Op tell us what you and your family did to her that makes her cuss you out.

Unless you are telling us you married a mad woman which will make it your fault.

After frustrating the hell out of the poor woman you come here to form saint!

Timbuktou:


1. Nah, I don't, I'm a sensitive husband and father, my clan will attest to that. In any case, my wife is cultured enough to broach touchy topics with temperance. Not everyone is an omo alata you know.

2. Jonathan has forfeited the right to be respected with his many misdeeds. That's been dealt with, reread my last post or show it to someone around you with a functional brain to help you understand.

3. Nope, like I said refer to my last post. He'd be fired. Seriously, I didn't find comprehension this hard in Pry 4.

4. Your husband must be a sad, frustrated, enabling under-performing man. Note, however, not everyone is a loser like him. And, please, stop comparing yourself with civilised people, it's ugly.

you are even worse than the women you are here condemning. What makes you think you are better than me, I badmouth, you badmouth. So u had to bring my husband into this? Hope you don't choke on your saliva anyway.

If everyone on this thread won't enter a hosts' kitchen without permission then who are those who 'jump' according to bukatyne into host kitchen, abi them no dey nairaland ni?

Timbuktou:
This just proves your dissonance from logic. FYI, Jonathan is an employee of the Nigerian people. He is not our father, he is not our uncle or husband. He's a freaking employee. I pay that dunce, and because I can't just fire his clueless arze I rant and curse him out to relieve my frustration at being saddled with an imbeciile who's hell-bent on pissing away my life and livelihood. Surely you musta heard of apples and oranges?!

and you think you don't frustrate you wife enough for her to bad mouth you like you bad mouth your president?

Have you ever heard the phrase respect for elders in you culture, what ever grouse you have with the president can't you point it out without calling him a dunce or clueless ass because you pay him.

So its ok, to insult your elderly gateman too because you pay him and he doesn't meet up with you expectation?

And you still wonder why you wife will cuss you out when you frustrate her and under perform?

Timbuktou:
I only stated facts. If you feel insulted it only reflects your inability to be logical and deal with reality. No amount of hissing, being quite the reptile that you are, will change the fact that you have a bad attitude and you only get away with insulting people because they choose to overlook your excesses due to whatever silly rationalisation they might have made.

Mr mannerless, I made a comment which didn't go down well with your ideology, its either you point out your opinion politely or you look past my comment rather than call mine silly. What makes you better than the women you are here condemning if my comment warranted you calling me silly? By the way, its your type that people bad mouth because you lack manner of approach.

5minsmadness:

So.
Wait.
You are now comparing goodluck to your husband?

hahahaha, Goodluck is someones husband and probably someones father yet we cuss him out without any sort of respect, why? Probably the president would be justified to throw anyone who insults him in jail, right?

craziebone:


and are there also some women who understand only the language of beating? Should we also know those we beat and those we don't?

Don't get me wrong. I get your point completely. I m only trying to say it the other way round and see if it sounds very well to the ears.

LOL, you are comparing apples to oranges. Let's me use this logic again, you have at one point or the other insulted your president but he didn't throw you in jail because there is something called freedom of speech. The punishment of beating your spouse is not commensurate with the offense. One involves the use of force which leaves the other party totally helpless. While in verbal abuse you are not totally helpless, you can easily stop yourself from listening to those words that you find offensive.

Am sure if someone like hulk hogan verbally abuses you, you would rather walk away than flex you muscles at him

Timbuktou:
Sadly, what you experience is men willing to subsidise your silliness. If they don't tolerate your bad-mouthing like you wouldn't tolerate their physicality, you'd have learned to address people with respect. "I know those that don't need me to badmouth them". And those ones will claim to be men too?

mr hypocrite if you know you can't make an argument without being insulting then you have no business on this thread criticizing other people. Mtcheeeewww! And we wonder why some women badmouth some men.

SirShymex:


But why do you have to "bad mouth" folks to get ya message across? You need to understand that men have feelings as well like other human beings, and once people feel disrespected, there are consequences. However, how every guy applies those consequences is different. I would guess that the guys you "bad mouth" to get a reaction you want are the ones who always feel the need to pander/massage chics' non-existent egos. But not every guy is like that - and a lot don't care about pandering to women cos once you look at it critically, most women don't add anything substantial to their lives. And they'll treat you the way you treat them. Evidently, you can't blame them for whatever approach they choose when reacting to impudence from the opposite sex. It's like Newton's 3rd law of motion: "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."

Also, disrespecting a guy can be suicidal sometimes cos men have bigger egos - and to a lot of guys, revenge is karma. And the urge to demand respect is always a reflex action most times. Just learn how to watch ya mouth and be respectful, cos there might be consequences. Not everyone cares about making women happy for being insolent.

let me give an example of what I mean, I have lived with guys all my life as brothers, cousins n even during nysc I was the only girl in the entire community of about 9 other guys. There are some guys that I tell you have to do this, they procastinate till thy kingdom come, until you start nagging them that's when they will do what they r supposed to do so that they can have peace of mind from my nagging.

There are others I tell please, this thing needs to be done, they say I can't do it today but I'll do it tomorrow, and when its tomorrow they stick to their words.

This isn't about ego, its about doing what you are supposed to do when you are supposed to do it without me having to chase you around or nag you.

as for guys with massive egos, If you keep annoying me then I'll ask you to chose between me annoying you right back or just nagging you.

By the way, isn't it hypocritical that we all badmouth our president, call him clueless, dumb, drunk and all sorts of unmentionable without being sent to jail yet we don't want our spouses to bad mouth us when we misbehave or under-perform?

rosety:
It's never too early to start planning. I met a customer in February last year. We finalised her plans and all and she paid me a good percentage of the bill in August. Her wedding was in November. She had a similar arrangement with all her vendors. Her wedding day was flawless. Everyone and everything was in proper place and order.

True there is a risk involved especially with the large number of unreliable or down-right fraudulent businesses in Naija but early planning reduces the last minute stresses that most brides put themselves and their families through.

imagine, starting planning in feb for a nov wedding, meanwhile my bestie here is getting married in april and she has not done anything. she doesn't even knw whr to start from. The only thing she's done is introduction, fixing a date and marriage class. Lol

Sorry to say this, there are some men who don't understand any language but bad mouth. Until you bad mouth them they won't do the right thing. There are also some that just need u to point things out to them logically and clearly and that's all. I have learnt to differentiate between the 2 of categories of men. I know those I nag and I know those that don't need me to nag or badmouth them before they do the right thing.

1. No, I don't enter other people's kitchen unless they invite me to.

2. I would not mind if I woke up to find my guest in my kitchen. I would only ask if she/he needs my assistance with anything.

The only sanctuary I have is my bedroom. I don't allow anyone in unless you are family.

mutter:


I am a woman! Honestly I can`t understand why it has suddenly become an issue here on Nairaland.

lol, its not only a nairaland issue, its a national issue

mutter:
For you to come here and ask this question you obviously are not comfortable with the situation.

The home belongs to both you and your husband.
The girl was there indirectly on the invitation of your husband.
If you respected your husbands friend you would not have abused the girl.
If you respected your husband enough, you would not have abused the friend by abusing the girl.

So now you see that mentioning you have a baby - interprets- He had the nerve to bring a girl into a decent house.
Mentioning she did not greet - means you expected her to show you respect.. Which is also okay.

But you could have acted matured. When two people come in together you greet them together. I just don`t understand how you greeted one and then there was this gap in time before greeting the other person to even look at her face. She might have seen the look on your face and reacted that way. Without knowing it your face might have betrayed you.

If she was preparing eggs, she just wanted to help by preparing food for everyone. It is very possible that the friend asked her to do so feeling he was close to your husband. Maybe they wanted to make up for the cold entrance the night before. However you were not patient enough to find out. The truth is that if you had hit it of with her the day before you would have thanked her for helping, even if you found it odd.

For you to insult her was absolutely wrong. You should have ignored it and played the friendly hostess. If you could not ignore, you should have spoken to your to your husband. It was his duty to clear the issue since they came to the house through him. Likewise should be the case if you bring someone to the home who does something that upsets him.

You got to understand the girl was just his bedmate but to the girl she was his everything

This is such a nasty comment!
This is clearly a girl that wants to get married. You now insult a fellow woman this way! Bringing us women down!
Anyway if she wants a serious relationship she needed to have been on her best behavior, but this tread is about you and not her.

Finally you made peace with your husband but that is not the end. Forgiven is not forgotten and one day he will remind you of this. Especially considering you did not apologize to the girl.
That apology to the girl is not because she did not deserve the insult. That apology is for insulting your husband`s guest.
If you were working in a hotel for a salary would you insult a rude guest!
Why then in your home that is more precious would you insult your husbands guest.

What happens when and if the man marries the girl?
That means the relationship between two friends would be strained because of the silly misunderstanding.
So my advice to you is to apologize the next time you see the girl. Invite them over for diner or find a way of arranging the meeting. Your husband will respect you the more for it.

You have opened the PANDORA`S BOX- Just wait and see what comes out of this reaction. Whenever you have visitors in the future you might find your husband a changed man .

mutter, I showed my elder brothers some of your comments and they swore that you are a man disguising as a woman. Is that true?

A good start will be TV and radio adverts by all your nasfat organisations like the one on child trafficking, prostitution, vaccination, driving safely.

Have a TV advert dissociating your religion from boko haram stating islamic verses that support peace. Advice them against joining boko haram in the hopes that they will get aljana or what you call it.
Post security phones numbers to report to incase they have any information as regards boko haram activities.

Let this also be in hausa language on the bbc hausa station. Hausas listen to news too, I see them everywhr with the small transistors radio.

This single act will change the mindset of not only christians and southerners towards the religion and it will serve as a deterrent to all the uneducated who might be decieved by boko haram into joining their unholy activities.

Do you agree with me??

Sameera025 I like the way you are very calm in answering the questions.

Like you said, when you first came into nigeria both the christians and southerners welcomed you with both arms, you felt comfortable practicing your religion Until boko haram started committing crimes in the name of Islam.

Now the christians don't want to have anything to do with you, same with southerners. Would you blame them? No! Will you succeed in your attempt to make them not see you in the light of your islamic brothers who have turned terrorists? I think not.

My advice to you;
It is easier to attack a problem from the root cause and not from the result. The root cause of this problem is violence in the name of your religion and the result is hatred against the rest of you.

These groups are springing up in leaps n bounds everyday because the majority are not condemning it openly.

Killing of muslims in another country sparked a riot from muslims here in nigeria. Why do these same muslims who were protesting not protest when boko haram started killing christians early 2007 before they turned on every other person?

Even now why do these islamic nations not stage something like a crusade, a rally worldwide to condemn all these terrorist groups? Why the dead silence from them.

In some countries a muslim that converts to another religion faces a death sentence as is seen in the sudanese woman who was eventually rescued by international organisations. Does this act signify peace?

lilmaxfidel:
Tgirl4real, RoyalRoy?

. You will grow old. Unless you are bashing nigerian female folks or advising the female folk to be subservient your thread ain't going to smell frontpage. But just incase it gets to frontpage lemme drop my own comment;

Nice piece especially when both spouses are committed to doing all these, if its just one party doing all these, you are on a long thing cos it won't take long for the sacrificing one to feel frustrated and resentful, before you know the marriage comes crashing down like a pack of badly arranged cards

Abeg op na which african men u dey talk about. Is it not the one we read on nairaland who patronize prostitutes, turn their wives to punching bag, do not take full responsibility for their family, expecting their wives to share bills with dem 50:50, take care of domestic chores 100percent n still treat them like a god. Which ones r open to learning? These one with overbloated egos who want their asss kissed all the time. Op all these lies you are telling, chai!!!! Diaris godoooo!!!

Finally I can see some reasonable nairaland guys. Let me return to my default setting. By the way, cheating is never a mistake, u don't just go walking on the road then u slip and fall into a diick or a pussssy. Its a choice, a decision you made. Once a cheat may not always be a cheat, but 99.9% of the time once a cheat, always a cheat!

Back in the days when most nairaland men had sense. Now the majority is high on horseshiit. Only a minority got sense

Some nairaland guys are foolish sha!!! The Op has no self control yet you blame his girlfriend. When will you guys start taking responsibility for you stupid actions and inactions? When?? Always looking for a female to blame. SMH

Edigrows:


She should agree sex if d man threatens her job? Will u advice ur younger blood sister to do such pls? Do U have conscience? Do U know only the truth is wat can set ppl free? God isn't involved in this just common sense. Ladies should sometimes think like a man.

mr man don't quote me, and I believe those questions are for your brothers on the first and second page who were advising her to sleep with the man and even blaming her for not giving the man what he wanted. I only resonated their ideas. Thank you!

You see the bloody nairaland men advising you to sleep with the man, mark them! Its the same men who will whine about how no good girls in nigerian, how every naija girl is a runs girl, how you could get any girl in ur bed with a plate of indomie n all that shiit!


My advice to you, meet him in an open place and try to make him see reasons why you can't sleep with him. If he refuses and threatens your job, my dear be smart and sleep with him.
You won't get any trophy for losing your job rather its this same naija men that will insult you.

In the end they will still be the ones to marry the recycled runsgirl. Take care and have a good life!!!

Guys please chill! What do you expect me to tell her? To divorce him? She's the one who will lose, To talk to him? like she hasn't been talking all these years, to pray for him? Like we know how many sleepless praying nights she has had, to manage him like that? Like you know how frustrating an unsatisfying sex life can be. Madam, the easiest and safest option is to cheat discreetly, that way you can still keep your marriage and your sanity. Mind you, be very discreet and careful. You'll find a few women around who can refer a gigolo to you.

N.B: I know most of you that are forming sanctimonious on her case are the ones on the married men patronizing prostitutes thread supporting it so please, spare me!!! This is 2015.

Many of you men would do worse if it were you going through this.

my dear just cheat on him. Make sure you are really discreet about it and still give attention to your marriage. You can't live life constantly being starved of sex. Have a side guy Wishing you the best.




MODIFIED
For those of you who felt the righteous indignation to call me out with insults while foaming in the mouth, your brothers are on the "married men patronize prostitutes thread" waiting for you. Go and join them in celebrating their uncouth perversion or better still channel your grieve in setting them straight not me.
Bloody hypocritical fooooooools forming saints on nigerian girls

This is how women train liabilities for other people's daughters to marry, thk God myself and my brothers are not kitchen lazy and every one cleans up his or her own mess. Even my man's 70-something year old father cooks and takes care of himself when is wife goes for omuguo, how much more his own sons.

Cococandy I agree with you. I am so looking forward to the day when this will become reality not just an idea

lrguru:
o' u guys are the brazilian wearin babes, and lips pouting chicks...lol. No mind me o. U are beautiful. Been a while I entered UNIBEN last sha.

I don't use fake weaves and I hate the pouted lips and bent neck pose, call me old fashioned.

lrguru:
bros, I de try o, but I will definitely settle down this comin year, Amen. I got lotta fine babes sha, but the one I take seriously, her attitude pass lion o! Anytime we quarrel, I always hide my certificates and valuable docx from her make she no go tear dem. She's far more beautiful than Agbani, but guy, no be fine I go chop o!... I don't want one woman to stab me at night when I'm asleep, cos me don fear her reach that level o. Been strategizin methods to kawai, but she keeps beggin and wasting my time. No be small thing I don see o

I actually laughed out loud at this!!!

lrguru:
o' ok. So what year did u graduate?

2010/2011

lrguru:
abeg, am not as old as ur mom o! I graduated 2005/2006

lol, I knw u r nt as old as my mum, am just saying.