went into it.

pro01:

@ Tink_sh,
My previous post refers to women! (and maybe to some unfortunate men who are mushy and shallow like y'all)

The key to a happy marriage is a good, wise, tender, & submissive wife. A no-good husband can often be (eventually) changed by a wife with the afore-mentioned qualities. The sooner you (shallow) women realize that you cant have a happy marriage by challenging your husby 'fire for fire' and 'craze for craze', the better for you. No need to try to assert your "rights". Accept your God given role as the neck (not head) and you'd gain sweet control. Thats a secret i'm giving y'all gurls for free. Argue with me if you like. A word is enough for the (rare female) wise.

That is complete and utter BULLCRAP.

The key to a happy marriage is not just a good, wise, tender, and submissive wife. I'm sure that even if you had one , you would probably start complaining that she's too good  or too submissive and you need something else.

There are several keys to a happy marriage and it doesn't just take the wife to be good and kind and what not. It also takes a good, kind, respectful and responsible man. Note the word ; MAN , not boy, like so many fools out there expecting to be treated like men when they are actually still boys. I've noticed that there are a lot of guys who just want to be worshipped because they are guys. Not because they are good guys or anything like that though.

The most important key to a happy marriage is this ; IT TAKES TWO. You want a good wife, be a good husband. You want a submissive wife, don't be a caveman who goes "I am the head of the house and you must obey me " in every decision there is to be made . What ever you want , be it and don't wait for a long suffering person to come along and teach you how to be a better person. The only person who can teach you to be good is YOU. You can have a good example before you all your life, but if you never make the choice to change, then you will NEVER change.  Give what you want to get. This applies for both men and women.

Also, I hate this philosophy of the woman is the neck bla bla bla. I don't want to control my husband. I want us to do things together and not have to resort to backhanded manipulation to get what we want.

Oh , and one more thing. Not all women are shallow. FYI , There are as many shallow men as there are women.

That was an amazing song, and that lady's voice is beautiful.

But I'm concerned about one thing though, didn't Buhari apparently steal a lot of money from Nigeria's funds?

Everything I've read here just looks a lot like sucking up to parents of the future spouse. But i guess its necessary.

@Afrobabe ; I don't think TOH was aiming at you personally. She was trying to say that some mothers in law can be a bit extra , especially with the part where you said she only started warming up after she saw you washing his clothes. Personally I get what TOH was saying because one shouldn't have to wash another persons clothes to be considered a good match. And it looks like if she hadn't seen you washing his clothes , she would have taken LONGER to warm up to you.

I am pro- choice.

When it comes to things like abortion, which is entirely a personal matter, I think people should be allowed to make their choices without being judged by others.



@ Busybody ; Could you please take that picture down? Thanks!

Was it a woman that infected her with AIDS or was it her husband?

I don't understand the point she is trying to make.

She's obviously just bitter but what she was saying is utterly irrelevant.

unsuregirl:

This is not my place to interfere but just a small suggestion - why don't u guys take up a new thread to discuss the glories of JK. Thankful as I am to some of you for having rightly pointed out things to a girl like me from another land, now you are sending wrong signals about the Nigerian Spirit to people from a foreign culture.  
Now everyone should kiss and make up,  your posts are just full of verbal abuses and unless this is a common thing in nairaland (in which case, I just graciously step aside as I am an outsider) , just try to stop it,

@ Unsuregirl ; Yes, it is a common thing in Nairaland. It'll all blow over in a few hours. Right now everyone is just sharpening their claws. 

jennykadry:

And you are so blind that you did not notice that same "someone" questioned her fellow "woman's ability as a mother" ?

You and your husband are newly weds right? I wish you well with having kids, and I pray God blesses you with both male and female or gives it to you as you want, you know why I am praying this prayer for you? because I know when you have kid/kids you will be able to define the word "callous" properly when your motherhood is been questioned by an eediot

Unfortunately I don't have the time to quote what you said towards me being just a 19 year old and that I should wait to get married and have children first before I talk. But i really wanted to ask, why do all your insults revolve around motherhood and marriage and children? We can talk to each other on an equal footing without bringing up their married or unmarried life. 
  As far as you and Ivynwa are concerned, it seems like you actually did start the fight. Initially, I thought the comment about an animal epistle writer was directed at someone else, but Ivynwa was the only poster who actually wrote what could be called an epistle. I'm still wondering why you had to call her an animal , though, especially since she wasn't talking to you. Anyway, BB says the two of you opened a thread to insult each other, so you guys can thrash it out on your own.
What I am concerned about is the fact that you chose to insult someone who didn't really deserve half of the insults you heaped on her. Even if you weren't happy with the fact that the advice you gave didn't seem to sink in, you should at least have left her to her business instead of insulting her intelligence.
And for your information, I was 19 a year ago. And I don't need to get married and have kids before I understand the difference between right and wrong.

@ Busybody and Jenny kadry;

Before we start saying the IVYNWA is wrong, maybe you should take a look at these comments


Quote from: jennykadry on January 20, 2011, 11:25 AM
Ok I forgive you because I know you were dream typing when you typed these and I don't blame you, Ujujoan's known for keeping dayokanu up all night all in the name of showing dayo that he has to take care of her 100% not 50-50, and went ahead to prove her point for inside room. so yea you must be exhausted but if your balls brains don cool down small can you please read my reply with your two eyes open?thank you

Seriously now, you men should appreciate we women, how many of us kick butts/balls because we want to make love? how many of us slap our husbands on the cheeks? how many of us run to friends to report our husbands? how many of us wanna leave a 2month old marriage because our men can't fucckkk our damn brains out?

Seriously how many of us will go back and slap our men 30mins after we received a slap parcel?


[b]Both are not Nigerians? little wonder her brain couldn't grasp small info

It got to a stage I wanted to ask of her mother's whereabouts but thought against it before she starts thinking I am insulting the innocent woman,she obviously did not have a good chat with her mum/a mother figure about marriage if not no woman will wanna walk out of a 2 MONTHS OLD marriage just like that. We nigerians have good mothers(not all) that put us through countless of marriage councelling sessions to prepare us for the bittersweet journey ahead.

Well what can I say?feel free to walk out of your marriage, thats what you wanna hear right?
[/b]

[b]Una still dey hiaaaa?

I think alot of people on here should channel their energy on getting themselves life partners as time is ticking slowly instead of wasting their time on another woman's( whose brain cells ain't complete) marriage

@BB

Abeg ekuro lo naaa jare, since you've won the title of "Achebe the peace maker" we no go hear word again.
[/b]

Lol some people are busy writing long epistles here for people that really don't care if an animal(the epistle writers) exists.


One question;
Were any of these insults TRULY necessary?

Some of your comments were just daft. Saying something like " We nigerians have mothers who put us through countless marriage counselling sessions to prepare us for the bittersweet journey ahead" , and as a result you are wondering if she had a mother, was just plain wrong. Even with a mother, can you tell me that you got everything right when you first got married?

You might say that it's none of Ivynwa's business and that she's in the wrong, but if I had seen this topic earlier, I might have said exactly the same thing she said. A lot of posters have deduced that the woman in question and her husband are simply immature.

That being said, there was no need to insult her the way you did. It was completely unnecessary and to add to that , the poster herself seems more mature than you are, because she simply ignored your comments and that of Genius whatever- his - name -is. You are obviously trying to provoke her into having a battle of words with you and unfortunately for you, she knows why she is here. She is here to seek ADVICE, and not unprovoked insults.

I have never been a fan of the saying that Elders deserve respect because not all elders deserve to be respected. The insults you threw at this woman today makes you living proof of that.

nwangap:

you should be worried she never bother to upgrade herself educationally, i mean with all her fame, she was asked her educational qualification, and she was telling us nursery and primary school stuff, she dropped out of secondary school to have her baby. and up til now, she never bother to do something do something about it,even if it means just getting into school and buying her way through.its the order of the day!

O Ga O . . .

Can this unfortunate person hear herself?

Is it now by force to go to school? She has found her calling. And her calling is ACTING. She doesn't have to go to school if she doesnt want to! And whether she chooses to go to school or not should be the least of anybody's worries.

I don't know who said that women forgive more easily, becuase they actually don't.

I had a bf who cheated and I wasn't able to forgive.

On the other hand, I have a friend whose bf has cheated on her in drastic ways. And they are still together.

If a girl is still with a guy after he's cheated on her more than once, she has issues. Its not because she doesn't have as much of an ego as guys do. Loads of people say that men have big ego's thats why they cant forgive . . .  sometimes a woman's ego is worse than a guy's.

Sagamite:

HOLY FIIIIIIIRRRE!!!

Shapakotopotokoto, shagidigidigidigidigidi, phi, pho, shimaaaaaaaaaaanda

DEVIL GOOOOOOOOOO, DEVIL GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Now all your problems are solved.

Where is your tithe? 

Amazing!!! . . . . . .and fffing irritating!!!

This dude has had enough of prayers solving everything . . . lmao, . .

When a woman posted problems that she was having with her husband, everyone was screaming at her , asking her what she had done wrong.
Now a guy is posting problems with his wife and everyone is saying "pele ooo".

@ Poster ; What happened to cause the seperation? In - laws can be nasty at times but leave that side of them trying to ruin you for now. Why did you seperate from your wife?

akbtunes:

How Does One Regain Trust In A Relationship? Rule 1: [b]Never break it in d first place; Rule 2: Read rule 1 again[/b]

LOL! Funny but true.

On the other hand, it's kind of redeundant since the person is asking how to REGAIN trust, not how to maintain it, and there's no point crying over spilled milk, is there?

Why are you sad?

It is difficult to smile when you are sad, but you have to because the harsh truth is that other people really don't care how much hurt you are going through. They just want you to smile and pretend that everything is okay so they don't have to feel awkward around you.

There is no manual for how to get over sad times. I wish there was, though. But in the end you have to go through them on your own.

Euchena:

In regard to all the cheating husbands,

We as wives can't change a cheater but If you are lucy enough to find out his girlfriends name like I did, What you do is expose her name to the public and let the world know where she comes from.Let her village know that they have produced a husband stealing harlot, then what will her parents and relatives think of her then. Sometimes you just have to shame them both. De demons work best under the cover of darkness and like it if no one knows whst they are doing. EXPOSE THEM

May I ask a question in regards to this;

Have you forgotten that some men lie about their marital status
How do you deal with the girls who didnt know that the man was married?

Besides, I find it very unreasonable for you to blame the girls and expose them. What will that change? I can guarantee you that for every ten girls you know who your husband is cheating on you with, there are a hundred others you are not even aware of. The girls are not the problem. The HUSBAND is the problem , not the girls.

freecocoa:

Seriously i just wonder what kind of a person the op is,you really need to stop this crazy and childish attitude of yours.its becoming annoying,are u the first or only one to ever get hurt by a man?your dad was bad doesn't mean every man is,atleast[b] i can boldly and proudly say  my dad is all i could ever ask of as a father[/b].Please give urself a break and go find something useful to do with your time rather than coming here to search for who would join/encourage u in your folly.

YOU can say that your father is all you could ask for. Her experience has obviously been a bitter one. As much as we admire people who are able to move past their experiences, not everyone is like that. A lot of us are still too human and thats why some people say that maturity is overrated.

Kadata:

I'd rather be a pretender than to pretend to be ungrateful. Or worse still , ungrateful in all sense of the word.
# When you despise the man whose seed was found worthy enough as a portal for your birth, I wonder what on earth you'd ever appreciate. I'd be watching Nairaland very keenly. Maybe someday your kid would come with his/her own story. And we'd begin to wonder who was worse. And for those not planning to have kids, . . .well, that's your f¤¤ken business.

I hate arguments like this. You just heard someone say that they had the worst father in the world and you expect her to be grateful that he brought her into the world?
Life is about quality , not someone who did something that anyone can do. Why do you think some people make the distinction between  someone who was their "biological " mother/father and someone who was their parent in the true sense of the word?
So someone gave birth to you, or contributed some of their semen to create you. That doesnt mean they deserve an award. Being a parent is a lot more than just mixing a sperm and an egg together and creating a child so why do people behave like you can get away with being a bad parent as long as you have broght a child into the world ?

The crux of this story is whether she CHEATED or not.

Her virginity or non - virginity is not really the issue. She belongs to no one but herself so she doesnt have to explain that issue to no one.

The story goes thus ; " Now she wants me back and she told me she has lost her virginity to a guy she dated[b] after [/b] me. When I heard this, I was very sad. But she asked for forgiveness. Though I still love her, I do not know if she will be faithful again. "

She dated the next guy AFTER her boyfriend boke up with her, not while they were going out. The guy says himself that when he noticed that she was no longer interested, he left her alone. So they were definitely broken up. And that's no one's fault. 

He can if he wants to , but knowing that Nigerian men place a premium on virginity, since it is supposedly proof of a woman's fidelity, he probably wouldnt.

I haven't cheated on anyone.

I had a chance to do it though, and I turned it down. The funny part is, I regret not cheating. And now I look back and wish I had taken the opportunity .

harakiri:

Another sad story of dumb ungrateful women. . .

If the guy stays at home most of the time and isn't a good provider, he's called an irresponsible-lazy-good-for-nothing man.

If the guy works his slaves his butt off trying to give his family the good life and in the process of achieving this, he has to sacrifice his family time, he's called a terrible dad who doesn't make time for his wife and kids and as such, any rubbish the wife does during this time is entirely his FAULT! ! !

With all this nonsense going on, i still wonder why people bother getting married. The age old tradition/custom has lost it's usefulness. You can have kids without the bondage of marriage.

Haba!

@Poster

You are an ungrateful slut! ! !

@Harakiri ; Wasn't that a bit much?


@Poster; Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule?
Please check it out before you do something stupid.

ZIM DRILL:


i shouldnt respect for the sake that it was painfull to give birth to me, thats how nature or GOD intended it to be nothing special about it

but i would respect her to raising me well and showing me love

remember she didnt have me so that one day i would respect her becoz of the pain she went through, she had me becoz she wanted to have a child

the pain thing is only used to sort of buy respect, she wasnt forced to have me am only a product of her good/happy moments and she had the choice not had me if pain is more important to give you respect becoz she doesnt have gaurantee that i will respect her becoz of the pain she went to give birth to me

Very true. This is what i always say to those who do not understand that anyone can give birth to a child, but not everyone can be a mother in the true sense of the word.  Going through childbirth is something that anyone can do as long as they have the right physical organs so carrying a child for nine months is not something that earns you a badge of honour, in my opinion.

Osama10:

You've never had a man in your life,so how do you recollect what has not happened to you?

That is a very stupid comment.
How do you know she has never had a man in her life?

Pornodude:

@iya basira- missus upright and mighty, so tell me something: once a Nigerian guy starts buying you gifts and all, what does it indicate? i guess you are a Nigerian residing in Nigeria, so from personal experience what does this indicate. \

please just answer this question honestly (only if you are both a Nigerian and residing in Nigeria).

If a guy starts buying gifts for a girl then it means he likes her or he wants to have sex with her. It depends on the situation. Since the guy in question was married, then obviously the first thing that will come to her mind is that he was just being nice! Come on, a guy is married to your sister and because he buys you credit every now and then , you jump to the conclusion that he wants to have sex with you?
That makes no sense whatsoever.
Besides, you didn't answer my question. Even if she accepted the gifts, does that justify what he did?
Also you seem to be quite concerned with whether I am a Nigerian or not and whether I live in Nigeria or not. I am a Nigerian. And I have lived in Nigeria , but do not live there at present. Happy now?

Odunnu:

Quite unfortunate.
At this stage she should bloody shut up and allow someone else think for her. She cant call the shots anymore.
I'm also partnering with 2 NGOs and I hear stuff like ths.Even though I have a strong urge to howl insults on her,I thnk advice is what she wants/needs most.
Let her get registered for antenatal for starters. @33yrz she can handle the bikerings/gossip.
Let her confide in her parents and lets see how far it goes

Why do you say you have a strong urge to insult her? I dont get.
But I did find it strange that she decided to stay with her younger sister . . . that type of situation is really weird. Especially now when all this has happened.

Pornodude:


(SPEAKING DIRECTLY TO THE LADY)

NICE STORY. SO HE BOUGHT YOU RECHARGE CARD, BLAACK BERRY AND GAVE YOU MONEY FOR SHOPPING AND FOR SALOON? AND YOU COLLECTED IT? SO WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING? THERE IS NO SUCH THING LIKE A FREE GIFT THESE DAYS SO WHY DONT YOU JUST CONSENT TO HIS DEMANDS, AFTERALL DIDNT YOU SEE IT COMING?

MOREOVER , THIS SEEMS LIKE A TYPICAL NOLLYWOOD STORY. ARE YOU A SCRIPT WRITER?

WELL, IF THE STORY IS TRUE, I HAVE NO ADVICE FOR YOU O! JUST GIVE HIM BACK THE BLACK BERRY PHONE.

People like you are living proof that man can live without a brain. So basically what you are saying is that she deserved to be despoiled because he gave her gifts, ? How much more silly can one possibly get
When a house help comes into a house if the oga / madam is kind, they usually get given gifts as a token of appreciation for their work. So if her sister's husband is giving her gifts as a way of saying thank you, is it really her fault for collecting them?
Ok fine. Even if she collected gifts, is that really a good justification for what he did, considering that he has a wife?

STACYM:

He did it 1, 2, 3, and 4th, its obvious she really wanted it. She would have ran out of the house the first time it happened. But she did not, she felt her plan was working out well. Let's not blame the man alone, the girl caused it all, no wonder she could not get her own man at 33. Shame on her, for doing this to her own blood sister.  Let the HOMEBREAKER give birth to that child cos I don't support abortion.

Your intelligence level is obviously lower than that of the average dunce. So she is the homebreaker because she was despoiled? What about the despoiler? He's an angel right?
How can you say the girl caused it all? Is it really a crime to be single at 33? And even if you are single at 33, that means your sisters husband should despoil you?
Nairaland plays host to a lot of silly people and it really depresses me cos it looks like every dickhead who knows how to turn on a computer gets to say whatever rubbish they like.

Ivynwa:

I just read this kind of story in NL last night in this forum in the thread below
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-272419.0.html

@poster

All married ladies should take note of this two points.
1. Having female relatives and even maids living with you and hussy [b]is an avenue for temptation to come into your home.
2. Your female children should be carefully and seriously watched over especially if there are male relatives and maids living in your house.[/b]

Temptation is everywhere. If you cannot resist your wifey's sister, then who can you resist, really?
Even if no women are brought into the home, a randy guy will still go outside.

chukz4real:

@Iyabasira.

I suppose you are a woman. Are u married yet? And if you are, how long did it take you to start having your kids? You are entitled to you opinion though, but I suppose your assertions are wrong.

The agony of the writer is not what any right thinking person can wish even his or her worst enemy. Is only those that has passed or are passing through the situation that can say it better.

I rest my case.

The issue is not whether you want to wish it on your worst enemy or not. I'm glad you realized that I'm entitled to my opinion because you don't seem to understand my point of view.
Yes it is only those who go through that situation that can understand but my point is, and has always been , that nobody's life should depend on whether she has a child or not. Simple. Furthermore, I am not wrong in saying that.

Indescribable, uncontainable, you see the depths of my heart . . . and you love me the same. . .

Osama10:

I think this would have saved your relationship.

apocalypse:

I see where the problem lies , you enjoy the attention you get from your admirers and you let your boyfriend know. Don't you see anything wrong in that , I mean how do you want him to feel comfortable with all the attention you give them. Do you even make all know you have the best man in the world , if he sees anytime makes a pass at you bring him up and let the whold world know you love him I know things wouldn't be the way they are now

Are you guys serious?

She wasn't the one who went out soliciting male attention. The men come to her, not the other way round. You cannot blame the jewel for attracting attention if left out in the open. Why do you think museums guard precious jewels and paintings with round the clock security?
Let's face facts. I'm not saying that he should watch her 24/7. But the issue here is not her, it's him. If he was emotionally secure, what he would be doing is getting angry with the guys talking to her. But he's too scared to confront them for fear that one of them would probably say something like " Well , I'm sleeping with her anyway", because that would make him look like an absolute dunce.
So what he does is to blackmail her emotionally , blame her for being attractive because he resents the fact that she can leave him for any of the guys chasing her IF SHE WANTS TO.
What he's REALLY trying to do here is see where her loyalty lies.
If you have something pretty or valuable, other people are always going to want to take it away from you. It's a huge ego boost when you can take something that another person cherishes away from them. But you don't blame the item itself for being valuable. You guys telling her that she should minimize the time she spends with boys is just plain wrong. You may as well ask her to wear a hi jab just because you aren't comfortable with her being pretty.