This is Toks
Toks is a misogynistic pig
Toks is a hypocrite who can't eat same shit he wants to dole out to others
Toks is a stupid boy
Do not be like Toks

That said, I can swear I get hot feelings too each time I meet some guys with hot bodies and those amazing blue eyes, I fantasize about screwing some of these men, and some times I joke about it with my man.
As much as my body has these urges, I do not act on them because I am a human not an animal with no self control.

I find it utterly stupid therefore for a man to excuse cheating. Nobody enjoys screwing the same thing, same size, same skin texture, same muscle, same moaning sounds and all that shit. No body likes eating same food everyday, we all like variety with everything in life. Even women fantasize and some times they get opportunities to actualize these fantasies but they chose not to

What if the person that was snatched was not happy in the previous relationship?

donbenedict:
those ladies who wana marry a rich man, nw here is your story.....


let me speak sense into u ladies who r single, dont get married to just any husband buh get married to a human being... a human being has feelings and a conscience.

end of story!!!! Marry a human being

haychPee:
That I don't know...but I think you may face immigration wahala if it exceeds the normal luggage you can travel with. May be someone can help here.

will d wahala be excess luggage or bringing in too much leather?

haychPee:

I have used st.Patrick to bring in some shoes to the country before.

I am bringing it in myself when I visit naija. What I don't know is if immigration will allow it. Never tried it this large quantity before for commercial purposes

Please how do I bring shoes into the country? Is there any immigration ban when bringing in a large quantity?

Please how can I bring in a large quantity of shoes into the country? Someone told me you cant bring more than 5 pieces of leather at a time into Nigeria, how true is this?

Chai!!! These kids are a disgrace to naija. Imagine, they can't even construct simple sentences.

Going to the architecture section would have been more appropriate and you would have saved yourself the stress.

Anyway, my 2cent advice is that you build 2 different flats in one compound or a fully detached duplex with a large common sitting room. Each apartment should have its own small sitting room, kitchen and all the usual stuff. You should also have you own private living area cos you might want to be alone sometimes seeing that living with 2 wives can be frustrating sometimes.

pretydiva:
All these celebs sef..wey tin dey d dubai wey nor dey naija ..

a lot! To think that dubai was built out of a desert is even more intriguing!

This government tho, last year my mum was paid 13 months salary, this year they are still owing two months. Nonsense government!

Adaeze003:


Lol... I knew she was gon come at me...

Smh...

smh for you, stop acting like a fool. If you don't have any reasonable advice to give then shut up and learn quietly!

Adaeze003:


You sha have allota cousins... they all married at 21... all have a kid and a maid...

I only gave 2 instances of cousins who married very early before their university education and yes I have lots of cousins and it's a close knit extended family. Do you have a problem with comprehension or a problem with my post? Which one?

favoured234:


My cousin (an only child) got pregnant at 21YO in 200L she came home to her deeper life parents and said the guy (28 YO) wanted to marry her.
(IMO the guy was not prepared for marriage, I would have just allowed the guy do introduction and let them wait for a while...)
Her family took care of almost all of the financial responsibility when it came to the wedding.
She gave birth to a bouncing baby boy through CS, She still lives with her parents and goes to school from home, her father does school runs for her while her mother baby sits.
On the son's first birthday, she was already heavily pregnant for the second...
My heart bleeds whenever I think of the stress she would be going through.. BTW the husband is in a different city..

IMO OP should wait for some time

op said her man has a job even tho he can't be said to be rich, he would be on the scale of average. Hers is different and waiting 1 whole year like she said is enough. As long as the guy has a job. If only your cousins husband had a job that would put him on an average financial scale and they put child bearing on hold after the first child it would have worked.

favoured234:


There is a very lean chance that parents would object to their 20 YO daughter getting married to a man like her husband. That man "knows his onions" and it would have been very easy to convince her parents
The husband knew what he was going into and planned for it.
With all the support and sometimes scolding from darling MIL, why will she fail?

If you see the clone of her husband ask him to come marry my daughter at 19.... I will gladly say yes, Keeping in mind that his like is rare..

lol. That's just one of my cousin who was lucky to find a man who is rich, even the one that married an average guy is still enjoying her marriage because the man will rather die than see his wife unhappy. I can swear by my life not because of what I am told but because of what I've observed the countless times I've been thr. He is not rich but he will never break a promise. Sometimes I wonder how he copes with paying fees for a wife, a kid and a maid. That is why I feel if op decides to go ahead with the idea she should try to be the best wife she can be and also be appreciative, it might not be rosy financially all the time but if she's understanding they'll work it out together. For crying out loud she already has a tertiary education, NCE. it's not like she's a jambite.

byvan03:




Waiting to be a graduate and bag a job is no excuse in my opinion, you can still be a wife, a graduate, a mother if you want and still bag same job. I believe the man isn't a child, he saw matured working spinsters before he fell for an undergraduate. I also believe he is braced for the challenges ahead, once they are determined to make it work, it will work . Education first or marriage first guarantees nothing, isn't it better to take both on board if you are convinced you are with your man?

As a matter of fact, the younger you are married, the more time you will have in your hands to become whatever you want to be. At 30 your kids should be in primary school and you still have plenty time to do more with your life. You will enjoy early marriage with the right guy, nothing beats growing into maturity and building lots of youthful fond memories.

gbam! Exactly! My cousin got married at 20 in year 1, she would leave her kids with her very sweet mother in-law who was a retired headmistress and her very supportive husband who bought her a car to make her commuting from home to school easy, she also had a maid. She ended up graduating with a first class degree. That is just one of the other family members who it worked for.
There is no rush and at the same time it is not to early

byvan03:
If you feel you are ready , take the leap. I took this decision years back and am glad I did . if you aren't a very determined individual , you might have to think it through again . I had my kids in between schooling and service , ofcourse I spent only 4yrs in school . i don't know where people see this loser young married ladies scenerio they project here.
I am surrounded by go getters that married pretty early and juggling all the balls that counts . the youngest professor in my department was a woman who married at 19 . she was my HOD in school . My closest colleague at work is only 31 , she is on her PhD now, her last child is 7. I have so many people I know that didn't fit into this ridiculous scenerios posed here .
The older women that got married at 30 with supposedly lots of money , did they all make a happy home? If you are sure of this man , not because he gives you gifts but because you see a good heart in him , convince your parents . I don't see why I will wait for tomorrow what I can do today .
Child care can be mind blowing when you are without help and schooling , it surely blew my mind and i blew it right back . I can't talk enough on the spousal support I got , he was hands on .
Just be sure of this guy, good luck . A good marriage is a blessing not a curse, age = numbers . Trust me if you know what you are doing, you wont be needing advice from older women because a lot of them have an unbelievable notion of marriage . Make sure you are dealing with a mentally matured individual please .

finally someone agrees with me. From experience once the man is supportive and keeps to his words then they will be able to make it work together. I've seen it work time without number when both parties put their backs to it.

romance007:
Thanks again for all your responses. Well appreciated.
Actually we have planned on delaying childbirth till we are settled in the marriage so we can plan better on the possibility of managing a child once we have a real feel of how marriage and studies is. Also, i make cakes and do braids but have made little income from that since its mostly family and friends requests. He has also been assisting me in school though my parents pay most of the bills. Ive known hiim for two years now and i believe he understands his responsibilities.

Infact, he made me open a special savings acct sometimes back where he plans on saving money for my studies once i step into his house. Within 7 months, he droped 60k but i depreciated it to 40k on his own accord. We are thinking of marrying the later part of next year and he still plans to continue saving into that acct. He told me that some 80% of whatever we grabs from our wedding reception (naija style fund raising ) will be sent to the same acct. That he wants a situation where the money will build up so that i could start a mini biz that will not take much of my time and that can support my schooling when he's broke. I hav also not let my emotions becloud my reasoning too much but i believe he wil make a good hubby. Oh God, help me not to shoot myself in the foot. Am not being stubborn not to listen to your opinions ohh. Just wanting to sample lots of opinions.
Onegai, cococandy, jadelyn007

you sound very intelligent, but do you know that people break promises? How about if he sets up the business now so that by the end of next year u would have saved a reasonable amount so that you can also support him. I don't know how that's going to work anyway cos family members who got married while in school never worked so it's going to be much harder for you but I believe you can handle it if you plan well. Good luck

Why is everyone saying the op is too young at 21 to be married? And why is it an impossibility to get married and go to school at the same time? My parents did it, a lot of my female relatives have done it and it worked for them, one even graduated with first class.

Op if you have tought about this carefully and wisely and you still feel that is what you should do, convince your parents to let you get married and show them why you feel you are ready to me married. Your husband should also be able to prove to them that he can take care of you and support you all through.

It is better to be married than to burn, so says the Bible.

By the way for how long have you known him and how long have you been dating?
Have you sat down with him to discuss how he plans on combining the cost of running a household and also financing your education?

Jahblessme:
@OP,
Unfortunately,chances that your husband will ever get off his butt and get hustling is 2/10. If he were enterprising,you wouldn't be this aggrieved because youd see he's making an effort.Many go out there and get their hands dirty even if it brings in 10k. The fact that he's not making an effort should give you a clue.Many people in your situation,10 years,20 years no change.

Just get used to the idea that you will most likely be the breadwinner forever.If possible update your skills and get a better job.I say this for the sake of your kids cos as they get older,the cost of caring for them will increase.

This may sound crazy to you but maybe he has to take on the role of househusband if you are open to it.He can clean the house,cook,care for the kids,prepare them for school etc while you go out to hustle just same as a stay at home mom..This may work better for you both cos at least you will be getting all the help you need with the home and maybe it will alleviate some of the stress and anger you feel.You should discuss it with him and find out what he thinks about it.Many families do this especially when the woman is a higher earner and the childcare costs are too high meaning that one partner has to stay and man the home front.

Good Luck!

my thoughts exactly, quit nagging, starving him and reporting and change to plan B. Let him hold the fort at home while you bring in the money since it seems u r more enterprising. I don't believe he is an entirely good for nothing man.

Op you don't have to Divorce your husband because of him not providing if he is doing well in other areas of the family. Reach an arrangement with him to take care of the home front while you look for a better job to take care of the family since he doesn't want to get a job.
Just as long as he doesn't stay idle.
Just stop nagging him, that's not the worst that can happen to the marriage.
Rather than attack him, sit with him and plan together. Draw a realistic plan of what you both want to achieve and how to reach your goal. If he can do freelance jobs online, good for both of you.
Please stop worrying about this and making things difficult for yourself. Do your best and leave the rest.

Tell the landlady n also warn her not to reveal that you told her. Just arrange for them to get caught so they won't suspect it's you.
You roommate is an idiot, same with the landlord.

.......

Please can anyone give me a link to download the instrumental for timi dakolo's IYAWO MI.

Yes, it is very necessary that more women are 'PUSHED' into STEM fields. So many ladies have been told they can't do one thing or the other because they are female, you don't want to chase prospective suitors away and all that nonsense right from when they were kids. Let me give 2 instances to buttress my point.

1.when I was in secondary school, I had this close classmate, we were like 13yrs old. One day we were talking about what we wanted to be and what we wanted to do after university. I told her I wanted to buy a car and build a house, she asked what about getting married, I told her I was sure going to get married.
She replied "ha, Jade! Don't you know if you have those things no man will want to marry you? I said so what if I can afford it and I need it? She said It's best you don't get those things cos it scares men away.
Obviously she had been trained to believe that dulling her shine is what will get her a husband. This is the kind of training a lot of girls get in Nigeria.

2. In my last class at secondary school our male physics teacher was asking what we wanted to study in the University, when I told him MINE, He said you are a very intelligent little girl but why don't you go for something like(went on to suggest some courses he considered feminine) his reason was that It will allow me have more time to take care of my family when I get married because I am a lady.

That said, There is something called CLASSICAL CONDITIONING in psychology and this is why most females tend towards non-stem courses even unconsciously because the notion that ladies should do ladylike course is already in their subconscious mind.

If you like hit your head against a rock, feminism is here to stay There ain't no darn thang you can do about!

ApexTitan:


Oh my. Madam examiner you are trying to be too smart by half.

I want to prove that there are no Asians in Africa so I tell a resident of Kano to go out on his street and ask the first 20 people he sees if they are Asians. He may never meet a single Asian on his street, or in his stay in Kano for decades for that matter, yet that proves nothing.

That's the exact same intellectual acrobatics you are trying to pull here.

The rape cases reported on Nairaland are obvious cases where we can all discount provocative or target dressing. Why? Because the victims are usually sexually immature or minors. You were furnished with two simple scenarios earlier to prove whether target dressing influenced rape or not but you skidded over them in favour of this clearly flawed test.

So for the sake of lucidity present data of rape cases where the motive of the rapist is clearly known to be sexual gratification then strain to see whether the rapist was uninfluenced by slutty dressing.

That's sciency enough right?

While we are testing hypothesis and what-nots, pray answer me this: Why would any (sane) woman take it upon herself to dress non-provocatively if she is compelled to enter an area that is a known den of criminals? What informs her choice to give off the least amount of sexual cues with her dressing in that scenario?

I am done arguing if you cannot carry out that simple research, I am beyond blind arguments. Thanks for your time.

njokusboy:


Lol see ehn, am not in no mood to handle you, you guys bore me crazy, arguing with you guys can reduce someone's IQ.... Isn't the below ur post?




A topic was brought forth for discussion and all you have to say is talk about how it affects us or our economy Ofcourse, you could not refute the ops argument and instead of doing the walk of shame like all the dvmb feminists on this board have done so far, you chose to sound patronising..... pray tell, how does the hutu rampage affect me or the problem in the middle east or domestic violence in india?
Dats me pretending there re no feminists in naija just to satisfy you.....

Ofcourse I don't expect you to say anything impressive, just wanted to indulge you....

I said read from the beginning of my post on this thread and then read Timbuktou's reply to me then you will understand the post you pulled out.
I have no freaking business with people whose brains are on recess.

njokusboy:
I wonder how dis thread digressed to why feminism isn't our concern in Nigeria... That we have so many other problems
Someone is even talking about whether feminism is responsible for the power problems in naija

Pray tell, HOW HAS FEMINISM CONTRIBUTED TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE WEST? IS FEMINISM RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENT?

you see, there really is no relationship between feminism and economic growth.... Just wanted to point that out...

Now refute the points raised by the 0p....

your friend Timbuktou said feminism is a world problem and I wanted to know which of the world problems feminism caused which is what brought about my list, read my first post and understand, do not just jump on any post that ticks your fancy and start running with that.

Yes, I do agree that their is no relationship between economic growth and feminism. That is why it's so funny to me that people are busting a vein over it.