₦airaland Forum

Chilipepper:
My people that were raised by extremely strict parents, how has that affected you as an adult?

This one was raised by narcissistic parents, jo! Raising emotionally stunted, anxiety-riddled, and socially impeded adults is the expertise of narcissistic caregivers.

ADAMUdaCOWBOY:
➜In the western world she is even more of a stranger. Just let something come between you and see how she will strip you to your pants. Nobody said you should neglect your wife, but never disregard your siblings because you are married.

A person who shares your property in marriage is not a stranger.

The Western world values women more than the African traditional marriage system does. That bond in the Western world, between a man and his wife, is certified by Law. However, in Nigeria, the man and his family can freely change their minds anytime they want, and the woman can say nothing of it. She is no different from a contract employee without benefits or meaningful compensation (literally a slave in most cases) who can be laid off at anytime. let's start by not lying to ourselves at least!

Maeve7:
➜Did I say so?

It was just an Fyi!

Sidechicks are already being traded as an excuse for OP to hold fast in marriage. Children traded as a reason... may not be too far from us.

Maeve7:
➜Have you got kids?

Fyi, children are never a good reason for anyone to choose to remain in an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage.

koladata:
➜Marriage is a contract between two people, men only want to replace it with love instead of sticking to the contract. If i take you abroad as my wife, we would have to reach an agreement before we leave that every money we make till the next 5years belongs to my personal growth as your husband. I will now back this agreement with love by saying "please my love , you know my growth is our growth" but its all about contract....

The moment you decide this, you have already killed your marriage. Marriage is meant as an avenue for continued mutual growth... not growth of only the man. It is marriages like yours that break up as soon as they arrive here in saner climes.

Jamestaiwo:
What If Everything You Believe About the Devil Is Wrong? ....

And What If Everything You Believe About God Is Wrong too? 🥱🥱🥱

Chilipepper:
Canada-based Nigerian Pastor recounts how her 42-year-old friend has remained single because of her strict policies and expectations from her partners.

Your friend is probably lucky she did not engage any of those men you introduced to her. Those Passport-brothers you introduced to her would have likely sealed her death or regret in marriage.

A woman should remain single rather than running around filled with regret in marriage. Africans still have yet to normalize divorce, so it is difficult for many to get out once they are trapped in such situations.

---

On another note, something tells me that this woman telling this story is herself a single-married woman, seeing as she is all wrapped up in tales of Boaz and all that religious nonsense— religious delusions —, while openly demeaning her friend for having standards.

budaatum:
➜Will you make me sleep in the shed too? How am I supposed to dedicate my entire life and being to supporting you and nourishing our children and nurturing our family if you don't let me inside? Did God not join us together to be one?

Which god joined who and who together?

---

While we are on the subject, the Nigerian idea of marriage has the woman abandoning her father and mother and taking on the last name of her husband in an attempt to loosely anchor herself — she remains an outsider that can be discarded on a whim—to her husband and his family. But the Book of Genesis, which Nigeria pretends documents their God, instead insists that it is the man who ought to leave his father and mother. Clearly, you need to be specific when it comes to this god thing.

Richsteemit:
➜Good morning guys. There is the girl that work around my office, that I walk up to physically, I collected her number because I like her, not to look desperate, I said I want to be friends with her. Only to start chatting with her, one word reply and then she will ghost me. I try chatting her two times.. I tell one of my friends too. He said I should keep chatting or even call her that I'm not putting more effort. I did na still ghosting.
➜ What advice can u give me on this issue or I'm not been honest to her??

She is not interested in you and that is OK. Focus more of your energy on building yourself up emotionally, socially, intellectually, and physically. Then, when the right relationship comes along, you will be more than mature and ready for her, too.

2. First of all, not everyone will like you, no matter how honest you are with them. And that in and of itself is OK. Only people dealing with rejection-related disorders would think otherwise. Also, if you believe that you are indeed not being honest with the girl, then that isn't a she problem but a you problem that you need to look inwards to tackle within yourself. Leave this gal alone and focus your energy on growing yourself as an individual — emotionally, socially, intellectually, and physically.

ajalawole:
na me she born for. See how u just open your mouth and start reading Genesis to Revelation. If I wasn't helping her how will I be there with her. I meet this lady though 2go that year, I make sure she have foodstuffs at home, but the guy who stay with her who she calm was her brother don't let me know much about her, cux the guy always around anytime I visit her, and the guy also the one that use to bring her to if she want to collect something from me so she hardly stay long cuz the guy has a bike.. You can't just assume I don't help her, am not her family, have did my best for her.

Abeg, stop telling me these tambolo-brain-induced stories in attempts to deflect from the main. 🙄🙄🙄

The woman is not to blame for any of this. Get over yourself! 😩😩😩😩

3kay945:
➜Ehnn. Abortion makes them fat ?

No be pregnancy dey make women fat again... na abortion!🙄🙄🙄

Anything to pin this on women seems to be the agenda with some here.

Lanretoye:
The only wrong thing here is the mother was not informed about her death,what if she died in the mothers custody…

This desperate need you lot have to shift blame to the grieving woman reveals a depth of wickedness that is typical of disconnected depraved beings.

kpankpangolo:
He is a Christian. Let those words console him.

How can meaningless gobblede console him in this situation?

RevenuesBoost:
➜If you know he wasn't faithful while you guys were dating, then such men can't be trusted even with their daughters.
Why will you send a 13-year-old girl to live in a building alone with a man, whether her father or not, if he is a man that can't control his s*xual urge, he will surely misbehave with his daughter.
If she was sick, he would have called you. She wasn't sick, he didn't have the courage to tell you that she is dead because he is hiding something. He obviously raped her and killed her. Cases of fathers raping their daughters, happen till date, even around where I live.

So, only faithful men can be good fathers to their daughters? Yikes!

TONYE001:
➜Isn't this a rather extreme and dangerous assumption? You're probably trolling sha. You can't mean a daughter cannot be in her father's custody.

Given many of the responses on here, I am thinking she might be on to something here.

ajalawole:
➜a Lady I know once killed her own child herself years back in ilorin here.
➜ Funny enoug I stay with same lady week back the baby was only crying for food thought-out the night even though a guy was with us also in the room.
➜ The lady and the guy with us that night happen to be her boyfriend, the guy was pick up too. The child was 8yrs, there was blood in her mouth, nose and ears, the lady lie that the child fall inside water overnight in the room. So don't assume the father use his child.

1. She murdered her own child and was left alone by you and others who know her as a murderer?

2. A child was starving, and you all did nothing?

3. So, every time a child dies, it has to be the mother? Something is wrong here, and it is with the way you reason... this one na pure wickedness.

ajalawole:
➜did you read where they have been apart for years.
➜ If they have been seeing as most of you think the mother won't be crying online, she would have go witb police to the guys house, but I doubt she know where the guy stay.
➜ If it was you, can you entrust your child to someone you have been apart with for years and he come back that he want to take your kids out on vacation and you don't think of going with them.
➜ My ex was entrusted to me because I get her a job in my location we stay together for 9month and as an adult I was even afried to get her pregnant because of the trust her mum have in me..she left after 3yrs she was trying to come back to me with a child she have outside, I would have love to accept her, but I haven't talk to her mum for years and that don't make sense to be to have her back.

1. So what? What does that change of the fact that the child is also his?

2. Seeing what? Why should they be seeing for both of them to share custody of the child between them? She sent the child to her father the same way many of your parents send you all to your relatives in the village or something. Why are you dead set on blaming the woman?

3. Couples who are not in relationships, some even living across state lines, share custody of children. Nothing irregular or out of place about that. So, again, why are you dead set on blaming this woman for what the father of her child did to his own child?

4. I am sorry, what? Are you saying that if this gal had been your daughter, she would have been at risk of being impregnated by you?

Brilliancepower:
➜Men! Ah.. Am 47 and I have 12 chicks below 24 years old that are doing well looking up to me for marriage. As for men, they stop having erection at 93 years old, and if the lady is not into hook up previously before getting married the man's Willy will still satisfy her. Can you say so about a woman. You're the one talking nonsense o.

All this storytelling is unnecessary and pointless gibberish!

Again, you no dey watch all the men wey dey give testimonies about finding wives after their 40s too? Or are you somehow convinced that those marrying women every weekend are not men? I don't understand this your tambolo logic!

SINisSIN:
➜Where did you hear this fact? I’m curious....

I heard it from your ancestors and your current traditional leaders.

Kobicove:
➜It is possible that she was not reachable when the girl fell ill, but she's not likely to disclose this fact because she wants to whip up sentiments against the girl's father

Nonsense assertion!

Sermwell:
➜The woman probably added that line to wipe up sentiment! She was probably informed of the death and burial!

She was informed of the death and burial of a child she did not even know was sick to begin with?

ajalawole:
Problem with most single mothers. Why don't you go and drop her there yourself and also go there and bring her back. You send a child of 13yrs all the way to dalta to holiday with her dad. Was the dad married or still single if we may ask.

Why should a woman have to do all that when the man in question is the father of the child? Why in the world are you trying to hold her responsible for what the child's father, a single father, did?

PlutoChief:
Which justice you dey find madam? What if she died in your own house? Abeg next topic.

How do you folks reason like this? This is inhuman. Are children chicken or something to you lot?

Nairaland should probably set an IQ limit for accessing and posting on this site. This is too much!

BuharisBoy:
Eyyah sorry, Take heart He is the father and cannot kill his daughter. He is denying his daughter her mother So take heart

So, we should forget all the stories of fathers raping and killing their own sons and daughters for your sake?

autoez:
What will the man say if the child passed away while in your care? It's best to grieve and continue with your life. We both understand that the father didn't cause the child's death; something else did.

How do people reason like you? I don't understand!

allen113:
➜Which justice she dey find again? Is she suggesting the father killed her?
➜ He is not on the run, his family brought a lawyer to the station. It seems you don't know Nigerian police, anything that makes him steps foot inside that station the police will arrest him and it will be hard for him to prove his innocence from inside cell. I guess his family advised him not to go the police station with the lawyer.

Yes, and rightly so. How can a child fall sick, be on death's bed, without the father informing the mother of the child?

2. The man should be arrested immediately, and the death should be investigated. This is all sorts of suspicious.

Jozilinn:
How can they bury a child without informing her mum's knowledge,the man doesn't want to tell us what really happened to that child. This is so sad 😭

Something tells me the death was not ordinary. There is something suspicious about the death.

budaatum:
Your wife that will have baby children for you, is an outsider? Okay o. I hope you let the baby children she has for you in.

In Nigeria, the wife is an outsider. The traditional system of marriage makes this abundantly clear. I wish Nigerian women would realize and accept this fact already. They gain absolutely nothing from marrying under the traditional marriage banner.

brain54:
➜Pls is that part on this thread... Or am I missing something?

See OP's history!

Ehis8:
➜Yes, I was born by mistake and I have accepted the truth. I don’t even know what/how family seems like. I grew up with my grandparent in the village all my life (Esan Edo state). i’m a student of UNIBEN, I’m about to proceed to 200L.
My mother is something I don’t want to talk about, I already talked about her in my previous thread some years ago. infact I have disowned her long time ago. Yes.
My so called father on the other hand, has been deceiving me all my life. He lives in Ogun state with his new wife and 2 children (a boy & a girl). My father only comes to see me whenever he’s invited for a wedding or burial ceremony in the village. Although I won’t lie, he has been paying my school fees, sending me money for up-keep e.t.c but my father doesn’t want me to come and know where he stays. Always giving one stupid excuses to another. The last stupid excuse he gave me when I told him I wanted to come know his house was “nobody is always around, the children are in boarding school bla bla bla”
➜ I feel void, lonely and empty in my life, I want to know my step siblings, I want to have a good family bond relationship with them, I always wished to have a brother and sister I can talk and laugh with.
My matriculation day, nobody came, my sick grandfather can’t travel from village to Benin wish i so much understand. My father only called me to wish me congratulations and told me to send him pictures on WhatsApp.
Seeing Everyone with their families and loved ones made me cry like a baby that day.
➜ Infact my plan right now is to call my father and tell him my mind, since he sees me as a mistake, he shouldn’t take care of my bills anymore, he should focus on his favorite children. He should just keep staying away from me as usual. I will be fine.
➜ I swear, I’m heart broken, i’m crying, I’m in pain, I hate my life, I’m a mistake, I should’ve been aborted.. Ooh GOD! I need your advice pls.

See, in this life, we don't get to choose our own relatives... that choice is beyond us to make. What we can do is choose to relate with them in the best way we can and to our own advantage.

The fact that your old man left you for his mother to raise while he moved on to living out his dream life elsewhere speaks volumes about his character. His not wanting you to be a part of his family even now that you are older adds to the fact that he probably perceives you as an inconvenience to his current life. As for your mother, I wish you had spent time to learn her side of the story rather than brushing her off as a despicable human being based on hearsay and the prejudice of your grandmother.

2. You chose to look down on your mother merely on the fact that she is not a whitecollar worker— even without hearing her side of the story or confirming that she is indeed an arsehole of a mother— choosing to be alone, and you wish for us to do what? Contact her and see if you can at least catch the family feelings you need from that side. Try to connect with her family and maybe your uncles and aunts from that side, if possible. You never know, you might find the solution you need for this long journey called life from that not so fortunate side of your family.

3. I would not recommend you do that at this point since you need him to continue providing for as long as he will. You are just now in school, and he seems to have already made it clear that he does not want to have you in the picture yet. However, that money wey him dey give you, you need am. So, do not mess up!

I advise you to try to reconnect with your mother and listen to her side of the story in the meantime. Work on forgiving her, and by doing so, you will at least have some of the connection, though it may not be the quality you desire. Oyinbo talk say,"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"

4. There is no such thing as a mistake when a man and woman choose to have sex with each other and a baby pops out 9 months later. A penis cannot accidentally fall into a vagina and then ejaculate, initiating conception, leading to the birthing of a child 9 months later. That process does not happen by mistake. You are not a mistake! Rather, you have incompetent people as your parents— there are so many such people all around you, even if you don't realize it....none of that is your fault.

kpankpangolo:
Everybody says God does things for a reason. Maybe you’re meant to learn from the experience. Thank God I was born priviledged.

What part of what he said or what his parents did or ended up with is this god to you? Abeg, stop lying to this boy about some god being responsible.