₦airaland Forum

Max31700:
Hello everybody ! I’m French and live in France. I was married with a Nigerian woman in France( she is Edo woman) . We made a traditional wedding in France but I gave bride price and also money to her family to make a traditional wedding in Nigeria too. But their family never made any celebration with the money that I gave them and now my wife broke up with me. Can I demand to the family to refund me all the money ?

I believe you can demand they refund the bride price to you. As for the money paid towards the celebration itself, unless you have proof of the amount paid to be used specifically for the celebration, and evidence that it was never used or the purpose it was meant for, you may have a hard time getting that back. You may even need to take them to court for that.

Nyascobar1414:
..➜If only men could see how naive they are.. When I see a man walk down the aisle with his wife. I see a naive sheep being taken to the slaughter 😹. Female nature ain't pleasant bro

Study after study have shown that marriage benefits men more than it does women. So, how can a man who chose a woman to wife — no gun to his head — be compared to a sheep being led to the slaughter when marriage literally offers him the opportunity to make his life much better than that of his single counterparts? E no make sense!

tanigororo:
➜So her attention is for sale or she is Hungry?

She made it clear that her attention and time do not come for free. If she was hungry, she was able to pay for her own food, was she not? So, try to engage your brain in this, too.

I just listened to the phone recording, also saw her response video, and yes, that is what she said to the man... she has no time to waste on men who can't afford her price. Simple!

brain54:
➜I beg to disagree with your number 1 though...A parent can have a favorite without giving hints to the kids. I know parents who raised their kids that way.
➜ In my own home growing up my dad's favorite was known to all. Dude was almost always announcing his favorite with a speaker. I don't think it affected me in anyway. Infact I think I was also his favorite in certain other ways. Parents can have different favorites for different reasons etc.
Now thinking about it I think my dad loved and had a different favorite for different reasons all 6 of us. He loved each of us for different reasons and was favorite for different reasons!

I have never come across such a situation to this day. Also, your statement assumes that parents whose favorites are known intentionally give away hints on who their favorite child is. From my experience, that usually only happens when the parent in question has some serious prejudice against the other kids. For a parent to literally raise one child above the others... that has to be some seriously toxic environment for the other children.

2. If you say so.

brain54:
➜I think the idea is to balance it up... And not make it visible.
➜To be fair and balanced to all and treat all equally even though deep down you know what is up!

You'd have to be blind not to notice which of the children in a home is the favorite. I tried so hard to unsee it when I was a kid, but that was futile. And the other children in the home are always in the know.

2. That would be the ideal; however, in most cases, parents have their favorite and have a hard time being balanced in the treatments they give to their kids as a result. I have seen this everywhere and have come to accept that those who do it don't seem able to help themselves. And I have also noticed how affected the other kids are by it. Children aren't stewpid; they know which child is favorite to which parent. Do they think it is unfair? Of course!

Donsilase:
There must be something that is triggering your anxiety, either your physical look, the way you talk or any other thing. That is what you need to tackle first

Yes,there is. You have to confront your fears. What is the worst that could happen if you did that? Write them down and convince yourself that as long as it isn't immediate death, you should be able to handle and accept it no matter how degrading. Even if death is the end, so what? 🥱🥱🥱

The alternative is to get the help of a psychiatrist to help walk you through the process of over coming those fears or managing the problem with medication. I used medication and eventually went gunho at the issue after the medication started losing effect. 🥱🥱

OnlyChris:
exactly... You can't bring a child to this world and give average or below average fosterage and expect much from him/her..

Most Nigerian parents don't even give their children the bare minimum--- afflicting them with toxicity and abuse of all kinds -- , yet these same parents go around believing they deserve to be taken care of by those same children.🥱🥱🥱

Kingogbotor:
➜ But when they were dating for 3 years ..she didn't know that he wasn't emotionally available ..after all the sex...outings ..etc Women eh.....

It is probably not that she didn't know, but that she felt that maybe by tolerating it for as long as she did, it would somehow resolve itself. But it didn't, and she decided she was best looking for what she needed elsewhere after trying for so long. Why do you keep faulting her for exercising her freedom to look elsewhere... that is the major problem here.

bmd1010:
that's the meaning of entitlement

I suggest you work on your language comprehension skills beginning now for 2026, at least!

CodedUpgrade:
➜One day, I curiously asked her why she held on so strong even when the lights were fading away slowly for her husband. She smiled and said that what she was doing was nothing compared to what her husband did for her. They have been married for over 50 years. Her husband personally kept them afloat when they had nothing decades back. And when she had problems conceiving, he was her defense and strength against family and external attacks until she was later able to have 3 boys who all lived abroad and were the ones supporting his hospital care at that time. She said her husband never for one day lost faith in her nor judged her for some poor decisions she took. He was stern and firm in love. He was, like she put it, her torch light in the dark. She ended her story by saying: Why would I turn my back on this angel in human form now that he needs me the most?. I was shattered. I didn't know when a tear trickled down my cheek.
3 weeks after the husband was admitted, he succumbed to his pains and died. For almost 2 hours after he was pronounced dead, the wife kept singing praises and praying by his now cold body. All she said after she was done was: I will see you again my love.
This singular experience shaped my heart. I stopped asking for a girlfriend and started praying for a wife. I started praying for the future unseen and things I could not change.
➜ And that's why whenever I read posts here on Nairaland and see the pride people take in talking down about finding a significant other, I feel nothing but sympathy. They talk about how being single is the best thing that has ever happened to them. How they live freely without answering to anyone. How they freely sleep with this one and onto the next. I know it may not be easy to find partners who qualify as the couple in my post. Things have really changed, but people forget:
➜ You will never stay young! A time will come your strength will fail you. People will look at you weird just for being old. You might look around and see friends, acquaintances or colleagues who took life serious moving way happier and stronger. Nobody may be there to help your frail body off the bed or the toilet seat.
➜ No matter how bad the society gets, girls and guys who carry the personality of God shall always abide. If you don't ask God, you may never find them. Stop looking for fun, start seeking for establishments. No one knows how their story will ever end.

1. Did you at least listen carefully to what the woman had told you? According to her, the only reason she stayed by the side of that man as she did was that the man himself sacrificed and stayed by her side through even her own travails. She even suggested there that she may have gone astray, but he never judged or condemned her and remained by her side even then. Are you ready for that sort of sacrifice for the woman you are praying for, or are you simply looking for someone you will offer the bare minimum to and, in turn, expect the world from?

It always helps to get to see the other sides of things, so you can get it into your head well what you have to give up/sacrifice in order to get the kind of woman you described there. Go visit those old men out in the villages and see for yourself how the vast majority end up. It ain't a pretty picture fo those who think they can get by as bare-minimum husbands and still get king's treatment at the end; many of them die alone despite having wives and children all over the place.

2. They are being honest and realistic. The vast majority of men out there hate women. They literally see them as toys to please their dicks with. Or objects to mine freelabor and sex from. They are well aware of their grudges and their limitations... limitations which keep them from ever being able to treat a woman well enough that she would be willing to sit by their bedside like that woman who sat at her husband's bedside. With their luck, they are more likely to die at the hands of any woman they attempt to manipulate in marriage. So, they accept their lot and make the best of what they can. Why berate them for being honest with themselves? 🥱🥱🥱

3. Villages and ghettos across Nigeria are filled with old men who married wives, and had children, yet were abandoned by them all. Those married old lonely men out there are no better than the other old men who remained single into their old age. Marriage is not a solution to character flaws. So, let those who will remain single do so; it is their prerogative. 🥱🥱🥱

4. Some of the worst of those married old lonely men in the villages and ghettos were pastors, imams, spiritualists... all of them abandoned by their wives and children. Sorry, but your god does not give them a pass in this case. 🥱🥱🥱

Odebayo4010:
➜Get married to someone who brings you equal exchange of beneficial value.

How exactly does a man bring equal exchange of beneficial value to a woman who he expects to cook, clean the home, handle all laundry needs, bear his children, be the nanny, care nurse, emotional counselor in the house, be his personal assistant to ensure the house and related events run smoothly, etc?🥱🥱

Odebayo4010:
➜80% of women enter marriage not for love. 80% of women enter marriage for money. They want a senseless donkey who will pay bills and solve financial problems.
➜ But men disrupt their evil plans, therefore 80% of divorces are initiated by angry, bitter and disappointed women.
➜ Avoid divorcées and single mothers. They'll ruin you.

1. Meaning that even when you engage a single woman, there is an 80% chance that she marries you for money and not for love, right? 🥱🥱🥱

2. Oh, ok! Even when you marry a single woman, there is an 80% chance that she will end up divorcing you when you disappoint her in marriage, abi? 🥱🥱🥱

3. Aren't you better off equally avoiding single women altogether since there is an 80% chance they are after your money even when you have none to offer, and that if you disappoint in marriage— seems this is the plan —, the chance is 80% that the formerly single woman would also divorce you?

---

I keep insisting men should consider dating themselves since many of you do not rate or like women at all and are not ready to even offer them the bare minimum of what they demand from you in return for all of the emotional, mental, and physical labor they bring and pour into relationships. 🥱🥱🥱

brain54:
➜He is being sarcastic with you...

I am being straight up just in case because there are actually people out there who never did kiss... I knew some older couples from back in the day — churches like Deeper Life — who thought kissing was just disgusting behavior. (So long as you are dealing with Africans, I say you can't be too sure of these things.) I am certain some of those folks must have passed their mentality forward to their children or others like them out there. Kissing is a big deal for those for whom it is, and should not be considered lightly.

QuinQ:
➜Aarghhhh!! You are truly beginning to annoy me. See definition of inferiority COMPLEX below then apply it to bridesmaid/bridegroom complex!!!

Again, stop flinging around terms that you are unwilling to intelligently accept and apply! 🥱🥱🥱

tanigororo:
➜Everybody has right, the Man too has the right to say NO. the man has the right to call out entitlement mentality

. At least make an effort to learn the correct meaning and application of terms before moving forward.

An entitlement mindset is the belief that you deserve special privileges, recognition, or rewards without earning them, often stemming from feeling owed or superior, leading to expectations of immediate gratification, a lack of gratitude, and frustration when reality doesn't match inflated desires, ultimately harming relationships and personal growth. It's a disconnect where individuals feel rules don't apply to them, expecting others to fulfill their needs without reciprocation, even while potentially hiding deep insecurities.

The girl did not showcase an entitlement mentality. Rather, she expected that the potential suitor would, in exchange for needing her time and attention, at least begin by paying for her food. She has a right to put a price on her time and attention, and yes, he has a right to say no to her. However, he refused to at least showcase his interest in the way she expected, while expecting that she would further give him more of her time and attention than she had already given to him.

QuinQ:
➜Oh my gawwd! Ever heard of inferiority complex? Does it mean the person is truly inferior?? What is wrong with you?! It is a COMPLEX! Just as Oedipus complex doesn't mean children sleep with opposite gender parent! It is SUBCONSCIOUS!

Are you kidding me? Stop using terms that you are unwilling to intelligently accept and apply! 🥱🥱🥱

Nnamdipapa:
➜How many African couple do you know who love to kiss? I can bet you would find none.
➜ We only do that to copy the whites but deep down, kissing is never our ways of showing affections as Africans and, I have done a deep study on this.
➜ We no dey kiss abeg! Who wan kiss after eating ogbono and okro soup?

Of my generation, I know no man or woman who does not know that kissing is a part of romance.

2. Dude, speak for yourself, abeg! Since my college days in Nigeria— I am talking of the mid-to-late 90s here —, kissing has been part and parcel of romance culture in Nigeria. I don't know where you are coming from at all.

3. Even back in my younger days, ageberos for the lagos took kissing seriously. I no know wetin you dey talk, abeg!

Nnamdipapa:
kissing is not our culture. Even Kobojunkie will agree with me on this

Don't drag me down with you in that nonsense! Most everything you celebrate as culture today is borrowed from one part of the world or another. Even garri and stockfish wey una dey eat na other parts of the world they come from.

If he wants someone to kiss, the sane thing for him to do is to get himself a girl who wouldn't mind kissing him. Clinging to a girl who does not like being kissed by him makes no sense!

SpiritualWealth:
➜You're Very Right And That's The Reason I Started This Family-To-Famiiy Awareness Thread.

Awareness for a problem that has been right in front of their eyes for over 25 years?

omo17:
✓ Good day sir, I know this post has been like 5 yrs, I hope u have overcome ur problem, if yrs hw did u go about it?
I'm having the same problem

Go see a doctor for medication to help you better manage the issue.

omo17:
✓ Good morning, have u gotten any solutions to the problem... I need help also

Go see a psychiatrist for help you need.

VeryBoi:
✓ Now, at 25 (almost 26!), I feel hopeless and tired. I've tried exercises to manage my anxiety, but nothing seems to work. My legs still shake when I'm standing, and people laugh at me. I'm desperate for help and guidance. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you overcome it?
Please share your stories, advice, and support.

So, have you finally gotten treatment for your condition?

SpiritualWealth:
✓ Yesterday Was My Marriage Anniversary, But What Kept Going Through My Mind For A Long Time Was:

" Are We Smart ICT Parents Going To Allow Insecurity Of Human Lives And Properties Continue Amidst Us - While We Grow Our Children ?"

Usually, people who are serious and intentional about such things think to do something about the problems before settling down to have kids while the problems continue around them and now their kids. Our parents, grandparents and great grandparents did the same thing -- they watched the situation get worse while they did nothing about it;same thing you are literally doing now. So many of those who have so far fallen victim to the problem of insecurity this year also did the same thing.

✓ Na extortion??

just because you no fit afford am no mean say na bad thing. In not too distant past, people literally sold their sheet and pee to farmers in places like Japan. Demand and supply is at the core of every transaction out there.🥴🥴🥴

If you can't afford to pay for the attention and energy of a woman, then move on from her. Simple! 🥱🥴

cr7lomo:
✓ Men have the right to demand for sex for their attention, energy and money spent

Na rape?

lilsmart:
You see your life. You dey even contradict yourself

. Always take time to learn the correct meaning and use of a term before you go around attempting to fashion it as a weapon against others.

Jman06:
You would have done the same thing in Nigeria but won't try that abroad because nobody would send you abroad. It is only here in Nigeria that women still expect men to spend on them. They still cling to older cultural practices that benefit women but only protest against those ones that favour men. That's double standard abeg

. Stop lying to them. Which abroad you dey talk sef? The one wey we know abi the one wey we no know?

lilsmart:
Answer the question

Please, make Google your friend. 🥱🥱🥱

lilsmart:
So the relationship you have with you parent and siblings are transactional. I don here you oooo.

it is sad that even babies understand this simple fact but a grown up like you remains clueless to it. 🥱😩🥱

lilsmart:
Relationship are not transactional, businesses are Know this today

I suggest you get yourself some well needed education at this point in time. If you have yet to grasp even the basic things by this point in your life, it explains a whole lot about your mentality so far.

emperorz:
✓ read the text she said it herself ,she was triggered by the fact that he texted her after the whole scenario....me I won't argue with someone like u cos it's pointless u way i sabi well well nothing way them tell you fit make u reason well ...may we not jam problem in our lives o amen

🥱🥱🥱🥱