₦airaland Forum

Diamond098454:
Hmmmm some pastors can't control their third leg . Doris you dump your husband just to have a taste of your pastor

All of them are scammers!

LordBiden:
Christianity tire person. Me I don't even bother going to church again.

Religion is a scam. And his followers will all swear that the man is holy. The blindness is from beneath this earth! 🥱🥱

omo17:
Pls can u make dis clearer.. I really want to learn from ur experience. Thanks Sir

. Basically, the best decision I made was to get myself on medication when I did. I did not experience many of the side effects I had been afraid of. And the few that I did, I was able to manage using other medications provided to me by my psychiatrist. She did a very good job helping me manage my medications and my dosage — I had to switch out medication now and then for alternatives too. Overall, those were the best days I ever had in my entire life up until that point in time. (I should add that I had struggled with major depression, adhd, and anxiety along with a neurological disorder since childhood, but I feared, and ignorance kept me from getting treatment for any of it until well into my adult years.)🥱🥱

Don't let fear keep you from living the best life that is possible to you. 🥱🥱

Diamond098454:
My Virginity and my skin

You will give it to your husband because you hope you get what in return? Hope nothing is ok? Unless he is also giving you his virginity and his skin as well, you had better give those to yourself instead.

Chilipepper:
X user shares how a friend cautioned her after she addressed her husband by his name

Better for that woman to drop that friendship in the "It was nice but now it is gone!" pile immediately, or else, she will end up with more than just a warning next. There is a woman who feels she has finally arrived now that she has a husband. You had better let her go her own way before you end up demonized by her. 🥱🥱🥱

Hamachi:
Men in their 30's and 40's what advice will yoi give to a 20 year old man today?

Marriage and children are optional and do not come with a guaranteed increase in happiness; relationships only bring fleeting rewards. Find your happiness first in yourself and your life before you then decide whether any of those options are worth investing in. If you do not first realize self-love before it all, you are almost guaranteed to regret any/all relationship decisions you make.

Marriage is the new luxury item. https://youtube.com/shorts/RWtxFLObofY?si=_nTfpLQWGQimhPPq

In all you do, the most important soft skills to have are emotional and social intelligence, and the ability to discipline yourself in all aspects of your personal and professional life. 🥱🥱🥱

Pupanchie:
I think this is true but l want to hear more from you viewers and your concern, I've some points l did like to share when I've viewed all comments

That's the absolute truth. The most wicked souls out there hide behind the cloak that is religion.

thomas2024:
➜Who lineage help? As if the man will be alive witnessing his lineage passing from one generation to another.

Begin a thread to discourage men from chasing after lineage. It ain't even that Nigerian men really care for their children, as most of them would abandon those kids at any moment they can after having them.

Whois:
➜Who told you married men don't cook or do house cleaning too or Kini big deal.
➜IMHO you're one of few keyboard warriors here on NL, anybody that values thier mental health must ignore your post/mentions.

1. The majority of Nigerian married men tell us this all of the time, even here on Nairaland. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Your opinion matters nothing to me. 🥱🥱🥱

Whois:
She won't cook she won't wash her clothes or do any house cleaning if she isn't married

A man will also cook, clean and do any house cleaning it he isn't married,too, right?

Evangelisttj:
➜Got it! and thanks.
Honestly, after reading the submission from ... about anxiety etc, I have just gone to her to have a soft conversation about how she is doing and her plans for tomorrow etc. We must learn to deescalate and relearn to learn.

That I pointed out her actions possibly being driven by anxieties DOES NOT mean that your own decision to rid the place of things isn't equally driven by the same. Yes, it is possible for similar issues to drive two people in different directions. So, do not attempt to fix her yourself. Or assume that she needs fixing while you don't.

Most people out there in Nigeria are driven by at least anxiety; a mental health counselor recently suggested that about 90% of the population are walking around with undiagnosed mental illness. And the vast majority hide it all behind the cloak that is religion.

Evangelisttj:
➜Got it! Thanks.

You are NOT a mental health counselor, so do not attempt to counsel your wife in things you do not understand. You are possibly driven by your own childhood traumas in your need to rid the house of items to make space for new ones. So, whatever you do, do not turn your wife into a project for you to fix, else you will only create more issues for yourself and your marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

She is not your child. She is an adult; she is your partner and equal, as you are both mature individuals whose ability to make decisions is equally matched. She is not for you to repair.

Evangelisttj:
➜Yes its important to me. I would wish we give out things, declutter spaces, buy new things, stay clean and maybe stick with one or two water bottles or coolers and change them promptly when required. Thats my belief but I have managed this for a long time and still doing. So its not like its causing a huge rift. Just wanted to hear views and I thank you.
➜ By the way, I agree with you about talking less.

1. But here is another problem: you think your belief is the right one and her belief is the wrong one.

2. Wrong! Communication is how husband and wife keep the gap between them significantly reduced. It is your right to talk about whatever possible issues you may notice between you, too. But in addition to talking, you should engage in more self-assessment and reflection. That is where you get to see that this isn't really a "She is wrong, and I am right" situation, but more a "There are possibly 1001 solutions/ways to resolve an issue, and it does not have to be just your solution that is correct."🥱🥱

dollytino4real:
It is the new way of life around dis PH especially this student area,is beta to divorce than to sleep with another man and still come back to my house with my husband. My concise n my children death go finish me as an urhobo Woman

. Remaining in an abusive marriage does damage to those children, so stop lying that your conscience is somehow better than the conscience of women who cheat back when cheated on. For one, is the conscience of the cheating husband somehow different or better than the conscience of the abusive husband? Second, is the conscience of a woman who cheats back when she is cheated on better than the conscience of a woman who sits tight in the midst of abuse? No, they are not. All of them have consciences that have been seared.... as you religious folks like to put it.

A woman who cheats back has the same warped conscience as a woman who remains in abusive marriages, and they both basically teach their children the same lessons, which is that a terrible marriage is the standard for their lives as well. Children raised in both situations go on to develop many of the same issues and traumas— unhealthy attachment styles— where relationships in general are concerned. Let's start telling ourselves the truth.

Evangelisttj:
➜Not newlyweds, but we have had to manage several differences for years. We have gone through turbulence and still are, as is common with many marriages. Truth be told, the fear of God and accountability is what is keeping the marriage; otherwise, many in our position who consider themselves substantially incompatible would have hit rock bottom.
Now, while many marriages fail due to things I have often considered stupid, I have come to realize that he who wears the shoe knows where and how it hurts.
My wife, with whom I will not make any accusations or try to paint in a bad light, has a compulsion to keep things I consider useless—plastics, bags, nylons, clothes—things that could be thrown out or discarded. She may say she would need them and for months may not use them. I am more of a minimalist and I like to dispose of things that clutter the space, but she sees a need in all these things. Children’s clothes that should be worn will sometimes be kept until they are no longer their size. It has caused lots of quarrels, but I have come to terms with it. However, what I do is this: if it at least belongs to me or is something within my control, then I can discard it.
A simple example: I had just finished using a plastic container and asked her to please discard it. Maybe I mentioned it three to four times just so we were clear. Next thing, maybe after a few days, I realized she had kept that same thing I asked her to dispose of. This creates a bit of tension, and what surprises me the most is that she doesn’t see it as right that I am angry. She has never seen it as being wrong, where you could avoid trouble if you do what your husband has gently requested. The last time, I think I saw her crying just because I got upset about her keeping something I had asked her to discard.
➜ Now I am starting to think I am the problem, as her inability to adjust makes me feel that maybe the problem is actually me. We have so many things that I consider useless that could create space, but she will have an explanation for everything. Please, how do you deal with this, and have you had similar issues?
➜ Trust me, I expect that some people will say, “Why bring marriage issues here?” and it is something I would never have imagined I’d do, but I am happy to hear your perspectives and even insults. By the way, I will share this thread with her so we can both learn. Many thanks.

1. She is a semi-hoarder—there is absolutely nothing wrong with her as long as it does not become a full-blown hoarding problem that turns the lives of everyone, including the children, into chaos and illness. You, on the other hand, claim to be a minimalist, and you had a sensible compromise, which is that you discard those things that belong to you and let her be with hers. Why did you decide to give it to her? (Once you give someone something to discard, you also give that person the right to claim that thing as their own, since you no longer want that item.) So, why did you see fit to make an issue of something you refused to discard yourself? 🥱🥱🥱

2. I am glad I did not literally have to spell this fact out to you. (You are the problem, and the only solution to this issue lies with you.)

Leave the woman and the space issue alone for her to sort out eventually on her own. She will when she is finally ready to. Or are you ready to pay for months of mental health counseling so she can go, maybe sort out her reasons for clinging to those things? Do you have at least 200k in this economy for her to go get herself possible therapy to deal with whatever anxieties may be behind her need for holding onto things— now I am just assuming from your story that she may have something in the background causing her to hold on to things(could even be fear of poverty)? 🥱🥱

3. I am certain there are more important issues in your individual lives for you to each focus on than this. I suggest you spend more time on those for yourself. Next time your mind wanders towards that thought, pick up a good book to read instead. Discipline your mind... that is what you are in dire need of.🥱🥱

gentlesil:
➜Thanks, all. This matter looks childish as someone suggested above, but it is real, the man said this jokingly, we laughed over it because his wife is my friend. he didn't say it like it was bothering him but I know that he wanted to hear from a woman he can confid in.

Tell your friend that this is 2025, and a woman as old as she has absolutely no excuses for not being informed on at least effective birth control methods. Send her to the family planning office closest to her place so she can get adequate education on how to better guard her own body and potentially her life.

Abi she be didinrin?

Felicity0001:
➜Births if a feather

I always align myself with the facts, never the lies.

Also, it is "Birds of a feather, " not "Births if a feather."

bmd1010:
➜I just updated the link it there also

So, the man did not provide literal evidence to counter the claims the girl made in the video? He didn't even provide proof of the so-called pregnancy? How do you know for sure that that is the guy?

armyofone:
➜Many fathers made childhood so difficult. They pass anger to anyone. I think the most difficult one is beating of their mothers. Observing their mother's being beaten can be traumatizing to children.

The saddest part of it all is that the trauma and emotional dysregulation that those children learn from their fathers is passed on to the next generation. If the man's contribution is mostly trauma, that becomes a generational curse of sorts, then I am all for encouraging more and more men to go without marriage and go childfree altogether.

KingintheNorth:
➜ Who would you rather be with ??

Both women will end up alone still. Studies have more than shown that a woman rarely benefits from being with a man when he has nothing or helping build a man — unless the woman is the man's mother.(Yes, if you are the man's mother, by all means, help develop your son into the best human being he can be.) If you are not the man's mother, focus on pouring your energy into developing yourself so you can find a man whom you don't need to build at all.

Suffer-love does not benefit women in romantic relationships; only men benefit the most from women suffering with them.

DeltaBachelor:
Hmmm. For me, it benefits both parties. Man for lineage and name, then women for protection

...

okoliobinna84:
This girl has not tasted the security of being with a man....like the peace of mind associated with being with a "man" knowing fully that your back is covered.

Security? Protection? The vast majority of women are assaulted(some even killed) by the very men they call their husbands. How in the world does any of that amount to security or protection when a woman literally reduces her chances at survival the moment she enters into a relationship with a man? 🥱🥱🥱

lilsmart:
If i provide a link to it will you push it to fp front page

Na you talk say the man done debunk her claims with evidence. Why all the stories when all you need to provide is a link to his own story?

lilsmart:
➜Go on X.
➜ Now I just hear say they kidnapped 14 people in Kogi yesterday??

Provide a link to the video so we know for sure where this version of his is located.

I am not your Nigerian government, whom you fail to hold accountable for your security issues in that country.

Ubahjessica:
➜What is that some men don't like exploring more with their wife's body but can do extra exploration with side chic?

They do it because their wives tacitly allow them. If wives left the moment they realized their men were cheating, don't you think that fewer men would be out there cheating? From as far back as the 80s/90s, Nigerian women began relaxing their boundaries in marriage, and that is what led to more and more men now claiming cheating as their right in marriage. Fast forward to 2020, you now have men declaring cheating as their nature and right, even in marriage, all because women choose to let it be their right, even in marriage. This didn't come out of nowhere.

Ubahjessica:
➜When your husband start finding solace elsewhere, also get your own solace in the hands of a sugar boy. Aura for Aura!

All this while continuing to provide the man who is cheating on you with access to your free labor and body? E no add up! 🥱🥱🥱

bukatyne:
➜Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

The man in question— the him that the statement clarified that the statement was made in regards to— was Adam— the only man that existed at the time the statement was supposedly made—, not your husband or all of the men in your village. The helpmeet was made for Adam, and we all know it was Eve who was literally cloned from Adam. (Yes, Eve was a clone of Adam.) Again, none of what you call marriage today is related to that book. 🥱🥱🥱

lilsmart:
The husband has also came out to say his own side of his story that all she said was a lie, that she was two month pregnant for someone else before getting married to him. Husband also said he spent 25million on the wedding. He said the lady should bring out the receipt of the money he send to him. We don't who to believe, the man even call out the guy that gave her belle
The husband even post the Guy picture as evidence now it's all for her to post her own evidence. No be to set ring light they dey lie As if say we all dey wear pampers Make she

. Where is his own side of the story make we watch am? And where is the evidence of this pregnancy he claims?

Wait a second... she was two months pregnant for someone else, and he married her anyway, only for the marriage to end 2 days later? How... what... huh?

bukatyne:
The controversy will be if she said otherwise. Marriage is a system created by God to fulfill the needs of men. All through the Bible, at no point was the benefit of marriage to a woman mentioned.

Marriage was created by men for the sake of men. NO God out there created what you all bow to as marriage. 🥱🥱

Kelle443:
➜A woman has ignited massive online debate after boldly sharing her thoughts on marriage and motherhood. In a viral post, she revealed that it was only after getting married and having a child that she realized men benefit more from marriage than women. Her statement has sparked intense conversations across social media, with many women agreeing while others strongly disagree. Is marriage truly fair to women, or is this just a personal experience? Watch the full story and join the conversation as Nigerians and social media users react to this controversial take on marriage, relationships, and motherhood.

Marriage(the default contract) was never designed for women but more for men. Even the children whom you are told you are to have only in marriage have, on the most part, do not benefit as much from the two individuals in the configuration. It is left up to the woman to design/configure for herself the kind of marriage contract that will at least give her near equal(if not completely equal) benefits as the man in the marriage, while at the same time ensuring the children produced during the union gain more than they would ordinarily gain from the former contract.

gulfer:
➜Just to trend, did your mum not go through pains to give birth to you
➜ or why comlain about the pain of childbirth without refusing the pleasure of the coitus that brought about the pregnancy in the first place?

Is she her mother that she should live her life according to the same choices that her mother made? What sort of education did you get to think that a child should behave and make the exact same choices their parents before them made?

2. Oh, WOW.... Are you sure you are OK in the head?

Kingpele:
➜The lady just want to trend simple as man I have come to understand that if God is not with u as a man ,
➜ u will marry empty brains like this lady above and live a miserable life ....
➜ as a man u have to take care of family bills even if you are having one challenge or the other you are expected to handle it as a man ...this is why they're many widows then widowers...
➜ the pressure of just being a man especially in today's Nigeria is not easy whether u get money or u are poor

She is not just trending but repeating a fact that has been thoroughly studied and now known to be a fact. Marriage actually benefits men more than it does women. If you are in doubt, make Google your friend, as this is no longer a secret.

2. Marrying an empty brain as you refer to your wife is a choice that is wholly yours— no gun to your head in that. That does not remove from the fact that one of the reasons you choose that empty brain is so that you can mine labor and energy, for free, from that individual, much to your own benefit and not to hers.

3. That is only if you choose to get married and if you choose to have kids. Note that these have always been options/choices available to both men and women. (Society has never placed a gun to the heads of those who decided to choose otherwise.)

4. Well, even that so-called pressure has been a choice from the get-go. There are many men & women out there who go unmarried and childfree throughout their lives — about 25% of the population remain childfree and unmarried, despite the so-called pressure.

Chilipepper:
Women don't have rules, they make them for men they don't like

This is an idiotic statement to make. Humans, by their very nature for self-preservation, have rules — boundaries which they assert in relationships towards others. The statement "Women don't have rules" is indicative of abysmally low levels of intelligence.