₦airaland Forum

Elock1:
➜Which one I go answer first?

The questions are meant to give you an idea of the direction you could take in telling your long story.

Elock1:
➜Yeah I did . Na long story sha

What was your diagnosis and how did your treatment go? Did you commit fully to the prescribed treatment plan, or did you quit halfway, or decide you had other important things?

Uptheante:
➜As if una dey ever admit say una like man 🤔
➜ With una too much pride & pretentious nature, it's almost impossible for you as Nigerian women to admit that

1. If a woman does not admit to you that she likes you with her own mouth, don't make it your place to decide on her behalf that she does. This is common sense....nothing rocket science about this, abeg!

In this life, if you want respect from other people you have to learn to give them the same kind of respect you want. You can't force yourself on women and then turn around and wonder why they are never able to open up about how they feel to you. Respect them and they will respect them in return. 🥱🥱

2. Leave women to their too much pride and pretentious nature ...there is nothing criminal about that, nor is there anything of that that should convince you that it is OK for you to force yourself and your delusions on them.

faceland:
Prices an seeing here would make me lose appetite... Any women that sees you spend and don't tell you claim down is the real red flag.

Yet, everyday your politicians eat plates worth millions of naira. Una see wetin poverty don do many of una? To the point that you even expect everyone to be in it with you. That is a terrible thing not something to be proud of, by the way.

Celebrityblog:
✓ Drama ensues as a lady asks a man to send his account details for a full refund after he complained that she enjoyed their date but still said she wasn’t interested in a relationship.
The Man wrote:
The lady replied:

The gal should also be careful that he does not stalk her after this. Imagine believing that going out on a date with you requires she be interested in you after it all.

Trymeee:
, for my sanity, peace of mind and mental health, always do well to avoid any comment, post or mention of my moniker. Have a great life.

Log off of Nairaland and delete your account to grant yourself your desire. It's your job to protect your peace & mental health by yourself, not mine. 🥱🥱

Trymeee:
✓ Truth is their is nothing in marriage for an average man.
✓ Maybe to help the woman raise the kids. How do I mean, most kids sees and takes care of their mums before the dad's (if at all the dad) I will always tell most married men I see to invest into their future and not make any child or wife their plans or hope for happiness.
✓ Marry as much wives if it makes you happy Las Las, one of them will always be there.

The male loneliness epidemic affecting the world today impacts both married and single men alike. If you choose to blame Marriage, then why do single men also suffer the same problem of loneliness?

2. The problem has been studied and said to be caused by men's refusal to connect on an emotional, social, and mental level with friends, wives, and children. It is all linked to some unhealthy relationship many men have with their emotions in the way of identifying, relating, and managing them.

3. No matter how many wives and children a man has, he is still likely to end up alone and die alone, even then if he refuses to do the needful. Go village today, and you will find many lonely men like the one described by the OP. The family will likely show up after his death to perform whatever is necessary for them to get their hands on anything the man left behind, though.

Love800:
✓ That is nature always dealing with men. Fathers really don not mark any presence in the boy-child life, so nothing the boy will learn from him, further when they grow up, they leave daddy.
✓ You can reverse this sha, if you are so intentional with your baby-boys life.

What is described in the OP has nothing to do with nature, but the result of human action, or in this case, inaction. This is the typical end of men who refuse to bond emotionally, mentally, and physically with their children and wives, or with their siblings and friends. This phenomenon has been studied, and yes, there is a male loneliness epidemic today, a result of the pattern of refusal by many men to connect in meaningful ways with their very friends and family when the chance to do so was before them. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Trying to further brainwash your baby boys into worshipping you will not remove the problem. Men need to learn to become emotionally and socially intelligent human beings, like humans are supposed to be. The onus is on men to learn to become better human beings overall, so they can connect with their fellow human beings on a level that best works for the species; stop expecting that you can use others to do the work for you. 🥱🥱

Dzzzz:
➜You sound like a 50yr old Virgin..She’s giving him hints cause she won’t say it directly and that’s how women operate..

I can only fault your upbringing for this mentality you have here, something that a majority of Nigerian boys seem to have regarding women. 🥱🥱

If you had a friend — secretly gay, unbeknownst to you— who took to sexually assaulting you— forcing his tongue into your mouth or touching your privates, all without explicit permission from your person— after reading his delusions into your actions and words— same thing you claim you are right to do to women—, I hope you would accept the abuse in the same light, given that you consider me a prude for stating the fact that sexual assault is criminal behaviour. 🥱🥱🥱

SmartPolician:
➜That thing was fake news. The company released a press statement to debunk it.

Source please!

Port8080:
➜Thanks for your response. But if I may ask, what information do you need in order to identify the slained as terrorists? I guess you expect the NA to get their bio data before killing them. Do you even realize we are at war? If it was a foreign military that did this, would you have questioned the authenticity of their claim?
➜ You problem is simple! You hate the government, and this hatred cascaded to the military. This hatred makes you "celebrate", laugh, and mock the NA when terrorists drops their "receipts" online, but you become skeptical, unhappy, and start investigating when the NA does the same.
➜ I might be an "insane" Nigerian and also not a fan of the current administration, but I'm sane enough to know that those terrorists are our common enemies irrespective of our political, religious, and tribal divides. I will keep celebrating the men of the armed forces for the sacrifice they are making to keep the Nigerian State in one piece. Shalom to you!

1. So, even after they have been killed, we don't need to be informed about their identities, bios, and actual links to terrorism or banditry? We simply need to nod our heads and celebrate blindly that the people who were slaughtered were bandits?

2. You are not wrong that I hate the government. I hate the many lies this government has continually leveled against Nigerians from before its very beginnings and continues, even now, to do. So, yes, I can't blindly celebrate what may be the massacre of innocent civilians until I am certain this is not another one of the government's many scams against the people.

3. Your insanity is obvious since you think it makes sense to celebrate the killing of what may be innocent civilians. I hope you will also celebrate without question when the body of your very own brother/cousin(who never had anything to do with banditry) is laid out before you as a bandit, and you are asked to celebrate even then without question.

Port8080:
➜I see so many ev!l people on this thread. We so much hate our country that we clap when terrorists are winning, but we become skeptical, and sad when the NA achieves small victories.
Some even refer to slain bandits as "innocent people"? Jesus Christ! You can hate the government as much as you want, but leave those fighting soldiers out if it, don't demoralize them, because they risk their lives for the "little" security you and I enjoy. We may not have gotten to where we want to be in terms of security, but no matter how small the achievement is, those soldiers still deserve an accolade. Shalom to you all!

What proof do you have that those men— the bodies in those pictures—there were slain bandits? Can you identify them as bandits from the information that was provided to you by your security parastatals? We have heard numerous times stories of the Nigerian army and even the police, slaughtering civilians, whom they then pin crimes on. What proof do you have that this is not the same evil being replayed by the same group? 🥱🥱

Blindly loving a government that has notoriously lied to you numerous times before now makes you part of the problem that needs to be uprooted before any signs of sanity can be seen in that country. 🥱🥱

EmekaBlue:
✓ One night, she pointed at a bus stop and said she once saw a couple kissing there. Then she faced me and dropped this line: “It’s you that don’t want to love.”
✓ What does the OP mean with the above?! Yes most women need a man to man up and handle them

1. "It's you that don't want love," IS NOT " I want you to shove your tongue into my mouth without first asking my consent." it is this animal behavior that you lot get away with in places like Nigeria that gets you all in trouble the moment you land on saner shores. Sexual assault is a criminal offense even in Nigeria, where many women, for fear of possible shaming -- victims of assault literally hide themselves for shame -- are hesitant to report.

2. It means exactly what she said. If OP wanted clarification, the best would have been for him to ask her to explain herself, not proceed to conclude, as you stewpidly did, that she must be itching to have him sexually assault her.

Babatunjo:
✓ If you no get car for this Naija, no even think about love... because love go be hard mode.
Night movement alone fit cost Uber fare wey go buy full groceries for house.
Make we no deceive ourselves… mobility matter.
Most girls no go even gree if you no get car... or dem go quietly keep one side guy wey get am. For Naija romance, car no be luxury. Na survival tool. If you still dey trek, focus first. Buy car. Forget love for now. Love fit wait.

Since not everyone out there will be able to get a car, doesn't this equally mean that some men will have to learn to love themselves, instead of waiting around to be loved by another person--- of course some women will also have to accept and love themselves instead?

Nothing in the belongings indicates they were terrorists or even fighters. We see toothbrushes, small towels, containers for water or maybe some other beverage, and what looks like strings at least. And the blurrring of the faces? How do we know that these were not innocent civilians who were killed and presented to us as terrorists? What are their identities? This is not a good sign at all.

EmekaBlue:
How?! Something she is requesting for with style from the guy according to his write up

. OP made clear that she never expressed or consented to anything with him, yet the only thing that came to your mind is that he should sexually assault her? Are you sure you are OK?

Sexual assault happens when someone either sexually touches another person without consent or makes another person sexually touch them without consent. It includes unwanted kissing and the touching of someone's genitals, breasts, or bottom.

She is requesting to be assaulted with style? Is that like how you lot believe women request to be raped with style, too?

EmekaBlue:
Kiss her in that bus stop next time. Then the follow up of real feelings or not from both of you will emerge

. That is sexual assault.

Sexual assault refers to any non-consensual sexual physical act, including unwanted touching, kissing, groping, or penetrative sexual acts. If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, learn more about how you can seek help and healing.

I sincerely hope you are not raising any kids with this mentality of yours?

Houseofglam7:
➜When women dig gold it’s okay and when men do same, it’s disgusting?
➜Women want to be ‘taken care of’ by their partners and when men ask for same, it’s not okay?
➜May the best miner win! Because….gender equality right What’s good for the goose should be good for the gander! NEXXXXTTTTTTT!!!!!

Men are typically labor-diggers; they demand access to the woman's emotional, mental, and physical labor for free, all while pretending that the little they bring to the relationship is in favor of the woman. These same men who have no gold for women to dig are always quick to label women gold diggers for demanding that their contribution to the relationship— study after study has shown that relationships on a whole benefit men more than they do women— be adequately remunerated. So, when these same men go out looking to dig gold from women, it does become disgusting. 🥱

2. Men are taken care of by their women's emotional, mental, and physical contributions to the relationship. (Research has shown that married men/men in relationships overall do much better than their single counterparts because of the contributions the women they are in relationships with make in their lives, in particular, that invisible labor they contribute to the lives of men they are in relationships with.) So why shouldn't women require that they, too, be taken care of by the men they are in relationships with? 🥱

3. Fine! 🥱🥱

Personperson01:
Who else notice the pull out game in this side of the world is weak and whites won't tell you but allow you to buy condoms and have unwanted children disturbing our societies...
Just one of many undoing of our people ....

What in the world is this about?

Nancyeke:
➜What can I do

Make an appointment to see and talk to a mental health professional— a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a therapist, or a mental health counselor) and ask for a formal diagnosis, obtain a treatment plan for your condition that works well for your schedule and make sure to stick to it until you are certain that your quality of life has been improved by it all.

Nancyeke:
➜No it’s not like i long to be in company of others. Right from my childhood days. I would rather i remained indoors all through than to have anything to do with people.

Trauma and abuse during formative years can cause you to retreat indoors and away from others. But what is more important here is that you are struggling mentally with something that has nothing to do with whether you are an introvert or not.

Nancyeke:
➜But the reality is I feel i am getting the wrong with them. Even though I feel I am right most of the times but I handle my reactions wrongly

Well, that is the nature of mental illness. If you don't get treatment and don't do the work necessary to help you better cope or treat it with your mental health therapists, it is bound to continue getting worse over time.

2. You feel you are right most of the time, yet here you are three years later, announcing that you are actually doing much worse than you were three years ago.

Nancyeke:
Where I work… I am the most hated person

. Ever pondered the nuance surrounding the supposed hate of your person by your colleagues? What is it that you think your colleagues are in fact saying that you interpret as hate from them?

Nancyeke:
So I made this post more than 3 years ago. I most say it has gotten worse!
https://www.nairaland.com/6965099/how-improve-relationship-people
My relationship with people is just zero. I feel like people just choose to always be against me. I keep making one mistake or the other when trying to choose people

Did you ever seek the help of a professional mental health counselor to help unravel what your problem is there? You might even discover that you are not an introvert at all, but simply someone whose social life suffers due to depression and probably social anxiety. I did say this back three years ago, too, because you mentioned that you long to be in the company of others. Introverts typically don't do that. 🥱🥱

Chilipepper:
Lady shares how her aunt who was pressured into marriage, died at the hands of her husband.

If a person wey you give a gift to tell you say im no want gifts from you, why not move on to giving gifts to others who value it more then? Why twist your very soul all to please a person whose life it ain't?

Silentgroper:
➜Before you go on with your gibberish .. Stop to have a quick think that girl in question is a Nigerian girl.. So saying she's interested with her own mouth is usually a rare occurrence within the species of females..

Let me help you with the little advice! If any woman— irrespective of where she comes from or is going to on this planet— you are interested in DOES NOT with her mouth admit to being interested in you, take it that you would be no different from a rapist and an abuser if you took it on yourself in that situation to help yourself to her body and time without her consent.

And yes, there are a lot of Nigerian men who think that forcing themselves on women, either through coercion or manipulation, is some sort of birthright of theirs because of that extra piece of meat hanging between their legs. I can tell you without mincing words that such men are simply rapists and abusers allowed to roam free in Nigeria because of the lack of oversight in that country.

AlphaBoy:
➜It's a Uni here in Nigeria. Thanks bro for the advise

Again, never assume a woman likes you simply because you have chosen to interpret her actions around or towards you in the way that appeals to your particular delusions towards her at the time. Always, always choose to respect her enough to ask her directly whether she likes you or not. Additionally, make certain to not only respect and accept her answers to you, then as is.

Women are not 8-balls that you can shake or interpret as you feel like it. Females are not like vending machines or NPR games that you can pick and configure according to how you think. They are human beings exactly like you— mind, body, emotions, and all. The same way you want to be respected is the same way you should respect them. 🥱🥱🥱

brain54:
➜Factos 💯... But kobo that part where you mentioned jail nearly choked me. It's right to confirm from her her feelings for him. But personally, it would feel weird to me asking. Do you like me?
➜ Also people give "green lights" when interested because they can't ask out directly. Especially females. It's possible he is being greenlighted. From the explanation he has given it's highly likely.
➜ But as you have ended what does it even matter if he doesn't have romantic intentions or feelings towards her?

1. There are ways to rephrase it if you are yourself interested in the person in question. I mean, you can tell her that you like her and ask her if she likes you too. But OP says he does not like her anymore, so it makes no sense for him to even care whether she does or not.

2. There is no such thing as people giving the "green lights". That talk is what stalkers, abusers, rapists, etc., use to explain the reason for their crimes against women. So long as a woman is involved, no reason why any man should assume he has her figured out or that she likes him because he thinks it. We are no longer walking in the old days when abuse and all sorts of crimes against women were still considered acceptable norms in even Nigerian society.

3. Yep!

AlphaBoy:
I liked her initially but didn't want to push it just yet then

There is nothing wrong with having her as a friend. Yes, you are allowed to have platonic friends of all sorts, including those of the opposite gender.🥱🥱🥱

brain54:
Make I re echo her words... It's you that don't want to love!

That still does not say anything like "It's you that don't want to love me(the girl, in this case)." OP shouldn't need to insert his own delusions into what she says. He needs to wait to hear it directly from her mouth that she is interested in him before proceeding, or else, he might not only lose the friendship, but may find himself in worse shape than he expected. 🥱🥱

Many people dey prison today because they did not know how to separate their private delusions from reality, and also they disregarded clear boundaries between their person and others. 🥱🥱

AlphaBoy:
➜Nairaland, abeg help me judge this matter because I no wan deceive myself.
There’s this female friend of mine in school. We read together, buy snacks for each other, gist, and I usually walk her home after night class. Cool friendship, nothing serious… or so I thought.
But recently, she has been acting somehow:
One day she told me she feels blessed to have me and even called me her role model.
Anytime we finish reading late, she insists I must walk her home.
One night, she pointed at a bus stop and said she once saw a couple kissing there. Then she faced me and dropped this line: “It’s you that don’t want to love.”
If I ghost her small, na she go enter my DM first like, “You no wan talk to me again?” And one day she directly asked me: “Why are you running from me?”
Make una no forget — I used to like this girl before, but I don’t anymore. I just want peace. But with all these her moves, I don’t know if she’s catching feelings So nairalanders, make una talk true: This girl like me abi she just dey whine me? Or na me dey overthink am?

The only way you can ever know if a woman or man likes you is if you ask directly, and you get the answer straight from the horse's mouth. Never take it on yourself to conclude that you know or can read the mind of another human. That is not only rude but a direct insult to their intelligence. Even those so-called clues people tell you can be wrong over 90% of the time. So, if you must know whether she likes you or not, ask her directly and get your answer from her mouth.

Seriously, many people have ended up in jail for sexual assault, rape, or even stalking, all because they took it upon themselves to conclude they had mind-reading abilities where it concerns the opposite sex. Don't do it, no matter how much you are tempted to. Always ask the other party directly to learn whether the feelings you have are mutual or not. And respect whatever answer you are given.🤔🤔

Also, since you no longer like her, what does it matter then whether she likes you or not? Just stick to being friends and let it be.