₦airaland Forum

Diamond098454:
➜some women are like that . Some people can love ooooo sometimes I feel like the man is using something on them but my dear The man is not using anything ooooo

Na mental problem born from unresolved childhood trauma. And with Nigerians not entirely conscious about dealing with mental health issues, women are not only brainwashed from childhood, but they are also shoved full of trauma enough to cause many of them to disconnect from common sense by the time they reach adulthood.

What is sad is that these mothers raise their children with adulterous and abusive marriage as their very foundation of what marriage is. And when they grow up, all of that trauma and abuse will majorly impact their relationships and decisions, maybe into old age too. The trauma becomes generational at that.

Diamond098454:
➜maybe they stayed because of love or maybe the general saying that men are polygamous in nature

Love in cheating? Sounds more like insecure attachment, which is unhealthy, because love does not and should not hurt. Real love does not condone cheating or abuse of any kind. Sounds like way too many women(and men, too) in relationships need to make appointments with professional mental health therapists. 🥱🥱🥱

Lizzyangel31:
➜Still on the same fact that,.....two can't work except they agreed. Amos 3:3 The couples still need some counseling to enable them have a model marriage.

The need is individual counseling, not couple counseling, because that marriage cannot work, no matter how many more bandages they try to put on it. Both of them are incompatible, and they should end it now. No point trying to argue the sunk cost fallacy.

Tenrack:
➜Your guy get time sha. Same girl wey fit dey run OS codedly. Him still dey do spec and 'connection' e go learn. Girl is clearly not interested, and if he forces it, she go chop am dry. Him body go tell am. Girl wey dey prolly hungry.

So what if she is running OS codedly or openly? Are you suggesting no one can catch feelings for her? 🥱🥱

Naijalegal:
➜Now let’s argue in the comments:
– Should a divorced woman keep her ex-husband’s name?
– Is it pride or legal right?
– Would YOU allow your ex to keep your surname?
– Ladies, would you change your name after divorce?
Men, don’t hide. Women, drag your facts.

What logical reason would a woman have to want to retain the name of the man after divorce? 🥱🥱

Diamond098454:
When a man cheat his wife forgive but when the woman make the same mistake she will be called trash

Here's a question! Why should a woman forgive a man who cheats on her? There are many men out there; there is literally no valid reason why a woman should remain with a man who literally has no respect for her or probably even hates her.🥱🥱

If you need to have a man in your life, then find yourself another one and stay with him for as long as he will respect you, and move on to the next man when that is gone. Men do that with women — they stay as long as she respects them and move on even before she loses respect for them — so why can't or won't women do the same? 🥱🥱🥱

Talkisneeded:
The world has always been filled with wickedness before now,it’s not peculiar to any religion or nothing.. Anyone can be wicked…. But again,what’s life without proper bedmatics skills seff,I’m here to solve all your woes

Yes, anyone can be evil! However, behind the religious curtain is where you find the most evil because they hide the evil that is their being behind excuses that suggest they are better humans and hence supposedly of no evil.

The worst kind of evil is the one that comes toting lies, proclaiming evil as goodness.

IblivinProgress:
➜My own concern is,Are female Betting Store attendants good companions?
➜Note: He met her in the night for the first time when she was about going and by the next day evening he gave her the letter.

Love ain't the problem here. The issue is that the girl did not call your friend, meaning she is likely not at all interested in him. There is nothing much he can or should do about that except to respect her decision and move on from it all.

Every human being, wherever you meet them, is capable of love and companionship. However, not every human you meet would want to be your lover or companion; learning to accept this and knowing to respect each person's choice, no matter how you feel, is what is paramount.

Truvelisback:
Good day, fellas. Challenges, every family man can relate to.

Nonsense! 🥱🥱🥱

Lizzyangel31:
➜Should it wasn't their wedding reception, the hug wouldn't have been a problem
➜ Should the groom hasn't warned the bride against the guest b4 the event it wouldn't have been a problem either
➜ Yoruba says "the food that a husband isn't eating, the wife shouldn't cook or Dish it"
➜ No matter how much they love each other or how they settled the issue, that single act has left a torn which might be difficult to nip in their union.

1. The woman probably hugged several other individuals at that same occasion. So, I disagree!

2. Why should a groom warn against the guest, though? If he is uncomfortable with marrying a woman who remains friends with her ex, then he should have avoided this woman altogether. You don't go dating someone only to then insist that person must change for you afterwards. That is some really stewpid moves right there.

3. That adage only applies to those Yoruba women who are married under traditional configurations of the union; women who choose to live under the shadow of their husbands as subordinates and not as partners in the union. From what is contained in the OP, the couple above is nothing like your traditional couple.

4. The two were not compatible even before this. From the conversation that reportedly ensued, the woman desired to have a marriage partner, but she seems to be with a man who is dead set on being a ruler over her and her decisions in life. That is more than a red flag for both of them. 🥱

DrFIQO99:
➜“My girlfriend is asking me to propose or promise her marriage… but I’m still in school.”
That was the message a young man sent me recently. And if you’re a man reading this, there’s a good chance you’ve felt this pressure before — or you will. Let me say this gently and clearly:
Loving someone does not automatically mean you are ready to marry them. And not being ready does not make you unserious, irresponsible, or a bad man.
Many young men are currently stuck between two heavy emotions: The fear of losing someone they love The fear of entering a commitment they are not yet prepared to sustain When a man promises marriage too early — out of fear, pressure, or guilt — what he often promises is stress, resentment, and silent regret.
➜ Marriage is not just about feelings. It is about timing, stability, emotional readiness, direction, and responsibility. If you are still in school… Still finding your feet… Still building capacity… Then honesty is your greatest strength. This is what maturity looks like: Not lying to keep someone. Not rushing to prove love. Not disappearing when things get serious. But having the courage to say: “I care about you, and I see a future. But I don’t want to make promises I cannot yet honor. I’m working toward stability, and I want us to move forward with clarity, not pressure.”
➜ Anyone who truly loves you should respect your growth phase. And if they cannot wait, it doesn’t mean either of you is a bad person it simply means your timelines are not aligned. As men, we must stop measuring our worth by how fast we can make promises, and start measuring it by how honestly we can live. Don’t mortgage your future to buy temporary peace. Don’t promise what you’re not yet ready to protect. Build yourself. Communicate clearly. Choose truth over fear. If this message helped you, please share it with another brother who may be silently struggling.

1. Isn't this simply due to them having an anxious attachment style, which would explain the fear of losing out?

2. Any boy who feels pressured in the way described should be sent in for mental health counseling. Yes, it is OK to be honest, but the reason behind that fear needs to be appropriately dealt with to help diffuse those inner fears.

3. The discussion is not really about love at this point, as the anxiety behind the need to respond in the affirmative when one is well aware that one is not ready is where the problem lies. Please, send such boys out to the appropriate professionals, or better yet, ask them to read up on attachment styles so they understand the issue behind that anxiety they feel.

Kalatium:
➜Let’s have a grown-up conversation without pretending we don’t understand incentives.
Sex and provision are not weapons; they are foundational exchanges in marriage. When either side deliberately withholds what sustains the union, the relationship starts to rot.
If sex is repeatedly withheld in marriage without medical, emotional, or exceptional reasons creates frustration, resentment, and emotional distance. This isn’t theory. It’s reality. A man whose core needs are consistently unmet will eventually seek relief elsewhere: emotionally, financially, or physically. Not because he is evil, but because deprivation has consequences.
➜ At the same time, using money as leverage is also destructive. Provision should not be transactional blackmail, just as intimacy should not be treated as a bargaining chip. Marriage is not a power struggle; it’s a partnership.
➜ The uncomfortable truth many avoid is this: You don’t enter marriage just for love . You enter it for companionship, intimacy, loyalty, support, and yes regular sexual access.
➜ If someone enters marriage already unwilling to meet those needs, then the issue isn’t just the partner, it’s a mismatch in expectations.

1. If the man is done with the marriage, he can rightly seek divorce; choosing to commit adultery— a blatant violation of the marriage agreement which he seeks to hold on to —is what makes the man an evil, despicable being. The same way society does not allow a woman to commit adultery when she is deprived is the same as a man who pleads deprivation when caught cheating is nothing but a scumbag.

2. Wrong! The Traditional configuration of marriage is not a partnership but rather a master/slave agreement.

3. Love, companionship, and sex are not the basic requirements of marriage, as people are generally able to configure their marriage as they see fit.

3. In the case of a marriage mismatch, the legal next step is divorce; divorce has been available as a legal out to all married individuals for over 10 thousand years.

Ubahjessica:
➜Some friends appear deceitful They usually disguise as friends but deep down they're enemies and never to be trusted 👇
https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1CrgmUUnrs/

The only enemies to your marriage are those within it.

The only ones who can destroy a marriage are the man and the woman in it. If you don't know this by now, I suggest you do some inner spelunking.

Jakarta:
➜That's life for you, a poverty stricken fellow will give conditions, and requirements yet they bring nothing to the table. They will advice Dangote on how to spend his money, but themselves don't know where their next meal will come from.

It is indeed pathetic! 🥱🥱🥱

DyshApp:
‎ ➜A guy on TikTok sent a girl named Lisha ₦400,000 just to get her phone number. Later, he sent ₦1 million to support her business. Despite all this, she never agreed to even enter the talking stage with him.
‎Altogether, the money he sent her was over ₦3 million. After everything, she still made it clear that she wasn’t interested in any relationship. ➜Now the guy’s sister has started calling her out on TikTok. Who is really at fault here?.

Storyland! 🥱🥱

This sounds like her brother is addicted to one of these OnlyFans ladies or TikTok influencers, expecting that sending them money means he should be entitled to a relationship with them.

2. If there really is a sister in this, she had better tell her parents to take their brother to an addiction management center immediately, and stop making noise all over the internet for nothing. 🥱🥱🥱

Sophier:
➜Hmm You’re actually right. I’ve genuinely tried to understand her and accept that that’s just how she is, but I’ve come to realize that I really can’t. Thanks for your input, sir.

. As I said, your girlfriend — hopefully, now your ex—is not wrong to have her mind configured as it is, and you are not wrong for not wanting to deal with someone who will not be a partner in your relationship— someone looking to be a subordinate in the relationship— and that is OK too. Go out there and find yourself a woman who is looking for a partner and not a master/leader.

FreeSpirited:
➜ You well so? Should Marrying a virgin cost a neck and dick?
➜ How much did it cost our ancestors to marry their tear rubber tested virgins, probably some tubers of yam, measures of oil, rolls of cotton, schnapp drink, etc... So wot u mean by cant afford.

It absolutely should follow the logic of demand and supply. You are not a virgin, yet you want a virgin. You should have enough to afford it or accept that you are not worthy of it.

2. Your ancestors had to at least have land and a home of their own to go out looking for a virgin. The poor among your ancestors had to settle with those whom society regarded as leftovers or other women. (Yes, even then, the poor did not have virgins to marry.) You poverty-minded individuals of today, with not even a stone to your names, think you are entitled to that which you don't have to offer or can afford. You are not your rich ancestors— rich in the sense that they at least had land, a home, and a title to their names. So, it is only in your delusions that you think you are worthy of virgins for wives. That major delusion needs to be destroyed.

Kianda:
➜Lately my apartment has been feeling like one big stress magnet, and I’m really trying to turn it into a little chill zone instead of a place where my brain spirals the second I walk in. I’ve tried the basic stuff—cleaning, decluttering, even some soft lighting—but I keep hearing that the right scents can totally change the vibe. Problem is, I have no clue what actually *works* and what’s just hype. Candles? Diffusers? Sprays? I just want something that helps me decompress after work without giving me a headache. Would love any recs you swear by!

Is it the apartment or you that needs the decompressing? Why not try exercise and a warm bath afterwards?

FreeSpirited:
I read recently of a foooolish man, I say so, because he says he spent 25 million on a wedding while same lady was already impregnated by her boss, unknowing to him, until after the wedding. Now the marriage is over. Such moronic spending
Even if that amount was inflated, of course there's high likelihood he may have spent up to 10 million or more.
Where does this joy and satisfaction to spend such amount on a woman's wedding whose sexual mileage is comparable to a retired olosho. I can never see myself do that. Never even if I had so much money. It makes no sense.
A lot of men of this century truly lack ability to reason clearly and see they deserve honour and respect.
If I had that amount to spare for a wedding then that woman had better be a virgin and not only that, she had better be quality responsible virtuous lady.. If I will inflate the ego of a woman with a glamourous wedding show she must be worth the hype. Not that I will one day wake to regret my action.

A non-virgin poor man fixated on marrying only a virgin wife whom he ultimately may never be able to afford? Well, Nigerians need their particular delusion to keep them going; otherwise, we go dey hear of suicide every moment.

realhoncho:
➜They kept on seeing each other and guy moved to a different city 2 months later now about 7 hours apart. Guy kept on telling her to move to his city but she refused. She wanted guy to sponsor her and guy said after a year of her post-study and formal intro with the families, he will do that. She said the guy does not love her hence the delay.
Communication and visits got lesser and the guy was chatting with other babes but not seeing them, she saw this on guys phone and guy apologised on two occasions. Guy always helped her through her program and career and even needs and gifts but she said guy only does them when she asks, no surprises. She on the other hand had male friends and was going for parties.
Guy still wanted to settle with her but 10 months later she broke up. All these while she never mentioned to the mum that guy said they should do an introduction. The guy suggested the resolve things as she listed low effort, delayed sponsorship, gifting, chatting other girls as her issues and guy validated the concerns and was willing to reconcile. Was there any way better this could have been handled. They are 35 and 25 now

. Well, the girl has made it clear that she is not ready for marriage or anything serious with the guy. I think the guy needs to do a whole load of self-assessment and self-reflection at this point. What is clear from all of this is that the girl is not the issue; rather, it is the guy who is refusing to step back and let things work themselves out as they will in their own time.

richiemcgold:
24 hours under the same roof with a dirty woman would be like 24 years to me. I won't bear it.

Cheating on a wife means the woman remains in your life 24/7. Divorce is a better, more legal option.

solutions007:
Ladies in the house, I want to ask you a sincere question. If the tables were turned and it was your HUSBAND who was dirty, refused to bathe, and kept the house smelling bad... would you stay? Or is hygiene only a requirement for women? Be honest o!

Getting a divorce is one thing, cheating is something else. There is never a good excuse for why a partner should cheat on the other after swearing an oath of faithfulness to that partner. That oath can and should only end with divorce.

Chilipepper:
➜Lawyer Reveals Shocking Reason Behind Woman’s Decision to End Marriage.

And this one calls himself a Lawyer!🙄🙄🙄

Would he have preferred she remain married to the man while keeping herself a married side-dick on the side, probably like her husband? She did well to first leave her scumbag of a husband before moving on. She is not to blame for society's general lapse in judgment... the phenomenon that accepts adulterous acts of a married man. A sidechick is not to blame for a married man's cheating. 🥱🥱🥱

SpreshMan:
➜Thanks for the kind words man. I just pray it’s smooth sailing and application of the lessons from here. One good thing about me crying all over the internet is that if I ever cross those financial levels again, I will make reference to here when I am scared, fearful and skeptical of making it back. I pray I’m destined to make it all back

. Success is not about some magical destiny. It is about dedication and desire. If you desire it and you work towards it, making certain to learn from all of the failures you experience along the way, you become better able to position yourself where success is likely to appear to you.

Change your entire perspective on failure and begin to see it as part and parcel of the success you crave. Focus on learning from your mistakes and the mistakes of others, in addition to honing your skills, and you will likely push yourself closer and closer towards your goal by the day.