₦airaland Forum

Kaymicheal852:
➜Marriage is not a place to have endless sex ,it's where you build a life with someone who was raised in a completely different home with different upbringing, it's a place you pay endless bill and work endlessly
It's a place where you give birth and raised your children so you could give them a better life ( fortunately if they're not bastatd)
There will always be a family gathering or probably family members to spend money on , and starting from the moment she got pregnant the sex start reducing and reduces more and more
Then after giving birth no sex for at least 3 months, after she heals it's either she is busy in the house, probably with work or just busy taking care of the child, in a nutshell she won't have your time anymore, and even if you have sex it's going to boring duty sex
Most of the time you also will be exhausted with work or bills and will prefer to just sleep off rather than trying to participate in the boring sex where she will probably turns you down because she is tired , busy or sleeping
And by the time the child the child start growing and you probably have more time for sex ( if the marriage have not collapsed yet at this point) sfe will just pregnant again and sex reduces even more , while your bills , frustrating and exhausting doubles
As a married man it's either you are polygamous, a cheat or you're celibate, marriage is not a place for sex , it's a rigged game with Just 1 women
This is not to blame women because obviously they're not a robot who can do it all perfectly, but it's just to warn men who associate endless sex with marriage If you still want to be a sexually active man just stay single and enjoy your life

Men need to be freely able to adopt the single childfree lifestyle if sex is the only thing they desire from relationships. The fact that many men don't even care to be good fathers to the many children they end up having in marriage is more than enough reason why society should stop pushing marriage on men and instead encourage those among them who would choose to forego marriage and childbearing altogether.

Felicity0001:
This one has totally gone gaga... I pity her husband

. She is actually more informed than you are. You pity her husband because you don't think a woman deserves pity when she states a fact, right?

ajalawole:
➜What does most woman bring to the table then sex. No matter how rich a woman is, she will still need a mans money....In fact, she can still offer her body for SE even if she has billions.

The average woman brings to her relationships emotional, mental, and physical labor that she is rarely ever adequately compensated for.
Watch from 7:00 to 7:36

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX-9563ylWI?si=XpjQ-wLErzPk6Leu

fmlala:
She is a tik0tokker marriage always favour women, why are women fighting to stay in marriage?

Wrong! Studies have, in fact, shown that marriage benefits men more than it does women. Married men live much longer than single men do. Why? This is primarily because of the free labor— unpaid, uncompensated labor that has been calculated to be worth trillions of dollars each year — that married men can mine from the women they are married to.

Vinnie2000:
30+ ladies desperately in need of husband will beg to disagree. Some Pple do NOT know the value of what they have.

Desperation stemming from brainwashing of women from childhood does not change the facts, which is that marriage benefits men more than women. Numerous studies have revealed this on so many levels.

ebenezary:
look at the way you are contradicting yourself with reality, the same you said your Son give you joy

Are you sure you are OK?

Sermwell:
Sense is far from her!! Have you seen men attending Shiloh or hallelujah challenge praying and fasting for wife?

She is not the one who is far from sense. Studies have, in fact, shown that marriage benefits men more than it does women.

bmd1010:
She left her husband two days after their wedding, borrowed money from her used it to pay bride price, made jer family spent money for the wedding, lied he was based in Australia ask her for 3sum as a wedding gift

Is this one of those Jerry Eze marriage-by-fire schemes?

Helpout12345:
➜So what is the main problem you have with him? Did you really love this man before marriage, and do you still love him?

Was it love when the man decided to shirk his responsibilities onto the same woman already carrying the burden of raising the kids and caring for the house all by herself? Talk about weaponizing love against someone who has more than revealed that she has not received love from her partner for the longest? Are you going to demand, as religious nutjobs do, that she continue to love him — carry all of the load alone, aka be a single married woman — even when there is clearly no reciprocity? 😂😂😂😂

SpiritualWealth:
➜And How Have You Been Solving A Problem That Has Been In Front Of Your Eyes For Over 25 Years ?

A community or nation is not designed in such a way as to have one person solving the problems. Rather, it is designed for the collective to solve its part of the problem. For example, back in the 80s, whenever the rains came, and we noticed flooding due to dirty gutters on a particular street, the community would come together to clean up at least their side of the gutters to allow the water to flow freely off to the next location. It would not make sense to have just one person to go out to solve the problem on behalf of the entire community. Would it? 🥱🥱
Now imagine that for that entire 25 years, members of that community had been dumping trash freely in their gutters while only one man had busied himself cleaning his side of the gutters throughout that period. They have somehow gotten used to the flooding problems and have done nothing about it, even then. What do you think gathering them up for another meeting about the flooding problem will do at that point?

omo17:
✓ I'm scared of the side effects

You are more scared of the side effects than what the harm the mental illness is causing your brain and your mind by remaining in their unchecked state 24 hours a day?

Well, I was kind of like you until the toll the mental illness on my brain included mental loss, impact on Short term memory -- I eventually had to drop out of a masters program as I went from As to Fs almost overnight -- loss of language (aphasia), and impact on my motor skills(I began having seizures more regularly than before). That was when I said f-ck side effects and got myself on all the medications I could to get me working again. Turned out to be the best decision I ever made in my life. Those were the best days of my life, and they lasted approximately 5 years too. But because I waited so long to get on medical treatment for my conditions— apparently, I had at least 3 of them since I was a child — the medications could not prevent what eventually happened. My doctors told me of it, but I thought that since the medications were able to help me somewhat in my daily life, maybe they will oe resolve the crash to come. But, no!

Anyways, after having to go through the eventual crash -- I lost my mind -- for what seemed approximately 8 years, I am partly back to the best version of me that I ever had— I never had it as good as this, even during my developmental years. If I had to do it all over again, I would go on medication beginning in my teen years when I was certain that I had a problem— I knew something was certainly wrong, but I lacked the confidence and the knowledge to know for certain what it was, partly because I grew up surrounded by a lot of noise and ignorance. What I learned from my experience is that it is essential to learn as much as one can of one's conditions to better make decisions for oneself.

You say the side effects scare you, but did you also know that side effects are not guaranteed, and you can switch medications and doses to counter them? Did you also know that depending on your diagnosis, the side effect that may hit you may be more tolerable when compared to the possible disaster that may result from not treating the illness? 🥱🥱

OvertheTop:
✓ You are Absolutely Right!
Be Independent as a Man before old age.
Be able to do everything your wife does for you by yourself, and be happy to do it. and pray against life threating illnesses

These are all things that single childfree men and women do too. So, what is the point in marriage and children for such men?

OvertheTop:
✓ with which time? when you leave home before Dawn and come back at 10pm daily? for 40 years?

The same 24 hours available to you in each day is the same available to the woman and to the children.

Most women now work either the same schedules their husbands work or more. Yet they make out time to connect with their children even at that. Learn from the women if you have to, and stop making excuses for why even as a human being, a man should not be held to the same standards that other humans are.

OvertheTop:
✓ How can a man have such level of connection with the kids....when:
1. He is out of the home before Dawn to work his butts off and get back late at Night
2. He has to face massive daily Stress and tension at work for 40Years
3. He has to enact discipline whenever he is around to prevent the kids from derailing morally
it's really a sad story for men to end this way

Many women also work the long schedules outside of their homes that you pretend only men do and yes, they also manage to make out time for their children even then. Growing up, we had no cell phones or Internet yet, those fathers who valued their children always made time for them even if only on the weekends or an hour here and there during the week. Talk less of today were we have gadgets to help people stay in contact with loved ones even if during the work week. There are no excuses!

2. Every human being on this planet, including jobless and mentally ill people who can't work as a result of illness facts massive stress and tension on a regular basis. Still, those who are intentional about it all learn to cope and overcome the stress making sure it does not take them away from their duties and responsibilities. Those struggling with illness seek counseling/therapy or treatment for the stress and tension that plagues them on a daily basis all so as to improve quality of life for them and those around them. There exists no valid reasons fof why a father who is not the President of the greatest nation on the planet should insist that he is unable to connect to his own children living under the same roof which he sleeps in regularly.

3. In other words, he thinks it his place to enact this discipline and moral nonsense over children he, at the same time, refuses to connect with? Bullsheet!

If a man don't understand what it means to be at least a decent father to one's kids, there are more than enough books out there to teach one these things these days. Yes, instead of making up excuses for why common sense should not be expected of men who claim to be fathers, pick up books to learn what it means to be a father and how to be exactly that.

Lovelydaisies:
✓ I love your comment. There's no heaping blames on the wives as the cause of men's loneliness. Just good advice for them.
I'll add : be good to your wives, because they'll often return the energy you gave them early on.
Wives, be good to your husbands, don't say bad things about them, when they are not around, to the children. They'll eventually see for themselves who their father is. Help your men, they're doing a lot for the family. Let love lead.

Why do you feel the need to add this part even when the other posted knew not to add it? What makes you believe a woman must be under some sort of obligation towards the man she is married to in this? Don't you see that you are doing exactly what you pretended you loved of what the other commenter did which is to not to pretend the buck, as far as the man's loneliness in marriage, should stop at the door of the woman? 🥱🥱🥱

Why must you make the wife have some responsibility in raising the husband even when the problem stems from irresponsibility on his part as an adult? 🥱🥱

By the way, what is love? You do realize that the main issue behind loneliness is a lack of self-love? (And no, you can't blame that one the wife since only a man can give himself self-love - healthy validation that comes from within and not from without.). So, if the love you keep wishing on him is the external kind, doesn't this invariably mean you are yourself not mature enough to engage in discussions such as this?

toboizilla:
➜Every woman is a work in progress, that’s why you are called the bridegroom. Marry her and teach her

You people are not serious! 🥱🥱🥱🥱

66uvie:
.....God should have added that Man should have money also to stave off loneliness.

"The man" in question was Adam and only Adam. But sadly, these Christians and every other religious nutjob out there would rather lift that statement out of context in attempts to justify even the most foolish of ideas they have to deceive others with. 🥱🥱

Dalohad:
➜My father raised me and was 100% present in my life.. While in school, he would visit unexpectedly. Have a problem with a course, he would see the lecturer or seek counsel from the HOD. He was there up till Doctoral level cheering me on all my wins.
When he sick, I was ready to empty all my saving on his hospital bills and I did. No regrets. Only men can mold men. My father moulded men and women in all professions, including many that were not his own children. Businessmen, Doctors, Economists, Scientists, Pharmacists, Engrs, Industrialists, lawyers he has had trained them all. He loves education, even though he had little of it. I told him yesterday, that his name will live longer him..He smiled.

What you described is a good father; the vast majority of Nigerians(including those posting comments glorifying disconnected fathers) were raised by sperm donors who felt their only duty was to provide from afar.

Odebayo4010:
Men, remember this: no man can steal your woman, they can only steal your problems. That woman has been cheating on you. The man who took her from you did you a favour, because he delivered you from a treacherous b@st@rd

. If only women would learn this too, and know side-chicks cannot steal their men, but instead it is their husbands cheating on them, hence they should endeavor to let the trash go completely with the side-chick.

gentlesil:
A male pastor friend in our church, told me that his wife said he should not sleep with her using a condom, or she will not let him have her. He wanted to know if there is anything special about "skin to skin" as a woman. He fears that his wife may be planning to have another child, something they have discussed previously- (no more kids after 2 girls and 1 boy)
He said that his wife have maintained that nothing will make her pass through childbirth again after she almost died giving birth to her last child. But that she doesn't think it's the right thing her husband was doing, as a Christian.
The pastor in question said that the only way he is sure to prevent future pregnancy is through this barrier method since his wife is not on any kind of family planning medication, and is not willing to use any. She just believe in natural method of family planning, which the Man think may fail anytime.
I told him I will ask other women, and get back to him because I don't have an answer. Please help me with a solution

. Tell your pastor friend to ask his wife what she means by natural means of family planning. The ignorant woman is trying to get her family into sheet. He should probably take his wife to get some education on family planning immediately before the situation gets worse than it already is. 🥱🥱🥱

omo17:
➜I did not even use the drug not to talk of low libido I did not try anty other medication

And you did this because you believe you are better off handling your mental illness without medication?

MikeofKd:
➜There's a specific symptom called Anosognosia : it's a symptom where a person can't perceive Their own impairment , common in conditions like schizophrenia or several bipolar disorder which makes it complex for people with mental illness ( madness) has a lack of insight making it hard for them to see their condition as mental illness.
Along side psychosis and cognitive barriers like the disruption of self reflection or the ability to connect a behavioural pattern to the illness. If you have seen the movie Shutter island you would very much relate to this thread. But my question is , what if we were all mad and we have all failed to realise this due to a defensive mechanism our brain contructs to make us think that we are completely normal ?
➜ I ask this cause why is Nigeria the way Nigeria is today ? Why are our political leaders or representatives treating us as such that we are mad or something ? I can't comprehend the state of confusion I'm in right now , I can't express it. The country is in shambles and the only pivotal thing we can do as citizens is do adapt. We've adapted to the point of no return.
Effective from January 2026 the tax master would start preparing to collect his taxes , and I want to ask what we are paying taxes for ? Cause last I checked , theres honestly nothing worth paying taxes for. There's heavy insecurity in the country , there's unemployment at a very large scale , people are finding it extremely hard to feed and all that man could think of is taxation ?? What's your take on this cause , honestly it seems like we Nigerians aren't as normal as we think.
➜Don't even get me started on the lies , the sagas , how the hell did snake swallow money ?? How ?? I understand that every country has her own odeals but the ones we are facing in Nigeria is beyond odeals , it's madness , complete madness. My landlord just increased my rent to an 100 percent increment, I hardly stay at home sef I work with an NGO that enables me to travel round the country , I pay crazy bills too , to what end ?? Why does life have to be excruciatingly annoying like this in Nigeria ??
Feels like I'm already running mad or something. Then there's also the suffering mentality, which is so absurd , why does 24/7 power supply feels like luxury ?? Someone was telling me that we don't need 24/7 electricity cause it's luxury and I opened my mouth and exclaimed Ahhhhhhh !!! I'm tired.

The same brain that blares alarms even via its emotion system whenever something is off or wrong? 🥱🥱🥱

2. Mass delusion of denial?

3. Nigeria has more to do with adopting negative behaviors and manipulative tactics than anything else. Wetin concerns the brain with anything?

olabrad:
➜You said I'm lying but still went ahead to confirm my statement. Junkie Head!

Trying to use the rare cases attributed to people who may have sociopathic tendencies, a severe minority in every population, to gauge occurrences among the majority is what is a lie, i.e., of falsehood. Nothing that I stated confirms any of your claims. Please, work on your language comprehension skills. I think I have said this to you many times before.

Mayflowa:
➜I know you like standing by your argument. This is a man's truth. We know these things and we know how it plays out.
➜ Even in abroad where men are highly invested in their kid's life- Take them to games, movies , camping and several other social bonding events. The adults still abandon their dads. Abandon is a strong word to use anyway - I mean the kids don't really care for the dads as the dad cared for them.
➜ These do not apply to all children. I am saying, it's a commonplace in Nigeria and abroad.
➜ It's possible kids have faith their parents can survive being that parents have been the one providing for them and switching that role may become hard to take. Because dads tend to provide more at home, the more likely the adult children assume dads can survive by himself.

Stop pretending your private delusions apply to all men. There are men out there who were very good fathers to their children, and those children reveal this by the fact that they remain by the side of their father until even before the end.

2. Stop lying! Unless in cases where the kids had sociopathic tendencies from the beginning, the connections built during those formative years remain way into adulthood.

3. The majority of Nigerian fathers fall under the absent or present but detached classification. Children who were raised in healthy homes are far and in between, and even when you find them, you will find that the connection they had with their present and engaged caregiver from their childhood remains well into their adulthood.

4. Wrong! Children are not stewpid, and they aren't imbe-ciles in adulthood. They know very well that as their parents age, it becomes even more difficult for them to provide for themselves.

Flangelo12:
➜Your personal experience is not a yardstick for all fathers. Some of us had the best fathers one could imagine.

Tell them!

Toosure70:
Reason you need another wife and children at age of 50, be wise men your fore fathers are not mumu. Stop following white dey marry one wife.

And if you happen to reach age 74 — when the kids you had in your 50s are all grown and in their 20s — you will need to marry yet more wives and have more children, abi?

Tufiakwa! 🥱🥱🥱🥱

Webmasterchidi:
➜This really struck me. We celebrate mothers, shower them with love, and yet so often fathers quietly bear the weight of loneliness. They may not speak much, but they feel deeply. How many of us truly sit with our fathers, ask about their day, or just spend time listening? Life moves fast, and one day the house is empty, and it hits too late. This is a wake-up call—to love, to notice, to be present with the men who raised us before it’s too late.

Fathers who are present and engaged in the lives of their children are celebrated same as mothers who are present and engaged in the lives of their children. 🥱🥱

It is fathers who are absent and fathers who are present but disengaged from the lives of their children that are not celebrated in much the same way that absent mothers and mothers who are present but disengaged from the lives of their children also go uncelebrated.🥱🥱

Osiris12:
➜im not sure about what you wrote.
Mom died when I was young. Dad picked up both roles. Including cooking and going to the market. He go sneak into our bathroom to check on our toiletries. He once gave me money to take my gf on a date

. Fathers are supposed to be present and engaged. Not present and absent, like many African fathers like to think they can be in the lives of their own children.

Mayflowa:
➜I agree some men are not connecting well with their children and wives. However, some cases go beyond this connection. There are many good, caring and generous men that ended up lonely once they become unable and weak.
➜ Women do not even need to connect for her children to be fond of her. It's nature.
➜ People assume men can survive.
➜ But men face worse situation when the wife is unforgiven of some things the man did and go on to emotionally bias her children's mind against the father. These thing happen.

This is an erroneous belief that is born mostly of ignorance and not of truth. What you describe has been noted to occur with parents whose children are identified as having sociopathic tendencies, and these people make up only about 1%-to-4% of the population — outliers. For the vast majority of the population, however, the typical is that the connection that exists between parents and their children remains intact well into adulthood.

2. Wrong! This is a terrible miconception. Women also need to put in work to build that emotional, social and physical connection they desire to have with their children. Go on the family section and you will find just as many stories of adult children distancing themselves from their mothers as you will find those of adults children going no contact with their fathers. There is nothing of nature of what you describe. It is all work, not magic.

3. Again, this is yet another lie. No one assumes men can survive because men are human beings and humans beings are social animals who thrive on the connection that exists between each other.

4. Wrong! Children are not stewpid... that is the simply answer here. The moment you accept and realize this, then you will know that the same work a woman has to do to get her children's forgiveness is the same exact same work expected of their father. It is simple. You can bully your way into being forgiven by your children(even as adults). So, if you are not wiling to do the work needed, don't bother having kids altogether, whether you are a man or a woman.

Webmasterchidi:
➜This one hit me deep. Too often we dey celebrate mothers, dey pamper them, and forget say fathers too get feelings and need connection. E no be about money or gifts, na presence, conversation, small small gestures dey matter most.
➜ I dey wonder, how many of us really dey check on our fathers just to hear how dem dey, not only during holidays or birthdays? I think this thread suppose make all of us pause and reflect—maybe today na the day we reach out and spend proper time with our fathers before e late.

That's because the vast majority of African fathers do not do the work necessary to create a healthy connection with their own children, as most mothers do. And yes, some mothers do not do the work necessary to create a healthy connection with their children as well. These connections are not biological but are obtained through doing the needed work.

2. If you do not feel connected to your father, you will not check on him, and it is not necessarily your fault as the child that such a connection does not exist. (There are many stories out there about how fathers and mothers of children who have been identified as having sociopathic tendencies needing to have to continue working on building that connection with their kids well into adulthood.)🥱🥱

Chijeep:
➜Please help me(mature minds only)
After getting tired of the flaws discovered from most city girls I decided this mid-year to go my village to get a lady for marriage. And with the help of my cousin sister I was able to get this particular girl(Judith) and she agreed in the sense that she's also very much ready to settle down.
Everything was going perfectly so I decided to go and see her in person so that we can proceed to the next stage which I went and she introduced me to her mom.
Her mother's reaction showed that they both liked and welcomed me as a proposed inlaw. So we move on, and I came back to my Base to inform my dad and my dad didn't say No. And I let her know that everything is good at my own side too. That we're good to go.
So this faithful mind pressured me to test this girl's loyalty to me and the relationship(because atimes she used to say something like; guys use to approached her for marriage and she rejected). So 1 day I used a fake fb account to chat her up and to cut the story short she said she's not in any relationship, nor married and she agreed to meet the other fake guy I used. She told the guy(because I asked if I could meet her people when I come) that they shouldn't rush things that it should be a gradual process. And went ahead to send the guy her number and even her picture. But she told the guy that nothing like having s3x. And after there chat I confronted her myself saying that she failed my test and she fuvk up. Buh she started explaining but I was highly disappointed. And she went ahead to inform my cousin sister to apologise to me on her hehalf and also told her friend to chat me and apologise.
NOW MY COUSIN SISTER TOLD ME TO FORGIVE AND MOVE ON WITH HER BUT HER MOTHER IS NOW GETTING ANGRY AT ME THAT I OVER ACTED TO THE ISSUE.
PLEASE IS IT NOT A RED FLAG ENOUGH TO QUIT OR GET ANGRY OR WAS MY TESTING NOT NECESSARY AS HER FRIEND WAS EVEN SAYING THAT; WHO'S TESTING GIRLS LOYALTY IN THIS AGE OF LIFE. Please I need a nice answers because I'm very much ready to settle down.

You want a mechanical relationship, so I think you will have to continue to run tests like these, not just before the actual marriage but also throughout the duration of the marriage. If you are unwilling to seek out a person with whom you at least have some emotional and mental connection, I don't see any other way. I just pity that you will eventually exhaust yourself at some point.

Well, a red flag is a red flag for sure.

olabrad:
➜Some of them will still do shiit despite being intentional with their lives

Stop lying! Only about 1%-4% of the human population has such sociopathic tendencies. The vast majority of the populace know to appreciate those with whom they are connected or bonded.