₦airaland Forum

byvan03:
I don't know your old monicker, it used to be very fun here, if you weren't on this section then . Now everybody don become good geh, seems the boys brawl more nowadays.

Old monicker

I know...we they have all rebranded

byvan03:
Trying to make her feel bad is stupidi*ty, it's not in their place to decide. Of course during my service year I had fun slaying a lot of Mrs Jobberwomen that tries to talk me down here. Once one is satisfied with what she is doing, that's all that matters. My post is just because OP isn't happy with it, other wise as long as the person isn't broke and needy, why criticise so blatantly?

another badt woman

SLAYING!!!!!!

edwife:
Exactly! You always get me.

Not on league days

byvan03:
Edwife I think this work thing is more of self gratification than anything else, I love credit alerts and nothing makes me sing out loud like it. The amount no matter, it just has away of exciting me. So I look at it in terms of self gratification than anything else. The people you mentioned might be stagnant but they might also be happy doing what they do and that's their greatest gratification.

I think this is exactly the point Edwife is trying to make. While she was at home tending to her kids, they were making her feel bad like she was missing something out there not considering the fact that she was happy doing what she was doing.

So at the end of the day, it's one's happiness and self-fulfillment that matters most while also taking the larger family into consideration.

...so I heard

edwife:
Well different strokes, just as you hate the word allowance, i hate the word salary because by the end of the day- those kids are mine too. I also don't see it as wasting my life taking care of my children, however i do agree that a woman who is willing to stay at home with her kids while holding on to her dreams, needs to be very well taken care of.

When I used to be a stay at home mum, many of my friends made me feel like i was missing something and to tell you the truth, i am here now and nothing like that happened. Many still where they were, no improvement, many i left behind and some progressed but still wasn't easy either . One was very fond of telling me how are you able to sit at home doing nothing , that she can't, she needs to make money. But she was also borrowing money from someone who does nothing to sort one or two things at home women! .Jobs are not eternal, one can lose that job in a twinkle of an eye.

Of course once the kids are in school, what else is there to stay home for? I honestly doubt any man will ask his wife to stay at home forever, I haven't seen that.Many stay at home mums I know abroad or home, went back to pursuit their dreams.

There are many things one can do no matter where one finds him/herself. It is about having a vision, a plan and seeing that it comes to pass.

Jisike nwannem.

badt woman

I fear who no fear you o

bulunton:
Dear Op,I understand how you feel but I want U to know dt in everything as a wife ur home is first.In as much as he pays the bills and all,I feel you should delay for sometime with the job search thing. Your husband is a responsible man who will not want U to be a liability.However, he has got his reasons for asking U to hold on

Seems you know the couple from somewhere. Pls what are the man's reasons

Blackfire:
no... I mean N O.

Ok

Stillfire, are you blackfire?

raumdeuter:
What I think is that both parties should only do what they are convenient with

If the work is too much for her its either she gets a maid the man pays for her to do his own portion of the work.

Is that a good enough solution? I dont want to do chores then I pay for someone to do it

lol...I agree jare

You cannot be lazy and carry an empty pocket at the same time...tufiakwa

cococandy:
True the innocent face is the best tool.

If I were to do this I'd expose myself by bursting into laughter when he begins to ask or look for something he needs.

Hahahhahaha

I've had to perfect these skills overtime o

When I had my first baby, hubby said "no nannies", he still wanted Mr and Mrs (who Mr and Mrs epp ) alone in the house and wanted us to use the crèche option instead for LO. But it wasn't convenient for me because we both not closing early in a very demanding industry so we had a situation where LO was always the last to leave the crèche and a caregiver had to stay with her till I got there when others had long left. The lady wasnt finding this funny at all and it was written all over her face. My constant lateness was increasing her own time in traffic and impacting negatively in her home. I had to do something fast since hubby still didn't see the need for it; he felt since we were paying heavily for late picking which was in their policy, all was well. I knew all wasn't well.

Besides that, I wasn't getting the much needed rest over the weekends, I was always tired on Monday mornings I knew I had to devise creative means to have my way. Somebody cannot not come and die like you rightly said.

So I did exactly those things you highlighted and much more. I also started spending long hours in the market every Saturday (wetin I dey buy biko) just to leave both of them at home alone for long hours. You need to see the helplessness and relief on his face when I get home. On one of those fustrating days, I asked him gently and sweetly if we could get a help, he quietly said yes. Well who cares - quietly or boldly, all I neede was a Yes!!! so I got a live-in nanny and life has been sweet after that.

So sometimes, a woman man gotta do what a woman man gotta do

cococandy:
Best punishment.
Do what you can and let him fester in the remaining filth (that's if it doesn't bug you too).
It's not possible to be hands on with everything in the house especially if you work and have more than one kid.
So some days,you do some leave some.
Once in a while let his favorite shirt stay in the washer for days until he needs it and can't find it because you were too busy with other stuff to remember washing it.
Some days make his dinner very late until he realizes he needs to chip in to help move the ministry forward.
Somebody cannot come and go and die (this grammar still makes me laugh ).

Disregard if you guys have an arrangement where only you keep the home and he brings in the bacon.

knightngale, hope you're skilled enough to try this. Put on your most innocent face while at it.

@raumdeteur - what do you think?

Cancel it; a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

Mindfulness and TV01 choi!! You guys are from a separate planet, confirmed!

segcymoor:
Bro please are absolutely sure about this because this has been my concern
I really need a smartphone with good battery because I am always on.data

If it's too good to be true...

modath:
O ga ju!

Bros can't take a stand ooo, to take a stand would be dangerous, bros is a bird, will perch and build a nest anywhere available and when the time comes to move again, up in the air...igi da eiye folo...

LBK is doing great, almost 1 now...time flies mehn!

Lmao@ bird

Waoh! Time flies mehnn. Kisses to him

modath:
Sister mi, how ya doing? More than Tiri days!!

Sis mi, I am good o. E de ku increase o

Pls tell bro Tonye to take a stand, no be im party? To be lukewarm is highly dangerous o

Luv to your family esp LBK

TonyeBarcanista:
Boss this is a very dicey issue. I remain neutral for now

Revelation 3:16

thorpido:
^^^He didn't just change overnight.He has always been that way.

Op,I don't know what your courtship was like and why you chose to marry him but I can say this guy didn't just become like this after marriage.A Guy who clubs?

You should sit him down and have a deep talk with him about this and see if he is remorseful and is willing to change.I don't think you can try to force him to change however.
You have to ask yourself if this is really what you want and if you will continue this way.

Not necessarily so. People pick up habits along the way due to different reasons, including clubbing and womanising. Yes!!!

E.g Have you heard of women who got married as virgins and went haywire after the first 'do'? I still read an anonymous confession this night - babe got married as a vigin not too long ago, now has 7 boyfriends at a go to support her family so she claims.

Sweetcoca, what happened tonight? Never seen you vex like this not even with Crack and Tim...pls let it go babes. Too much negative energy oozing outta here.

raumdeuter:
Dem wan start dey do Kerewa o wa Kerewa o, Kerewa o wa kere wawa

agbaya

MRBrownJ:
i am just gonna copy and paste my reply since your are asking the same question all over my posts...

any women who lived the traditional way were slaves to their husbands, yes!!! doing ALL the chores wasnt even a debate, it was their JOBS, whether they liked it or not. husband's only job was to go to work and make money. if thats what your mother does tday then yes she is a slave indeed.

Just stumbled on this...don't know and don't care what you guys were debating on but this is the most absurd thing I've read on cyberspace. And too bad such BS had to come from you.

Did you just say slaves Anybody who believes this needs a brain reset. Sorry!

Eddygourdo:
I always say to couples who come to me with many issues. "Who is the husband " and "who is the wife" . Most times am greeted with looks of shock and likely response like "he is the man na" ofcourse "she is the woman and thus the wife". I ask this question because the concept of husband and wife is a behaviourial connotation that could be binding on either a man or a woman.

A husband is the head of the family, he speaks and others follow, he provides for the family and his word is gold. A wife is the keeper of the family, she is the neck of the home and thus should turn the head in the right direction, she leads the homefront and is incharge. Yet we know that no two situations can be the same. Some situations are dynamic as life itself and since we are dealing with humans of diverse nature. Its not uncommon to observe a family where the man performs all the attributes I listed for the wife and the woman does all I listed for the husband. Infact some homes startedd out with a man as the head, and financial or other reasons brought a role reversal.

This implies that by function, a man could be the wife to his woman in opposition to the norm of a woman being a wife to the man. This is based on the nature and temperment of the people involved. There are men who gladly cook and clean the home, and there are others who feel insulted at the mention to them to raise their legs up so one can sweep.

What works for family A is different from family B. And thus I always ask. Who has taken up the role of husband by ommision or commision. Who has done same for wife. When there is no understanding of individuals roles , there will always be conflict, no two captains can pilot a ship. A man takes up the role of a wife during courtship and when he marries his wife , he immediately starts taking up the role of husband, and after two years he wonders why he is unhappy and his wife doesn't respect him.

From the onset of any realtionship, a woman must assert her role and the man must do so. This role must remain so till death do you part Failure to determine your individual roles early have always caused rifts between new married couples . And all you will hear is " jide has changed , he is now so controlling ". And " mide can reply and argue for africa. She always wants to assert he decisions on me". They always will chorus " mide and jide were not like this before oh ". Aaand the trouble has started.

Some hard women, are submissive to john but are domineering to mark. The simple explanation is dat john is an alpha male and automatically takes the husband role, while mark is a beta male who takes no role and thus allows the woman asuume whichever roles she feels will suit a circumstance.

Define the roles in your relationship, marriage and stick to it. Situations could change it at any time and thus make a woman a breadwinner or a man a housewife. When such happens you should understand and carter for ur spouse knowing that such circumstantial role reversal could cause depression in people

It must not be 'till death do us part' else the marriage is dead on arrival. Circumstances change and people change. Their respective roles may need to be revised temporarily or permanently depending on prevailing conditions and with the agreement of both parties.
There must be room for flexibility.


[size=3pt]But wait o! all these yeye gender threads to dey tire una to open ni? [/size]

To people asking for indices and criteria used, pls read the article...it's well explained there

crackhaus:
Lol @beautiful ending.

The beautiful ending had better happen in a bedroomchurch, signing the dotted lines, else all this would have been for nothing..

Crackhaus, kilode gaan sef

crackhaus:
Eishhh, that was fast. Were you waiting for my reply?

Lol...funny enough, I just logged in to find your mention. Didn't even check what time it was posted.
No surprises anyway, my spiritman strong from time immemorial

[size=3pt]Pls let's not interrupt the beautiful things happening on this thread; my eyes have seen the beginning, my eyes must see the beautiful ending...hopefully[/size]

crackhaus:
...if only I had penned poems and sensual lines? Lol...
I guess by your reckoning, arguing with any female moniker on NL Free translates to me wanting to win that person... oya kontunu with that line of thought

When I want to win a lady (on NL or anywhere for that matter), I don't do so by writing poems - I'm not Ernest Hemingway and I do not care to be like him, my ambitions are not so....limited

jaybee3:
You may or will?

lol...he meant he WILL send it. Thanks bro

Silvofitz - pls do the needful asap

Flashh:
I am not like your boys who runs headlessly for nothing.

I run for mission. Now on the verge of achieving it next weekend.

Na here we go dey naa

georgementday:
abeg non finish me with laugh

lol...no mind the yeye buoy

Flashh:
Abeg go sleep. Otus.

You are just like those my yeye boyz...running upandan without mission