₦airaland Forum

[size=14pt] LESSON 1.
A man getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door
neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop
that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands
her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was
that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the
$800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining
to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be
in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


LESSON 2.
A priest offer a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a
leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, " Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his
hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on
her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity.


LESSON 3.
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in
Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an
endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after
lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.


LESSON 4.
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, " Can I also sit
like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered, "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jump on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must
be sitting very, very high up.


LESSON 5.
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree"
sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull. They're packed with the nutrients."
The turkey packed at a lump of drug, and found it actually
gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree.
The next day, after eating some more drug, he reached the
second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at
the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
tree.

Moral of the story: Bull sh*t might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there..


LESSON 6.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began
to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*ts is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth
shut!


This...Makes sense. haha
Enjoy it.
Credits to tickld.com [/size]

Avictomama:
I had this experience last year and posed it on ma blog. fter reading and laffing over it today, thought i should share. Enjoy

? On a lighter note, It is advisable not to look too dashing. I guess I
was cos they were all accusing me of having multiple girlfriends

mirakecrea8:
am sure you are from botswana or mauritania....aam not sure your refering to GEJ. even if he isnt good in some aspects, not in eloquency or public speaking

Women are much more complicated than men. Men are very simple. And you know why? it’s because their brains are so different. First, I want to start with men.

Men’s brains are very unique. Most women don’t realize that whether we are having sex or watching sports, our brains are made up of little boxes. We’ve got a box for everything. We’ve got a box for the car. We’ve got a box for the money. We’ve got a box for the job. We’ve got a box for you. We’ve got a box for the kids. We’ve got a box for your mother somewhere in the basement. We’ve got boxes everywhere. And the rule is: the boxes don’t touch. When a man discusses a particular subject, we go to that particular box, we pull that box out, we open the box, and we discuss only what is in THAT BOX. And then we close the box and put it away being very, very careful not to touch other boxes.

Now women’s brains are very, very different from men’s brains. Women’s brains are made up of a big ball of wire. And everything is connected to everything. The money is connected to the car and the car is connected to your job and your kids are connected to your mother and everythingisallconnected . It’s like the internet superhighway, and it’s all driven by energy that we call
emotion. It’s one of the reasons why women tend to remember… everything. Because if you take an event and you connect it to an emotion and it burns in your memory and you can remember it forever. The same thing happens for men. It just doesn’t happen very often, because quite frankly… we don’t care. Women tend to care about everything. And she just loves it.

Now men, we have a box in our brain that most women are not aware of. This particular box has nothing in it. In fact, we call it the ‘nothing box.’ And of all the boxes a man has in his brain, the ‘nothing box’ is our favorite box. If a man has a chance, he’ll go to his nothing box every time. That’s why a man can do something seemingly completely brain dead for hours on end. You know, like fishing.

Now they’ve actually measured this. The University of Pennsylvania a couple of years ago did a study and discovered that men have the ability to think about absolutely nothing, and still breathe.
Women can’t do it. Their mind has never stopped. And they
don’t understand the ‘nothing box’, and it drives them CRAZY
because nothing drives a woman more crazy and makes
them feel more irritated than to watch a man doing nothing .

2cato: ok thanks. I know u do not have the strenght to recieve
insult

watchthisposter: OK you uncivilised he-goat...
Wanna dance?
Let's dance

2cato: A lazy person is a lazy person and will always be a lazy person no matter the amount of threat and beating. And i believe most nairalander fall into this group.

Sometimes, we all feel the need to just stay in bed and do nothing but watch TV. However, when your laziness has become a “chronic issue” and it prevents you from doing your daily chores or achieving your goals, then that is a problem that should be addressed as quickly as possible. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a little lazy every now and then, especially after a stressful and demanding day at work or school – however, there is a very thin line between the desire of being idle for a while and serious laziness or procrastination. Here are 8 efficient ways to overcome laziness quickly and effortlessly: 

1. Find Your Motivation

One of the most common causes of laziness is the simple lack of motivation – when you are not determined enough to do something, you tend to procrastinate, and for a good reason. This is precisely why you need to find your motivation, no matter if you plan to achieve something big or to complete a minor task such as cleaning your home. There are many ways in which you can find or enhance your motivation: you can repeat affirmations, you can look at the big picture and see yourself at the end of what you planned (the visualization technique) to do or you can simply keep an eye on the rewards, if that is what truly motivates you. It is very important to always keep in mind the goals you want to achieve, as this is often the strongest and most efficient motivation.

2. One Step At A Time

One of the biggest mistakes some of us tend to do is that we try to accomplish two or more things at once – while it is true that some of us have multitasking abilities and doing two things at once can help them save a lot of time and trouble, others simply cannot focus on more than one thing. This is precisely why it is very important to take one step at a time, otherwise you may feel overwhelmed and laziness will take over you. Simply learn how to be in control: in control of yourself, of your tasks and of your own power.

3. Get Some Physical Exercise

Never underestimate the power of physical exercise! If you are chronically lazy, then the chances are that you do not feel like exercising too often. However, you will be amazed to see how invigorated and refreshed you will feel after only 30 minutes of running or doing any other type of cardiovascular training. Besides, you do not even need to focus on high-intensity workouts: sometimes, all you need to do is to get up, get dressed and go out for a long walk in the evening. The fresh air coupled with the light exercise will help you stay focused and will “get the engine started”, thus allowing you to complete your daily tasks. Physical exercise does not necessarily refer to training, as you can basically do anything you like and that involves some degree of movement. For instance, you can clean the house, you can iron your shirts, you can walk your dog or even play video games if that involves some movement. It is important to start slowly and to gradually work your way through your exercise routine. You will see how easy it is to stick to a regular training routine and to workout three to four times a week, not to mention all the health benefits associated with physical exercise!

4. Divide Your Big Tasks Into Smaller Ones

One of the most common reasons why we choose to procrastinate and to postpone our tasks is simply because they often tend to be too difficult or too time-consuming. If this is the case, then all you have to do is to divide a large task into two or more smaller ones. This way, you will find it a lot easier to complete the small ones, and when you do, you will realize that you are one step closer to the finish line. Large tasks are often overwhelming and tiresome, but they do not have to be so intimidating – it is all about taking the right approach!

5. Always Look For Positive Examples

Positive examples and role models have a tremendous impact on our motivation. We all need somebody to look up to for inspiration, whenever we find it difficult to go on. Find successful people that inspire you, people who motivate you go fight and to go on with your journey no matter what. Surround yourself with successful people who have been in your shoes and who managed to make a name and a reputation for themselves.

6. Don’t Forget About The Consequences Of Not Completing Your Tasks

Nobody is fond of consequences, as they are often negative – however, it is important to be fully aware of them, as they often turn out to be great for boosting your motivation. If you cannot find positive reasons to get started with whatever it is that you have to do, then thinking of the consequences will certainly do the trick. For instance, if you have a project for school or University and you simply lack the motivation to get started, think about the consequences. You will get low grades, you may miss the chance to enroll in a reputable college later on or you might even fail to get your Bachelor’s Degree. These are serious long-term consequences that should not be neglected.

7. Visualize Your Task

Visualization is a very useful technique that is used across a variety of different fields, and it can certainly help you overcome your laziness. In a nutshell, all you have to do is to visualize yourself doing what you need to do – this will positively influence your mind and stimulate you to take action. If you see yourself at the end of your goal, you will be motivated to get up and work on your future.

8. Set Some Deadlines

Nobody likes deadlines and that is a known fact, but sometimes these time limits can stimulate you to get started. As you may know already, getting started is the most difficult part of the process but once you do, everything will be easier. Simply set a deadline for each task and try to stick to it.

In a nutshell, these are 8 ways to overcome your laziness. If you have been procrastinating for a long period of time, then you will surely find it difficult to overcome this matter – however, by focusing on the tips and hints mentioned here and by understanding that overcoming laziness is a gradual process that involves daily activities, you will eventually get the motivation you need to go on. Remember that overcoming your laziness is the first step toward improving your life.
source: lifespan.com