₦airaland Forum

TV01:
Nothing has changed - agreed. So any changes are a result of mindset, attitude and beliefs. You cannot call her a "wonderful wife" if the situation changes her attitude. She is at best a "contingent wonderful wife" - and all women are .

Now, to be sure, I am not talking about a lousy or immature husband. That should have been a non-starter in the first place. But if a man is conducting himself aright and the financial situation changes - say her earning go stratospheric due to winning a talent show - he is still the same good man and dutiful husband as before. However her earnings are now transformational to their situation, and if she is indeed a "wonderful wife" (unqualified), nothing much changes in their union.

That is what I preach, that is what I practice. Aspirational marriage true to it's essence, not some contrived, self-serving transactional arrangement. It may fall a little short, but it is worth shooting for. If you eat cheap greasy burger, be prepared for tummy ache, flatulence and spots

@temi4fash - I dey come.


TV

TV01:
...for me it's fundamental to the nature of the union. I cannot consider a woman with that mindset - mine is ours and hers is hers - as fully invested in me and our union. In essence I wouldn't consider her a wife, or that a marriage. The key is to discerning that before and not after.

It would be great if a man could comfortably fund everything. But even if he can and the woman is earning a "mite", that mite should be pooled and go towards the betterment of the whole family. So I agree, "no boundaries"

If a man can do all of the above and more, and the situation changes, with the woman being the one who can, what has changed in a one-flesh union? Nothing really. Certain structural changes may be required but nothing fundamental has changed.

If a woman willingly enters a union with a man with whom she does or may potentially earn more, that does not change the dynamic in the least. She's a wife and he's a husband.

It's why I differentiate between the burger marriage and the chateaubriand union. If you know what goes into burgers, you won't chop

TV

bellong:
She is still an half baked graduate, patronize her at your own peril.

Disclaimer notice, Kimoni is yet to complete her apprenticeship. She may not know how to use the little power given her correctly.

She only knows the bad part as at today.

Stay clear of her till I bring her back to the shrine.

NashvilleTN:
Wow, happy workers day my people; great insights on this thread.

For me, I will say that one of the biggest attributes that defines a man is his ability to provide financially for his family. Once he cannot do that for an extended period, there will be problems. Don't get me wrong; marriage is not competition and a wife can earn more than her husband without any issues. But when the woman is the sole bread-winner and the man ain't earning much. I tell you; there is a 99% chance the marriage is doomed.

We can defend the woman or commiserate with the man all day long; but what makes that male a man is almost gone! He will have issues with himself and his wife will have issues with him. Even the kids will have issues with him.

CFCman:

CFCman:
Correct! That's why you're a CFC fan; you're reasonable

edwife:
LMAO that is a question for the "gods"...

edwife:
Nah, teebillz was already doing that before he became broke and he was still making money sweetheart. He bought a Mercedes(she only pay 3 Mill to finish the debt) and was going to the barber twice a week,so he had some changes the only problem it wasn't in tiwa level.

Isn't it Tiwa who said he made 45M from scam?

I do understand that people tend to pick bad habits when they are depressed,an idle minds is the devils workshops.But she also she that he quits the habit he developed when he was jobless but the guy still jobless,what changed?

edwife:
Kimoni when we talk about comfort we need to understand that what you call comfort is not what i call comfort.
There were a thread where a girl said that she can not marry a man who lives in a one bedroom flat. and she strongly defended her reasons.

edwife:
I will only agree to this if we are talking of women who believe in headship.What you are saying is what it was in the past before the equality talk starts pestering our environment.

A woman who believes that everything in marriage is 50/50 will not step "gladly".

edwife:
She found help? where? by falling in love with her boss on her interview day? chai

RoyalRoy:
Lol.... Independent Mamalawo.... I bow for you o!!

edwife:
Yes, especially if she married him for "the comfort" that came with the marriage. Do you realise that nowadays women marry more based on how well the man can provide?

They will gladly step up and cover the gaps yes but not for too long compare to a man and not without bringing drama to it..So yes kimoni an exception of women.

tearoses:
So you have obtained your freedom from Bellong the resident babalawo
I better be careful then

tearoses:
So You let him move to Gbagada first, then you go and buy N200,000 pot? and say you are helping him - in some cases

Instead of saying bros Kimoni I get N200,000K, lets add this to your N300,000K so that we can rent in Lekki instead of gbagada

tearoses:
Royal Roy thank you o!

This Kimomi woman get winch

I was banned

edwife:
Kimoni tell me what you think of this.

@ Red we all know she needed to add salt and pepper for the story to sound sweet. He doesn't have money but he sleeps with prostitutes?

@ blue, yeah right.

edwife:
Tiwa situation is different, No one will be motivated to do anything for a cheating spouse; you were generalizing and i know for sure not every woman will step in "gladly" to cover for her husband. The covering is mostly done outside for public viewing but at home it's different.

tearoses:
I disagree ma
What are her earnings for?
Dayo has talked about accommodation and kids school fees
Accommodation that she will live in and enjoy and throw house parties
......and school fees for her own kids, not dayos brothers kids
If He said he wants her money to buy designer shirts and a rolex, then that's different.
She is putting money down for a lifestyle that she will enjoy.
What is the point of keeping money in her account if they are living in gbagada but if she puts something down, they can all live in Lekki?
What is her money for?
Lipstick?

edwife:
Are you sure about this? I got different opinions tho.....I can direct you to a blog and read what nigerian women have to say about this.

tearoses:
Sis mi, no ooooooo
The ones who are stepping in the gap are old fashioned ruth aboko ku
The jet age ladies dont take any nonsense
Their money is their money
Let the man go and do overtime and die from exhaustion
none of their biz
They no send

tearoses:
[center][/center]

Please don't believe everything you are told
Some just say silly things to form "enlightened"
If the man is going through financial difficulty then Let the kids stay at home if they wont put their money towards their own kids school fees.
Are they not her kids too? or are they my kids? as if on graduation day wont she tie her gele and say my son, my daughter?
If I was a man, I would never respect a woman who cant stand in the gap when I am unavailable.

damiso:
Aunty e rora o

TV01:
There has been a lot of water under the bridge. Harsh and wounding words have been said - and in public. some of those allegations eh?How mature and composed are the couple to see this?

Are the people who surround and advise them more concerned about the brand or the union? As bad as it is, could it escalate still? And most of all, "when a womans mind is made up"...

Hmmm...
TV

raumdeuter:
My view about finances is always that 2 is always better than 1. If alone I can afford 3 bedroom in Surulere and a above average school, I would expect my partner to add to it regardless and up our standard to Lekki and to a very good school. Thats why I married a working woman and not just a stay at home. Thats why both of us went to school and have careers

Dont wait till I cant afford Surulere again before you now pitch into Surulere rent.

The improved standard of life is to both of our benefit and to the kids we have jointly. Alone I can afford Surulere, Alone she can afford Gbagada, now if we combine together both finances should be able to afford a place greater than Surulere and Gbagada.

raumdeuter:
I agree with you.

If your husband for whatever reason cant get a job where you are, Would you prefer to be the provider and have him home or rather have him travel and come home 3 days every 3months but still send money home