₦airaland Forum

razzydoo:
So with all my hustling, I go get aparte for youkay and one woman will call police on me and they'll tell me to leave? Okay na😁👍

It never works that way. In the majority of the cases where the man is kicked out, either the woman is the primary name on the lease or both the man and woman are.

You only need to properly reason these lies they tell you to realize them for what they are. How can a total stranger show up at my home and then have me kicked out just like that?

Diamond098454:
➜ stay at home mum hmmm when job is waiting for me already hmmm I like money and i will work to earn it.

Having a job is good, but it still cannot shield you from the potential abuse that your marriage partner may inflict on you. For instance, if after working your job, you still have to come back home to do house-related work alone, without being compensated in any way for it, you remain unprotected from financial abuse. If you have to endure the trauma of a partner cheating on you— yes, cheating is traumatic to the human brain— choose to remain in th relationship— literally force your brain to abandon self-protection(it's primary responsibility— for the sake of marriage, that is abuse. Your partner literally forcing you to have sex even when you don't desire to or want to, is rape, and gaslighting you with claims that your body belongs to him is abuse — every human being has and retains bodily autonomy until even death. The list goes on. 🥱🥱🥱

So, get yourself educated on your place and rights as a human being and pursue self-love so you know how to choose yourself in all situations. That is how you prevent and fight back against abuse.

Diamond098454:
➜you and I hasn't married yet when we marry We will confirm it
➜ Hope my husband will allow me wear my choice of clothes hmmm hmmm marriage

1. Don't force me into the same boat as you, as we are not even close to being in the same place at all. Second, if you are dreaming of loosing your individuality in marriage — your husband continues his life like when he was single except that he now has a wife at home while you abandon your friends and possible your self to marriage— I can tell you that the end that awaits you is not going to be any different from that of our many mothers and grandmothers before you. The chances are over 80% that you will need to tolerate and literally swallow a lot of bullsheet at that. That is the life of the average Nigerian woman in marriage, and a life you are literally setting yourself up for by your refusal to choose yourself first.

2. You don't throw these things up to chance. Make sure you know the life you have and want, and never settle for anything less than that. And if you intend to be a stay-at-home-mom, then be sure to get a pre-nuptial/post-nuptial requiring your husband to pay you a certain amount — about half of what it would cost for him to hire an outside to do the same work you do in the home — into an account to belongs to you alone. Make sure not to accept any excuses on this. That particular advice comes from a family lawyer.

Codes151:
uk desires who? Is that what the post is about? F00lery

The post was not about the women in the UK and their character, yet you felt to mention them, prompting my retort. I guess the foolery is all yours. 🥱🥱🥱

Diamond098454:
➜married women do everything to keep their home and this is one of the things people normally advice they do

So, because she is to keep the home, she does not deserve to have a social life outside of the home complete with hobbies of her own that does not include anything related to keeping the home? The woman does not deserve any time off — she has to be 24/7 on the clock in the home? But the man whose job is traditionally the provider for the home is allowed to work his 40-hour shift each week, after which he is free to use some of those finances to socialize and maybe even take trips away from his home? 🥱🥱🥱

No wonder there is talk that marriage is a "humiliation ritual" for women, particularly in Africa(Nigerian included). 🥱🥱🥱

Diamond098454:
➜A married woman shouldn't keep to many friends sometimes you will see a married woman hanging out with single female friends, divorcees or single mothers

A married man keeps all of his friends — single, divorced, etc.— but a married woman should not do the same because? Does marriage make her less of a human being than the man she married? No wonder there is the talk that marriage is a humiliation ritual for women, particularly in Africa(Nigerian included). 🥱🥱🥱

Codes151:
And avoid Nigerian girls in Uk. Bad character full.

Bad character yet the UK desires them for their work ethic?

CodeTemplarr:
There is a lot of talk about God-fearing men but i think emphasis should be laid more on God-fearing women.

Like your god-fearing pastors busy fornicating and scamming their followers?

Unclebayo:
➜Some of you prefer to stay back in school or work place for Christmas? Why?

Every family dynamic is different, and everyone is not necessarily where you are at any one moment in time. 🥱🥱

tobenuel:
Yes oo, never will i carry my wife to be overseas

Clearly, you hate your wife. Why not set her free so you can go find yourself a woman you at least like and respect?

IFuckWell:
➜Bro I need me a car and a house, something to boost my sense of self-worth and self-regard among others. I keep growing old. However, my job pays pittance.. I spend over 80% per month on just self maintenance.
➜ I don't have no savings sufficient enough to ever buy me a a suitable car or house. Some of my friends already have these and it's getting difficult to be able to associate with them.
➜ I'm always ashamed whenever I walk down my street - old man like me, no car, no house or a woman (which woman go even look my side)?

1. So, what you want to validation from other people as a means of improving your self-worth, not in yourself —that emptiness inside of you can only be filled by you doing inner work and not the external nonsense?

2. Well, to raise your savings so you can purchase what you need, you need to get a better-paying job, to start with. If a car is what you feel you need to get the external validation you long for, then you need to get a higher-paying job. What is keeping you from applying directly for higher-paying jobs both locally and internationally?

3. And this shame you feel is because you do not have the external validation you seek, right? Why not begin by learning to love yourself from the inside so you no longer go around seeking external validation, which typically pays little dividend in the end. After you get the car and the house, you will find yourself wanting more and more external validation... that pit is bottomless. Try to seek internal validation while you are where you are, at least. And if after that you still feel the need to gain external validation, then you know what to do.

IFuckWell:
I don't think I'll ever make it in life. And I'm tired.

Tell us exactly what you mean by "Make it in life." At least start by explaining your goal and why you believe you will not make it.

ibedun:
➜You can go and do your own assignment yourself! I have no dog in the fight........ I am not foolish enough to do anything thats against my peace and personal individual interest.

Again, quote one of the many laws in the UK that unfavorably benefits women over men. The assignment here is simple. 🥱🥱🥱

Until you can provide substantive evidence for the claims you make, I suggest you completely avoid me throwing hogwash claims my way. 🥱🥱🥱

ibedun:
➜Haba! who will write a law that is overtly unfair to either men or women? The laws are deceptively neutral but the application of the law are clearly and overwhelmingly in favour of women.
The family courts are based on precedents and stripes men of their constitutional right very very easily. And there are hardly any appeal process in the family courts. It is why MARRIAGE has practically collapsed in the west. Mothers don't even want their sons to get married...

Again, quote one of the many laws in the UK that unfavorably benefits women over men. The assignment here is simple. 🥱🥱🥱

P.S. If you don't understand what precedents are and how they work and cannot be in violation of the Law(they are literally abandoned the moment it is realized that they do not conform to the letter of the Law), then please make Google your friend. 🥱

Kobicove:
➜In Nigeria it is men that bear the lion's share of the family expense therefore you cannot expect a man and his wife who contributes next to nothing to be on equal footing

Those are some of the many lies that has been fed Nigerian men for generations that has gotten even those among them who have nothing foaming in the mouth thinking themselves entitled. If not for traditional and religious brainwashing drilled into women from childhood, Nigerian women would not be living as the pathetic beings they are today. 🥱🥱🥱

ibedun:
THIS is a big fat lie!!! Haba not in this 2025!

Quote one of their laws that unfairly favors women over men... let's start with that.

DeclanR:
➜ Let me tell you, yes I agree she needs urgent psychological help. I've even told her this but she doesn't even know or understand what that means in the first place. Again, she is someone who can't be taught. She's not Teachable. Doesn't admit errors and she's not accountable.
Initially, I didn't have such mindset of just pipping and swipping her. I had wanted to build life with her. But believe me, the girl is stressing and draining Me. I'm an introvert. I even hate to talk too much, but this lady keeps doing so many strange things that are unbecoming of her Age. She claims to love me and says it all the time, but her actions betray her words. From the outset, I was so serious with her that she even had to confess to her female best friend about the love and seriousness I was showing towards her. But as I began to realise how terrible she is, I began to change how I relate with her

. From your OP, what she does not need is you in her life. You already have your mind made up that she is the problem, and I wonder why you continue to cling to her if you don't yourself have problems of your own that equally require psychological intervention. You remind me of men— empty inside— who go out of their way to find and intentionally date women they consider broken to make themselves look good. 🥱🥱

DeclanR:
➜Lastly, I asked about her baby's father and she got really very aggressive with me. She said I should never ask her about the guy. That the guy absconded when he learnt about the pregnancy. In fact he denied the pregnancy. And the family of the guy do not care about the child. I asked if she knows the location(State, town or Local government area) of the guy, and she said NO. But how is it possible for her not to have heard anything about the location of the guy? Is that possible?
Mind you, they were mates in secondary sch and started knackiing until they both graduated. So how is it possible that none of their ex school mates can tell where he is? His family members too ?
She claimed to have deleted the guys number from her phone.
She lies a lot so I don't even believe this part of her story. I suspect the guy is even around and still pipping her.
I asked again, do you mean that since you have birth to your daughter, the father hasn't seen her? She hasn't answered me yet.
This is just too much for me to take. Her parents failed in parenting. She doesn't even have a blood sibling. She only has step siblings.

She's not the problem here. You are! Why? Because you think it is your place to go around the lives of others and condemn them for not fitting in with the particular delusion inside your head regarding others. If you are not interested in here, then walk away! There are plenty of other people out there who love and appreciate that same woman the way she is.

Kennitrust:
✓ But what sense does it make that in the UK Women are given more privileges than men?
The government of the UK should look into this matter o

Women are not given more privileges in the UK. Rather, women have the same rights that men do as opposed to Nigeria, where women have rights no different from those of a slave in traditional marriages. 🥱🥱

LabStores:
In normal marriage and normal circumstance, husband and wife are suppose to leave together under one roof AS A FAMILY.
What joy and benefit will a man get from marriage, if you leave apart by default?
You leave your wives behind too, and worst can happen...Na God dey help man...

Not can... we all know that it happens! 🥱

Oga also helps himself abroad so na this god endorse that one? Abeg! 🥱🥱🥱

Kelle443:
➜ A UK-based Nigerian woman has ignited serious online debate after sending a strong warning to Nigerian men living in the United Kingdom. According to her, bringing wives directly from Nigeria to the UK could lead to unexpected marital challenges, culture shock, and relationship breakdowns. Her message has divided opinions, with many agreeing while others strongly disagree. Watch the full video to hear what she said and see how social media is reacting to this controversial advice.

I see! Una no dey learn... na im be the problem of Nigerians. 🥱🥱🥱

dstormfitness:
The man seemed desperate - that's a red flag. But if the girl is scared of red flags, he should refund every kobo.if that guy is a bad person, he'll go after her

. She was scammed by a scammer. Why does she owe him a refund?

Kobicove:
Why should you use money to induce a lady to fall in love with you? Such a lady will not stay once the money stops flowing

Why should she stay after discovering he was a scammer trying to use money to get her? That is fraud! 🥱🥱🥱

bmd1010:
37-year-old woman has shared how she took in a man she brought from Africa to live abroad, only for him to later abandon her.
According to the lady, after she noticed age was not on her side , she came back home to find a man and met a guy who had same marriage goals as she did.
She financed his journey abroad, housed and fed him for months while he was jobless .
She started noticing hin talking to her neigbor on the street and confronted him about it .
One day she got the shocker of her life when she was told the Neigbor was pregnant for her boyfriend and they were in love .
According to her, the Neigbor offered to compensate her but she rejected it all, and left karma to judge them both

What this and many other stories reveal is that African mothers continue to fail their daughters by refusing to teach them to pursue self-love over validation of men and society.

P.S. From what I learned, the lady in the picture is, in fact, not the woman whose story it is.

Host78:
➜There is a reason behind this post. Too many times some men have tried finding a good woman to settle down with but sometimes they end up with a broken relationship. Some feel it's something they are not doing right. And some like my friend who has only dated one girl who he's convinced is supposed to be his future wife is currently unhappy because he felt he has lost his chance of ever finding happiness. I try to reason him that many people fall in love multiple times before they eventually settle down. But he thinks it's not so. So, that prompt this question. How many times were you genuinely in a loving relationship and it ended. And then you finally got to settle down? Ladies can also contribute. Thanks guys

. First of all, understanding what dating is all about. It is not a dimensional activity. Neither is it all about finding the other person, but also about finding yourself.(Yes, during the dating phase, you are also meant to do a lot of self-assessment and self-reflection and do major work to better yourself as an individual, so better people will find you in general.) It is erroneous to think of it as some numbers game where the less you do it the better, or the more you do it the worse. You unnecessarily get frustrated by reasoning along those lines.

Another thing you need to know when dating is that there is no one potential mate or partner out there for you. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator splits personalities into 16 different types. And there are possibly those out there who fall in between more than one personality. 🥱🥱

When you consider other factors, such as emotional, social, and mental intelligence of individuals, you realize that dating could never be as straightforward as you would like for it to be. Finding the right person for you — emotional, social, and mental intelligence at any given point in your development — is wholly on you, not really on the other person. A person may be right for you at age 25, but totally wrong for you by the time you reach age 30. So, again, it is all mostly about you and where you are, and not necessarily about the other person. 🥱🥱

The comments on this thread show how many Nigerian men largely hate Nigerian women and maybe even their very own wives. 🥱🥱

You know this from the fact that many of these same individuals advising this abused woman to remain submitted to her abusive husband in marriage are the very same ones who immediately insist that Nigerian men should abandon or discard their wives if they even sense incompetence of any sort in the woman. And worse, many of these same individuals believe that they are authorities as far as tradition and religion in their lives. 🥱🥱

Any Nigerian woman asking Nigerian men for advice as far as her marriage is concerned is setting her life up for the misery of the worst kind. Na so so bullsheet, you go continue to chop in marriage until the end. 🥱🥱

FYI - Emotional abuse/manipulation causes trauma/damage to the brain.

EmperorIsaac:
Oloshoic proclivities are only temporary suspended in marriage. It's almost genetic, if you asked me.

The man's oloshoic proclivities --- as community dick that he is-- are never the topic of discussion, abi? Yet someone keeps ranting up there about accountability and the lack there of. 🥱🥱

Kobicove:
✓ This sounds good in theory but is not practical in a society like Nigeria

What used to be the general norm until religion including Bollywood brainwashed and deluded Nigerian women is no longer practical?

McDonaldfished:
✓ Well maybe because of the fact that I take th job too seriously and most times I am rigid on following the policies…

That is a maybe, right? 🥱🥱

Dreal1247:
✓ There are always multiple reasons to end any marriage at all. But there are better reasons to stay married, once married.
✓ Unfortunately, people will encourage you to divorce but cannot help you to secure another marriage. People will encourage you to divorce and turn around to blame you at every given opportunity after your divorce.
@✓ People will encourage you to divorce but won't accommodate you after the divorce.
✓ Marriage is for the matured minds and not for babies. Unless domestic violence or life threatening situation is involved, couples should learn to settle their differences.

Name some of these better reasons to stay married when rather than seek a divorce?

2. Why should another marriage be the solution for leaving one marriage? Why can't you focus on resolving the problems that got you stuck in the first marriage you had to leave before then deciding whether finding a new one or taking a long hiatus would be best option?

3. So, my guess is as a woman you were financially abused in your marriage explaining why after x number of years of marriage, you come out unable to afford a place of your own. And rather than direct your anger at the right person-- your abuser -- you turn around to blame those who told you you were better off without your abuser in your life in order that you can finally begin working on you? You want them to take you on as some sort of charity case after your foolish decision to invest all for nothing in the name of marriage?

4. I see! She should not leave even when she is emotionally, mentally or even financially abuse. (All more than valid reasons to want to leave an unfulfilling marriage, by hmm the way.) She should wait until the man is ready to literally throws her out into the streets -- something that ultimately happened to well over 50% of women by age 40 -- before she knows she should begin fighting for herself and her own life? 🥱🥱

Feldie:
M/✓ Majority of the problem people face in this life is lack of emotional intelligence. That matter could have been easily resolved without the embarrassment. The girl has no regard for the man too.
✓ We all know women control their husbands at home but it's important to not show it in public because the man will become a laughing stock.

What regard? She hugged a friend and collected gift from him and he left. Did the husband regard her by disrespecting her choice in front of the visitors? Or is it OK for a man to disrespect a woman because he has unresolved trust issues?

2. Women control their husbands at home? What nonsense is that? Are you attempting to have us believe that abused women, who number in the Major, are actually in control of their homes and marriages? What sort of bullsheet is that and for what? 🥱🥱🥱

immortalcrown:
She continues to enjoy his money in the name of child support.😂

What child support? The N5000(less than $4) that some men don't even pay? What does she have to gain from retaining the man's name even if for that measly amount?