₦airaland Forum

tanigororo:
➜Keep that to yourself

Keep to myself the notion of men engaging polygamous relationships with other men whom they share polygamous fantasies with?

Bloomsvilledgit:
2 to 3 days to go brethren

Again, schedule your appointment today so that first thing on the morning of September 25th, you do not begin spiralling, thinking unaliving yourself might be best. Please make an appointment with a professional mental health counselor — not the same deluded gods of men who fed you these lies — to begin your journey towards freeing yourself from all these delusions. 🥱🥱🥱

AngelSlay:
✓ So I demanded he explain how he had only 14M in his account. This man started to gaslight me. Asking if he ever asked me how much I had in my account and talking about my 130k salary. We haven't spoke for days because of this issue and he won't even apologise and explain himself. Can you believe he told me this morning to leave the marriage if I want to because he's never going to talk about the money with me? Is this a serious man who wants a future for his family? Should I leave? I've decided to leave. This is serious. Question: Should she leave or stay?

Since she has decided to leave, I hope she intends to settle for him to have full custody of the children or at least shared custody so she can have about 2 weeks out of each month to rebuild her life and finances outside of marriage. That is precious time she would need to help herself with.

louken:
✓ How will spending time with his kids translate to continue inflicting trauma on his kids' futures

You refer to fostering even more friction in a home already uncomfortable for the kids as spending time with the children? Wow...😩😩😩

tanigororo:
✓ Let the woman fill their own fantasies, who cares. Those who don't want be polygamy can opt out or go away, it's a free world. If you don't want, don't antagonise it.

Ah ah! You made clear that those against polygamy are women implying women do not have any polygamous fantasies that benefit them. So, why not engage your fellow men who all seem to have polygamous fantasies in polygamous marriage then? I don't know of even one woman who would stand against men freely engaging in that. 😩😩😩

DoGoodingGuy:
✓ It's a man's world, deal with it!

Since women are against polygamy, then men should engage their fellow men in polygamous marriage closed.

Dish:
➜Being honest to what she'll bring to the table... But why is she making a case about it now? She's asking me, why am I shading her on my status 😪

If you don't like what she brings to the table, you are free to walk away. Why pretend she owes you the answer that you want instead?

Dish:
➜Almost every lady or girl will tell you that she is not a baby making machine in any little argument concerning birthing children. So, I was having a conversation with my wife to be and one thing lead to another, it happened that I jokingly asked her what she'll bring to the table as a wife and she said "she'll bring children". Omo, i nearly ran mad, like what kinda lady thinks this way this period.
➜ This is a lady that's being showing me feminist traits when a decision isn't in her ideal fantasy and wants..

The lady is absolutely right in what she said. Babymaking and giving birth are valuable things that women bring to the table. If you half understood what that alone does to a woman's body, mind, and how it poses a danger to her very existence — literally, many women lose their lives each year from this — you would value your mothers, grandmothers, and so on more than you currently do.

2. She is a feminist for literally stating a fact? OK naw!

ebubeson:
➜Many people with flaws, bad character, cheating character e.t.c, will not want to marry a cheat or promiscuous person. This is not a good way to go. Some may be vehement on marrying a virgin or a God-fearing guy. You cannot be promiscuous while looking for a decent person to marry. As a promiscous person, will you like to look for a promiscuous person to marry, and then try to work on their character?

Promiscuous men/women do not love; rather, they enjoy possessing and watching the devastation their disloyalty inflicts on the minds, bodies, and lives of their partners. They themselves cannot stomach the same treatment from someone they have selected to possess.

tanigororo:
➜The Society only point out the dark history of polygamy, the annoying part is most of them has never experience polygamy before yet them condemn it. The Major antagonist of polygamy are women.

Interesting statement!

Polygamy cannot work without women, unless you are, of course, advocating for men to have multiple male partners. If men cannot have polygamy without the consent of women, and these women are literally saying that they do not want polygamy, how can it then be argued that polygamy is of benefit to the women? Or is polygamy all about fulfilling the man's fantasies at the expense of the women?

SpaceMarshall:
➜The modern world hides this truth under polite silence. The result? Wives burn out trying to be everything, and husbands grow bitter when their fantasies collapse against reality. Affairs bloom, resentment festers, families fracture. Monogamy is not merely a vow of love; it is a vow of sacrifice. And like all sacrifices, it demands honesty: either embrace its limits with maturity, or admit that the human heart is too vast for one body to contain.

Are you literally trying to convince us that in polygamous settings, wives don't burn out and husbands don't grow bitter? This reads more like something someone who has never experienced polygamy first hand would come up with, though.

Wow...a gathering of some of the craziest people out there! I never thought I would see any such.

GodWrites:
➜In this day and age, no one is forcing the female gender to end up in the kitchen, they are the ones doing it to themselves when they can't see beyond marriage. A lady that lacks ambition will end up being a baby factory stuck inside the kitchen.

Unfortunately, this is not far from the truth. The majority of women, specifically in Southern Nigeria, continue to pretend that marriage, even when married to men who literally hate them, is by force.

Dilijingsly:
➜I was at my place of work and we started talking about love and like. Some said love is deep affection and like is just mare like. What's the difference please..?

If you, as a human being, do not know what love is, it means you did not experience it as a child. (Your caregivers— likely your mother and/or your father— never showed you what love is). Love does not have multiple meanings, as it is the same love you were shown or desired as a child that you go on to show others when you grow up— all things unchanged.

SpencerForbes:
I just think we should restructure Africans mentality towards relationships and marriage. The system is pretty bleeped up. You think you know something about it, then something else happens.

It is not the system that is the problem, though. It is the minds of millions of Nigerian women believing a system literally fashioned as a weapon against them, their lives, and children, too, can somehow be made to work for them that is at fault here.

If we check now, this woman likely did not marry her husband in the courts, but believed in her little brain that by her female wiles was all it would take to keep him from looking for anything outside of the marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

seyilolagurl:
➜Happy Sunday, everyone. Please, I need your advice. I started dating a guy from my university back in 2020. We were very close so close that we even lived together while I was still in school.
➜ After graduation, he went for his NYSC, and during that time (around 2023), he met another lady, a fellow corper who is older than him.
Since then, he started acting distant, stopped picking my calls and gave me attitude. Eventually, we stopped talking altogether, although we still occasionally checked each other’s WhatsApp status.
➜ Recently, we started talking again. But he told me that he had prayed about me in two different places, and both revealed that we are not compatible. I prayed about it from 2 different places and they said are compatible.
➜ The thing is, we honestly love each other deeply. Back in school, people often mistook us for twins because of how close and connected we were.
➜Has anyone here ever experienced something like this before? Please share your thoughts I’d really appreciate it

1. Living together with a man does not in any way serve as a measure of closeness to the man. A man can live with, even marry a woman he literally hates, simply for the benefits he obtains from keeping her around, which in most cases can be classified as free coochie, free labor, and in some cases, free access to her bank account. So many men literally home—trap in some way— the woman that settled for them — the one available who loves them more — because they cannot have the one they really want — their type. So, closeness cannot or should not be measured by merely having to live with a man.

2. He found a woman who is more his type, which is why there was a distance between you two. He knew his type would probably not want him anymore after a while, explaining the reason for the occasional check-ups, to keep you pining for him and give him someone to return to/monkey branch back to.

3. I am afraid you are wrong! You love him deeply, but clearly, he doesn't. Someone who loves you would never do to you what he did to you. Human behavior has been thoroughly studied to the point that humans can now easily tell love apart from toxic connections.

4. Stop wasting your youth on someone who obviously does not value you as you are. Do not wait for him to baby-trap you or give you marriage as a shackle to keep you committed to what is already a toxic, cheating union. You need to spend your youth learning and accepting who you truly are, so you do not end up in the same mistake that 10s of millions of Nigerian women before you are to this day locked up trying to figure out.

dbabs500:
➜She wants to take full custody the way she's talking, however it just wont work out now, the kids are top priority, so i will never walk away from them no matter what.

Well, she made the move first, so you should get yourself a lawyer to fight for shared custody at least. With shared custody, you can see your kids at least 2 weeks a month, as opposed to you depending on her to make time for you to see the kids on her schedule.

dbabs500:
➜Right as I type, early this afternoon, she kept sending messages that she wants to move to another location if her place of work branch will give her hours, sey she dont mind to pay the rest herself taking custody of the kids sey make we end this thing amicably . I just maintained my silence and did not say a word. Today will be the 3rd day am sleeping in the living room. My spirit in a certain way feels more safer away for a while.

She will take full custody of the kids or she will share custody with you? If she takes full custody, I hope you know that you will have no reason then to complain that she is the one denying you access to your kids, right?

Abeg, tell that woman make she come on Nairaland abi na Reddit come tell us her side of the story, abeg!

dbabs500:
The few times i found out where she goes to is her friends house, shes married too but they are best of friends, and shes one of those that advises my woman on certain decision she has made in the past, i dont accept her as a known person because I have heard everything she has been talking behind my back, my madam listens to this person more than I do. Life here bro, most men dey feel this heat, plenty nor dey talk. Funny thing is, after she dashes out, hours later she go come wan use style dey beg, i cant imagine her sending her friends husband to come and beg me, person wey i nor too dey relate with. Marriage is high standard and it is also a high set up.

Marriage is not by force, so stop making it sound like it is.

guobe:
➜Little things can make the female folks to keep liking you and will always want to cling to you that alot of guys ignore while dating. Though the economy is harsh but doing these occasionally won't be a bad idea.
From early morning sweet blissful romantic texts of how you have never in your life seen such a beautiful goddess to a late night text of how you will use a duvet to cover her and sing a lullaby song to her and watch her close her eyes gently to sleep 😴.
It won't also be a bad idea to ask her if she has provision at home and you won't mind if you get some for her.
With some of these hints she will be like is this love is this love that I am feeling. Lol.

What you describe is referred to as love bombing, a manipulation tactic which men who can't ordinarily get the woman they want use in luring and keeping women attached to them until they are finally able to trap her by way of marriage or a baby. Or until they find their next victim.

That this is your go-to tactic in keeping a woman by your side speaks volumes about the kind of person you really are.