₦airaland Forum

JONSYN7154:
Spare the rod and spoil the kid.

All the children wey una beat wey come turn agberos, ruthless army, & policemen at the end of the day now tormenting your very lives, una rod don't fix them finish?

Celestialsword:
She saw the red flags before now but she ignored them.

So long as she has breath, she can act on the red flags.

Leep:
➜We should be able to help one another. That's my philosophy about life, but it seems being nice to some certain persons is now a big problem. The day you stop, you become an enemy. My issue is, I hardly say no to their incessant and unnecessary requests.
Same thing goes to my family, I don't have parents or siblings. But my cousins won't let me rest. Once they try to chat you up on the social media, just know that they are about to make financial demands on you. If they call and you don't pick, they complain too. I'm tired. Should I change my line and social media accounts? I don't think so.

You presented yourself as Santa Claus to them for a time, but are now complaining that the people see you as Santa Claus?

Every individual out there has their very own philosophy which they live by; they owe you jack sheet when it comes to your philosophy. So, you need to learn to put on your big boy pants and adopt the use of the word, "No!" whenever possible. Learn to say no, and people will realize Santa Claus has left town.

Dzzzz:
➜But it’s more explainable when it’s a wife than a strange girl?

A wife turns up dead and you believe it is more explainable? Well, sha! Na Nigeria una dey wey una fit get away with a whole ton of things that would get you all locked up for life elsewhere.

MrDoGood:
➜ Now, back to why I made that statement, In many traditional cultures, a woman is seen as joining her husband’s family through marriage. Taking his name, living in his home, and becoming part of his lineage. Her family is viewed as giving her away, and she may lose inheritance rights or formal ties to her birth family. She becomes part of her husband’s family and joins in their activities. But as a son in-law, you're often seen as an outsider and may not be included in all her family’s traditions or decisions.
➜ Now, as for this thread, the man's friends and family will conderm his actions against the wife. (Except they're useless). As for the wife, she might have been feeding her family with only negative things from the husband, hence the action. If they saw him as their family member, that wouldn't have been the way to go about it.

1. Many of these traditional delusions are to blame for the dysfunction that is the Nigerian family to this day. 🙄🙄

In the same way, she is allowed to join the family; she can also be kicked out of the family by the man. Case closed, abeg! No need for the lengthy nonsense!

2. How does condemning his actions bring justice or succor to a fractured marriage? Fine, now that the woman's brothers have beaten the man black and blue, would merely condemning the actions of the woman's brothers also end the rage inside of the husband at this point? Nonsense!

Jamsam:
➜Some people are not lucky
➜ and when we work an it and there is a sign of change we don't let go

What has luck to do with anything?

2. How many times have you had to "work it out" so far? And how many signs of change have you seen so far that you are still thinking of when you "work it out"?

chccho:
✓No it didn't it was still at a stage where it could have been salvaged.

Salvaged? The sort of meaningless tripe we spew gives me the heebie-jeebies about Nigerian culture. 😩😩😩

If the woman who had beaten her husband black and blue, would you also deem the marriage salvageable then, too? 🙄🙄🙄

Dzzzz:
➜I find it hard to allow a babe I don’t know to stay more than a day in my house..My babe sef must let her family know she’s coming over to my place..The police man is right.

The advice is not merely for babes that you don't know, but also the ones you claim you know. If your girlfriend or wife ends up dead in the same house as you, the experience is very similar or pretty much the same.

MrDoGood:
Both parties are wrong. That's the end of the marriage right there. So, no next time again.

Again, the marriage ended before this point in time; it ended when the man/woman laid hands on the others. The two have instead been living like parasites(usually of the emotional kind) on each other since then. Marriage is not meant to be a parasitic relationship between two humans but a mutual one. Unfortunately, in parasitic relationships, one partner is bound to benefit the least(sometimes even nothing real).

MrDoGood:
➜I've said this and will continue saying it. Your wife's family is not your family. And you don't belong there. But your wife belongs to your family. That's why she's in your family WhatsApp group chat and you're not in theirs.

She belongs until you decide to send her packing back to her father's house and family, abi? Nonsense! 🙄🙄🙄

Can we all, at least at this point, un-normalize these old stale lies? No one is buying them anymore, so why keep telling them?🙄🙄🙄

dollytino4real:
e no easy o bros shikina

What do you mean it is not easy? What exactly is the hard part in all of that? If the man had been the one thinking of divorcing the woman, all he would have done was kick her out of the house and asked her to go back to her father's house, many times, without even bothering to give her transport costs home. So, what is the hard part for the woman to do in all of that?

yemmit90:
➜But wisdom comes with age, so one can not rule out a change in behaviour of an once hot tempered person.
➜As we age, we begin to realise that nothing really matter most in life than peace of mind.

1. If wisdom indeed came with age, you would not have so many foolish elderly people littering communities across Nigeria today. Stop telling these lies and stop lying to yourselves!
2. Stop lying to yourself while lying to others. There are so many old people out there — your GOs/Overseers/Politicians/imams/Popes included— who still have yet to reach this realization, as they would rather continue scamming the poor, shifting blame all for the sake of their pockets and their enjoyment in life; peace of mind for many of these is dependent on how much they can afford.

yemmit90:
➜I agree with you on this, no one can predict what to expect in marriage, it is black market that could turn out to be good, fair or bad. It is well ma, age will gradually reduce the temper in him, and you shall be happy again.

I have lived long enough to realize these are all lies we like to tell ourselves to keep from doing the right thing for ourselves. or to keep others from doing what we know they ought to instead.

Jamsam:
➜We are not from the same state how do you expect me to know,some people are good outside and bad inside, people won't say they will let you find out yourself

Why then are you still clinging to this person after realizing his true color?

chccho:
Now that they have ended her marriage for her, they can also take her home and get her a new husband

. The marriage ended the moment the man/woman resorted to violence.

Jamsam:
➜I am not making excuses that was why I said some for example it's not every one that leave the house in corporate dress that goes to office or work

Corporate dress is not meant just for the office or work, though.

enambobo:
➜I have never slapped either. But I can't be so certain of myself in some scenarios. Your argument sounds overly confident like you're perfect.
➜ Peter in the Bible sounded same but we all know what happened.
➜ Always leave way for imperfect tendencies when arguing a point.

I am that confident in my maturity is why I can tell you this about myself. I have never slapped anyone and have no desire to ever change that about my person. 😏

2. Peter in the bible was never portrayed as a confident character, though. There is no need to lie about these things.

3. That is what people who have no real resolve in life instead do; I don't do such. And I have no imperfect tendencies to raise over my resolve in life.

enambobo:
➜Do you know what is called reflex action? Like fly wanting to enter your eyes, you quickly close it. I repeat, no mater how self controlled you think you are, pray you don't reach your elastic limit. Even you that is preaching not to beat a woman no matter what won't even know when you land her slap as a reflex act.

There are men who have lived their entire lives without ever hitting a woman, and yes, many of them at many points experienced toxic individuals never lifting a finger in retaliation, even then.

I have never slapped a human being in my entire life. I didn't develop such reflexes are reactions to being slapped, and yes, I have been slapped more than I would have liked, particularly back in Nigeria.

Again, these excuses you feed yourselves are meaningless. 😏

enambobo:
➜Easy to say. What if she slaps your mother? just pray not to have a wife that would bring out the Demon in you. You no go know when you tear am slap

. Simple! Report her to the police, and demand she be fined or jailed for the assault, and make sure to divorce her as well. As long as you are able to prove she is not the victim, what stops you from using common sense? 😏

Kaido:
➜Or the irresponsible wife brothers killing him next time. 😤

This tradition or whatever people call it, is ludicrous!

AngelahFlo:
➜It's also not right for the brothers to flog him like a child. It's embarrassing. Two wrongs never make a right. The woman should leave the house as the backlash of this event won't go down well with her.

That one is easily blamed on your numerous useless traditions in Nigeria. I am made to believe that is the solution that traditional leaders came up with, and the same traditional leaders may also send the woman — victim — back to the same husband who was beaten up, eventually. Just imagine the wickedness of all that.

yemmit90:
➜Have you ever sees or heard about any couple being fined or jailed for an assault that is not classified as murder or attempting murder?
➜ It is called civil case in the court of law, the judge would rather ask them to go home and settle it amicably or separate for awhile and return for divorce if they can't settle it.
➜ A man or woman you jailed will possibly end his/her marriage with you. Couples are better off settle their differences withiout interfering of a third party. A stubborn woman that got a resounding multiple slaps in return for pouring hot food on her husband face will think twice before attempting the same next time. A man that got his face bathed with hot food will possibly watch his tongue next during an argument. Though going physical is absolutely out of it but there must be occasional fight in marriage for both side to reach a level of equilibrium.

1. Yeah! Divorce cases where a woman or man divorced and charged the woman for assault are plenty out there.

2. Asking them to settle could also mean to reach a settlement agreement — the amount of the fine to be paid to the assaulted by the assailant— and this can easily be handled by the lawyers of both parties involved.

3. Once one party assaults another party, the logical thing to follow should be divorce. Once the environment has become toxic, the only solution is for both to get out of it. You can try to argue otherwise, but there is no other more reasonable solution in that case. And there is no need for additional storytelling!

Jamsam:
➜Someone that was brought up in love can hardly be violence,one the order side if the people is willing to learn for good, bring down his or her ego

There are 10s of millions of people out there who were brought up in violence but would rather die themselves than inflict violence on others. Some orphans never got a break in life to date would rather remain alone than pass the same hurt that was doled out to them as children on others. 🙄🙄🙄

Stop making excuses for what is a lack of emotional maturity.

Jamsam:
➜ It's not that some woman are not peaceful but some man that are from a polygamy family some of them are brought up in violence it's in there mentality. I understand what I'm saying because I'm living in it

No one is entitled to that mentality. We all have violence in our veins, and we are all expected to learn to tame that violent streak in ourselves. Anyone who came from a violent past can equally learn to take their emotions as others have been able to. No one has a valid enough excuse for violence.

Lovit:
➜You are entitled to your opinion, but we know SIMPs when we see one
A peaceful home is everyone's responsibility, but when men like you tells a woman that no matter what she says or do, no man should touch her, she becomes irresponsible and uncontrollable, the major reason marriages fail today.
➜I am not supporting the husband, but we all know that there are better ways that woman should have manage her home for peace to reign.
➜ men are not always to blame when domestic happens, some men have breaking point that if crossed, they could lose their cool.
➜ Everyone has a role to play!

1. This is wrong thinking on your part. The legal code in the land is firm that no citizen has the right to physically assault another citizen. So, when you say a man can assault a woman, what you are saying is that the man can break the law. Why?

By the way, if a man believes his wife is irresponsible or, according to you, uncontrollable, what stops him from leaving the environment entirely or getting a divorce from her? Why must he break the law in this case?

2. NO! We don't. You are not making sense to me at all. Again, I am with the marriage is not by force crowd out there. If a man and woman are not happy in their relationship, they can easily get a separation from each other or a divorce. Suggesting there should be a place for the man to assault the woman in the name of what you term peaceful home is what I find utterly absurd.

3. In a case of assault of every kind, the victim of the assault is never to blame. The one who assaulted... caused the most harm is the one most likely to be penalized by the law. If you don't know your law, you'd better pick up a copy of the code and begin familiarizing yourself with it.

columbus007:
The after I collect the beating finish, then we no get marriage again na, the beat the marriage join, inshort the marriage die sef, so make she dey waka.

The marriage ended the moment the man and woman resorted to assaulting each other.

Kaido:
The husband should divorce the wife ASAP.

Immediately before he ends up killing her next time.

do4luv14:
➜The most important question is usually leave aside. What did the wife did, that anger the husband to beat her, As for me after her brothers are done, I go traditional to separate she and me, then divorce her, she should carry her bags to her brothers house

That is not important at all. The people who taught you that such things are important would themselves never allow their own daughters to be beside someone who abuses them for any reason.

yemmit90:
➜By your submission, he can retaliate in the same measure or proportion right? E.g, he can equally pour hot food on her face instead of a repsounding slap? And if you say he should rather report him, what punishment do you think that woman deserve, considering they are still legal married?
➜Besides, encounters, quarrelling and arguments are inevitable in every healthy relationship or marriage, telling someone to avoid it is a recipe for breeding un-reconciliation difference that may later erupt in such marriage.

1. Look up the details of the punishment as prescribed by your law; I believe it should be something like a fine or a possible jail term. Assault isn't about whether one is married to one or not. A husband had the right to have his wife fined or jailed in the case of an assault, and the woman has the same right.

2. Quarrels, arguments, and the like happen between humans in general, not just married couples, so this, again, is not about marriage but about the rights of individuals. Common-sense things for all humans to do when we notice we are getting in over our heads are to run. That ability to run away from damage is common to all humans. Trying to use marriage as an excuse not to engage your brain is what is ridiculous.

Lovit:
➜I guess the brothers are not married, their actions show immaturity. The woman should also follow them after the beating because she is not safe if she stays, and I guess this is the end of that marriage. We will continue to advise our men not to beat their wives but 80% of domestic violence cases as caused by women's disrespect to their men. A home that's peaceful is largely the result of having a woman that understands and respect her man, GenZs and simps may argue this and throw tantrums but matured men and women knows that's the truth

Domestic violence is not caused by the victim of domestic violence but rather by the emotional immaturity of the abuser in the case. If a man chooses to pummel his friend until he has to be hospitalized simply because his friend slapped him or kicked him will have to pay up or go to jail if the case reaches the court. That is the general legal stance. Know this and get sense.

ruggedtimi:
Nobody go gree marry that girl if the man eventually divorce her. But why will you beat your wife.

Dey there dey deceive yourself!

Ayobeck:
Absolutely wrong,check their house they beat their wives too

Unfortunately, you may be right there!