₦airaland Forum

Bolfton:
✓ How long after getting married did the first resentments begin, or was there never any resentment?
✓ Are you happy in your marriage?
✓ Have you ever wished you had remained single?
✓ What do you like most about marriage?
✓ What do you dislike most about marriage?
7. Did you get married willingly, or were you coerced (due to pregnancy, family pressure, etc.)?

1. Resentment in marriage is signs of toxicity in the marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

2. The vast majority of married Nigerians are not happy in marriage. Why? Because a lot of them, particularly women, are married to their enemies. 🥱🥱

3. The fact that Nigerian men literally now believe that cheating is their right in marriage ultimately means not only are they unhappy but they also continue to live as though still single in marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

4. The Mrs badge is one thing many Nigerian women like about marriage. While for men, it has to be having a woman's labor and energy for free in marriage that keeps them holding on. They know their sidechicks will not offer them the same benefit without marriage and possibly with, so they hold tight to the maid-wife they already have while they continue to live single. 🥱🥱🥱

5.. Most people hate the person they are married to. 🥱🥱🥱

richeeyo:
✓ If e reach una family turn, we go understand

Abeg! Always trying to rope other people's children into suffering wey you no fit endure. 🥱🥱🥱

dollytino4real:
all jon my broda

So, death by blows from husband means it works? I see! 🥱🥱🥱

Arlee:
✓ Lol,I may not totally like your opinion, but,i like your level of logic
Wish to know you more,Facebook, WhatsApp

I am only available on Nairaland. 🥱🥱

Greattha:
1. While it's important for women to prioritize their own well-being, healthy relationships often involve mutual care and support.
✓ Emotional connection benefits both partners.
✓ Let's really hope you find peace, healing and forgiveness cos your anger towards men is exhausting.
✓ Remember, every man is a woman's son and every woman is a man's daughter.

1. Wrong! Mutual care has absolutely nothing to do with regulating another human beings emotions and mental health for them. That is toxic as f0ck behavior. That is why parents who do so for their children are considered to codependent to those children and end up drained and miserable for it in the long run. You are not meant to do that to a child let alone a grown-arsed adult. 🥱🥱

2. You mean emotional connection powered by the individual brains of the individuals in the relationship and not by the brain of just the one individual trying to force all the emotional labor on oneself, right? When one person is responsible for powering the emotional connection in a relationship it is the ultimate sign of being in toxic situation.

3. You will never find peace in all of the toxic nonsense you spew here...many of you are too used to performative nonsense you refer to as peace, love, happiness all in the name of keeping marriage going that you can't even see things clearly for what they really are...fleeting ideas and concepts that make no sense in the end. 🥱🥱

4. If this why you all decided that marriage should be literal mental, physical and emotional punishment for every women who is someone's daughter? Nonsense!!!🥱🥱🥱

smasher1:
✓ She is more matured than he is.

It is a literal indictment against his level of maturity; he came here trying to compliment her by saying that not realizing what it also meant? 🥱🥱🥱

Felaincarnated:
Except sey na BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN

You mean that other fake nonsense una dey use deceive people way una wan deceive? 🥱🥱

Axzobr:
She is actually 21 I have been talking to her and I am still at shock that she is just 21

The likely reason why you are shocked she is 21 has a lot to do with your maturity level than hers.🥱🥱

Lovit:
✓ As usual you don't fail to disappoint, to you everything is about gender war and we versus them
When a marriage fails it could be the fault of one or both of the parties. Do not forget that there are good women and there are bad women, vice versal
maturity means you are able to see things objectively and discuss it without biases
a woman's behavior could make his man withdrawn and thereby leading to the collapse of a marriage, please note this!

I never made this about gender...OP did.

Also pretend marriage counselor shouldn't need to step in to gaslight women into holding on to such men in marriage. Counselors are meant to be neutral parties, not take the sides of husbands over wives in the name of keeping the marriage.

olayinkabank:
✓Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

If you are truly have no dubious intentions against your would -be spouse, then the common sense solution here would be the court marriage which everyone seems to be OK with except you. So, instead of this long arse story (dribbling session) why not go straight to inform us why you feel registerry marriage no go pay you. 🥱🥱🥱

Kingogbotor:
Relationships nowadays and personal finance go in consonance..sometimes I wonder how someone that cannot give himself 3 square meal is going into a relationship....

It's the culture that has got minds confused about the place of such relationships to their livelihood and stomach. 🥱🥱🥱

jaszplus12:
Don't need a soothsayer...you're "it"!

You don't need to be a soothsayer to realize what is right in front of you. 🥱🥱🥱

Diamond098454:
✓ Hahaha hahaha hahaha abi......

Read the story again and you will see that the woman seemed to have a plan that involved OP. But trust Nigerian boy-men to think that even when a woman is using them, as long as sex is involved, they are the ones using her instead. 🥱🥱🥱

Just imagine how shot one's self esteem has to be for one to go around believing that even when one is being used, one still wins 🥱🥱🥱

Diamond098454:
✓ Leave that Lady alone and stop what ever soft spot you have for her
She's married

It seems more like the woman is trying to use him, not the other way around. 🥱🥱🥱

LordIsaac:
✓ Stay away from married women...the only biblical prescription for disregarding this counsel is death. Read Proverbs and Ecclesiasties. KJV says if you "go into another man's wife...", you hate your soul!

What incentive does he have to stay away from them when many married men are out there with single women and other married women? 🥱🥱🥱

In a couple of years, married women rolling with side-dicks and exes will become more normalized as Nigerian women continue to cheat back on their cheating husbands. 🥱🥱

vybzkartel:
✓ On 23rd December, my senior back then at school and friend paid me a visit.
While there, her husband called but she didn't answer as she said she didn't want to lie to him. Her phone was on low battery so asked me to power it a bit.
She said, "I will not be long"
She moved to sit next to me after being in her seat for about 10 minutes. We talked and laughed but I didn't touch her
I took pictures with her. As she was leaving, I requested for a hug and she said "as for that I will give you, which one do you want? Pentecostal, customary?..." Then she laughed..I hugged her and kissed her neck then she laughed. Then I saw her off.
1. Did I err?
2. Was she expecting a move from me?
3. Was her visit and approach normal?
4. Is it save to let her visit me?
5. Could she be sexually attracted to me?

She probably came to use you to cheat back on her husband with. So, what are you all giddy about since nothing happened this time around? 🥱🥱🥱

MrPedro22:
https://youtube.com/shorts/d1CQZlCGzsg?si=gPx10Qz5ldy55h_V

Women learn how to apologize to your man

Nonsense! If a woman no wan apologize, wetin be your own? How many men have you been able to cajole into apologizing to their wives before this? 🥱🥱🥱

budaatum:
✓ Two adults in a marriage means they are capable. They showed their capability by dating and saying "I do".
✓ I disagree very strongly. If a married woman has children who are "dead set on her being a mother to them as in she literally has to manage and help her children regulate their emotions", she is a bad mother, because she shouldn't be regulating her dead set children's emotions but should be teaching her dead set children to manage their own emotions by themselves.
✓ It's the same way she shouldn't be regulating her dead set husband's emotions, but should be educating (or guiding) her husband to manage his own emotions by himself.
If he is not a mature adult, then perhaps she shouldn't have married him in the first place. But she did, and perhaps should lay in the bed she made instead of running from it in divorce.
✓ A prison, or a school? Why pick up after him when you can train him to pick up after himself if you yourself are mature?
Now, if after you've tried to train him and he refuses to learn, then divorce. After all, you will 'divorce' a child after you've tried to train it for like 18 years and it refuses to learn. But until then, you'd likely try, try, try, try and try again, instead of giving up after the first couple of tries.
✓ Now, I foresee you asking what I mean by training a dead set husband, but think about how you'd likely train a dead set dog without whipping it since you can't literally whip your husband, and you'd get my drift.

1. Children date too, does that make them capable? Come on now! 🥱🥱🥱

2. Children need caregivers to raise them so they can become capable adults. It's not the children being deadset on having their caregivers to give them these needed training but a responsibility on the part of the caregivers to do this for those children. 🥱🥱

It is however not a wife's place to help regulate the emotions of her husband. That there is indicative of foundational problems in that union that can only be resolved if and when the husband becomes an adult. 🥱🥱

3. A wife should have no hand in helping guide or regulating her husbands emotions for him. One of the signs of maturity is ability to regulate ones own emotions and properly guide oneself into managing emotional energy in the right direction. Being an adult is more than simply meeting set age requirement. 🥱🥱


4. So because she made a mistake in marrying an immature man, she shouldn't them divorce him? What you are telling us is that when you realize you are lost, rather than accept the mistake and then work towards retracing your steps so as to get yourself back on the right track, you will instead continue on on into the wilderness wherever it will take you? 🥱🥱🥱

5. Train another woman's child who happens to be "head over you" because you believe this adult child will one day change to begin pleasing you like children do their mother's, abi? 🥱🥱🥱

6. Wrong! There is no such thing as your deadset husband. Any man who does not realize he has to always put his best foot forward for the women he supposedly loves is a man who does not love that woman but is around her for what he benefits from her. 🥱🥱🥱

Fryx:
✓ I recently met a lady. She was throwing me green signals. But on a norms, I can’t just jump on a woman because she is interested in me. So, I decided to take things slowly.
My thought: if she is cool enough, she can become part of my inner circle.
I guess she grew impatient. So, this is what she did next. I had a “not a friend per se, just someone that love hanging around me”
She noticed I am close with the guy and unknown to me, they have had a dealing before, but the guy didn’t asked her out.
So, it came as a surprise to the guy the next time we were together and she came running to him excitedly, wanting to see him.
She became lovey dovey to the guy since then (whenever we are together)
Based on my knowledge (didn’t ask, just observations), they don’t usually speak on phone, even though they shared contacts. The guy called her but she didn’t pick or return the call. (I don’t have her contact yet myself as I haven’t asked)
But, whenever we are together, you will think they are in relationship.
I am not new to women antics when they are trying to get my attention, so I understand it. But this particular behavior of trying to make me jealous; I find it insulting, and I usually lose interest fast.
Note: Whenever the guy is not around me, she specifically try to make eye contact. Leave a cheeky remark or roll her eyes at me while smiling. But she pretended I don’t exist whenever the guy is around.
So, when next I see they started their lovey dovey something. I decided to play on her feelings too.
One of my babe lived close. Unlike her impatient and classless self, she is a gorgeous proud girl with grace and poise. And above all, she is very beautiful, way above her league in look and status.
I asked if she is at home. She said yes.
I gave her my location. Told her I wanted to see her. She said she isn’t coming (she meant she is coming) Shortly after, she came. Walked straight to where I am with gaiety.
We share gentle communication and based on our usual communication style, naughtiness and cheekiness, you can feel the chemistry.
The lady I wanted to pepper was looking.
And I loved it.
Since then, she has been avoiding me.
When our eyes meets after that episode, no smile, no cheeky remark, nothing. She just looked away.
Today I saw her again, she avoided me as usual. Many women have that habit. The worst are the o es that disrespects their man to make me feel special. That’s disrespect. 0 regard to your man. Well, I am not her man, but I still find it insulting.

So, the long and short of all this is that you don't have even one pinch of evidence out of your many mental delusions that this woman was into you. And you never even approached her to make her know you at least like her and are interested? But you felt yo regale us with these primary school boy analysis of how you know women so well and are some sort of master at the games they play? 🥱🥱🥱

dollytino4real:
it works o

What exactly does "it works," mean? The part where staying literally translates to swallowing bullsheet after bullsheet or the fact that the chances are one's end, after all the bullsheet one has swallowed over.the years may not be divorce but literally in a body bag? 🥱🥱

dollytino4real:
✓we are humans not animals we listen we learn

So, when your bullsheet of your claim is called out, you remember you are human, yet another excuse which does not work? 🥱🥱🥱

Northernblood8:
✓ The claim surfaced Friday with a simple post saying 'Mohbad wife don born, prompting thousands of reactions questioning timelines since the singer's death on September 12, 2023, and reviving calls for a DNA test on Liam, born May 6, 2022.
Mohbad's father Joseph has long pushed for the test amid infidelity allegations, but Wunmi cites family and court delays, with no results public as of December 2025. No confirmation has come from Wunmi or major Nigerian media, leaving the rumor unverified while highlighting fans' lingering grief and divided views on her moving forward.

So because this Mohbad person don die, the gal no suppose born again? 😩😩😩

PDJT:
✓ Do you share a room with your same-sex partner, and how do you manage it?

What has self respect and boundaries to do with either sharing a room or not sharing a room with one's partner when individuals who do either could do either out of fear of abandonment and/or abandonment? 🥱🥱🥱

PDJT:
✓ The practice can be challenging but it's worth the stress if you have self-respect and can maintain boundary.

I fail to see what self&respect and boundaries have to do with this topic. 🥱🥱

greatness77:
✓ Before the fall of Babylonian empire God named king Cyrus that he is going to anoint him to destroy Babylon, God said that he will conquer Babylon without fight, the rivers of Babylon will be diverted, the gates of Babylon will not be locked that very night and nobody will live again in Babylon from generation to generation and it all came to pass, remember these prophecy came over 100years before Cyrus was even born, 😯😯 this is mind blowing
Different kings have tried to rebuild Babylon including Saddam Hussein but failed, even Alexander the great tried to rebuild it as a historical site but he died mysteriously all these happened because God said that nobody live in Babylon again from generation to generation
And finally the prophecy about Alexander the great, GOD said that Alexander will die strangely that nobody Will know the cause of his death up till today nobody knows what killed Alexander go and ask Google the cause of Alexander's death you will see different contradictory answers, God told us that Alexander will die mysteriously and it took 232years after this prophecy before Alexander was born 😯 😯 Bible also said that Alexander will not enjoy his empire and that his empire will be divided among his 4 generals of his army and it all happened 😯😯 after 232 solid years 😯😯 CHRISTIAN GOD IS OMNISCIENT 🙆🙆 it was because of these prophecy that made me became a Christian
BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST SO THAT YOU WILL HAVE LIFE IN ABUNDANCE
Anybody who is tired of his life or you want to test the existence of Christian God should go and rebuild Babylon, in case if you don't know the location it is in southern part of Baghdad in Iraq near mosul

You are confused! The God who is written to have made all of that happen was not and is not the Christian god. Recall that, what you know today as Christianity did not even become a thing until more than 70 years after the death of Jesus Christ of Israel, approximately 30 years before the Romans finally rid the nation of Judah of over half it's population of Jews, renaming it Palestine. Yes, the same Romans created the religion of Christianity to usurp for their political benefit the power they heard of a movement that was started in Judeah before its destruction. 🥱🥱🥱

I am afraid running from one religion to another simply means you switched from being controlled from one set of human overlords to having your brain diddled by another. It changes nothing of your end. 🥱🥱🥱

Darevofpeace:
✓
©️ Pastor Bisi Adewale
‎Follow me here for daily wisdom on parenting.
‎Please share this, it may save a child from silent scars.

You forgot the mention that all of these wounds can exist in both children raised in families where both mother and father stayed together as well as those whose mother and father chose to go their separate ways insinuating that it isn't marriage or divorce to blame for any it but the maturity levels --- emotionally, intellectual and social intelligence --- of their fathers, mothers and/or other caregivers. 🥱🥱🥱

Yes, what traumatizes children and potentially scars them for life isn't whether or not they were raised in 1 family home or not but whether the caregivers were themselves mature and intelligent enough to handle to raising and providing for their every need. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

jaszplus12:
As you can see, you failed again to see OPs points and even comprehend his simple logic!!
Your responses really exposes your inner being, you're finding it very hard to hide it...

I failed or my responses revealed that you are exactly the kind of immature excuses for men detailed in OP's write up where he expects women to raise and emotionally regulate men who they are supposedly married to. 🥱🥱

Ibrahim1985:
✓ Personally i do not see any wrong with any Nigeria women who is dating oyinbo as long he is good to you by his actions, not by mouth only. What i mean actions, it is not buying gifts, it is not taking you to nice places nor buying this or that , or giving money. I mean he does not look at you like he is superior or he see you as a sex fetish or a slave Or he buy this but make very disrespectful comments about you, your family and so on. He can buy this or that and take you to this or that but still see you as subhuman. As long you are both happy and there is love, respect and understanding. Devil can be come in any race .it could be white, arab , and so on. So shine your eyes and look at his character or else na u go cry premium tears

I fail to see the reason for this comment. Nigerian women have been dating men of different races for as long as Nigeria has existed. Not sure why in 2025, you determined that these women need to read your opinion on who they can or cannot date. 😩😩😩😩

budaatum:
✓ I wouldn't myself call divorce the first or obvious solution.
✓ How about marriage counseling first? They'd teach both parties to communicate their issues to each other and they just might find an amicable solution.

Marriage counseling only works when you have two capable adults in a marriage. When a woman is married to a man who is dead set on her being a mother to him as in she literally has to manage and help him regulate his emotions, she is literally married to her OP and not a mature adult. Best for her to do is get out of the way so the man can either mature or look for himself a different victim.

2. Just imagine having to literally possibly pick up after and train--- as you would a child ----someone who believes himself leader over you in marriage. That is not a marriage but a prison. 😩😩😩

jaszplus12:
FYI, dated 8 years, married for 24 years to the same woman, therefore YOUR advice will never be at the forefront whenever I'll counsel anyone in marriage.

And I can guess, you are the kind of man written of in the OP too 😩😩

Ekeletu:
✓ Let me make it brief. There's this lady I met 4yrs ago through hookup. I used to love-vendor her to guys and she featured in one of my adult contents. She has done orgy, 3some and even do girls too. She smokes.
✓ Last this year we started a relationship and last month she stopped hookup. We are planning on getting married next year but I am having a double mind. She's very good and my spec. She said she will stop smoking.
Any advice?

You know her history -- you had a hand in it --- yet you chose to date her despite it. Now you are suddenly asking strangers whether they will be willing to marry the girl? Did she tell you that she would want to even marry someone like you? 🥱🥱🥱

Glotrade:
✓ What would you do if you discovered your girlfriend Is on badoo app
Why would she join the app

You are best asking her and not a bunch of strangers. And yes, you are allowed to break up with that for that too. 🥱🥱🥱