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Family › Re: Scolding To obedience Vs Pampering To obedience? by Jullima(f): 4:24pm On Jun 04, 2020

Moralgladiator:
Thank you!! You have just opted for coercion by pampering as opposed to fear. I'm glad we speak the same language now.

Your choice of words are illuminating on how you view children.

First you use “submission” now it’s “coercion”

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Family › Re: Should I Tell My Mum The Truth Or Not ? by Jullima(f): 4:04pm On Jun 04, 2020*

These are the kind of stories you wait till you hear the version of your uncle’s wife.

Your parents and your older siblings visited the same uncle and came back to rave about it.

You were locked out for two hours, according to your aunty she didn’t know it was you (maybe true or false) but it’s very plausible.

Although some people are very good hosts, they offer food first to all their visitors, some don’t until you ask for the food. Your uncle also didn’t offer you food, why blame only his wife?

The only ‘evil’ thing I see here is how you say she treated you differently from your cousins. That’s not a good thing to do. I think you should let your sister go and live her own experience, maybe it will be different from yours, your older siblings had a more pleasant experience or better option, your parents raise their kid.

From experience some visitors feel they’ve been treated badly because the kind of reception they expected fell below their expectations.

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Romance › Re: When An Angry Husband Refuses To Eat And Have Sex With His Wife, Who Is Losing? by Jullima(f): 6:54pm On Jun 03, 2020

Lush100:
That's what they will tell you,
You think menopause age is just there for nothing.
And hey, I am not trying to take sides,
I am just telling you the truth in average amount.
You can be as hardened as you want to be,
It's ur marriage ma'am.
If your husband doesn't eat and u feel unconcerned,
I am no mediator there,
It's simply you will lie on ur bed as you lay it,
Cheers ma'am

This is going to be my last post on this thread, it’s starting to get ridiculous.

What has menopause got to do with not kowtowing to a an adult male that calls himself the head of a home childish solutions to a marital problem? I believe in communication and that’s how mature adults should handle their affairs.

It’s only a selfish man that will put his feelings above his family. How does not eating food resolve anything??

Why should I worry or care wether a grown man has refused to eat, is he a child?? He put himself in that position. When an adult decides to throw a tantrum like a toddler, the best is to ignore him. Lol we talking about men in their 30s and above, what kind of people are this?

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Romance › Re: When An Angry Husband Refuses To Eat And Have Sex With His Wife, Who Is Losing? by Jullima(f): 4:39pm On Jun 03, 2020

Lush100:
true but,
when u continue and its get down to when she is 39 to 40,
i can say for certain, she will be worried.
because by then men age better, become more handsome, matured and have more wealth,
she wouldn't want to start having uncertainties at that time especially for a responsible man.
i can say that with 80% level of certainty.

Lol okay. When you get married and you don’t eat your wife’s food for years and years come back and tell us how you fared?

If Nigerian wives can become hardened to an unrepentant cheating spouse, what is food?

You people think marriage is for small children?

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Romance › Re: When An Angry Husband Refuses To Eat And Have Sex With His Wife, Who Is Losing? by Jullima(f): 4:37pm On Jun 03, 2020

BEEFIE:
after getting hardened. I will just bring in a new wife. to assist her.

Lol okay

Family › Re: What My Sister Did To Her Ex (pictures) by Jullima(f): 3:27pm On Jun 03, 2020

Biglittlelois:
Why will a sane person compare sex with money?

A gift is a gift, whether monetary or otherwise, if a person is not deserving of a gift, do not give, or collect that same gift back, a gift does not come with sex as payback, don't equate money with sex.

Lol don’t mind them. They have the confidence to say this because they live in a banana republic. They should go to a sane country and tell the police there they have a right to rape a girl because she accepted his gift.

Yet we wonder why other countries are ahead when we struggle with even the basic thing that makes us human.

10 Likes 2 Shares

Romance › Re: When An Angry Husband Refuses To Eat And Have Sex With His Wife, Who Is Losing? by Jullima(f): 3:04pm On Jun 03, 2020

vastolord4:
That's when love shows itself.. if you love that person, you'll long for his/her attention. Except you were force into that marriage. Answer to your question is that I could stop with the food or keep late night! Just look for her soft spot and act on it..

Yea that’s why it’s effective in the beginning, but humans have their breaking point. It’s not a long lasting and effective solution to resolve issues in a marriage.

After a while the wife becomes hardened. Lol na today? Please.

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Romance › Re: When An Angry Husband Refuses To Eat And Have Sex With His Wife, Who Is Losing? by Jullima(f): 3:00pm On Jun 03, 2020

Bluezy13:
Responsibilities ke.

If you try it with me,
I will start cooking my food myself.
And pray you don't extend it for too long cos I may never eat your food again and take it as a way of life but we will still be husband and wife.
Once I take it as a new way of life, I'll be happy, but will you
I know how heartless I can get.
After all I grew up alone.

Yawn

Are you married? At this point the wife no longer cares, initially she’s worried but it gets to a point in the marriage, it becomes ineffective.

There will always be food in the house because she has kids to feed, if you like dish, your choice.

No time to take on an additional child to the one you’re already raising. Who get that kain time?

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Romance › Re: How Do Some Men Think? This Is Both Disappointing And Irritating. by Jullima(f): 2:55pm On Jun 03, 2020

themaestro08:
I concur it ain't a culture in Nigeria, prove otherwise.

Point to me where I said rape is a culture in Nigeria. Are both of you referring to this phrase “the rape culture in Nigeria” ?

Ayam not understanding huh

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Family › Re: What My Sister Did To Her Ex (pictures) by Jullima(f): 2:48pm On Jun 03, 2020

Fathers and mothers, those that have children and those that hope to raise children in the future. As we can see this generation of men were raised very badly.

The idea that a man is comfortable and has excuse for behaving like an animal is very troubling. The idea that a man can’t control himself when he’s around women is FALSE. We know men that will NEVER take advantage of a vulnerable woman because he was raised right and he knows right from wrong. He knows taking something that hasn’t been given to him freely is morally wrong.

So the punishment for accepting a GIFT is rape?? Y’all just need an excuse to rape.

These generation of men are already lost, we need to start now with our sons, teach them they aren’t entitled to a woman’s body. Her body is NOT his to take. We shouldn’t shy away from sex education, if not, they will learn on the streets.

Finally to good men, if you see something say something.

10 Likes 3 Shares

Romance › Re: When An Angry Husband Refuses To Eat And Have Sex With His Wife, Who Is Losing? by Jullima(f): 2:28pm On Jun 03, 2020

Lol that kind of ‘punishment’ only works maybe in the first year or two. It loses its effect fast, wives become immune to it with time, especially when the wife now has more responsibilities, if he wants to be a child, he can go and dish is food when he’s hungry. grin

Who get time?

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Romance › Re: How Do Some Men Think? This Is Both Disappointing And Irritating. by Jullima(f): 1:54pm On Jun 03, 2020

@Ariza,

Yes! I am emotional, if you aren’t after seeing Uwa’s pictures online then there’s something seriously broken in you.

If you don’t have anything to say it’s best you stop exposing yourself on the internet. What you just typed even made less sense than before.

You say hashtags and social media isn’t effective yet that’s what got our ineffective police to do their jobs. When there’s a collective outrage it shames the authorities into doing their jobs., even the president got involved.

You seem to be oblivious that we live in a society and the way of life of the people in that society creates their culture. How do we change a culture? How do we change the collective attitude we have towards rape? It’s by these conversations you and I are having and multiple of such conversations around the internet.

Future generations will be products of the culture you and I will create today.

People are acting, nothing like emotions and empathy for your fellow man to spur people into action. Obviously, precautions ONLY are not effective, women have been doing it and STILL do, we haven’t STOPPED!

You prefer to retain the status quo, while some people prefer to change the rape culture, the conversations about rape in Nigeria. SM and its hashtags is the best thing to happen to Nigeria, it gave us a platform to mobilize.

Uwa’s rape story will probably stop trending tomorrow or the day after next but as a society, her story and the conversations that ensued has left its imprint on the consciousness of the people. Tomorrow, it will be another rape story, and another, and another and so it goes little by little, conversation by conversations, it might take years probably generations but people will start to question their attitude towards rape and do better, even the police and our leaders are part of the society, hence aren’t immune to these conversations, we also want them to do better.

Only through agitation and protest has real change be brought upon. “There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest”. These protests are for generations yet to be born, we do these so hopefully they meet a much more better society. It’s not a women only fight, it’s a fight for ALL Nigerians. We need to create a better society for the vulnerable; children (boys and girls), old & young, men & women, no gender or age is immune from being a rape victim.

Nigerians should protest more and stop accepting the status quo.

#justiceforuwa

6 Likes 3 Shares

Romance › Re: How Do Some Men Think? This Is Both Disappointing And Irritating. by Jullima(f): 1:37pm On Jun 03, 2020

pansophist:
Rape is not a culture in Nigeria.

Romance › Re: How Do Some Men Think? This Is Both Disappointing And Irritating. by Jullima(f): 7:48am On Jun 03, 2020

missimelda01:
I should edit my post and add this for everyone to see.
What are you saying? You blame a girl for walking at night, which mean you blame Uwa for going to read at night. Guy this your illustration no follow at allllll.

I'm dating a guy and he rapes me, I'm supposed to take part of the blame for that too? Are you kidding me right now.. do you have sisters?? Damn.
Jullima I'm done with these guys.

Lol I don’t blame you, I’m done too.

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Romance › Re: How Do Some Men Think? This Is Both Disappointing And Irritating. by Jullima(f): 7:28am On Jun 03, 2020

EricSmallz:
What is the penalty for Rape?
Haven't you seen a situation where somebody was found guilty of rape and was given a minimal sentence?
What do you think the court takes into consideration and not give maximum sentences to some people who are found guilty of rape?
It all depends on the circumstances.
The man who took a girl (who is not related to him) to the hotel room and eventually raped her at night will not likely get same punishment with a man who waylaid a girl at the road side and push her to a corner and raped her.
Reasons;
There is something called, contributory negligence

Lol abeg please don’t make me laugh, this is a serious matter.

In ANY criminal trial, defence vs the state, a victim is NEVER blamed for crimes committed by the defence. It’s never done that a judge would use the victims supposed culpability for sentencing. The court does not believe a rape victim is to blame for their rape. If the rapist didn’t rape the victim, the rape wouldn’t have happened.

A judge has a sentencing guideline based on the type of charge the rapist was convicted of. The state’s burden is to prove the defendant did it, period. Sentences are different because not all rape charges carry the same weight. The state will determine what class of rape charge based on the evidence they think is enough to get a conviction.

The bolded is used during tort.

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Romance › Re: How Do Some Men Think? This Is Both Disappointing And Irritating. by Jullima(f): 6:53am On Jun 03, 2020

@missimelda01, sorry your thread got derailed by posters ignoring the part where the guy typed there are some scenarios where a rape victim can share in the blame of her own rape with the rapist.

Next time, if you come across such ignorant view on rape, please use that as a teaching moment for that person. I literally spent the whole day yesterday on SM, FB, NL, WhatsApp, explaining, you would be surprised at how ignorant most are about rape and it’s impact on victims and rapist behaviour.

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Romance › Re: How Do Some Men Think? This Is Both Disappointing And Irritating. by Jullima(f): 6:12am On Jun 03, 2020*

themaestro08:
That is the problem with you lots, this guy you misquoted ( by editing his post) is actually on the same page with you. But heck hypocrisy and emotions has clouded your reasoning and you can't even realise it. He echoed the stance of many men by highlighting;

Like I said hypocrisy and double standards don't bring desired change, honesty and good reasoning do.

I don’t quote lengthy posts, it clogs up the thread. I truncate. No difference in choosing not to quote at all but addressing him with @. I didn’t edit a word.

I read his post and I said what I said. In the 21st century, mobilizing and the use of social media is very relevant and useful to fight rape, it’s not a waste of time and it’s not ineffective.

What you just typed and what she said about ‘precaution’ it’s what we women have been taught ad-nauseam since we could walk, we literally live our lives in fear of men and yet here we are. Rape is still rampart.

As women continue to take precautions (we never stopped), maybe we should also start the education and conversation on rape. People should know what consent means, they aren’t entitled to people’s body, rape shouldn’t be used as punitive measures etc.
Rapists and potential rapists get to hear/listen/see victims of rape and learn firsthand the destruction and damage they leave in their wake.

Also, most rape is done by people who are known to the victim, not some stranger lurking in the dark.

And oh! Yes! I am emotional, if you aren’t after seeing Uwa’s pictures online, then you should check yourself.

#justiceforuwa.

P.S. I participated on two threads a few weeks ago about male rape and male child abuse. Did you participate?

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Romance › Re: How Do Some Men Think? This Is Both Disappointing And Irritating. by Jullima(f): 4:15am On Jun 03, 2020

Ariza:
Here is the truth of this whole matter! I do not believe in placards, hashtags or online protests or threads they have done nothing and will have little or no effect. I believe in Action! In Reality! Let the ladies be on guard! Take precautions...

It's a dangerous world out there, don't think all #saynotorape rants will make any difference. Act!

You absolutely make no sense.

Do you know who else is on social media and make use of hashtags? The Nigerian police, the Nigerian senate and house of rep, the president, lawyers, etc if awareness is not brought to a societal menace, long enough to remain in the consciousness of the people, how do we fight it?

Agitations starts awareness, awareness leads to conversations which then leads to learning opportunities that can change the rape culture in Nigeria.

All your supposed ‘action’ is what has been taught and drilled into the brain of women since we could walk, guess what? Rape is still rampant, a rapist only needs one moment of vulnerability. Also, most rape victims were raped by someone they knew not some stranger in a dark alley.

Very pretty cold hearted of you to shame her for being emotional that a young girl was brutally raped and murdered in cold blood.

What is wrong with you??

7 Likes 3 Shares

Food › Re: Cook In Your Kitchen, Take Pictures And Post It Here. SIMPLE! by Jullima(f): 3:46am On Jun 03, 2020

cococandy:
Mmm I see what you did there

Me like

Sorry I couldn’t resist lol

Food › Re: Cook In Your Kitchen, Take Pictures And Post It Here. SIMPLE! by Jullima(f): 2:41am On Jun 03, 2020

cococandy:
I tried a raw honeycomb.
Not bad. The honey was really good.
But the comb itself is kinda waxy and sticks to your teeth.

That’s your beeswax.

4 Likes 1 Share

Romance › Re: Babcock Student, Yangy Accused Of Raping 24 Girls (photos & Screenshot) by Jullima(f): 2:19am On Jun 03, 2020

Wolgrace:
Dicing words with sexist victim play won't promote justice. Simplest form is this;

1. Rape is evil, but never expect rape allegation a must to favour women.

2. Yes, not my job but we've right to campaign for fairness & justice. But the law enforcement have so far investigated & revealed many false rape accusations, hence their slow response when true cases are filed. Patience is needed

I never said a rape allegation must favour women, where did you get that?

I said rape victims should be heard, they mustn’t be shut down. If rape victims don’t feel safe to report rape, how then do we fight rape in Nigeria?

Let them be heard, do not call them liars without facts and encourage them to report to authorities. Let’s encourage the process to play out.

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Romance › Re: I Have A Few Questions About Rape For Men. Please Contribute by Jullima(f): 2:06am On Jun 03, 2020

Contrary to your OP, there’s no deterrent for rape in Nigeria. Go and check the stats, how many convictions do we have for rape since 1960?

Is it not here on NL where there are many threads on a husband raping the underaged maid, most comments tell the women to send the victim packing, and stay in her marriage to the rapist.

Or is it families settling with a paedophile with food stuff and cash, that molested their child.

Our culture has made a very fertile environment for rapists to rape without fear of repercussion. Uwa’s rapists made a mistake of killing her, if not, if she had survived and twitted about her rape, she would have been shut down for being a liar.

So, there is no incentive for a rapist to stop raping in Nigeria.

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Romance › Re: Babcock Student, Yangy Accused Of Raping 24 Girls (photos & Screenshot) by Jullima(f): 1:45am On Jun 03, 2020

Wolgrace:
How should you identify the truther?

That’s not your job or mine, that’s for law enforcement.

Our job as members of a collective, is to help create and maintain a safe society for all. We should ensure a viable environment where victims can come forward without fear of a backlash. Say no to rape, “no” means no, if you see something, say something, and don’t be a rape apologist.

Right now less than 10% of rape victims report rape. If they know they will be called liars or re-victimized they will never come forward and their rapists still remain in the society you and I live, ready to pounce on another victim.

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Romance › Re: Babcock Student, Yangy Accused Of Raping 24 Girls (photos & Screenshot) by Jullima(f): 1:12am On Jun 03, 2020

Reading the posts on this thread from men and women very sad.

If Uwa had survived and came on twitter to report her rapists, she would have been given the same treatment of victim blaming and she would’ve been shut down as a liar.

Why do we create an environment for rapists to flourish?? Why do we make it difficult for alleged victims to come forward?? Why do you people pretend you’re neutral until concrete evidence but say boldly the women are lying. Is that neutrality?

This alleged rapist has 24 accusers, isn’t the right thing to do, is to hear them and make sure we have a reliable and credible due process in this country where an alleged rape can be investigated and the rapist removed from our society.

We shame rape victims, we blame them for their own rape, we shout them down as liars, we let a potential rapist roam free to rape his next victim. For you women victim blaming, that next victim could be you.

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Family › Re: Can A Man Stay Sexually Satisfied With His Wife? by Jullima(f): 6:46pm On Jun 02, 2020

gentlesinna:
Pls can a man be satisfied eating only rice for the rest of his life....

Sometimes he need to add beans or better still try another food..

Lmfao, do you think it’s only men that get tired of monotonous sex? The only difference is, men are sloppy while women sabi chop clean mouth.

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Family › Re: Five Signs Your Personality Is Intimidating To Others by Jullima(f): 6:31pm On Jun 02, 2020

[img]https:///view/chair-man-tv-gif-5456790.gif[/img]

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Family › Re: I Need Your Candid Advise Please by Jullima(f): 8:07pm On Jun 01, 2020

mayorkay1996:
Ma'am d did has been done..d ball is now in ur court...
My own advice is as far ur hubby is remorseful and treating u well...please don't loose ur home to a village girl oo.
You still his rightful wife..he paid ur bride price also u went through a lot for him.

Just becareful..okay..

Smh
Hasn’t the home being lost already? Wetin remain again inside the home?

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Family › Re: Why Are Some Families Like This? by Jullima(f): 5:36pm On May 30, 2020

There is nothing strange here, this is how widows are treated in Nigeria. Also, some Naija men trust their extended families over their own nuclear family, his wife and his children regarding his assets.

As a wife living in Naija, under Igando laws, I fully adopt “your money is our money, my money is mine and my children’s” philosophy. Save as much as you can, buy properties in YOUR name (hide them if your husband doesn’t understand why you have to do this). No shame or apologies, it is what it is.

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Family › Re: Is It Possible For A Pregnant Woman To Fail A Pregnancy Test? by Jullima(f): 5:01pm On May 30, 2020

Gloriagee:
Yeah very possible. Get to a gynecologist asap

At 3 months? Mbanu. Unless the PT is fake.

Op, at three months, you should already been seen by your Gynae. A blood test should’ve been done and scheduled scan visit. Foetal heartbeat should’ve been detected also ( I may be wrong )

I hope your wife’s case is not all these fake fertility clinics, that give her concoction to drink that mimics pregnancy symptoms and even a big belly. Just go to a diagnostic lab and order a pregnancy test with blood drawn. You can never go wrong with a blood test.

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