Arsenate:
but same can be said of the women. most women on this thread sound reasonable, unlike what we have on Nairaland these days; bunch of bitter misandrists masquerading as feminists.

lol

Shymm3x:


Lol. Bad guys aren't necessarily ruffnecks - they can also be "classy, sophisticated, smooth, and sapiosexual gentleman" with some chivalry to boot. However, what separates them from sweet boys is that they won't pander to you and let you ride all over them. And by the time you realise that - you'd be on smash and deeply in love.

that's where you get it all wrong, you think being nice equates being a walkover. Anyone with a healthy dose of self esteem won't let you ride all over them.

For example, I come across as a docile lady until you get to know me and then you realize I am actually very firm and willfull.

Which brings me to ask the question; what is your definition of mr nice/sweet guy and bad boy image

Shymm3x:


I hear that. I guess it is cos you are still on the come up, but you will get there in time.

Just know that no girl is special regardless of her status or how supremely beautiful/attractive she is cos there is always one guy out there that will find her disposable and treat her like shiit lol.

Even personally, I don't think any chic out there is not disposable. I can always tell anyone to fvck off whenever I feel like it.

Anyway, boring people do make great partners cos they don't really get on people's nerves. I don't like chics who talk too much and have a penchant of being too forward. Ditto vacuous divas.

I won't get "there". Why will I want to hang around someone who thinks I am disposable? That's why I say I prefer nice guys to bad guys. Nice guys treat you special.
As long as I move with the right crowd and I keep been the right person then I am continually safe.
Bad guys treat girls as disposables. Its a turn off for me. I can admire hyper-testosterone filled macho guys from afar but I'd never date them. I'd pick a classy, sophisticated, smooth, sapiosexual gentleman over any of the bad guys you mentioned earlier.

Shymm3x:


Lol. And the supremely Jade strikes again!! You must be sent by an angel from above - I don't envy you.

So you mean no guy has ever cheated on you, dumped up, or treated you like shiit? - that's interesting.

seriously, I've not done much dating so do not be surprised when I say I've not had any of those experiences. Distance happened to my first relationship. I'm on my second. I've always thought relationships are a huge job. Getting to know someone new, liking them, trusting them, loving them and all is a long process, I don't have the energy to jump from one relationship to the other and luckily the kind of guys I've dated are the kind you would typically term boring guys.

AAinEqGuinea:


It seems that most women want at least the bare minimum of protection. If I'm Tyrone and I wunna fvck your wife, the man should at least be ready to knock me Tyrone the F out. If you're a gorgeous Black woman on a planet in which many men think they're some variant of alpha, the foundation of your relationship will be tested by other alphas. Not likely to the extreme by Tyrones, but possibly knocking out some other guy who can't take your response of "No I'm taken" as the final answer.

if someone won't take no for an answer and he keeps stalking me I'll get a restraining order against that person.
I wouldn't want my man going physical with someone like Dwayne Johnson or Floyd Mayweather.
Offering protection in a relationship is more than knocking out people

Shymm3x:


Better get used to it. Just as every guy on this planet has been rejected by a female at least once - every girl has been treated as a disposable by a guy at least once in her lifetime.

lol, fortunately I am very picky when it comes to making male friends so believe me when I say I have never been treated as a disposable rather I've made myself indispensable. I always wish to add value of some sort to every friends life no matter how little.

Ladies prefering to date bad guys over nice guys has to do with the kind of upbringing and kind of guys they grew up with. To them if u are not bad guy, you are a weakling.
I, on the other hand have never had anything to do with bad guys because growing up, my dad, brothers and cousins were nice guys so I came to see nice guys as the ideal.
Infact I have never dated a guy who drinks, smokes or clubs steadily, neither will I even consider dating a guy who treats ladies like disposables. For me it's nice guys over bad guys anytime anyday.

macof:


Why should any sane African man swear in a church? Marital vows should be between the couple making their own terms of the relationship...even family members don't have to bud in

Ur church vow thing is staged, nobody puts that in mind. ..we all just say "Yes. .I do" because we seen it no TV ... the real vow is between them...something probably made months before the wedding


Is it not all this church vows that lead to the long row of divorce cases each day in the western world?

sorry bro, he's a christian, nt a pagan.n obviously believes those vows if nt he wouldnt have to come to nairaland, he would have married her a longtime ago.

By the way, how forefathers didn't commit adultery, it was polygamy. So he should married the secretary directly instead of impregnating her without following the traditional customary law. So he's wrong on all counts.

Not that I support polygamy for him

macof:
I see there are many fools here using foreign concepts( ie. Christianity) to judge this


Ask yourself what does your tradition dictate? Surely being African, you can get a second wife. ... especially with the excuse of the first wife being barren.

Your first wife should remain your first, mother of the house. ..nothing should change that. ..if the pregnant one outside can't deal with it then take your child and leave her

Best you still try all available means to having a child with your first wife. ..never give up on that

excuse me
How dare you talk about what african culture dictates
African culture taught us to be true to our words and Op wasn't true to his words/vows. He swore to be faithful to her that was why she married him in the first place. So don't you dare bring african culture into this.
He swore for better,for worse in church!!! Not in a shrine. Kumuyi's church for that matter.

ProphetUdeme:
pls quit blaming the man. He is on nairaland and the more you guys judged him the more he is giving up. For Christ sake its been 14 years of marriage without an issue, why cant you be lenient on him. Btw happy birthday dear

thanks for the birthday wish.

If I don't blame/judge him who should I blame/judge, his innocent wife who has spent 14yrs of her life trusting God with him, or the secretary who siezed the opportunity the op gave her.

This man has successfully ruined 14yrs of his happiness. He foolishly thought that not having a biological child is the worst thing that can happen to him, No. Falling into the trap of a jezebel/delilah is just the beginning of his woes.

Let him divorce his wife, he deserves his secretary.
I repeat, any girl who can have an affair with you, knowing fully well that you are married can kill you without even baiting an eyelid.

Truckpusher:
Calm down sis, there are handful of Nigerian men that wouldn't tread that lane - For their sake please address the he-goat and not an entire nation.

dats true, its unfortunate that by the time he discovers the secretary's child isn't his he'll start yapping how all women are evil.

Just like some nairaland boys who go around spewing trash about how girls n all this and that when they have only been messing with the wrong kind of girls.
When u advice them, they think u hate dem till they get hurt and dumped.
You see a girl all made up with brazilian weaves n all that, u go asking her out ignoring the plain girl in natural hair, later u come complaining how all girls are materialistic.

Seriously I'm fed up with nairaland boys and they useless threads, more reason many of them are broke and will remain broke aSses blaming the government for their every misfortunes.

Truckpusher, you should talk to your brothers more often, should make better use of themselves.

Truckpusher:
I'm not the op o.

But, don't you think that you're generalizing ?

sorry, misfired arrow meant for the op, yes, I'm generalizing but I am very sure that the scenario I just painted fits the Op's situation.

Truckpusher:
Why is everyone blaming the op with even one VickyRotex asking him to allow his wife to test run another man .
This sensitive issue has destroyed a lot of homes and most of you that are barely 19 and could face such dilemma in the nearest future are just blabbing , making noises - Wait until you find yourselves in his shoes.

I've seen this issue destroy once a happy marriage and of course guess who lost it all at the end of the day - The same woman that kicked up dust here and there even as I do not respect the man's initial decision but he told me to my face when I confronted him about his domestic issue because we were pretty close though he's my boss and older and he was somebody I was looking up to but the man simply told me that he has made his decisions based on what he wants and not what the society wants.But the same society pressured the woman to do this and do that but when the shiit hit fan she was left all alone to fight her fight , even her elder brothers fought on her side but as time goes on they all started minding their business after all it was her fight .

Op , what you did was selfish and will only make your wife seek for advice from the people around her and that is the beginning of your problems and hers too - At the end of the day both of you only succeeded in destroying yourselves.

the Op is an IDIOT!!! How is he sure he isn't the one with problems when most men Nigerian men won't go with their wives to the hospital to get checked for infertility.

It may be that even the secretarys pregnancy isn't his, she might have decided to bring another man's baby.

Some idiot guys will come to blame nigerian woman for giving another man's kids to their husbands, how won't they with this kind of fucccked up mentality Nigerian men have.

What happened to adoption Giving an orphaned child an opportunity to experience the love a parent can offer?

Selfish Nigerians, only thinking of their selfish self and interests.

Of course she will get a man to marry her, one of the 600men deserves her. Simple!

favourmic:
In this picture , those teenage girls are daughters to the strongest man on Earth , Obama right ? Ok ..

Can you see how simple and down to earth their dressing were ? No wedge shoes , no expensive handbags , no gold or silver necklace covering their necks . No Brazilian hair or most importantly no make up ! They just come simple . Natural looks , normal cheap bags , cheap sandals and very moderate gowns .

I just wish our sisters can learn how that life is simple and stop bothering your husband for all those things . Be contented with what you have and be happy . You can see how happy and how they were laughing irrespective of the fact that they were not dressed expensively . Or do you think they don't know about all those high fashion ?

Your beauty is not about those things but about how you carry yourself . Wash and iron the little clothes you have wear them and have a personality that's all that matters .

op abeg make we here word, obama's daughter is not yet 15yrs old yet look at the length of her gown. Which Nigerian daughter will wear a dress that short to an official outing with her parents.

Again do you know how much that simple gown is worth? Do you know how much the shoe cost?

Secondly, my cousins who were her age didn't wear skimpy dresses and they didn't use makeup so what are you talking about?

Homebased Nigerian guys will do anything to kiss the ass of anything american, only our brothers in diaspora know the value of our own Nigerian girls that is why they keep coming home to get married.

Truckpusher:
Fine boy with an average wife that would pass for a nanny, I will pass.

Little wonder one has to make a thread about his family simply to get validation and console himself - Op , change ya wife.

not true! As far as I do agree that Op is handsome, his wife is also pretty just that you are so used to seeing heavily madeup girls, so that has been your standard.
How many girls can look half as pretty as Op's wife without makeup n weaves/wigs
Infact truckpusher you need to bring your eyes to me, I want to wash it with sanitizer.

Op, your family is cool and there is nothing wrong with having your pics on the internet.

GodblessNig247:


Silence is the best answer for a dumb ass like u. Tell that to Ur husband and teach Ur kids how to say shut the Bleep up. premature baby

you have the I.Q of a mosquito, what is your business with my post, if you are not comfortable with it why quote me? I don't have time to waste on 'all brawn no brain' fellows like you anyway, so SHOO!

GodblessNig247:



What point are u trying to make. Did he tell u that the husband wants to cheat on her? She is seeking for an advice and u are ranting. Hope u become a grt mother.

shut the fucccck up if you are too dumb to comprehend or give your advise and move the hell on. Do I look like I am the Op? Why are you quoting me to talk trash?

oseod:
.

Woman, I understand your predicament...
Not every woman is comfortable giving blowjôbs, marriage shouldn't always be about what the man wants....marriage is more about understanding


To Every woman bashing op here

If your husband told you to lick/suck his anus (some men have some weird sexual fantasies......true!!!)
Or hand fisting your anus or pų$$y
Or better still whip u like a goat when having šex with u (50 shades of gray style)

Would you agree just to save your marriage!!!!
Would you!!!!!!

Liberally bias crowd ass-lickers

Shame on all of you....

Just because blowjobş have become a generally accepted sex style(or whatever) doesn't mean everbody is okay with it

BTW I see nothing wrong in blowjobš

But the woman doesn't feel comfortable with it....shey its now her fault ni?

The man can go outside to get blôwjőbș since his wife didnt give him
The woman can also go outside to find love since her husband is denying her nau? No be so?

Woman

Best thing is to talk to your husband to know the limits of your sexuality
(The ones you or him can accept and the ones you can't,

And also to know the principles you are willing to compromise....then work on this, and you can still have a great sexual relationship together, even better than those who give blôwjobś)

Many marriages that collapsed, the wives were good at sucking cucumber

God bless you dearie. I pity girls who think blowjobs and all sorts will keep a man from cheating and I wonder how high they are willing to jump to keep a mans roving eye and wandering dickkkkkk.

Just pray you don't find a man who's really into crazy fantasy bullshit(S&M), all these keep a man talk will fly out of the window.

Madam Op if you r not comfortable with it, don't do it, do not let anybody coerce you with that hackneyed "before he goes looking for it outside" line. If your husband will cheat he will cheat, there is nothing you can do about it.

Do not delude ourself into thinking you can do anything to stop a man who wants to cheat especially one who is neckdeep in pornography.

He wants blow*jobs today, tomorrow he gets bored n wants to take it a step further forgetting that you are not a IndecentStar.

Infact prepare for it, cos he will soon cheat wether you eventually give him the Mouth Gig or not.
The main problem is not the blow*job request even, the major problem is in the pornography addiction.

Shymm3x:


I was just messing about by making banter out of the stereotype. Not all black women are angry - I do know a lot of amazing black queens.

I just came back from holiday and I met loads of extremely beautiful black women, both on the inside and outside, from a different culture. Black women are God's gift to humanity, I tell ya. I won't trade you lot for anything else on this planet.

However, it seems the problematic minority just tend to give the overwhelming majority a bad name.

very true! Tho its often very tempting to just bunch everyone up in one category.

With that kind of dirty drainage in front of a human beings business place what do you expect to see?

Shymm3x:


Lol, Jade, you might not be overtly aggressive - but I do believe you act passive-aggressive all the time. That's how black women are innately due to excessive testosterone.

Watch these two videos (watch the first one before going over to the second one - it's the same woman on both videos) and tell me what you think (hahahahahaha):



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_DAWf-sUhU



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKCrooEzAHE

I couldn't watch the second video hard as I tried, seems its been moved or deleted.

I can tell you not every black woman behaves the way she did in the first video, she should have waited till the interview asked her opinion before going off like a parrot. I don't come across women like her very often. I am also sure she isn't like that every other day. She must have been very upset.

Shymm3x:


But why is the average black woman always angry?

Either passively/covertly or overtly, black women are just naturally angry. Why?

most of the ones I know are not aggressive. As for those that are aggressive I take it as their temperament.

But it is wrong to say the average black woman is passively or covertly aggressive, can we also say the average nigerian man is also aggressive?
About 2 weeks back, I was with a deputy vice chancellor of one of these federal institutions in Nigeria, I was really ashamed of walking/working with him when he displayed his lack of anger management skills. One would expect that with his pedigree and exposure he would put up a better attitude in face of pressure.

My point is, anybody can lack anger management skills wether male or female, black or white. Its basically about your temperament.

Op its not a nigerian woman thing, its the inability to control temper for some people(both men and women). I've seen men belittle their wives in public places, like shut her down like she's some dumb bimbo!

People should generally learn how to address their spouses not only in public but also in private.

Op you are wrong, Maje has the gold, Toke has silver, Anita takes bronze.

Anita is the all round loser. for chrissakes how do you keep opening your legs for someone who didn't consider you wife material after 12yrs of dating.

She is just a tool all round. Fuccckbuddy and babymama, nothing more.

So in all those 12yrs she didn't find any other man who considered her worthy of being wife, that means she got no value apart from her privates.

5minsmadness:

Reference below pls¬¬¬¬

you should work for the red lingerie industry or probably victoria secret, especially in their marketing department :-P

5minsmadness:

Chill jooo

All I'm saying is men prefer hardworking women... Just as women prefer hardworking men!

You see husband getting attracted to and humping hardworking sweaty smelly ugly ekaete when his highly polished, long nailed photoshopped highly artificial beautiful wife is right next to him and u wonder why?

one of the reasons why I don't believe the red pant and bra school of tought and all that dress sexy bullshiiiiit. A man that has no control, has no damn control irrespective of how perfect the wife is.

Madam op stop making a big deal out of nothing, if he doesn't want to help then fine. You should look for a way to reduce the stress for yourself. Nobody gives best wife award. Do your best and leave the rest.

For example on the issue of fetching water, get a bigger storage and pay one of these hausa men to come fill the house for you.
Reduce the mopping of the house to only weekends.
Save money to buy a washing machine even if its the small size.
Cook large quantity of food during the weekend e.g soup, stew, moi-moi and store in the fridge.
Wash up dishes immediately after use.

What else did u say your stress was again?
You are a full time housewife, find a way to manage your time judiciously.
What if you had a job plus the kids?

Lmao at people who say forget about sex, focus on kids, work blahblahblah. Truth is, nothing can replace the urge for sex. I don't know how long you can stay without it but when u reach your threshold I know u'll find a way to satisfy yourself.

Again I think your husband has some form of sexually transmitted disease he is hiding from you. Probe him a lot more or ask that you both go to the hospital to check for the cause of his sudden zero libido. If he refuses then something is fishy, that's how they all are when they know something is wrong with them. They refuse to go with you to the hospital for checkup. Insisting they are perfectly fine. They would even turn it against you for suggesting such.

Forget all this bullshiiiiit about dressing sexy, not nagging, been clean, cooking and all that. Its men who patronise prostitutes not ghosts. A man that want to have to have sex with you will do that irrespective.

patrickdarlins:
thats almost impossible my dear....25% out of 100%...no na....so u mean she shouldnt tell the fiancee??

there is almost nothing in life is 100% certain, there is a 50% chance that we'll see tomorrow, their is also a 50% chance we won't live to see tomorrow. Do we then focus on d 50% negative? 25% is different from no chance at all.

Op you are a very lazy fellow!!!

So you want to run away from marriage so that you can be as dirty as you want to be

The doctor said 75% not 100%.

The doctor didn't say you are totally barren.
What's your problem that you just can't shut your mouth? You want to dig your grave before you are killed?

Think of the 25% chance that you are going to have a baby, stay positive!