₦airaland Forum

Lovit:
➜Emotionally intelligent women master their emotions.
➜They know when to laugh and when to be serious with issues
➜ They also know that there will be conflicts in marriage, so they manage their emotions not to escalate issues
➜ The foolish ones destroy the union at minor issues. All these applies to MEN too

1. Mastering one's emotions does not render one emotionless. It simply means one is better able to identify, regulate, and channel that emotional energy into more productive outlets than those who don't have a handle on their emotions. Humans are all generally emotional... we cannot stop or seal off our emotions. However, we can better identify them and mine that energy to our benefit when we learn of them.

2. Laughing is not an emotion. And no, one who has mastered his or her emotions can also choose to laugh when you least expect it. Again, folks who have mastered their emotions do not become robots. They are still just as human as you, only with better control over emotional outbursts.

3. People who walk on shells around their marriage partners ARE NOT emotionally regulated, but rather emotionally insecure. Emotionally intelligent individuals realize that conflicts are healthy for relationship building and so use conflict-resolution tactics to resolve them. Again, emotionally intelligent people are not robots but human beings like you.

4. Wrong! Emotionally intelligent individuals know to prioritize the peace, mental health, and joy of the individuals involved in the relationship above any union or relationship they find themselves in. If the marriage has become unhealthy for one, it becomes unhealthy for all. The emotionally intelligent individual — man or woman —knows it is best to walk away completely from it than to keep the union intact as a priority.

NB: An emotionally intelligent human being does not work on behalf of you. Rather, the emotionally intelligent individual prioritizes his mental health, peace, and joy above all else.

I hope more women out there would read and thoroughly digest these stories. That scam.is real.

fabuloz1:
If you were the guy and you saw this post, whether she was catching cruise or not, would you still wife her

Many of those former porn stars are eventually wifed by men too. Dey there dey measure yourself against other men instead make you pursue your desire as those with healthy self worth do.

Hypnotise:
Most times, she’ll become disgusted with him, irritated by him, and hypergamy will set in, and it’s like above 80% of the time.

Men, who are equally hypergamous in nature since they too target nas date women they cannot measure up to,b should also learn to date down so they do not end up with women disgusted by them for not measuring up.

kingthreat:
✓ You are talking of 3 decades ago. Now it's like 40% of them failing. Many you see appearing good are just heating up till it gets out of hand.

It has always been at least 50% even in Southern Nigeria, only that most do not report marriage abandonment as divorce, while in the North, the divorce rate has been at over 50% since as far back as the 80s sef.

NairaMaster1:
✓ So being eing single guarantees sound mental health?

It does not guarantee it but got women, studies have shown that it js a better option than living life in a bad marriage.

naturefellow:
there are Nigerian women with high self esteem who still brave toxic marriages. There's more of the faith and perception factor. Keeping the peace to avoid the stigma of a divorcee, especially when kids are involved.

Wrong! No human being with a healthy sense of self would ever subject themselves to unnecessary suffering that benefits another human at ones own detriment. Individuals with healthy self esteem value their mental health, peace, and joy above all else. 🤔

Also a healthy sense of self is not about how one "carries one self " -- as you are typically taught in Africa, but rather about how one generally values one's worth and desires against those of others. That African notion most Africans confuse with self-esteem is more or less a performative set of behaviors that people put up for others to see.

QuinQ:
✓ At least you concede they found meaning in life based on that relationship, so much so that they found no reason to continue living after it.
✓ See below, an excerpt from "Things Fall Apart" about he simultaneous deaths of an elderly husband and wife.
✓ This happens a lot. If you don't call that love what do you call it?
✓ Nigeria is not a human being. I don't see how you are arguing that people change!

Finding meaning in being a slave to another human being since you were never allowed to mature and find other meaning outside of the marriage! 🤐🤐

2. You do know that Things Fall Apart was a work of fiction, right? 🤐🤐🤐

3. The actual phenomenon -- which is in fact death brought on by stress of a loss which never causes or mmics a heart attack-- is said to be quite rare. But here you are insisting it is quite common. 🤔🤔🤔

4. You mean Nigeria has not been populated and steered in the direction it has been heading in the last 65 years by its citizens -- flesh and blood humans? 🤔🤔

QuinQ:
✓ So why don't the old people leave the marriage? And why is it that when one dies the other will quickly follow? What's your answer? And bear in mind, there are also polygamous families - you KNOW your husband is sleeping with different women. Compare to seeing him ONCE while drunk on his bachelor's eve!
✓ People do change. All the time. Many "sleep around" young men devote themselves exclusively to their wives and families in later years. Then there was the chaste pastor's wife who decided she wanted to be a prostitute!

1. Studies have revealed that the major reason many women refuse to leave abusive/humiliation filled situation is simply either that because:
a) they lack financially resources to fund their new life
b) they are afraid of what society and those around them might say
c) they are afraid of change -- many of them have spent much of their adult lives married-- some where married as teenagers or children, and know no other life than with the man in marriage
d) a combination of one or more of the above.

2. As for those of them whom you believe died not long after their husbands, how certain are you they are not suicides? We know now that there is nothing like dying of a broken heart. Either a person was previously ill or they literally committed suicide out of despair aka depression (suicidal tendencies or ideation, a common symptom) . There are lots of such cases that have been researched to reveal this to be the possible causes of most death-by-heart-ache claims. 😕🥱🥱

And no, it ain't necessarily the case that the spouse who died not long after the other missed the dead but more that the spouse left behind saw no meaning to their continued existence after the one they had invested all of their life into was no more. There are some others who think they choose death in order not to become a burden to those left behind. 🥱🥱

There is a lot in this you need to research for yourself. Fairy tales are called that for a reason. They are stories told only by fantastical beings who don't even exist. Stop gulping them down at your age.

3. People change for better yet Nigeria turned out the cesspit that it is today with you literally saying a non cheating man is hard to find. People change for better yet since 1960 , Nigeria and Nigerians have consistently gotten worse over the last 65 years? 🥱🥱

No matter how much you are willing to lie to yourself, you cannot change the reality of this life and the lives of the people in it by it. 🥱🥱

QuinQ:
➜No but be realistic and always consider the alternative. Bear in mind that people change - for the better and for the worse.
➜ And people go through phases.
➜ There are some old happy couples today who almost divorced because one of them went through a "sleep around" phase

. People don't change because you want them to; as a matter of fact, most people double down the moment the person they are in a relationship with demands change from them. That is being realistic.

2. People — men and women alike — only go through what they are themselves willing to go through. Not what a third-party, no matter how well-intended, tells them to.

3. That is only in Nollywood movies and where performance is required. Most old Nigerian couples are not happy. If you lived every day with them, — beyond occasional visits here and there —you would not miss the truth of this. And if you check well, most of those women had to put up with a lot of bullsheet and misery too. That is no life any person should wish on themselves or their kids.

So, again, I ask you, Marriage na by force?

QuinQ:
➜Words to bear in mind: REALISTIC PRAGMATIC

Marriage na by force?

QuinQ:
➜You are not being REALISTIC. Almost all hot-bloded (and likely a bit drunk) young men can be seduced by a bridesmaid. He will later settle into being a husband and father and providing for his family which will leave him little time and resources for "bridesmaids".
➜ In taking action always consider the alternative. Do you have a perfect guy who'd never look at a bridesmaid on his bachelor's eve waiting to marry her?

1. Basically, what you are wanting us to be is that the 1000s of millions of women before you who failed to realize that ideal in the cheat they married — that very same delusion you spun there—, most have not met you, is why? And let me guess, you will be the one and only woman in history —1 in over 4 billion —to make that happen, abi?

2. There are no perfect guys out there; therefore, women ought to accept humiliation and regret all because marriage is by force, abi?

Anyway, I am going to interpret this all as sarcasm. Because I cannot for the life of me imagine, in the year 2025, that there exists a woman out there on Nairaland who has no self-respect for herself at least.

QuinQ:
➜Au contriré. Look at it this way: suppose she didn't catch him? But she actually caught him. Someone said marriage consists a lot of gathering evidence. Now she has something to her advantage right at the beginning. And everyone will hear about it, including their children. That man will spend that marriage trying to prove he doesn't even look at another woman.
Besides, the next person may be worse, except she won’t know!

Nonsense! Nigerian women like to spin their own Nollywood tales in their heads to keep them enduring bullsheet!

What is the worth of the useless evidence gathered if it is all to be used to shackle yourself to a miserable existence at the end of the day, all in the name of marriage? Which kain yeye evidence-gathering nonsense is this? Abi, you never read about all the women who spent years gathering evidence in vain, like Annie Idibia or what was her name, who was eventually abandoned like trash in the end? Or have you not read about May Edochie, who kept gathering evidence until she, too, was abandoned by the man in the end? There are not many more of these "evidence-gathering" wives out there who knew but thought they were smart gathering cheating reports on their sleeze bags of a husband, only for them to be abandoned — left high and dry —scrambling to save themselves in the end?

You caught a man cheating before you even married him. (He literally displayed that not only does he not value or respect you, but that by sleeping with your bridesmaid, he probably hates you as an individual and only wants to wife you to make you a housemaid/cook/baby mama/ convenient bang maid(all unpaid services until he gets tired of you). And you think the sensible thing to do would be to marry him and then spend your life living anxious and wondering who he may be cheating on you next with? Whatever convinced you that such a hellish existence is a sensible existence for anyone to choose? 😫😫😫

Ask yourself this. If that man had caught you banging his friend or even any man in the same manner, would he have also spun tales in his head and proceeded with the marriage anyway? That man would not only humiliate your arse, but even drag your parents for having you. He would have his friend label you a disgusting slut for humiliating him. You will be forced to flee that locality before the week's end, and maybe even have to change your phone number as well.🥱🥱

Please, have some dignity for yourself. No one will give it to you. You have to desire and get it for yourself.

nwirinedu:
➜Very sad, may we not give birth to children who kill us. Sometimes early death is better for the poor.
➜ These western countries chose comfort career and pets over family.
➜ They should stop whining over their declining population, since they don't want migrants from even neighboring countries. Amongst asian enclave the Japs are the most unfriendly.

Dey there... with the economy and life in Africa the way it is, how many people you sure say no be dem kill their elderly parents? By Tinubu's second term in office, no shock, say many elderly people go begin to die like foul. Una talk say hunger dey land... e never settle itself finish.

2. Family is meant to save up for their old age so they can be adequately catered to when those years come around. Recall that this woman, for some reason, had to depend on her son to care for her, and that burden was on his neck in his own old age for an extended period. We don't know if he had health problems of his own during all of that time, too.

3. Nonsense! They don't need migrants from your end of the world to solve problems that can be solved by people making better choices as far as their retirement plans.

southsouthking:
➜He needs not to be reminded, karma will remind him.

Which Karma? We are talking of Japan, where committing suicide is considered honorable and logical. This one dey here they talk karma because to you folks, the worst thing that can happen to you is death.

higgs:
This is why japan needs to open up to immigration. An african caregiver would have continued caring for her without complaints as long as he/she is well paid.You can't have an aging population because you refuse to have children and at the same time be anti immigration.

Una wa go destroy the place as una don destroy Nigeria finish?

Jennyclay:
Bunch of sick men everywhere His own is waiting for him at the front

Where? The man probably plans to end his life soon. We are talking here of Japan, where committing seppuku is considered a thing of honor and reasonable. No be Africans wey dey fear death like anything.

Sanctecosma:
➜Let him not forget that he's getting old too and will have people to care for him during his feeble year. What goes around comes around

. He probably intends to kill himself instead of having others take him on as a burden. These folks are not as deluded as most Nigerians are about these things.

radautoworks:
➜ Love wara, but really hard to find nowadays. Really like it fried😋 And thanks for the vid👍🏾

Wara is hard to find? OMGosh! How can Nigeria happen to Wara of all things!😐😐

radautoworks:
➜And now I'm jealous...

You made pizza and bread... you are already doing great.

I watched this video the other day and was reminded that wara has always been a staple down there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6CjAEOM7cg?si=irntoUCqYx5Gl5k2

radautoworks:
➜Don't give me ideas. I just might try, to be an @ss 😆
Seriously though, I looked up how but the type/quantity of fresh milk required is not worth the time and cost here. Might try it when I'm back in Houston though😁

Oh, Ok! I wanted to suggest the idea to my sisters, but I guess I didn't consider that milk might not be as available down there as I had imagined. Being able to make your own pizza, cheese, yoghurt, among other things, I imagined would save them a lot of money.

Oh yeah, I make my own yoghurt and cheese here. It is so much cheaper that way.

BAILMONEY:
You don't get it right Bros your comment nor dey gel at all

Again, do you know the meaning of the word truth? 🥱🥱🥱

BAILMONEY:
This guy is a post-modernist thinker. Dem dey always oppose universal truth.

Do you know the meaning of the word truth? 🥱🥱🥱

HeatSeeker:
➜You truly need to be calming down aunty
By the way @op, I endorse this post of yours 100% although I have an alternative view.
What is written down about GOD is based solely on the perceptions of the individuals who had interactions with the entity.
We all perceive things of GOD based on our level of consciousness or awareness. GOD is one, but we all perceive GOD differently.
Hence, no one is absolutely right and no one is absolutely wrong. GOD is simply whatever you (the individual) make it up to be.

We all perceive it differently— meaning it is devoid of a defined absoluteness— or we all percieve different things because their are likely more than one of them out there that we inspire to or supposedly connect to?

DyshApp:
A Nigerian bride has shared her emotional experience online after calling off her wedding just a day before the ceremony.
The lady, identified as @joyblessed114 on TikTok, revealed that she caught her fiancé in a romantic act with one of her bridesmaids during his bachelor party, leaving her devastated.
The betrayal had a severe impact on her well-being, and she disclosed that she required medical attention following the incident.
The emotional shock was so intense that it physically affected her, highlighting the profound pain she experienced.

Is this a new story? Her face looks familiar!

Anyways, she should thank her stars that she did not marry him, else she would have been stuck wondering whether she should endure for that infamous Mrs badge Nigerian women like to suffer-worship while married to community dick.

jmoore:
Inasmuch I am a virgin, I find it ridiculous when people who are lost their virginity to fornication and have also increased their mileage are judging their fellow sinners.

😂😂😂😂😂

Lovit:
➜In all you do, marry an emotionally intelligent woman. If not, small quarrel like this, she won't cook talk less of serving you food
Women low on EI, always lose their marriages, sometimes people think it is an evil spirit or village people that are causing women from a particular family to lose their marriages, but it is just low emotional intelligent that runs in that family
➜ How do you know a woman with low emotional intelligence?
1. They quarrel a lot
2. They are very irritable
3. They don't know how to say sorry
4. If there is a quarrel, even if she is at fault, she won't admit it and she won't apologize
5. If you are married to them, you the man will always be the one to make peace, she doesn't know how to make peace
6. Their mood swings controls them, they don't think outside the box
7. Relationship with them is always one sided, you do everything to keep the relationship going. the day you stop, relationship dies
8. They are always critical, frowns at jokes, they don't overlook faults
etc

An emotionally intelligent woman is actually a woman who would not cook for you when she is emotionally disregulated. Cause she would be afraid that if care is not taken, she might do something dubious in retaliation for being harassed by another human being, such as poisoning you, for instance. Go read up on murder files and learn how many husbands were murdered by the very woman whom they expected to cook for them, even after enduring violent assault from them.

2. If your idea of an emotionally intelligent woman is a woman who shows none of her emotions when with a man she supposedly loves, you have yet to experience life at best. 🥱🥱🥱

Kayberg:
➜The GOD of the Bible is not in the same league with your thousands of 'dieties'. If you keep talking about dieties, then I think yours is, Charles Taze Russells.

All these off-point responses are unnecessary!

Aye13th:
After Fighting with your Husband, How will You call Him when food is Ready ? Men Let us see wife materials

. I think it is the same way, after beating up his wife, the man boldly sits down to eat food that she cooked for him.

D00msDay:
➜Well, it depends on the bond between them. I share a very strong bond wit my mum. Mum has gone tru hell for me. Omo, even witch cannot break the bond we share.

You actually want to lie to us that this man, who cared for his mother for 20 years, did not have a bond with that woman before he decided to kill her? You are telling us to believe that the woman did not maybe plan with her son to have him take her life?

You lot will believe anything to keep up your many delusions, won't you?

Goodadvice01:
Please i want to be doing "then vs now" videos of popular actors and celebrities. But the issue I'm having is where to get their current pictures without a copyright strike. As I can't just lift their pix on tiktok or IG and post on YouTube without a copyright infringement.
Where can i get current pics of popular celebrities?

If Nigerian celebrities are your focus, then you may need to do a lot of legwork.

Investigative reporting is another area where not a lot is happening in the Nigerian scene. We read flimsy reports of crime in the news and never get details to explain what really happened before and afterwards. I watch Jude Bella on YouTube, but local crimes do not have channels.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fIYhYKwVmo?si=riRgbhXSB_3RNUL1

ayoncox:
why is that most of you lack comprehension like this

Look who's talking! 😫😫😫