₦airaland Forum

efembaba:
Involve your pastor or marriage counsellor. She may have deeper emotion/physiological issues she needs addressed

So, when a woman has deeper emotional/psychological issues, na pastor/imam/babalawo/elders una go call and not a professional mental health therapist? 🙄🙄

Interesting! No wonder when a man has emotional/psychological issues, na to advise am make him go marry wife be the thing so the problems can be shifted onto the woman who is then brainwashed into staying in toxic marriage by those fraudsters ... Pastors/babalawos/imams/elders.

Houseofglam7:
✓ Dayummmm
Y’all married folks be going through the most 😫

As if marriage na by force. 🙄🙄

mirrael68:
➜Polygamy not instructed in the Bible my dear. In the beginning God made them male and female and A MAN leaves his father and mother and becomes joined to his WIFE and the two become one flesh- (Gen. 2:24)

What is practised in Nigeria and most places around the world is the direct opposite of all of this — a woman leaves her father and mother ...

Lifestone:
➜Dont digress, leave Pastor alone. Even your professional therapist will agree that its not normal for a woman to enter into a marriage contract and denied his husband sex, she obviously needs help, and mist time, its not divorce that's the solution

You have never actually talked to a therapist, is what... neither a professional marriage counselor.

Lifestone:
➜How will that be the recommendation of a counselor. That's your own imagination.
A woman in a marriage can not just be refusing sex, there must have been an underlying factor, a good counselor will identify that and fix it.
I hope you are not a counselor

I can tell from this that you have never seen a professional therapist— not your pastors and religious conmen—, let alone listened to one ever.

Lifestone:
➜How about seeing a professional marriage counselor?

To tell him option 3 is the most likely step forward?

Lifestone:
✓ So in you views, only Divorce will solve this problem? He wants a solution outside of divorce, if you dont have, keep quiet instead of gaslighting him.

OP's wife is unable to give him what he wants, whereas he has other women who can and are more than willing to. What other solution is there apart from divorce? Let me guess ..

• Op should get a sidechick?
• OP should force his wife to drop her own boundaries and possibly risk her own mental health in giving him sex to satiate his desires for pleasure?
• OP should shut off his desires and basically toss sex out of his mind for the good of his wife and family?
...

Which one of the above do you not consider an attempt at gaslighting? Let's start with that and see where the stakes lie and for whom

headbasher96:
bros no vex which climes is Nigeria located again?

Are you able to contact emergency services in Nigeria at the push of a button when you have a medical emergency? That should aid you in answering your question there.

SuperPanther:
➜If you read through my post well you would notice that I said I am a Christian. Divorce is not allowed except for adultery.

Say what now?

⚉ Christian men are known to be cheats — they are world-renowned for blaming some dude called the devil for all of their atrocities in marriage.
⚉ Christian men are known to engage prostitutes— a good number of the over 280 million men registered on the OnlyFans website are Christian men.
⚉ Christian men are known to obtain divorce at the same rate as non-Christians do...

With an ever-shifting goal post that is typical of pretty much all religions(Christianity among them), it matters nothing that you claim to be Christian, since your Christianity does not seem to keep you from placing sex— raw bodily pleasure— on a pedestal in even your marriage. Let's retire that "I am a Christian" card already! 😏😏

SuperPanther:
➜I am just tired and heartbroken. For me to have access to my wife for sex is so difficult. I work hard to ensure the family is fine and even try to do some chores in the house as I am able to. Right now I am trying to configure my mind to forget about sex, just continue to serve God and remain a decent man. I am good looking so it's not a case of my being unattractive. There are many beautiful women I relate with that are willing to be in bed with me but I am a Christian. I am so frustrated now. It's either my wife is pressing phone till forever, or she has one night prayer, or she is tired and wants to sleep. Married men, how do you handle this situation?

Get a divorce and go marry one of those many beautiful women that are willing to be in bed with you... problem solved!

obojememe:
➜i aint anxious about anything, ...

This thread is about the OP, who honestly came revealing a problem that exists and wanting suggestions on how to move forward in resolving it.

obojememe:
➜well ,perspective…i feel good and grateful when i gaze over my family sleeping peacefully and say prayers and nothing much

. Did you bother reading the OP at all before suggesting anxiety is a question of perspective?

P.S. Prayers are meaningless when it comes to anxiety, as anxiety is generally at the core of your many prayers. Yes, the reason people turn to things like prayer is mainly because of anxiety over one thing or another in their lives. Anxiety is an emotion that is best tackled head-on, not avoided.

nlfpmod:
....

Congratulations are in order! 🥳🥳🥳🥳

Pat081:
➜Some are single because of u are not my type of man I want rich guy or they have use their husband to do boyfriends God go save them

Would you rather they settle for someone who is not their type or a poor man when what they would rather love is a rich man? Come one naw... make una dey use una brain small at least.

Men complain when women settle for them, so why do you cast the women down for choosing not to settle for anything/anyone less than what they truly desire? Are you not tired of the numerous stories of bad marriages all over the place involving people marrying wrong? Why is it hard for most of y'all to reason simply?

fabolouz1:
It's faith, if you believe it would work for you , it would .

Faith humiliates and makes morons of women, but not men? I have never seen the men who attend similar gatherings wearing wedding suits. How come?

Brilliancepower:
➜Dem go cry tire. When ladies are in their 20s, their mouth is very sharp, when they enter late 20s, their beauty make then fill like you cant tell me shit. Once they enter 35 everyman that smiles at them can get them laid. once theyre approaching 40 you see them behaving like a woman of substance🤩😂👽

Nonsense! You no dey watch all the men wey dey give testimonies about finding wives after their 40s too?

We4all:
➜Lol....Of course! I can recall asking her to leave, and her response was: "over my dead body". Unfortunately, most Nigerian women are like her, and will prefer to die than leave their deadbeats and abusive husbands. I wish them luck!

Only recently, there was a story about such a single-married Nigerian woman, whose estranged husband, after squandering his wealth elsewhere, came back to claim property she had acquired during the years he was missing from the picture, as rightfully his too. If the woman had divorced him, he would not have had any such audacity, but because she remained married to him even in his absence—she kept and used his last name everywhere she went too—, he showed up with a lawyer demanding that he be allowed to use the property and assets to his benefit.

I was not able to verify the truth of that particular story, but it did cause me to consider the potential risk single-married women put themselves in by remaining tied up in marriage— a contract — to men who are literally absent from their lives and that of their children.

Googledotcom:
God grant them their heart desires in Jesus name amen.

Which god? Their pastors who helped brainwash them into believing singlehood is a placeholder for marriage — life only becomes complete after marriage--, abi na another one?

Dogalmighty17:
➜That prayer will never work. Let them remain single. A man marries them now and they enter his house to start giving him hell. The rubbish they do in their husbands houses, they can't try half that rubbish in their father's House. Any time I see a single lady, I pray that her single days never end. They are all trouble.

Is being single really some sort of curse for you lot?

We4all:
➜My father was a deadbeat. My mom was the provider and still carried out all the house chores.

Your mom remained married even then? Almost 50% of married women in Nigeria live like this in marriage to this day. They are classified as single-married women.

lilyheaven:
➜Did you say 1% It’s too small

1% may in fact be an overstatement given the state of the Nigerian economy. How many people in that country do you think can afford a constant water supply, a blender, let alone a washing machine?

lilyheaven:
➜People are just lazy this days. Days of hard labor is a thing of the past. We don’t fetch water We don’t fetch firewood We don’t wash clothes with hands There are blenders and other appliances that aides cooking. A month meal can be prepared at once and packaged inside freezer. We can even shop online.
When this generation of humans complains of house chores, I wonder exactly what they mean.
Some families we have 2 - 5 maids living with them with grown children.

You do realize that you are refrring to maybe just the 1% of Nigerian homes, right?

alklas:
➜The topic question can help you understand what u asking

Stop digging yourself deeper into confusion.

alklas:
➜Am talking about shared responsibilities in a home U misunderstood its meaning

If you indeed believed responsibilities are shared, then why assert that a man doing chores implies him supporting the woman?

archpope:
If thieves or armed robbers comes calling too na both of them need to carry stick too to fight......shebi una never wan buy medulla ni?

How many men actually carry a stick to fight these thieves?

Single/divorced/widowed mothers have been adequately and capably defending their homes in the absence of men in the picture. It is about time we start asking where this idea that it is men who defend families really comes from.

londonerr:
How do you deal with such threats and veiled or implied threats from the man or woman standing on the pulpit? Examples include the people who can give a certain amount should come out for prayer and blessings?

Realize they are nothing but scammers after all, inform those around you of this, while you embark on the journey to purge yourself of all religious delusions therein.

wallaze:
➜As a guy please flee from any lady with all this conditional mentality in marriage
Marriage is for both parties to contribute their best to ensure it's work once you start apportioning duties omo I go leave you run

. Funny that men place conditions on women requiring them to prostrate to them in marriage, are averse to having women place conditions on them in return.

emirate9:
➜ 1st n foremost Male are naturally "Heads" in any setting down to the animal kingdom
➜ Literally every man that has a home n can provide is a king, traditionally Men symbolize " crown" on women
➜ if i choose to see myself as a king and my woman see hersef as Queen ... its demonstrate self esteem/ self worth .. No apologises
➜ When you are a Bachelor, your circumstances is understandable ... infact you see nosey neibor urging Uncle go marry ... maybe you live in jupita
➜ Equality does not exist anywhere in real sense, one party is doing more or less if scaled

1. This has been found to be largely untrue as nature leaves it up to each species to decide for themselves how they would choose to be led, if at all.

2. Again, this delusional idea you hold to comes from postulations from within your traditional/religious circles and have little or nothing to do with nature.

3. If you choose a personal delusion, then it means that the delusion holds true ground only in your mind and not outside of it.

4. Bachelorhood/Spinstresshood were never meant as placeholders for marriage; even organization in introduced into this world in that default mode and outside of the choice to engage in reproductive activities or whatever else, that default remains the default. That is why individuals do not lose their individuality even in these arrangements(marriage included).

5. The law of the land recognizes equality of all individuals; therefore, it is false to assert that equality does not exist.

emirate9:
➜"Do nothing"... you mean the man not washing plate, sweeping the floor and washing the toilet rite !
Any responsible woman cant stand watching the Man she sees as crown/king do all that,... as a wife does it add value when your friends visit and they meet your husband sweeping the compound ... does it give you pride
➜ You give your husband plastic to go n grind pepper ... is that not ridiculing your man before the world I believe in " Support" ... where necessary But Taking up the Wife role is an abberation. i will take this confused feminist seriously the day they start protesting Men carry their pregnancy tew

This is the particular brainwashing that are fed women to cause them to buy into this submission in marriage nonsense. How does a man, who moments before was a mere individual in the stream of individuals that populate the world, go from being a commoner to a king all because he decided to marry a wife? The same goes for women who think of themselves as queens. No be brain damage be that? 😏😏😏

2. This same man, who later signed a contract to marry a woman, used to grind his own pepper, wash his own underwear, and even scrub his own bathroom. Suddenly, the same man now believes himself beneath all of that because he saved up money to pay bride price for a woman to wife him. Na wa oo!