₦airaland Forum

Nnamdipapa:
We assume women cannot be abusive in relationships right? They are angelic beings whose farts don't stink?

Not true! We know that women are humans like men. However, in the vast majority of cases, men are mostly implicated when abuse or violence—including murder — is involved. About 137 girls/women are intentionally murdered every day by males in their family, or in relationships with them, making it essential to ensure women know the signs of abuse/toxicity. 🥱🥱🥱

sochey:
➜Nope, I haven't..

Why not? You increase your audience that way. 🥱🥱

Nnamdipapa:
➜I have discussed the option of a divorce which I am very much in favour but as an uber religious person, she is vehemently against a divorce and would not hear of it. I may have to run away to Uganda or Kenya one of these days. lol

Religion is indeed a literal weapon fashioned against the happiness and joys of women. 🥱🥱

Imagine making a prison of marriage for oneself. Does she realize that forcing you to remain in the marriage with her makes her essentially a terrorist/prison warden over you, with literally nothing left for her to gain except? 🥱🥱🥱

Kcash200:
➜ i took out my location to avoid distractions but thanks. i have been considering therapy but i know the conversation with my mum will be weird.
➜ I can't see the remorse in her and she is very manipulative. i can talk to her but i dont think i can stan a therapy with her.

You need therapy first. After you have gotten yourself comfortably sorted, you can engage your mother in getting therapy for herself or together with you. But right now, you should do you first. 🥱🥱

2. Only talk to her when you are ready. Don't bother engaging her before then. 🥱🥱

Also, note that the society or tradition sort of dictates that all children born into a marriage belong to the man the woman is currently married to. So, in a sense, she is not entirely wrong in what she did since traditions technically dictate right and wrong for people who subscribe to such ideas. So, unless you are ready to totally consider all of tradition for the bullsheet that it really is, you may not be in the right to condemn her for her actions. 🥱🥱

So, get yourself therapy first, and prepare yourself well. 🥱🥱

whitecement:
➜If she is your legally married wife, you will be rewarded by spending on her by Almighty God,
➜ but if she is not your legally married wife and you are doing ad.ultery or for.nication with her and spending money on her, you will be committing sin and needs to repent
➜There is no issues with spending money on women but just be guided!

Stop lying to him! 🥱🥱🥱

2. Men generally spend more on sidechicks and prostitutes than on wives. Yes, a woman literally benefits less from wifing a broke man. Na suffering pro-max be her guaranteed fate. 🥱🥱

3. No, allow him to experience and learn the hard way. Life always has lessons for people like him. 🥱🥱

naijapikin2:
➜We have heard you...but you know that's impossible.. however it's wisdom to give only your wife... mother... sister... daughter... especially daughter.. so that one preying mantis will not take advantage

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Kcash200:
➜I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.
I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.
Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.
I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone. Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

A biological father who sent money for your upkeep and has children who are aware of your existence, whom you kept in touch with, and have not made any noise about it? This story sounds a little too fantastical for something that came out of a place like Aba and not somewhere in Council Bluffs, IA. 🥱🥱🥱

I suggest the first thing you do is seek professional mental health therapy so you can at least unburden yourself before moving forward with any decision in life. Therapy will also help you untie knots that have troubled you for so long and help you better realize that whatever happened was not your making and so not your responsibility to carry. Your mother knew why she did what she did, and only she knows why she decided to let you in on that information at the age of 12. 🥱

If possible, you and your mother should both attend at least one therapy session together where you can both unburden to each other, and maybe that might get her to finally reveal more of what transpired between her and your adopted father(assuming we can call him that since you seem to be suggesting that he may not be aware of it all), and let things go from their. 🥱

KnowledgePower7:
➜I don't agree with the first one. I am the son the future heir of the house. I cannot let her ruin Christmas Or run away from my house I grew up because of her. My dad is the main reason I'm home. As a man I have matured to pont where I need my father blessing and guidance even tho I don't agree in many things.
➜ Overall he has been very transparent with me. And always been there in hard times. I hate manipulation with passion!!!

1. You already told us all here of how she ruins your mood and general relationship with your family. Are you now telling us that you somehow have control over your mood and general relationship with your family members? 🥱🥱

2. But he has never tried to resolve the issues between you and your mother to ensure you two don't keep playing off each other's emotions? How come? 🥱🥱

KnowledgePower7:
➜It is a favouritism something It looks like she likes the girls more than the guys. We are 3 girl and 2 guys All the girls talk and plan well with her They talk almost all the time sharing info. Now we the boys lean towards popsi because mumsi does not really send us and it pains me low-key but I brush it off. When it made me angry was when she twisted the whole thing to make it look like I abandoned her. I insult am wetin no good that day.
➜ As for popsi I don't know if my mumsi tie that man or what... I have never seen a man so blindly in love. I'm his eyes she can do no wrong.
That why I left them to continue their nonesense love let me focus on my life

1. Abusive people rarely know how to love. Maybe if you spent more time with your sisters, you might discover that the communication they hold with her may be more from a point of codependency... a very toxic relationship type.... they have developed with her. 🥱🥱

2. There is no such thing as tying a man. The man is well aware of the toxic nature of the relationship, but focuses on what benefits him in it all. No man or woman remains with a woman/man he does not currently derive some sort of emotional or mental benefit in one way or another from. Your father is aware of the abusive nature of the relationship between you boys, and possibly even the girls and your mother, but chooses to turn a blind eye because of what he gains, overall, from the relationship remaining as it is. Find out what it is. 🥱🥱

It may turn out to be something that does not make sense to you but it is what it is. 🥱🥱

KnowledgePower7:
➜Honestly being a mother is not about carrying a child for 9 months
It is how you raise that child that matters. No matter how many times I tell her to change it falls on deaf ears
➜ Then when I cut ties with her she start manipulating stories that I am the one who decided to stop talking with her. She wont say why. She always act shocked why I stop talking or sharing information with her.
➜ That is why when I see people praise their mothers as best friend it feels so awkward as me I view my mother as a kgb spy.
Always hiding information. Always secretive about plans. .
➜So I have decided to turn into mossad spy too. Make all of us dey craze dey go.This Christmas shishi I won't talk with her. She will find out everything later from outside

1. No sane human being can change for you. So, it is pointless for you to go asking someone to change on your behalf. You only torture yourself with such endeavors. 🥱🥱

2. For every action, there is always some sort of reaction. If you have chosen to go no contact with her, that is your decision and your boundary to enforce, regardless of what the affected party chooses to do. So, if you want to go no-contact with her, simply do it and don't concern yourself with what she decides to do afterwards. 🥱🥱

3. Some of those people who praise their mothers have mothers who are equally as toxic as you describe your own mother as being to you. So, do not be deceived. The vast majority of Nigerians were raised in toxic homes— either by a terrible, abusive father or mother, or both— yet many of them would come out to praise and worship their abusive caregivers for free. That is part of the nature of trauma on some.

4. Are you not utterly tired of having the matter continue to rent space for free in your head? 🥱🥱

sochey:
➜I wrote and formatted the book myself using Microsoft Word, and I used Grammarly as a support tool for grammar and clarity checks. The structure, storytelling, pacing, and final edits were done manually by yours truly I've also been writing for years. I have two published ebooks too. So, yeah...

Just those two? Nice! 🥱🥱🥱

Have you ever considered authoring Graphic novels?

KnowledgePower7:
➜It has gotten so bad that if she tells me 2+2 is 4. I will have to use a calculator to make sure it's true.The crazy thing is she shares and talks more with my sisters but when it comes to my turn I[b]'m always the last person they tell their plans. It got so bad that if she is planning something She will only tell me a day before the event And this is a woman that expect me to be talking and sharing information with her.[/b] While she refuse to tell me things . Thi woman can have 100k and you ask for 20k she will stay rambling and giving excuses and lies... But f you ask popsi he will press the money immediately..I have bought 20 tubers of tam only for my father. I will not give my mother shishi. Make she feels am tooI will travel and meet them this Christmas. I have decided to not even talk shishi with her. It will be like we are strangers and that's the way it will be from now. Can't tolerate nonesense for too long
➜If your mother is the loving sharing type You don't know what God has done for you

Why are you going there if you already sense she will ruin your Christmas? You know it is also OK to go no-contact with your mother and to love her from afar, right? 🥱

2. Mothers are not meant to be compared with others. Most of the people who tell you their mother is best are themselves people who have yet to realize that all the abuse they, too, had to endure is wrong. So, don't bother turning this into a my mother is better than your mother " competition. 🥱🥱🥱

KnowledgePower7:
➜Something can happen in the house When I come back I ask her what happened? She will start acting like deaf and dumb as if she doesn't know what happened. Meanwhile she saw everything that happened. I just don't understand why she likes manipulation and witholding information. And this woman had the nerves to accuse me of not communicating with her.
I stopped picking her calls I busy them. I only speak to my dad because he is the complete opposite he tells me all information he knows. But my mother will start manipulating and twisting simple question you ask her. Them turn around and wonder why I no longer share information with her. Some mothers no dey try at all at allAnd she will automatically start acting like she doesn't know what you are talking about. .

Have you ever asked your father about the situation around your birth? Who made the decision as far as having you... Your father or your mother? Since they are both together still, that makes me wonder even more if your mother had a choice in having you.

KnowledgePower7:
➜It took me tears to realize how manipulative my mother is. It is funny how the reason I can never trust a woman started from my mother.
➜ Imagine pouring out your heart to your mother and when you expect her to tell you something she begins to lie and manipulate the story.
She can say John please church will start by 8am I need you to come quickly before 8 Me being a nice boy I immediately believe her
I wake up and hurry and come by 8am. Only to find out she has not taken her bath and the church service will actually start by 9:30 am. You see the kind of manipulation she does. This is just on the surface level. Plus she is religious to the core.
➜ Only God know the hell my father going tru. I have sworn never to marry from my maternal side. I will never marry a woman like my mother.

1. Not all women or men deserve or should have children. It is that simple. But society continually pressures all women(not some) into having children. All men are equally pressured into the same with the lie that continuation is necessary, even when said men are literally established menaces in the same society.

2. If you want to detach from her emotionally and focus your energy on your life more, please get an appointment immediately with a mental health therapist and begin your journey towards freedom from all of your childhood traumas and scars. 🥱🥱🥱

3. It is not god but society to blame for you having to deal with such wickedness without an out. 🥱🥱🥱

Absolutely, never marry and have children with a woman like your mother. Not all women out there are built to be mothers, and definitely not all men are equally built to be fathers. More importantly, it is OK to choose a single life. Peace and happiness can only be found in oneself... not in marriage or any other thing in this life.

Uptheante:
➜Bro, this lady is telling you the truth. 95% of ladies living alone, either bring men to sleep with them or go out to sleep with men.
Only very few percentage do not engage in such.That's why many landlords in some parts of Nigeria do not agree to rent their house to single ladies. because they know that such ladies will be bringing different kinds of men to sleep with them thereby constituting a nuisance & security threat (some of the men may be armed robbers, kidnappers, cultists, etc).
➜ Single ladies omen are supposed to live with their parents or a family relation till they get married. Freedom to live on their own will be exploited by them for waywardness/promiscuity.

Let's assume that you are right, that 95% of women who live alone bring men to sleep with them or go to sleep with men. Don't men do the same(maybe to an even greater percentage than women)?

2. Supposed to be by whom? Your mind or the Law? Which one? Promiscuity is OK for men but not for women? No be women men dey do their promiscuity with? Why is it OK for men to the promiscuous but not OK for the women they are promiscuous with to be equally promiscuous? And please, make certain you provide a legal reference for your response and not some mental delusions.🥱🥱

---

What is it about the dick that has you convinced that your destiny is as Toto-monitor/ vagina-patrol/hisbah? 🥱🥱🥱

Exsty:
➜I would prefer someone who is also employed and living comfortably from the South West (yoruba) - single, has never been married nor has kids. Age between 29 - 33.
Strong desire to have all kids from same person.
Be firm in character, self starter and strong willed. I care less about religion but have a good moral compass.
As for physicals - 1.5 to 1.8cm will be okay, dark skinned as well.
All bills will be split equally as pertains the child. I don't mind owning 70% of them anyways. Mutual respect to both families will also be expected at all times including putting up appearances when needed.
I also have plans for relocating. If you won't be interested, please allow for the kid/kids processing when the time reaches.
Health tests will be carried out first and foremost then we can decide how the procreation will be.
If you are open to this please think it over. When you have, search this username on telegram (Semperfi9) and punch a message .
Trolls are welcome. Morally upright and pro-marriage-before-conception people are also welcome but ill categorise you all as trolls because I have thought this over and realise this is what will work for me.

You want a woman to put her life on the line for 42 weeks out of 52 weeks a year to birth a child, an ordeal which literally ages her 5 years each time if she is not careful or something goes wrong, possibly needing to take off from her job and career during that time to care for herself and the child, and you intend to split bills 50/50 with this woman? Talk about 419. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

And god-forbid this woman dies on the table at one point, you will literally walk away with the children without paying any of the real cost of having them, possibly move on to getting another cheap incubator to have more of the same with, in addition to using her for free as a nanny for your children from your previous job, right? 🥱🥱🥱

Nnamdipapa:
➜The same goes the other way, you constantly make me angry, and if you want sex, I have advised her to get a Love Machine as I am never having a conjugal congress when not happy with you. Never!

She gets a lovemachine, while you get yourself a sidechick? Abeg, declare that marriage an open marriage or you two should divorce already! 😑😑😑

Flangelo12:
➜I see you like to add words to what was plainly written. Bye Junkei.

I see you don't reason the implications behind the claims you make before hitting "submit". 🥱🥱🥱🥱

Flangelo12:
➜That's your interpretation. You hit your peak by 50. Perhaps you maintain it. But there's no higher level to get to.

You said no maturity required above age 50, and I wonder if you are also willing to give a green card to men who are above 50 and ruling you foolishly.

Flangelo12:
➜After 50, you're probably on your decline.

So, all your politicians literally destroying your lives in Nigeria should not be held accountable since, according to you, maturity isn't needed at all even after age 50?

papiSNEH:
➜There's Nothing on this earth you can do that will please a woman. For Regina Daniels to tell a whole Almighy Pa Ned, what have you done for me?.. what's the hope of a common man.

There's never been a woman on earth who has ever pleased a man, too. I think that comes without saying that humans are insatiable... men and women alike. The problem then lies with those who think they can please another human being. 🥱🥱🥱

BItt:
Sex is just sex, it's men who are always head over heels

Na wa ooo!!🥱🥱🥱

Flangelo12:
➜What further maturity does one need above 50?

You mean men don't even need to mature before or even after age 50?

Goo0dHardDick:
➜Women prefer guys who uses them. They don't want the man who comes to them professing love. This is why bad guys will forever be chased after by girls.

They do? Yet every day on Nairaland, we have men regularly complaining about women not making themselves available to be used? 🥱🥱🥱

Flangelo12:
1. Most do not mature above the age of 20 until they get to age 50.
2. Even the most stern woman has a weak point

. Most men also do not mature even after past the age of 50, too. This has been studied too. 🥱🥱

Goo0dHardDick:
Love a woman and she'll use you, Use a woman and she'll love you.

Women have also had to contend with pretty much the same about a lot of men.
Love a man, and he'll use you.
Use a man, and he'll love you.

drsibz66:
➜So where was that written in my write up. Or you also control my thoughts.. your gender ,assumptions and manipulations are 5 &6 . You just bring out a statement from anywhere and start dwelling on it.. What part of my statement portrays and says a womans body is meant to serve mens sexual pleasure. You are irredeemable ... Do what suits you cos you devoid of any reality or rational thoughts.

Stop arguing like an Odi! Marriage does not guarantee you sex, means you need to do your part to get your partner to consent to having sex with you, even in marriage. Go one corner, go chew on that, and allow people who already have their brains churning at effective capacity to continue the discussion already! 🥱🥱🥱

VeraAg:
➜tell that to the biracial girls who think they are better than lighterskinned black women.

If they are that full of themselves, why is that a you problem or a Nigerian men problem, though? Why not live and let live?

VeraAg:
➜Alll Nigerian women are beautiful but after being around a few Nigerian lightskinned biracial women, I had to create this thread and ask: do Nigerian men put Nigerian biracial women over complete black lighterskinned black women.
I see both get good amount of attention, but I have noticed that the biracial women I talk to have a superiority complex over us that could be backed up by black men's attention. What would you choose from the photos attached?
Tonto Dikeh: Fully black light skinned.
Regina Daniels: Fully black light skinned.
Sophie alakija: Biracial
Nini Singh: Biracial

Why should it matter what Nigerian men prefer, though? Are you deciding on whether to hire biracial women or fully black women for your Nigerian clientele or not? 🥱🥱🥱

Emmalez:
➜Confirming the success of the procedure, Anosike wrote:
“If you are on TikTok, you will know my friend. Her kidneys failed while giving birth to her twins. Her husband moved on with another lady in less than a year, even posting the new relationship on his status. My friend cried every day. She came out to cry to the public through the help of Okwuluora. Nigerians raised money for her, and today she is back — alive, reunited with her mother. Kidney transplant successfully done.”
The emotional reunion has continued to draw reactions online, with many Nigerians congratulating Tovia and praising the power of collective support and compassion.

Pregnancy no be easy feat for women; it is a literal battle with death on the most part for women, and research shows that many of the complications a woman endures during pregnancy are linked to the man's sperm and health rather than the woman's egg. 🥱🥱🥱

Women should endeavor to educate their daughters to be very picky when picking men to procreate with, abeg! 🥱🥱

drsibz66:
You just bringing up things the writer never wrote.. where did the writer say the woman shouldnt be respected. You have just manipulatively added the man not respecting his wife.. which is another topic entirely... your type will always find excuses to always do as you please

. Thinking a woman's body is there to serve your sexual pleasure is disrespectful,if you don't know this already, I suggest overhauling your mindset.🥱🥱🥱