₦airaland Forum

haaaa pele o. I didn't see that before.   
ok that's nice my sister.

where do you see beefing. I'm trying to avoid beef o. can't you see how I replied all her name calling and abusive words with calm and patience?  e no easy my brother.

why do you have pink posts sef. you know pink is a girly color? 

@shy-one,
good for you. Now, do not comment on my posts henceforth and I will return the favor. ok?
good day.


[quote author=Mrs, Eve link=topic=578201.msg7463712#msg7463712 date=1294192983]Ayetty,

She took out a loan to fly to Africa to marry a man she met online.  She has young children plus a teenager.[/quote]lol. I bet you the husband and his family are celebrating thinking they have found a ticket out of Nigeria and poverty. Life hehn?

^ eeya, sorry for your woes.

@topic,
na today? this has been the trend for a while now. it's getting harder and harder to find a good church in Nigeria.

Another victim. just stumbled on her post after leaving this topic. what a coincidence. she met her nigerian "husband" on the internet too.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?action=profile;u=129486;sa=showPosts

OP took out a loan? 
hmmm. . .  I guess all we can do is sit and watch. OP seem to have her mind made up. she's an adult in her 50s afterall. she should know what she's doing.

I wish her goodluck. I hope she comes in a few mths time or even year(s) to tell us her story.

It seems as though you are unaware that all relationships are built on love and money.

shy-one,
i'm sorry that your relationships were based on money. but that doesn't apply to everyone.
some are based on sex, lust, infatuation, mutual trust and understanding, friendship, lies and deceit (ex. internet scam) reasons are endless. No one in this world can be satisfied with a one sided love  (ie knowing that your partner only wants your money and do not care an ounce for you like you do for him) unless they are extremely desperate or have 0 self esteem.
i will assume that your idea is based on your experience?

my fear for the OP judging from her post pattern is that she may be naive and not know fully well the extent of what she's getting herself into. You on the other hand, i think are a seasoned and experienced woman in this issue. You seem to be ok with the idea of a man wanting you for money. not saying this is wrong. but the OP may not know this and she may believe that her husband truly loves her. the chance of this is low. it is possible but very low (judging by similar cases) which is why she needs to be warned.

@justwise, those are two different sentences and in no way did the question qualify the second sentence. You obviously are trying to make it seem as if i was being tribalistic. that's your own problem.
no comment for you henceforth!

IloveFred:
I was a little crazy I think, but I hope I will never regret. I have never felt so kindly treatment, so I believed him and I think I am right. If he leave me, I can't force him. Maybe I need a little crazy life?

hahaha that's the spirit. lol
just take it as a game or crazy adventure and don't put all your hopes in looking for a princess-y happy ever after. I'm glad you understand.

IloveFred:
CyberG, Shy-One,
I think like you. I want to do what you said. Thank you for your nice words. I am sure I can make him happy, young girls are selfish. I don't think all Nigerians are bad.
Why I married him so fast after my divorce?
I didn't want to marry anybody but I dreamed all my life (like most of girls) about kind man and husband. And I found him, rather he found me[b] and hypnotized with his words.[/b] Many women get big profits when they marry someone. I didn't think about it. Never.

Somebody asked early, his tribe is Edo and language.

you call young girls selfish but then you say you dream like most girls. you need to come back to reality and realize that you are not a GIRL. You are in your 50s.
jumping into marriage so fast after a divorce to an internet guy is not the right thing to do. You needed more time after your divorce to clear your emotions and get better judgement and sense of reasoning. you have already done it now so we can only wait to see the outcome.
lol @ being hypnotized with his words. some women are very gullible I must say. You married a guy because of his sweet talks? lol

I still think you are a fool for love though 

If you listen to Shy-one's advice, you will realize that looking at your relationship as one based on "love" will hurt you in the future. Instead, see it as a give and take relationship. You give him financial opportunity etc and he gives you sex and company etc. And don't forget to accept it if and when he decides to leave you. You bargained for it.

justwise:
Jenifa said:

Nigeria used to be a british colony. Many Nigerians (especially Igbo people) have European names. Is he igbo?
your life will be nice only temporary (until he gets what he wants and leave). are you ok with that?

That is the comment i'm refering to, cos u talk alot of nonsense its easy for u to 4get.

If u read my post carefully, u would have noticed that i was not encouraging her to marry him, i was basically angry with pple who think its okey to insult all Nigerian men cos of the actions of few. All Nigerian men can't be bad and we should be treated as individuals, Jenifa? That is the point i was making in my post and u missed it and went on about something else.

obviously you are out of your mind if that's what you find offensive. what is tribalistic about explaining why we have European names?
A young Nigerian man on the internet preying on old lonely european women does not represent ALL nigerian men. There are many nigerian men who go to europe and america through more legal means and are hardworking and meet women and treat them nicely. get that into your thick skull. The man that this lady is describing just happen not to fall into that category.
is it that i'm striking a nerve in you? Are you one of them?

justwise:
[/b] You don't hate scammers more than i do, u don't fight them more than i do, so don't give me that line. Online meeting is not the issue here, the issue is who she met, [b]many have met online and get married and still living together, [/b]the same person she should have met on the street in poland could be met online, it doesn't matter where u met, is who u met. meeting in church wouldn't guarantee u happy ever marriage.

What proove do you have for this statement?
A successful union of a younger Nigerian man meeting an old barren european woman online is extremely rare. There are many bitter threads on nairaland to testify that. Please find me ONE success story. Usually the lady is dumped after a couple of years when the guy has obtained his visa or is able to bring his real family abroad. The woman then becomes bitter and starts spewing venom on Nigerians and calling us scammers. there are many threads about this.

you know the truth so I don't know what you are talking about.

shevchenko:
@jenifa_
Don't kid yourself ,nigeria is not at the centre stage.The US undertands that the fight against terrorism is whole and entire,beaming the spotlight on nigeria is an attestation to this.obama is a leader by example,hence his refusal to accept gbagbo,he really needs the help of surrounding states,again Nigeria comes into the picture.

if you read my post well, you will see that I mentioned that I understood US interest.
but can you explain to me why UK, Russia and Canada are interested?

justwise:
@Jenifa_

I was actually agreeing with some of your points u made here untill u brought tribe into it, seriously that put me off whatever u have said b4.
Its completely nonsense to judge the whole tribe cos of the actions of few, just as calling ALL Nigerian men lairs, scammers, cheats like some pple have done here. I say this to any woman or men with that low mentality: IF You Think That All Nigerian Men Are Bad, then STAY FAR AWAY FROM US Year in Year out, some pple come here to voice their dislike about Nigerian men, rushed to silly conclusions about us, stay away from us then, what is the point?

Yes there are some wicked Nigerian men out there, i will never over-look that, just as there are wicked non-Nigerian women out there as well. YOU CAN NOT TREAT ALL NIGERIANS AS ONE.

@op, judge him as him, beware of the age differences, don't expect too much from him so soon, men are as bad as women, got nothing to do with tribe or race.

tribe? what are you talking about?
First of all, Nigeria is a country not a tribe.
Second of all, I think you need to get a brain if you feel that I was bashing Nigerians. Point the part of my post to me so that I can clarify for you ok. all you need to do is ask.

you say "stay far away from us" . Isn't that what the OP is asking us now? she  is asking us if she should stay or not. And you are encouraging her that there is no problem.  it is when kasala dun burst and they are angry and come back to vent that you now turn around and say "stay away from us then". You don't remember when you were telling them to stay and enjoy internet or yahooze marriage. when you know that such a marriage is somehow somehow and have little chance of success.
the same guy who is encouraging her now will laugh at her when she comes back bitter and angry.
don't be a hypocrite and let us call a spade a spade. I definitely don't want the woman hurt. she has gone through a lot. and at the same time also, I hate all the bad image and I think these are the kinds of things that contribute to it. foreign people getting scammed. we shouldn't encourage them when they come like this.
if she had met him on the streets of poland and he was his agemate, my comments will be different. Even craigslist and most businesses ban people from trading with Nigerians in Nigeria. It's very dangerous and risky. you don't encourage stuff like that. it is only when you have been a victim that you can understand.

Dede1:
No, I do not work for Gbagbo but sick and tired of colonial involvement in African affairs.

Are you referring to the same constitutional council that should have allowed the people of Ivory Coast to decide their president?  In all these electioneering quagmires in Ivory Coast, I deduced that the genuine result was released by the constitutional council as oppose to the fake announced by foreign led Ivorian Electoral Commission.

i'm sick and tired of colonial involvement too but I won't support a dictator just because the west oppose him. let's call a spade a spade.

the constitutional council is basically being run by gbagbo's friend. it is a one man council and the author of the article does not hesitate to tell us that. what is genuine about it.
the real result of the election was torn in half by gbagbo's men and prevented from being aired to the ivorian public which is why they had to announce it privately to western press.

fstrangest:
I get it Women do not cheat!
Those Nollywood scripts after all do not represent reality.

I would think that women generally won't cheat just to have sex. they will usually be involved emotionally or be "in love" with the person they are with or cheating with. but maybe i'm wrong i guess.

fstrangest:
Divorce can be expensive

And you love him, you dont want to lose him and you hope things would pick up soon

But in the mean time, you still need to satisfy your urges, No?

you are a weirdo. A woman who "loves" a domestic abuser and serial cheater is messed up in the head. such a woman who is in love most likely won't cheat anyways.
If she can endure physical and emotional abuse. she can endure the last part of your post too. for the "love" of her husband.
also what you have to keep in mind is that women are generally emotional. if a woman cheats on you, most likely she doesn't love you as much as you think. srry but that's the truth.

if divorce is expensive, a separation is not.

Dede1:
All politics are local. When other countries and international bodies delve into local issues such Ivorian election, the result has always been chaos or civil war. It must recall that first position held in IMF does necessarily qualify Alassane Ouattara as a presidential candidate in Ivory Coast. It has been brazenly stated that Alassane Ouattara is an Ivorian interloper and this has been collaborated when he accepted to become Deputy Governor of BCEAO, a position which was reserved for Burkina Faso. Alassane Ouattara is a Burkinabe whom France, USA, European Union and UN are trying very hard to foist on the people of Ivory Coast as president.

wow. do you work for Gbagbo or something?
or did you not read the part where Ouattara served as prime minister and finance minister of cote d'ivoire at the same time for years?
he was also born in Cote d'ivoire.

51% (or more) of the cote d'ivoirian population voted for him for a reason.
let the people decide who their president is. not some professor or dictator.

fstrangest:
Lets put it this way, you are in your early 30s/ late twenties, and things arent going well as they should,and you somewhat became disillusioned about your marriage, and here comes oga Dayokanu, sweet, charming guy who treats you right, and somehow you find your self in compromised situation with him, and you could whatever and get away with it, you still would not Cheat? Even though your husband cheats and occasionally beats the living shyyt outta you?

erm. . . get a divorce?

try keeping her hair in protective styles. twists, cornrows, braids etc.  especially twists because they look really cute on kids.

everybody is different but for me, I don't use combs on my natural hair. the only times a comb touch my hair are few and far between. I use my fingers mostly but I make sure to use a good detangler so that it is easy to finger comb. Stop by at a whole foods supermarket. they have good quality products for natural hair and you can find a good detangler. Sephora store also has a section for natural hair.
using comb on natural hair will be always painful. you have to be extremely gentle and have lots of time and patience. that's why I don't do it often.

[img]http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTpoDd_Y2_RJ4Ht7lwOke2DO53_96GLDP3JpRugUF3mAUUAeQOE[/img][img]http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQaaJSvjJcyXb1LlPAcU3aGkH4DeuzrLNPZsP2K7W3AAOB69V3ZIA[/img][img]http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS_hd-zlneq6ag6cDi81w1oRiaLl20FhXKpZPPaUD5ektpfY0Nf0h8jUW5N[/img]

chaircover:
She is even lucky; growing up we had to go to these fulani people who lived on our street to have our hair plaited and they used to stick our heads between their legs and their wrapper . . . . I leave the rest to your imagination 

hahahah I remember those days. but for me, those women were yoruba.

No.

to me, it's like being an armed robber. most of them swear never to go back after the first operation. but most of them end up becoming full time armed robbers. always going back for more until they get caught.

once you fall for temptation, what you have is no longer good enough for you and you will remain dissatisfied. either that or you wallow in guilt. why would anyone want that?

gallivant:
All forms of Education are ''hard'' ,if you like.You struggle with the one that pays better, 

yup.

That's why I always feel that people who are good at, or love maths/ science are lucky. Their careers pay the best. It doesn't mean that maths is more difficult than english. just that one pays better than the other based on the need of the society at the point in time. too bad for you if math or science are not your strength. doesn't mean you are dumb. just means you are unlucky to have to work harder to compete with a guy who is having fun doing his programming or what have you because he's naturally better at it.

my own general advice for people is to pursue what they love. if there isn't money to be made at it, pursue it part-time or as a hobby. who knows you might become of you in the future.
the most successful at their career are those who are passionate about what they do.

Dede1:
But you failed to tell us that the wife of Alassane Ouattara is a French woman hence France’s support for her husband has a string attached.

My guess is that his long career in IMF has helped him garner this support. Also, these international bodies do not support Gbagbo's presidency so opposition was probably welcome as a result.

but seriously though, why would you tear up the result of an election in front of cameras and prevent the result from being aired and not expect opposition from the international community?

To me, the best solution is to conduct the elections over again. no rigging. but is that possible?

That's worrying. I can understand the US being interested in this situation because of their wars on terrorism. But what is at stake for UK, Russia and Canada? Why are they interested?
This is either a sign of increasing significance of Nigeria in the global stage or I really don't know.



PS:musiwa, can you plz stop posting useless maps and pics i'm surprised moderators haven't done anything about this.

Dede1:
I do not care if Laurent Gbagbo has ruled Ivory Coast for twenty (20) years as long as the Ivory Coast’s constitution stipulates his stay in power.

The Ivory Coast constitution chairman = Gbagbo's friend Paul Yao Ndre.
the person who makes constitutional decisions does not represent the people.
I'm sure if I'm an Ivorian, I don't want my president ruling for 20 yrs. Thats a DICTATOR not a president. What kind of constitution justifies this?

the write up annoys me for the same reason many people have pointed out. Also, no where does it talk about the wants and decisions of the Ivorian people although these are the people who matter the most.
what it seems to be saying is that Paul Yao Ndre's decision is the ultimate. constitutional power is vested on the decision and opinion of this man with "anointing powers". The whole farce is ridiculous.

Lenny9000:
@Shy_One
Thanks for your advice, one of the very best here!

I agree!!! She must have either been experienced or learned from others' experiences.

It's like comparing apples to oranges.
Someone who has affinity for numbers, programming and computer science will find IT easier than medicine.
whereas someone whose favorite subject in school is biology will find medicine easier

it depends on the person. One person's weakness is another person's strength.

I would say medicine is harder just because there are regulations in terms of steps and processes you have to go through. Otherwise, it's all up to the individual how much hardwork they put into it. ex. the harder working doctor will have a better career than a lazy doctor. same for IT.
Same goes with all other professions too. whether historian, college professor, investment banker or whatnot. none is harder than the other. it all depends how much work and energy you put into it or are required to put into it.

if you pick the right career, the hardwork will be fun for you. i.e you will enjoy doing the work.

omongbatic:
Then stop exhibiting crass ignorance. It pays you not to misinform the unwary, although I believe you are the only ignorant one on this matter. People like me are here to put misinformers in their place.

says the guy with username: "omongbatic"

^ the Nigerian MAN has spoken.
but if you read her post carefully, she asked for the advice of WOMEN who were in similar situation as her.

I'm sorry for my confession, but what do you think about it and is there anybody who met a Nigerian man and is happy too? Maybe you have some problems with your men? Would this marriage be happy in future?

^go back and read my posts well. not the first post but the subsequent ones.
you didn't have to go compiling threads. that's wasted time and effort on your part because I won't be clicking on any of them.

Ola edo:
From what i read, the yorubas along with the british put the Hausa into a settlement. Before the settlement the hausa were being usfairly treated and ripped off by the yorubas from the beginning.However, the hausa also brought prostitution and other criminal acts with them as time went on. The hausas limited no one into the cattle business.

yup that's what I read too.

i wonder what eku-bear is reading the way he's developing his own twists and theories.

zionmmv:
@Poster,either arguments are valid depending on how you look at it.However,life is full of choices.If you are happy with this guy,go ahead and take a chance on him.If it works,be happy.[b]If it doesn't,be happy stillo,[/b]at least,you've proven that love still lives in you.Don't hold back out of fear.If you sincerely love him but chicken out because of fear,you may end up regretting not to have given it a chance.On the other hand,if he is only using you to get to europe, do not worry,I know it will hurt,however,living in Poland or europe with a younger lady is never a guarantee that life would be better for him without you.There is always a natural payback time, The universe has a way of paying each and everyone  back for any act against love and humanity.
For all those ladies out here who are rationalizing love,take a breath,[b]you don't have control over who you love.[/b]The moment you start putting barriers on who is the ideal man/woman,it's no longer love.It becomes a GAME because what you are attracted to is no longer the HE/SHE in him/her but the immaterial things that quickly bores you after two months of relationship with HIM/HER.Cheers all.

you tell her to be happy still if her marriage doesn't work.
will you be happy if you went half way around the world and spend all your money to bring a poor man out of poverty and he dumps you? you will feel extremely silly and bitter. the pain will remain with you for life.
go and read the threads I posted about bitter european and foreign women who have been scammed. none of them is happy. duh
let's be realistic here.

olabukola:
I thought the bolded were Ibos and Edo/Delta peeps.

that's interesting. what years and states?

[quote author=eku_bear link=topic=578229.msg7455628#msg7455628 date=1294090686]You are wrong. Read pages 106-109. See who caused the Hausa crime wave in order to get a Hausa settlement and limit the entry of Yoruba into the cattle business.[/quote]I really don't know what your point is. what do you mean by "who caused the crime wave"?  pls tell us who "caused" it. 
The fact of the matter is that the hausas were harrased in the yoruba town. Even if they had asked for their settlement, it was because they were trying to get away from these harrasments. Another of their mechanisms is to increase their religious participation and cultural solidarity in order to emphasize the difference between them and yorubas. This is true for many immigrant settlements around the world especially when the settlers are being harassed. They develop a mechanism against it such as taking refuge in their culture and becoming more cultural and resisting assimilation to separate themselves.

the idea that the crime wave was to get a settlement and limit entry into cattle business is solely your own theory. this is not supported by the book at all.  how does petty burglary limit yoruba entry into cattle business? The hausas didn't have to do anything to limit yoruba entry into cattle business. The cattles were coming from the north and hausas were the natural middlemen. There was absolutely no competition there!!

IloveFred:
I know, men are not good (not everybody), but I want to believe he is good. Maybe I am right?

you may be right. but the chances are low. very very low in fact. You will be extremely lucky if he turns out to be good. that's rare.
the chances of finding a good man on the street of poland is higher than finding one off the internet from Nigeria. this is a fact. you are making a gamble here.
who knows you may be lucky. You already said that you took a risk. always look at it as a risk. the outcome might be disastrous.
But im sure it's nice to have a husband. who knows, you may be lucky. just expect the worst and don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Ask him why he was looking for love on the internet. It's easy to find a person on the internet because many people who go on the internet are desperate. Take your situation for example, you were desperate for affection. it is easy to take advantage of such a situation.

Well, come back and tell us in 2012 how things are going. Come back to proove us wrong so we can celebrate with you. I really feel for you.