₦airaland Forum

I'm waiting for this dude (https://www.nairaland.com/genbuhari) to come debunk this claim again

GenBuhari: Abacha never looted at all.

Thief Obasanjo and Evil looter Babangida are top contenders

https://www.nairaland.com/1447698/nigeria-most-corrupt-ruler#18265542

I trust my third leg to disobey in such circumstance

Impressive and i'm sure it won't attract 'em south london jobless touts

oya link me up sharpish, me sef wan meet celeb

stillwater: So he knew he cannot afford it and he's berating her to come?

smarty pants

before or after they became successful?

eyitayoemmanuel: Opening a secret account is a must for me at this point but sincerely I never planned to be secretive to my husband.

Why can't you just put your foot down instead of doing hide and seek?

For how long do you want to be doing that really?

egbaran: I think islam is against such coz i av seen an example of a footballer dat had isusses wit is club b'coz of d sponsorer were like kind of involve in a business dat involves interest.a newcastle footballer by name papi cisse bt 2 be honest u jst av 2 do d job if u really in need of a job.

Please don't use papis cisse as an example. Dude obviously has double standards. He was photographed gambling in newcastle
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2374878/Papiss-Cisse-allegedly-gambles-casino-despite-Newcastle-Wonga-row.html

Freddie kanoute is a much better example IMO

stillwater: Why are you guys trying to be economical with the question 'who is going to pay for the trip?' Lol
I hope they've passed the dating phase and are actually in a serious relationship. If they are in a serious relationship then the girl should ask him point blank who is going to pay for the trip? His response will determine if he is a serious person or not.

What if he can't afford it but she can, would that make him a not so serious person?

Tinkybabe: The guy doesn't even bring anything to the table..The OP is responsible for everything.

That's obvious but you still haven't proffered a solution on how they go about paying their bills in the short term.

The man is only comfortable with the current situation because he has been allowed to get away with him being less of a man time and time again. To change a man like that has to be tactful if leaving him is not an option.

Tinkybabe: The emboldened..Joint account for what?after the access he has to her personal account she should then open a joint account making him a signatory to the account..Mba nu!

How do you propose they pay the bills in the short term?
I mean over here most bills are done via direct debit hence my suggestion that one should be opened for this reason alone

Tinkybabe: You need to apply tough love like someone said,does he even realise he's a family man at all?Living off his wife?
I don't know how you intend going about it but you need to withdraw all the stipends you give him..Stop indulging him if you want the best for him and your family..

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I agree that the OP needs to apply tough love but IMO, applying tough love without systematically delivering it will only lead to other issues.

I think most of the people here have already adviced you accordingly on the best approach to take concerning the matter at hand.

Here is how I would advice you go about it
Sit him down and make him understand in a firm/concise manner how the current situation has to stop and how he has to accept your non negotiable proposal on immediate/medium term.

Immediate Plan
Retrive your ATM cards from him – You are not his slave but his wife
Open a joint account – This is necessary so you can tightly control your expenses. All bills should be paid from this account
Do up a monthly expense analysis – If he has absolutely no income then be prepared to pay for all the essentials (accommodation, food) for an agreed period. I will suggest 6 months or thereabout.
Agree an interim monthly upkeep – As an example, if you are left with 50K after all expense has been taken care of, give him 10% of that and save the rest.


Medium term
You expect him to have an income within 3-6 months
Withdraw the monetary upkeep support you give him within 3-6 months
Reduce your monetary contribution to the upkeep of the family in stages (You can do a gradual 5-10% incremental withdrawal up until he is able to shoulder the majority )


All the best

D sage: Notting is romantic about the topic. Besides,I don't think someone should tell you before you know.

Thread has romantic undertone and absolutely nothing to do with politics. I honestly don't know what happened to your comprehension skills. If anything, it's best suited for the family because of the obvious commonalities that exist within romance/family

D sage: Moderators, I'd prefer this thread be move to political section.

Your reason?

vislabraye: I broke one of these rules.
I used to work as a teacher years ago for a smaLl school. I taught maths, physics, fmaths and they added computer science. So the proprietor wanted to add Economics to it, then I said " I can't cope". Abi did I say the rite thing ?

You said the wrong thing.

I would have said, adding an extra subject to my already loaded workload will mean i won't be able to perform at my utmost best whilst delivering the other subjects.

The key thing is you shouldn't be in the business of saying no to your boss instead you should make them understand the impact the decision they are about to make will have on deliverables

Amya: 1. I'm not angry. I'm sad, miserable, in the dumps e.t.c

2. Who says he cheated? He may be planning to.

3. I didn't do any of those things for him because I wanted him in my debts forever, no! I did it cos I loved him! Why should he suffer when he has me?

4 it hurts because if he truly loved me, he wouldn't want to get back with his ex. He wouldn't say all he said to her if he truly loved me. He wouldn't deny my existence if he truly loved me.

So let's focus on the fact that this dude (albeit a lazy sod not worthy to be called a man) lied about your existence despite what you guys have and solid you though it was.

The frank thing is, he doesn't deserve you and you are better off without him. I think the quicker you can start looking at the positives out of this whole debacle the easier it will be for you as far as moving on is concerned.

I know it's tough but i pray you will be able to find the much needed inner strength to be able to pull through.

All the best

Can you please answer this question.
Are you angry because he was a cheat and things didn't work or you are distraught because "after all you did for him" he still cheated on you?

chaircover: He is the one doing the inviting and he would have gone to Nigeria himself if not because he cant give up work, in which case he would have paid 100% towards his ticket . . .not so

This is where the differences in roles of the different sexes in relationships comes in.

In the early days, It is not unusual for the guy to do all the chasing and wooing. Many times when a man invites a lady out for lunch, he pays . . . . . . let just see this situation as the guy inviting his babe out

I'm actually not trying to comment based on this circumstance alone hence my issue with the expectation angle.

I've read somewhere on this same NL where some girls expect their respective bf's to pay for transport fee (A-->B B-->A vice versa) all because he asked them to come visit. This shouldn't be the norm and if we are trying to move women away from over relying on their bf's then they better start wearing the independent women tag a bit more.

Tinkybabe: Interviewer: So why do you want to work with us?

Me: In all sincerity,it's because of the money But I understand that nothing good comes easy hence I decided to gain knowledge and skills that would help me achieve this. Your company happens to provide the right platform for me to exhibit these skills and put my knowledge into use thereby make money .

I was only being sincere,would it be fair if I'm turned away?

Here is a much better spin if you are to incorporate money as one of the determinant factor in wanting to work for them.

Start with telling them the usual jargons on how you fit into their strategic goals, how you believe your strength/skills will help deliver these set goals
Then slide in the comment along the line of:

I also would like to work for a company that usually rewards hard work with a well remunerated package which usually comes in the form of;
Competitive salary package,
Word class investment in personnel development

bayooz: @jay bee.
The duo knew each other in Nigeria years ago.
She can afford paying for the journey. But is it reasonable to expect the UK guy to pay?

There is no right or wrong answer simply because circumstances are/can be different.

For all we know, the dude might be struggling in the UK whereas money ain't necessarily an issue for your sister. As a couple, they ought to be able to decide these things without outside interference.

Heck, people in relationships should always have frank/open/honest conversations with one another. If she wants him to pay then she should ask him. I just don't like the idea of having expectations or making assumptions/conclusions based on what society perceives as "the so called right thing to do"

chaircover: just saw your response.

Personally I think they he should pay at least 50% and bearing in mind that he is the one inviting her over, he should even pay more than 50%. She of course needs to respect herself and put something tangible down too.

Would you also advocate that the woman contribute 50% if she was the one doing the inviting?

If your faith and values are going to be compromised then why bother?

You can always work for Islamic banks if readily available

tchidi: Jaybee?!! ! who carry you commot from sexuality?? So you know book like this?

chei see my life biko

Is your sister a regular UK visitor?

Can she afford it?

Is SHE comfortable with the idea?

Have they met before or just e-romance play play?

Tinkybabe: Interviewer: So why do you want to work with us?

Me: In all sincerity,it's because of the money But I understand that nothing good comes easy hence I decided to gain knowledge and skills that would help me achieve this. Your company happens to provide the right platform for me to exhibit these skills and put my knowledge into use thereby making money .

I was only being sincere,would it be fair if I'm turned away?

A smart interviewer will then do a follow-up question along the line of:

How would you stay motivated if we fail to match your expectation monetarily since money is the key determinant factor in your chosen career

back to topic guys


party over

I'm currently crushing on NL's sleek chameleon "oliviatwist"

I recommend Tpia...
she appears tough on the outside but a real softie on the inside

I recommend ennyluv

https://www.nairaland.com/145160/rate-nairalanders-picture-ennyluv-6

I recommend mamagee