₦airaland Forum

SirShymexx:
I'd go for my pretty low born Ijebu chic I can relate to easily, than go tag myself with folks that will control me. If you know, you'd know that I'm independent minded and I like being in control all the time, and I've been like that since my teenage years - hence I moved out of my parents' house quite early. I don't care about people's money. I stay grafting getting my own money, like I've been doing all my life. I prefer chics that will let me be in control and take charge, that's why I'd rather remain single and do my own thing than marry up.

Err, those men coming for you at 19 are the typical men who're looking to marry down cos they believe you'd let them take charge and be in control. That's just how men are wired.

what if dangote's daughter would allow you be in control while the ijebu girl eventually turns out a monster?
Maybe women chose to marry up because that is what the men want in the actual sense even when you complain about.
I know this question might be a little off topic but Why do you feel the need to be in control all the time?

raumdeuter:
I agree with what you posted I am just trying to ask Jadelyn007 why she would like every other woman out there seek men who are older, bigger, taller, richer stronger and possibly more educated and succesful than her

you should understand that being older, taller, richer, stronger or better educated doesn't make you a better man. Trust me, anyone can be all of that and even more, so?
It's not always about the package, The content is more important.
You should be able to love me more than anyone else, that's one of the 2 things I consider paramount.

raumdeuter:
WHen you were 19 would you date another 19yr old boy?

Girls normally pride themselves in saying they can never date their mates and brag about dating older men

Its a natural instinct for female to desire a partner older, richer, taller, stronger and better educated than them

when I was 19, marriage was the last thing on my mind. Trust me all those requirements you listed don't mean nothing to me, I just want to be with someone who loves me and loves God, we'll maybe a little richer too (we could use some extra dough around here . But I don't really care about those stuff. I pay my bills and I do my things my self,maybe I'm not wired like the average female then. Girls at 19 brag that they can't date their mates because their mates at that age are very immature, not because of finances. nobody wants to babysit nobody. I have never seen a 30yr old lady who would not want to be with a fellow 30yr old man

Live like you don't have a dad, no hatred, no expectations just pure indifference. Trust me you'll fare better.

Shymexx tell me if you had a choice between a pretty low born ijebu girl and dangote's daughter, which would you choose?
Everyone wants to marry up, because it affords you better opportunities in life and it puts you on a higher pedestal.
Another thing you should consider is that men usually go for younger girls who are yet to establish themselves financially.
A 35yr old spinster or bachelor will most likely marry down.
I had men coming for me since I was 19. Financially established men, would you have expected me to have anything apart from my educational certificate then?

When men start going for their mates age wise then people are more likely to marry within their ranks

But science says they are the real monkeys!!

This woman is an idiot, why are you investing too much emotions into this man! Why all these sermons, you better sit there and enjoy your life. You owe no one no explanation unless you want to be Married to a broke cheat instead.
When a woman like this tells me she can't leave her unfaithful spouse I totally get it,
But when a woman married to a broke or average ass man who cheats on her and beats her refuses to move, it's totally STUPID and I don't just get it!

EgunMogaji:
Been there, done that, have the divorce papers

I'm married now to my young traditional Ibadan sweetheart.

funny thing is all my guys plan on divorcing once they are ready to move back to Nigeria.
Please enjoy your new found freedom. Wishing you an amazing married life with your new bride

EgunMogaji:
My padi, your eye go soon clear

my friends who are married here, do stuff for their wives that they wouldn't do in Nigeria. Cooking cleaning and stuff, even sometimes babysitting when they are not going to work.
Meanwhile these wives/girls are 80% dependent on the guys. Please get your ass off and marry a white girl so that you'll be a houseboy by the day and IndecentStar at night. Mtcheeeew!

babilicious:
you are describing the qualities of a lady you once dated...guess the relationship went sour and you really had a bitter experience with her and still trying to recover from it that's why you wrote this unarticulated write-up. Please try dating foreign ladies then you will understand why Nigerian men who reside outside the country still rush back to Nigeria to marry our ladies once they are ready to settle down..."Please next topic"

don't mind the foolish boys on this thread, they have never even been to Ghana yet they are chanting #teamforeigngirls. The average Nigerian guy living in the western world will always come back to Nigeria to get married because they realize no white lady will take their Bullshit and clean up after their ass as much as the black lady. The worst part of it is, white women use makeup more. Op should try living with them to know how they look like when they are not using all their mascara and stuff. They have perfected the act of makeup so much you would think they were born with it. Laminated lashes, laser shaped eyebrow and stuff.

RollingFellas:
You are viewing the OP's predicament from a quick-fix angle. The OP is saying that her hubby is not making much effort as a man to put food on the table! Economy carving out roles for everyone is just figurative and relative. Its good for a wife to help when the chips are down for the husband but its not for the husband to take full advantage of it and become lazy thereby relinquishing his role to the wife. Even in the developed countries, husbands are natural breadwinners irrespective of how much the wife makes per month.
Pray that you do not find yourself living with a husband that's lazy and not bringing any income home. Its better to imagine it than experience it.

not in all countries are men breadwinners. Now that the op has found herself living with a man who doesn't have an income, what do you want her to do that she has not already done and that won't bring disastrous consequences in the nearest future? She has nagged, talked harshly/quietly, prayed, tried to help, what else do you want her to do? Not everybody likes being reported to Tom and Harry. It might make him even more stiffnecked.
Sometimes people learn better alone. Op should leave her husband alone. If there is no food pack your load to his parents house, if they ask you why you are there tell them you are hungry. No need for long explanations. Stay there till you are good enough to leave.

obowunmi:
You are a WICKED person.

May God answer your prayers over your life and give you a jobless, lazy man as a husband. May your entire generations and your daughters be blessed with lazy and weak men who will never work in their lives.

you are an idiot! I won't even bother having a civilized conversation with you because this topic is way above your head,gtfoh!

Awesome1234:
I can understand where you are coming from. I live in your scenario everyday with my parents. I have vowed not to do same when I get married. Hence I have told my fiance I can support and not carry his load and I have been able to stick to that. I will suggest you fold your hands and not bother , don't nag don't complain just keep looking like he is doing presently. When the meal in your house gets finish I will suggest you pack a weekend bag and go spend some time with your parents . He will sit up when he is hungry and please do not send him money while you are with your peeps. He will look for menial jobs to feed , And before you know it he will also save for your baby. You need to show him tough love without saying a word.

Women like you are just too strong . I love my mum too and I know you are just like her (paying all bills and supporting all her kids dreams). Please try and take a break from your responsibilities, it will help your husband Man up, stop having his back always . It will help him grow.

at least someone is reasoning without being sentimental.
I remember when I had my younger brother living with me, I'd tell him to stop some things but he wouldn't listen. We were constantly on each other's necks until I decided to leave him alone. Today he has learned his lessons from his own mistakes even more than I would have taught him. Getting into trouble a few times was enough to set him straight. Now he asks for my opinion before taking some decisions

WorriedGal:
I think you're getting me all wrong. If i was feeding myself alone, my account will still be fat and enough to cater for me. But i've been catering for two mouths. If i was single, i won't lack. So yes, if i wasn't married i will pick MY OWN bills, not bills of two persons. Now its not just me and him, but me, him and the baby
I had my finances all planned out but exhausted everything when complications arose in my pregnancy.
Before i stopped working, my account was filled up. Would you sincerely advise me to still keep working despite my situation and fold my hands and watch my own husband do nothing? Is that honestly fair?
If i don't address the issue now, when will i?
I've never been a lazy person. It took me a lot to stop working. I've never fought with him or quarreled with him over the issue. I only call him and we talk about it seriously, but yet no effort from him.
This is not a case of he's jobless, he doesn't want to work for anyone and is placing all his hopes on his projects. The question should be directed to him. If he was single, won't he go out to hustle and feed? Its just frustrating.
That is why i came here to seek opinions for a solution

I didn't say you are lazy, I am only telling you the easiest way to solve your problem. Stop worrying. If you get uncomfortable go to your parents house, or his parents house till you are back on your feet. He will feed himself won't he. Life is not as complicated as we see it.
You have been talking for months yet no change, even with your pregnancy nothing. What next? Will you fight him? Or keep malice or nag, what exactly do you want to tell him that he has not heard before?

RollingFellas:
Are you married? With all due respect, do you understand what it means for a wife to be the breadwinner of the family?....Nature has already carved out roles for husbands and wives to maintain a balance.

Economy has carved out a different role for everyone. Moreover society has evolved much.

eyinjuege:
She said in her write-up that due to some complications in pregnancy, she can't work for now.

If she were still unmarried and broke, she would have probably being free loading at her parents by now without batting an eyelid, but she's married and having to explain can be embarrassing.

Oh well, she may have no choice now.

her pregnancy is already complicated and she is worrying herself over house rentage.
She can move to her parents house or his parents house if she's uncomfortable, hungry or something till she has her baby and can work again.
Fighting him won't solve anything rather it will cause unnecessary rifts between them. What if he died while she was pregnant? Won't she survive?
My point is stop worrying too much. Just live each day as it comes. If she continues like this she might end up aging twice as fast not even because of work stress but due to worrying endlessly about tomorrow.

Why is it a big deal that your man must be the one financially responsible for the home? If you can pick the bills then do it, life is too short to argue over who should do what. Like you said, he's an amazing man in every other aspect, so cut him some slack please. What if you were not married, will you not pick your own bills?
Plan your finances, cut all extra costs you cant afford.
Get a job for yourself, there are single pregnant mothers out there who are able to making a living for themselves.
Do same for yourself and don't give yourself high blood pressure!

EggovinMma:
it may interest you to know he is a divorced man.

He is yet to remarry

so why is he hating on women? Instead of learning from his mistakes.

ladygogo:
Smiling to the bank? Not Caroline Danjuma.

why do you feel so? He's rich and she has 3kids for him.

Who told you the women have not moved on? They are probably smiling to the bank as we speak. Time to get their Grove on with that hot young blood they've been eyeing, no one wants to be tied to a potbellied man for the rest of their lives.
Even in the olden days you find women who were married as many as 4 times, how much more in today's modern day, look at Ibinabo the former President of AGN, She's been married thrice. More reason why women should take care of their looks after marriage, not because of a man, but for their own sake. Don't let no man stress you into looking like his mother

Funny how these polygamy preachers pull out old testament scriptures to support their ideas yet they believe making animal sacrifice is no longer needed.

Toks2008:
LOBATAN...No need to quote since you don talk say old testament no be part of bible.

I am sure you still sacrifice goats and pigeons to cleanse yourself of sins since the old testament prescribes it. No??

Toks2008:
Its even lesser than 5%.

Very soon,it will likely be a global law that every man can marry at least 2wives.

O si n rin yin..ladies better wake up...and learn how to focus on your life and that of your children after marriage and let the man be.

with this your funny ideas, why do you think any female should be Married? Since you men have somehow managed to wriggle out of financial responsibility, physical responsibility and are trying to wriggle out of emotional responsibility now

Toks2008:
The bible is not against polygamy either and that is the point...

If Quran supports it and the bible is not against it then why are ladies killing themselves over their hubby being with another lady?

Fornication and adultery are sins but marrying many wives is ok so would a lady agree to polygamy..?

Ladies are the ones causing this problem...they say they hate polygamy yet will gladly date a married man and even agree to marry him.

where In the new testament is Polygamy endorsed and where in the entire Bible is adultery endorsed? Please don't quote the old testament to support Polygamy as long as we no longer offer animal sacrifices for atonement of sins, Polygamy doesn't stand. Even apostle Paul said He(God) who made them in the beginning made them male and female.

Toks2008:
Omase o

Eyin ladies yiii..e mo nada.

Preach to guys to remain faithful lol...

If you are dating a guy who is not a believer in christ lety alone holy spirit filled abeg start rehersals on how to cope with an adulterous hubby.

Ironically even many spiricoco pastors cheat on their wives.

This is a hard pill ladies must swallow...if you find yourself with a faithful man ..kudos and if otherwise abeg the options are there.

Polygamy is not a taboo and no woman can stop a man who wants to tow that line..its even amazing that bigamy is no longer a crime in lagos even for a legally married man.

Sorry ladies,this is no time for sermon but facts.

If you can be faithful for 12yrs in a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, why is staying faithful in a marriage impossible for you?
Polygamy is different from adultery. Even in Islam and traditional cultures that accept Polygamy, adultery is an offense. If you want to practice Polygamy practice it. The Bible never supports neither Polygamy or adultery.

Toks2008:
You have been faithful for 5yrs? wow you try..na im be say i surppose dey hall of fame cos i was faithful for 12 good yrs and i will still remain faithful to my new lady regardless of the fact that most ladies are not worth it.

I stay faithful not because of yeye love but because i am an ambassador of christ on earth.

But will i rather come online to fool ladies who wants to be fooled anyways or lie to them because they love lies?

If my threads make you uncomfortable as a lady please stop reading them cos i wont stop writing facts whether it gets you mad or not.

instead of preaching condoning cheating why not preach that ladies possess good traits worthy of ambassadors of christ on earth and How to recognize these men who are also ambassadors? Why not teach men self control rather than teach women to condone evil?

Foolish woman, you know you came for the money, even the man knows you came for the money, why the foolishness of fighting mistresses? And giving birth to as many as 3 kids?
She is not smart at all! If it were me I'm not going anywhere until I have accumulated stacks of dollars and multimillion investments

Toks2008:
lol...you are so funny dear.

If only you know....

Anyways its a good thing that as long as nland tarries,my threads will always be there as reference point.

We live in a cruel world of men and only the wise women understand this but the foolish still live in their dreams.

Continue dearie..whatever rocks your boat.

Look at you, so because we live in a cruel world of men, you would rather perpetrate more cruelty than endorse more humanity. Typical Nigerian, very religious but often times very hypocritical. Didn't your Bible say do unto others as you would like it be done unto you? Why feed people Bullshit if you won't eat from same pot?

cococandy:
Only on nairaland are they 100% bread winners.
We know what happens outside of it.

A great majority of us didn't have dependent mothers. I don't know where their statistics are from.

I tell you! Which man on nairaland can swear that his wife has not contributed a dime financially to their family? In fact, even wedding ceremonies these days are jointly sponsored with even some ladies being the 80% sponsor of their wedding.

cococandy:

You people will not kill someone on nairaland.

I swear, I always conveniently overlooked his stupid threads and inwardly pity for the youths that would follow him blindly until I saw this thread advising married people and calling himself a counselor. There is nothing we won't see on nairaland, even jambites are marriage counselors here

hedonistic:
Don't mind these deceitful things. It irritates the hell out of me when they pick and choose the grounds for gender equality... Only when it suits them. You want to be equal with me in philandering, but when it comes to paying the bills and spending I must take the lead as a man since thats the 'normal' thing. On the rare occasion when she supports with money, then she would do it with so much reluctance and regret because it's abnormal, . Nonsense people.

mumu, you are the one that is deceitful for conveniently blindfolding yourself from seeing all the women working in public parastatals, even those traders, are they not women, are they not paying bills for their homes? The fact that they don't brag about it just to massage you men's ego doesn't mean that a majority of them are not the ones funding their homes.
How many 'MEN' in Nigeria can boast of being the 100% sole provider in their homes?

Toks2008:
If only it is possible not to have teenagers and ladies who have no clueof what marriage ia all about comment on this thread.

Most comments i have seen so far are from ladies who are still living in fantasy.

This is a realistic thread and how i wish even after these ladies with wild adrenaline make their odoriferous remarks, they end up answering the questions i asked..WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF FACED WITH SUCH SITUATION?Period.

If you like curse me from here to the skies,it does not change the fact on ground that most guys cheat on their wives and even if i preach from now till kingdom comes,it will not chnage the polygamous nature of men so start living with this fact or dont bother getting married.

you have been so stuck up in your misogynistic world you didn't even realize that 50 percent of the female replies you got on this thread are from married women, cococandy is married, so is kachisbarbie and others. Do me a favor, stick to the boyfriend and girlfriend topics you are used to. You are not even married yet you are advising married people, who even dash you counselor role, or you think counseling is by settling Iya ramotu and baba saheed fight? Did you study guidance and counseling or psychology in school. All these cut and nail self acclaimed counselor, you are the problem with Nigeria.