₦airaland Forum

luminouz:
*Sighs*
I miss Kantol...the planet of love and dreams!!

Where is Kantol?

[quote author]depending on her tribe.....spend #100,000 on traditional marriage, spend 250,000 on White wedding... You still have your balance to go for honeymoon and take care of her [/quote]Op you better not be marrying an Igbo lady and planning 100k for traditional wedding sha

zinnydan:
Yes..it'll even be enough for honeymoon

Lwkmd

karleone:
It's really been a while.

I'm doing great, my dear. How about you?

I'm fine too

karleone:
Your replies are so lovely to read. I wish I could meet up with you some day, listen to your ideas about life in general, and ...

Engr Karl!

Thanks so much.

It's been a while... I hope you are doing great.

MarieSucre:
But she doesn't want to HAVE A BABY and HAVE AN EDUCATION at the same time period. She wants to do one and then do the other. What is so hard to understand about that people.

No dear. You don't get to eat your cake and still have it.

If she wanted that orderly life, she'd have closed her legs. People don't breathe in pregnancies as air, it's not a communicable condition and it doesn't fall from heaven.

People who want their lives in a certain way, make CONSCIOUS decisions towards the actualisation of that reality.

She wasn't raped. They had consensual sex and without a condom. Need I mention that she had sex with a guy who doesn't know the meaning of "Nemesis"?

praxs:
Nemesis? Could you explain further

When a person decides to go about their life without mapping out standards for the life they want, they get the life they create. And then they should wake up and deal with it, not run away from the reality they self-created.

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MarieSucre:
She is 22 and she does not want to spend her mid-20's raising a child.

Because a cousin did it did it does not mean it is a STANDARD for everybody.

My mother also was advised to abort me because she was hypertensive and had also developed some other pregnancy complications that would have taken her life. She opted to keep me and luckily she pulled through.

But I will NEVER EVER use that as an excuse to advice people to keep a baby. My mother was lucky and she was also MARRIED and had the love and support of her husband, a lot of other women die on the hospital bed or do not have the support of a man in their lives. Stop trying to guilt women to make decisions they don't want to make because of your anonymous cousin.


Its clear you didn't read the write up. The girl does not want to keep the baby because she is a student. Gbam!

Oh dear...

First read my initial post, no where did I mention my cousin as reason why the Op and his babe should keep their child. I did say the child should be kept because abortion is MURDER and brings displeasure to our creator.

However when YOU mentioned the girl's age as hindrance, that's when my cousin's story came in - not as 'standard' practice but as an illustration to explain to YOU (not the Op) that age 22 is not a hindrance to the child being kept i.e. It is not impossible.

And yes, I DID read the write-up. If being a student is her only reason for not wanting to keep the child, that's exactly why she needs to be advised to see that it is doable to keep her child and still finish her education.

Plus, if she didn't want to spend her mid 20's raising a child, she should have shut her legs tight.

MarieSucre:
The op might be 28 but the girl is 22, and she doesn't want the child because she does not want to dedicate 3 compulsory years of her life to raising a child when she can instead be in school.

Babe it's year 2018. People who REALLY want an education no longer have to leave school to spend "3 compulsory years" raising a child.

And for goodness sake stop making 22 seem like a kid. People have attained some good stuff to their names at exactly that same age. She is NOT a baby.

MarieSucre:
Praxs might be 28 but the girl is a 22 year old student who doesn't want the baby and wants to stay in school in peace. Stop acting like its only one person in the relationship.

The girl is 22 and so?

I don't even understand how that makes her a baby. Once you're old enough to have consensual sex, you are automatically old enough to bear the consequences.

A cousin got pregnant at 18, she and the guy loved each other and they got married. They current have 3 beautiful kids and are all over each other - she's currently 23.

Pregnancy doesn't make anyone stay in school "in pieces". I would have been worried if she wasn't already in school, maybe seeking admission or so. It's 2018, pregnant ladies even without support of their men, are moving on successfully with their lives AND their babies.

The question we should be asking is "Why REALLY doesn't she want the baby?" Op can't answer that cos he probably doesn't know which is why I have requested that he send a PM.

So at which point am I behaving like there's only one person in the relationship?

PrecisionFx:
Fornication is a right to all, Bible supports it as long as its between unmarried people.

The Bible explicitly stated "FLEE from Fornication!"
1Corinthians 6:18
1 Corinthians 10:8
Ephesians 5:3

It cannot be in support of fornication at all.

Restroom:
A student midwife, came to my office one day in July 2017.She was pregnant and wore a ring. She gave me the impression she was married. When she came, she was broke and wanted to do a seminar work. I did it for her, n didn't press for money when she said she would give me some other day. What I didn't know, was that she was under intense pressure psychologically and hungry. She kept sizing me and trying to read me. Well, she went for her seminar and some days, she came back with my money. Some how, she found my company relaxing. So she kept coming around. Around DEC last year she delivered a baby girl.

Around March this year, she finally opened up to me about her pregnancy and baby. You know why I am relating this story? She was impregnated by a staff of UBTH school of midwifery. The guy was mad with the girl for allowing herself to become pregnant.

He wanted abortion, but girl said no way. So, he cut her off. To reduce attention on herself, she started wearing ring in her hand, so when her lecturers saw her , they thought she was married. She told her parents what happened, and they came to gbege the guy. He told the girl s parent he can't marry a girl like her and insulted her badly. Threatened her, not to bring the child to him, that he won't accept. He said she was free to do anything, but he will never accept the child because he has a girl he wants to marry.

She also told me that, when, she finally delivered, it was the guy's NHIS she used to pay for her delivery in UBTH. As difficult, as the period was for her, she said it was her Christian friends encouragement and support that pulled her through that trial.She also thanked me for encouraging her.

She is in Warri now....finally graduated from school of midwifery. last time I saw the baby in early June, she was big n beautiful. Good enough, her parents have been of support to her in caring for the baby.It appears the girl's mother is happy with baby been around.

Now, this girl made the right decision to keep the baby and she is happier for it today. What's my point, tell your girl to keep the baby...it is not the end of the world.

My friend attended classes with pregnancies, gave birth and completed her program.

Her conscience is clean and clear, because she didn't commit abortion.

Many people think that commit formication is smart
When unwanted pregnancies results, they reason that abortion, done in secret, to conceal the acts of fornication is smarter

so the system keep breeding a world full of fornicators and child murderers...breakers of God's command.

Fornication is already enough

Just Dont add murder to it !

Tell your girl to show respect for Jehovah God, you, her reproductive ability and the unborn baby in her womb, which is a gift from God.

And you, stay from fornication till you are ready to marry!

May you be blessed my brother. I had closed the thread when I saw the initial comments urging on the abortion but my conscience wouldn't permit to leave without seeing that the guy had gotten some form of good advice. Thanks for this.

Praxs, at 28 you are not a baby and men your age marry wives who are in school. In every university (government owned at least, make I for talk the ones I sure) in Nigeria, female students carry pregnancy successfully without failing. She's not in secondary school.

praxs:
Hi everyone..
I don't know where to start from. God has been faithful and good to me even when I don't deserve it.
Sometime around june2017, I posted here on how I got an assistant job with an International Organization https://www.nairaland.com/3848668/thank-nairaland-got-job. I was overwhelmed and you all Rejoiced with me.
Today, God has taken me to anoda level just 8months into my job. I am favoured to be the Accounts Mgr.
Don't mind the grammatical errors, I am not thinking straight as I am typing this.
God almight will favour just as he did to me, God bless and stay safe. You are next in line

Plus, as shown in your earlier post in January, you have a job to hold forth a modest home.

You can help her to carry the child in honour by putting a ring to it if you'd like to spend a life with her as your wife. You have known of the pregnancy very early, so quickly inform both families so an impromptu arrangement can be made for marriage can be made. No need to call too many people. But your babe will have more boldness carrying that child with a ring (not engagement o, wedding ring).

Man up and cater for your new home and may Jehovah bless you for refusing to commit murder as a convenient option. If you and/or your woman are in Lagos, please send me a PM.

.

All of you going on about how the woman didn't give details.... She already said all of these same things in her own thread na. There's really not much difference in the two stories aside from the emotional blackmail evident in the man's story which still tallies with what the lady referred to as pride.

HEseesall:
When he told me he wants to use his share for his parents, we agreed my share would be used for get a property then we start to build from there and that's what i did, i expected he knows i would use my name cos i keep the documents, now he is saying he wants his own name only not jointly, who says that pls, at least i compromised for jointly,

HEseesall:
Yes it is not a small money, his dad had an ailment he had to be flown out, he used the remaining to complete their house, he's the first born, now they think i'm evil cos of all he did for them, it's really saddening

Money was shared evenly between husband and wife. Husband used his own to fly with his father abroad for treatment and build a house for his parents. Wife used all of hers for the house. He's now coming here to say how he used some of the remainder to complete the house. Lol how much was that remainder considering it had already been divided amongst other huge projects whereas the complete sum from the woman was on the building project. I think it takes only basic mathematics to know who owns the house.

Oga ExtraExtra you were joking when you said she should leave? Lol, she was joking too when she said the house is in her name

And if the house is jointly named you think she would raise her shoulders above you abi? But your own shoulders will be down when house built mainly in her money is named completely in ONLY your name especially as your family is now against her abi? So that anytime you and your family decide to 'jokingly' order her out of the house again, she'd be stranded as many women today are abi?

Bravo solution! You want to be transferred to another state and bring your children with you. Congratulations wise man. That would do great wonders to the well being of your children to grow without their mother because their father has to prove his manliness. You try.

All of you castigating the woman... Don't forget that Oga ExtraExtra himself stated that his wife married him from a wealthy home while he didn't have so much. Not once did he state that during their marriage his wife was bossy or disrespected him by virtue of her having more money. Rather the woman brought up a business idea for she and her husband in the spirit of team work to build their own empire. Today, the man owns other businesses by virtue of his woman's support. And someone here has the mind to say she was cheating. Oga ExtraExtra say the truth and let the devil be ashamed - you are the one cheating on your wife both in your dealings with her and by extramarital affairs. Don't come here to play victim.

Lol Oga ExtraExtra you are a clown! Please save us the drama on Nairaland and sort your family issues.

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LaudableXX:
Oh my brother, may you live long! In fact, you have said every single thing I wanted to say. Thank you and God bless you on all sides!

Sister
Thanks and Amen

These people coming here to give testimonials on how God changed their genotypes from SS to something else or talking about how they married AS to AS without birthing an SS child, may God not allow you to be used in destroying another person's life.

My parents are both AS and not because they chose to love blindly but because my Dad had been given a wrong result when they went for premarital testing. In fact they didn't know until about 2 years ago, and I and my sibling are AA and AS respectively. But you will NEVER hear me advocating for two aware individuals to blindly enter such a union.

Just because my case or your case turned out an exception to the rule, or became a miracle as it were doesn't make it a norm. It doesn't give you the validation to open your two eyes and test God. Even Jesus Christ flatly refused to test the power of God. Yes God is All-Powerful and can do whatever necessary to fulfill his will but even the Bible knew that when it says "You must not put Jehovah your God to the test".

Yes you may think you have the money for exploring these options... But do you know the emotional drain that comes with spending that money? The frustration that comes with trying and trying? And what if the money goes? We live in an uncertain world. Even healthy couples and kids have complications. Don't subject yourself to a premeditated complication. There's a certain relief that comes from throwing our burden to God on problems we didn't see coming... When you already saw the problem coming you'd be dealing with the burden of the problem, the guilt that you could have avoided it and then the confusion towards God on top something that is not his fault. DO NOT TEST GOD. Even Jesus refused to do so.

In regular marriages, love fades and couples have to struggle to keep the flame. Imagine if you're adding a sick child to that naturally dwindling?

Tbh I think you should just start crying for the breakup already so you can begin your journey towards healing fast.