₦airaland Forum

Dunno

and SO,

Security reports have intercepted terrorist plans to attack on 14th February.

Targets methods include fast-food/eateries/restaurants, and exotic hotels. Recharge card bombs, teddy bear bombs, valentine cake bombs, ice cream bombs are weapons being planned to be used. Anyone buying these gifts will be arrested.

All phone conversations with statements like "I love U̶̲̥̅̊" will be intercepted and culprits arrested for questioning. The CBN and EFCC have instructed that all gifts above 500naira should be declared and registered.‎​

You are advised to report any lady (wife or girlfriend) demanding for gifts above the value of 500Naira as she must b a suspected terrorist or an accomplice. Any wife or girlfriend who also frowns at the lawful gift of N500 in value should also be reported as she may be a MEND suicide bomber.

All are advised to stay @ home preferably in ð bedroom as living rooms are not safe. Any one whose wife or girlfriend is missing on dat day due to the impact of this message should report her to the nearest police station as she is a suspected terrorist who has gone to meet her terrorist gang.
Be warned!!!,

Me too

:p

Husband and wife agrees that anytime they want to have sex, they will
device a code because of the children.

Sex was noted and coded as "PHONE CALL" btwn the couple.

One day the husband sends his son to tell his mother that he wants to
make a PHONE CALL, and the mother replies;

Wife: Tell Ur father, there is no network,

Husband: tell Ur mother that if there is no network at home, then I"ll
go to a public phone,

[b]Wife: [/b]Tell Ur father that if he dare goes to a public phone,then I"ll
open a call center at Home.

@ nich - stop crying nah, I hav filled up 8 buckets of tears and u still crying.

@ xynerise - why do guys sleep wit gurls even though dey dnt love/like dem?
why do guys tell gurls dey love dem, wen dey dnt mean it?
why do guys cheat on deir partner, and still claim dey hav rights to do such?

Eh ya! See wat dissatisfaction has caused

@ Poster - By now, u should hav gotten one of these boiz

@ Nelson - U are fake jorrrrr

@ Nelson - Do you hav a lot of money to be my VAL

Fenks

ok nah ;d

If swimming is a good exercise to stay fit, why then are whales fat?

Why is the place in a stadium where people sit, called a STAND?

Why is it that everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die?

Shall I say that there is racial discrimination even in chess as the white piece is moved first?

In our country, we have freedom of speech, then why do we have telephone bills?

If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?

Why do you still call it a building when its already built?

If its true that we are here to help others, what then are others here for?

If you aren't supposed to drink and drive, why then do bars have parking lots?

We all are living too seriously in a funny world, so just sit back for a while and enjoy the fun,

@ nich - Sorry I didnt see any of such. I only saw my Agbalumo

Landcaster - No need to be greedy, just the Technical Manager Post will be okay

Still Vacant

Funny

Dear Sir,

I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and wish to apply for the replacement of the dead manager. Each time I apply for employment I am told there is no vacancy but on this one, I have caught you red handed coz I even attended the funeral and all burial proceedings and made sure that he was truly dead before applying. I can remember you saying on the funeral that he will be very difficult to replace, meaning there is no one at the moment. Well it's your lucky day sir; you already have found the best man for the job so look no more. It is sad but strategic though, that he has left us, at least now I stand to benefit as he has left a vacancy for me. For that I shall forever be grateful for his timely death. He too always spoke of early retirement and I guess this serves him well too.

A deal that benefits all should be the substance of a fine businessman. Ironic, yes but death is truly very fair. Just imagine, the company no longer has to pay his retirement funds. The company will not have to worry about paying me a relocation allowance because he was my neighbour and it will be easy for me to simply jump over the Durawall into that beautiful big company house. I also took it into my hands to quickly buy a drivers' licence as I am sure the Toyota 4x4 will also be handed over to me.

And sir, don't even try to cheat me on this one because I even know the mileage reading on that beautiful machine. This just goes on to prove that I am a determined self starter who is attentive to detail. Amiable qualities that speak for themselves. I am sure that after reading this, there won't be any need for a CV, just verification if I am up for the challenge. For that sir, I will be sending my pictures taken whilst attending the funeral and burial so that you can see how tough I was.

Yours Faithfully,
Kemisuga
Have A Lovely Week Ahead

Thanks

@ Nelson -

Congrats to her. She is a good actress.

NEYIN MAMA, NEYIN PAPA, NEYIN OMO

NO, NO, NO

;d ;d ;d :d

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me.
She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English pretty good, and it say:
Polish Remover

:d ;d :p ;d ;d :-x

Where is My Agbalumo

"ma lo soko oh. if land anywhere oh."

@ Ode remo - are u speaking in tongues or wat? cos I dnt get dat

@ Ode remo (Ijebu) - Wat's your stress, na by force to give comment