₦airaland Forum

eniolorunfe:
Chaiiii! So una still dey date women wey no get their own money

Na the women wey dey date your kind, I pity pass. 🥱🥱🥱

Traditional marriage has never been, and still isn't about partnership but rather about submission of the women as a slave to her master and head, the man. To this day, the vast majority of Nigerian marriage are configured to operate as traditional marriage and not as partnerships. So, to claim marriage in and off itself is partnership is disingenuous. 🥱🥱🥱

aktolly54:
✓ "afford " is the keyword here. If Regina Daniels no want, she won't marry Ned. It's not by force, if one woman no want stay for polygamy rich lifestyle she can leave.

You forgot to reason that the price is determined by the one to be afforded and not the one doing the paying.

Part of the reason why Ned married Regina while she was still a child has to do with her not really knowing or understanding her worth at that time. He too advantage of her naivete to take her only to dump her after she began to come to the realization that she was worth more than life as a handbag for an old man at that . 🥱🥱🥱

Goo0dHardDick:
✓ Dude, Let today be the first and last time you'll ever quote me on nairaland again! I don't engage your kinds in conservations

Help yourself by logging off of Nairaland and deleting your account (all comments included) entirely so as to grant yourself your very wish. Stop trying to strong-arm others into doing for you what you can do for yourself! 🥱🥱

sochey:
✓ Oh okay. I'll include it in my list of things to research on for my writing.
Mostly I'm building a brand on mental health and awareness. I'm exploring themes of depression, anxiety, emotional pain and all the mental health issues.

All the more reason with you should consider venturing into writing of graphic novels, since many people struggling with mental illness tend to be more visual than not.🤔

cupcup:
➜I am married for 4 years now and dated her for over a years,She nd her parent don’t let me live in peace … she Carrie’s her family along about everything happening at home , now we have a smart daugter.. I picked up a pen nd paper to calculate my bills every month nd yearly including school fees for our child , nd house rent
2026 bills will be 70k monthly nd 2,190,000 yearly
Breakdown
Child’s school fees 151k
House rent 900k
Utility , Water 3k monthly
Pure water 4k monthly 10 bags
Security 650 monthly
Cleaner for compound 1200 monthly
Child lesson fee 25k monthly
Phcn band A 35k monthly now December is going to 70k already
How much am I earning monthly? It’s not enoug to cover this bills but she kept using my daugter to cage me at home not to be able to go bd hussle. Now here comes the wicked part her parent will not talk to her but support her in disturbing my mental health ! I cleared microwave , water heater to reduce this high cost of power supply … s[b]he forcing her way to keep using it nd yet she doesn’t contribute to the bills…We had an account opened for our child nd it’s a two signatory account… I discovered she had been moving money in nd out personally without my knowledge even borrowing her friend from the money .[/b]
Abeg make una advice me
1) I want to have the account closed nd move all the money away
2) I want to work on my mental health ,
3) 2026 that’s on the way… O Ma LOUD

Why does your budget not specify how much your wife gets each month as her own pocket money in the marriage? What is your wife's reason for siphoning some of that other money into your personal account?

You say her parents support her, but you are married to the woman and not to them, so why do you expect them not to support your wife?

Definitely, your mental health is important, and you need to work on it. At the same time, you also need to work on making certain that your marriage is also abuse-free. Or are you planning on divorcing your wife this January 2026 so you can focus entirely on your mental health?

georgeakins:
➜Na because you no dey work

You mean the 10s of millions of unemployed folks in Nigeria are working then? 🥱🥱🥱

Bahamas95:
➜I can't believe you believe that senseless statistics. So I'll leave fresh bloods and be næcking women above 50? Even if I wanna do it, it would be for adventure.
➜ Maybe we live in different planets Sha, in my own planet older couples don't get married every weekend.

1. There is nothing senseless about a statistic backed up with surveys and numbers — documented evidence —which shows that not all men reason as you do. 🥱🥱🥱

2. We don't live on different planets; we just don't all have tiny brains running on the same delusion that you do... a delusion that supposes that everything must be according to how your mind has resolved to seeing it instead. Clearly, the world outside of your brain does not operate like your mind thinks it does. 🥱

12inchess:
➜I'm surprised this thread is still moving. Also I'm a bit better now and less depressed. But I still feel doom and gloom once in a while. I have started attending a Nigerian church again but the thing just looks so ceremonial to me. Dancing and Thanksgiving and collecting tithes and offerings is all the Nigerian church seem to be interested in. I still think I need to take time off work but with the few leave days I get here I don't know how that will be possible.
➜ Anyway keep me in your prayers, I guess.
➜ I also kind of stopped the antidepressants since they were not really doing anything for me.

1. Stop that nonsense immediately! You are not doing yourself any good by trying to mask your depression with religion. Look at the result of that in Nigeria, with over 90% of Nigerians hiding their trauma and mental illness behind religion, will religious scammers continue to make it big even in the devastating economic situation?

2. You don't need prayers that mask anxiety. You need to look for opportunities to get out of yourself and your current "depressive" comfort zone. Join a gym, a bicycling club, or a book club. Watch anime or visit a club at least once each month. Start a hobby—write or draw, record music, learn knitting, join an acting club, etc.— Step out of yourself and consider the core reasons behind your depression and face them head-on. You have to do the mental work to free yourself from that heavy fog over your brain and mood.

3. That is a stewpid thing to do. You don't stop your meds because you don't think they are working. You tell your doctor that they are not working, and he will find you other options instead of the brand you were on to help you continue to tackle the problem. 🥱🥱

Use your brain to your advantage and not against yourself. Put it to work for you, not against you! 🥱🥱🥱

dollytino4real:
no vex. God who creaated u n me

Well, did this God that created you and me tell you not to take care of yourself using plastic surgery, cosmetics, and makeup designed to help you keep your look as you age? Where exactly did he tell you this? While you were in the bathroom showering, where hopefully he also told you you needed to shower yourself regularly and wipe your arse, too, after sheeting with only that which he specified that you use and nothing else? 🥱🥱🥱

I no vex at all. Just trying to gather data. 🥱🥱

dollytino4real:
are u removing God from ur quote?

Which of the over 4000 deities would you be asking me about? And why? 🥱🥱🥱

Bullfallo:
➜I have some money that I could use to celebrate Xmas on the low. The last few weeks. I engage in betting intensively. To multiply the money. So that the Xmas can be better.
My junior ones have been messaging me for like 2 weeks now, of which I know it's Xmas money.
I increased my stake with fewer odds. That type of decision is a straight way to the village.
It got to a point I had lost a lot, and I was only trying to recover my money. I was not even after multiplication anymore.
The last few days were something else. And now everything is gone. Any further plans to recover that money will be for next year.

Congratulations! You can aim to do worse come Xmas 2026!🥱🥱🥱

dollytino4real:
➜d way u where 30 can never be the same in ur 70 nerves dey collapse

Why is what you looked like at age 30 the standard for your beauty? Why can't you literally see that just as your level of wisdom today is not the same as it was when you turned 20, 30, 40, it does not mean that it has deteriorated over time?

Anyways, if your mental standard of beauty, as far as you are concerned, happens to be stuck on the way you looked exactly at age 30, then you can always save up for plastic surgery and get something done about that, too.

I recently posted something about a woman who got plastic surgery done at age 52, and turned back her looks almost 20 years.
Another woman at 49 also got a similar result.

budaatum:
➜ To some men beauty is in the boobs, while to others beauty is in the brain.

Ah! Aye! 😫😫😫😫

sochey:
➜Do you have knowledge about it? The tools to use to create the graphics?

I know you would need to get yourself a talented partner or group of artists to do the work of bringing your ideas to life, but from experience, I know graphic novels are a widely accepted form of literature among both millennials and the newer generation. I read more graphic novels than I do non-graphic novels.

Bahamas95:
➜I wonder why you derive pleasure talking off point. No matter how beautiful a woman is when old age sets in nobody would reason her matter anymore. That's why it's imperative to have both inner and outer beauty....... At old age people's attention would switch to her inner beauty. If she decides to do cosmetic surgery that means she's hastening the time to join her ancestors. Expensive creams won't make wrinkles disappear when the time comes.

They don't get attention anymore, yet statistics have it that women above the age of 50 get better action — quality over quantity—in the bedroom than women under 50 do? Also, to this day, older women are still getting married to older men... yes, every weekend, you read about older couples getting married too. 🥱🥱🥱

Kdon2:
➜Men don't lose virginity. There is no virginity to lose. Men losing virginity is a feminist idea☹️

This one don submit im brain for a few kobos!

Virginity is a social construct that denotes the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. As it is not an objective term with an operational definition, social definitions of what constitutes virginity, or the lack thereof, vary. Heterosexuals may or may not consider loss of virginity to occur only through penile–vaginal penetration, while people of other sexual orientations often include MouthAction, anal sex, or manual sex in their definitions of virginity loss. The term "virgin" encompasses a range of definitions, as found in traditional, modern, and ethical concepts. Religious rituals for regaining virginity exist in many cultures. Some men and women who practice celibacy after losing their virginity consider themselves born-again virgins.

dollytino4real:
Yes o, is only God dat does not fail

Not if you indulge in self-care—take care of your skin, your body, your dental, your hair, your mind —, you can actually maintain your beauty even into your old age. All those who told you that beauty fails, including OP, lied/gaslighted you. 🥱🥱🥱

Nnamdipapa:
We assume women cannot be abusive in relationships right? They are angelic beings whose farts don't stink?

Not true! We know that women are humans like men. However, in the vast majority of cases, men are mostly implicated when abuse or violence—including murder — is involved. About 137 girls/women are intentionally murdered every day by males in their family, or in relationships with them, making it essential to ensure women know the signs of abuse/toxicity. 🥱🥱🥱

sochey:
➜Nope, I haven't..

Why not? You increase your audience that way. 🥱🥱

Nnamdipapa:
➜I have discussed the option of a divorce which I am very much in favour but as an uber religious person, she is vehemently against a divorce and would not hear of it. I may have to run away to Uganda or Kenya one of these days. lol

Religion is indeed a literal weapon fashioned against the happiness and joys of women. 🥱🥱

Imagine making a prison of marriage for oneself. Does she realize that forcing you to remain in the marriage with her makes her essentially a terrorist/prison warden over you, with literally nothing left for her to gain except? 🥱🥱🥱

Kcash200:
➜ i took out my location to avoid distractions but thanks. i have been considering therapy but i know the conversation with my mum will be weird.
➜ I can't see the remorse in her and she is very manipulative. i can talk to her but i dont think i can stan a therapy with her.

You need therapy first. After you have gotten yourself comfortably sorted, you can engage your mother in getting therapy for herself or together with you. But right now, you should do you first. 🥱🥱

2. Only talk to her when you are ready. Don't bother engaging her before then. 🥱🥱

Also, note that the society or tradition sort of dictates that all children born into a marriage belong to the man the woman is currently married to. So, in a sense, she is not entirely wrong in what she did since traditions technically dictate right and wrong for people who subscribe to such ideas. So, unless you are ready to totally consider all of tradition for the bullsheet that it really is, you may not be in the right to condemn her for her actions. 🥱🥱

So, get yourself therapy first, and prepare yourself well. 🥱🥱

whitecement:
➜If she is your legally married wife, you will be rewarded by spending on her by Almighty God,
➜ but if she is not your legally married wife and you are doing ad.ultery or for.nication with her and spending money on her, you will be committing sin and needs to repent
➜There is no issues with spending money on women but just be guided!

Stop lying to him! 🥱🥱🥱

2. Men generally spend more on sidechicks and prostitutes than on wives. Yes, a woman literally benefits less from wifing a broke man. Na suffering pro-max be her guaranteed fate. 🥱🥱

3. No, allow him to experience and learn the hard way. Life always has lessons for people like him. 🥱🥱

naijapikin2:
➜We have heard you...but you know that's impossible.. however it's wisdom to give only your wife... mother... sister... daughter... especially daughter.. so that one preying mantis will not take advantage

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Kcash200:
➜I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.
I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.
Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.
I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone. Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

A biological father who sent money for your upkeep and has children who are aware of your existence, whom you kept in touch with, and have not made any noise about it? This story sounds a little too fantastical for something that came out of a place like Aba and not somewhere in Council Bluffs, IA. 🥱🥱🥱

I suggest the first thing you do is seek professional mental health therapy so you can at least unburden yourself before moving forward with any decision in life. Therapy will also help you untie knots that have troubled you for so long and help you better realize that whatever happened was not your making and so not your responsibility to carry. Your mother knew why she did what she did, and only she knows why she decided to let you in on that information at the age of 12. 🥱

If possible, you and your mother should both attend at least one therapy session together where you can both unburden to each other, and maybe that might get her to finally reveal more of what transpired between her and your adopted father(assuming we can call him that since you seem to be suggesting that he may not be aware of it all), and let things go from their. 🥱

KnowledgePower7:
➜I don't agree with the first one. I am the son the future heir of the house. I cannot let her ruin Christmas Or run away from my house I grew up because of her. My dad is the main reason I'm home. As a man I have matured to pont where I need my father blessing and guidance even tho I don't agree in many things.
➜ Overall he has been very transparent with me. And always been there in hard times. I hate manipulation with passion!!!

1. You already told us all here of how she ruins your mood and general relationship with your family. Are you now telling us that you somehow have control over your mood and general relationship with your family members? 🥱🥱

2. But he has never tried to resolve the issues between you and your mother to ensure you two don't keep playing off each other's emotions? How come? 🥱🥱

KnowledgePower7:
➜It is a favouritism something It looks like she likes the girls more than the guys. We are 3 girl and 2 guys All the girls talk and plan well with her They talk almost all the time sharing info. Now we the boys lean towards popsi because mumsi does not really send us and it pains me low-key but I brush it off. When it made me angry was when she twisted the whole thing to make it look like I abandoned her. I insult am wetin no good that day.
➜ As for popsi I don't know if my mumsi tie that man or what... I have never seen a man so blindly in love. I'm his eyes she can do no wrong.
That why I left them to continue their nonesense love let me focus on my life

1. Abusive people rarely know how to love. Maybe if you spent more time with your sisters, you might discover that the communication they hold with her may be more from a point of codependency... a very toxic relationship type.... they have developed with her. 🥱🥱

2. There is no such thing as tying a man. The man is well aware of the toxic nature of the relationship, but focuses on what benefits him in it all. No man or woman remains with a woman/man he does not currently derive some sort of emotional or mental benefit in one way or another from. Your father is aware of the abusive nature of the relationship between you boys, and possibly even the girls and your mother, but chooses to turn a blind eye because of what he gains, overall, from the relationship remaining as it is. Find out what it is. 🥱🥱

It may turn out to be something that does not make sense to you but it is what it is. 🥱🥱

KnowledgePower7:
➜Honestly being a mother is not about carrying a child for 9 months
It is how you raise that child that matters. No matter how many times I tell her to change it falls on deaf ears
➜ Then when I cut ties with her she start manipulating stories that I am the one who decided to stop talking with her. She wont say why. She always act shocked why I stop talking or sharing information with her.
➜ That is why when I see people praise their mothers as best friend it feels so awkward as me I view my mother as a kgb spy.
Always hiding information. Always secretive about plans. .
➜So I have decided to turn into mossad spy too. Make all of us dey craze dey go.This Christmas shishi I won't talk with her. She will find out everything later from outside

1. No sane human being can change for you. So, it is pointless for you to go asking someone to change on your behalf. You only torture yourself with such endeavors. 🥱🥱

2. For every action, there is always some sort of reaction. If you have chosen to go no contact with her, that is your decision and your boundary to enforce, regardless of what the affected party chooses to do. So, if you want to go no-contact with her, simply do it and don't concern yourself with what she decides to do afterwards. 🥱🥱

3. Some of those people who praise their mothers have mothers who are equally as toxic as you describe your own mother as being to you. So, do not be deceived. The vast majority of Nigerians were raised in toxic homes— either by a terrible, abusive father or mother, or both— yet many of them would come out to praise and worship their abusive caregivers for free. That is part of the nature of trauma on some.

4. Are you not utterly tired of having the matter continue to rent space for free in your head? 🥱🥱

sochey:
➜I wrote and formatted the book myself using Microsoft Word, and I used Grammarly as a support tool for grammar and clarity checks. The structure, storytelling, pacing, and final edits were done manually by yours truly I've also been writing for years. I have two published ebooks too. So, yeah...

Just those two? Nice! 🥱🥱🥱

Have you ever considered authoring Graphic novels?

KnowledgePower7:
➜It has gotten so bad that if she tells me 2+2 is 4. I will have to use a calculator to make sure it's true.The crazy thing is she shares and talks more with my sisters but when it comes to my turn I[b]'m always the last person they tell their plans. It got so bad that if she is planning something She will only tell me a day before the event And this is a woman that expect me to be talking and sharing information with her.[/b] While she refuse to tell me things . Thi woman can have 100k and you ask for 20k she will stay rambling and giving excuses and lies... But f you ask popsi he will press the money immediately..I have bought 20 tubers of tam only for my father. I will not give my mother shishi. Make she feels am tooI will travel and meet them this Christmas. I have decided to not even talk shishi with her. It will be like we are strangers and that's the way it will be from now. Can't tolerate nonesense for too long
➜If your mother is the loving sharing type You don't know what God has done for you

Why are you going there if you already sense she will ruin your Christmas? You know it is also OK to go no-contact with your mother and to love her from afar, right? 🥱

2. Mothers are not meant to be compared with others. Most of the people who tell you their mother is best are themselves people who have yet to realize that all the abuse they, too, had to endure is wrong. So, don't bother turning this into a my mother is better than your mother " competition. 🥱🥱🥱

KnowledgePower7:
➜Something can happen in the house When I come back I ask her what happened? She will start acting like deaf and dumb as if she doesn't know what happened. Meanwhile she saw everything that happened. I just don't understand why she likes manipulation and witholding information. And this woman had the nerves to accuse me of not communicating with her.
I stopped picking her calls I busy them. I only speak to my dad because he is the complete opposite he tells me all information he knows. But my mother will start manipulating and twisting simple question you ask her. Them turn around and wonder why I no longer share information with her. Some mothers no dey try at all at allAnd she will automatically start acting like she doesn't know what you are talking about. .

Have you ever asked your father about the situation around your birth? Who made the decision as far as having you... Your father or your mother? Since they are both together still, that makes me wonder even more if your mother had a choice in having you.

KnowledgePower7:
➜It took me tears to realize how manipulative my mother is. It is funny how the reason I can never trust a woman started from my mother.
➜ Imagine pouring out your heart to your mother and when you expect her to tell you something she begins to lie and manipulate the story.
She can say John please church will start by 8am I need you to come quickly before 8 Me being a nice boy I immediately believe her
I wake up and hurry and come by 8am. Only to find out she has not taken her bath and the church service will actually start by 9:30 am. You see the kind of manipulation she does. This is just on the surface level. Plus she is religious to the core.
➜ Only God know the hell my father going tru. I have sworn never to marry from my maternal side. I will never marry a woman like my mother.

1. Not all women or men deserve or should have children. It is that simple. But society continually pressures all women(not some) into having children. All men are equally pressured into the same with the lie that continuation is necessary, even when said men are literally established menaces in the same society.

2. If you want to detach from her emotionally and focus your energy on your life more, please get an appointment immediately with a mental health therapist and begin your journey towards freedom from all of your childhood traumas and scars. 🥱🥱🥱

3. It is not god but society to blame for you having to deal with such wickedness without an out. 🥱🥱🥱

Absolutely, never marry and have children with a woman like your mother. Not all women out there are built to be mothers, and definitely not all men are equally built to be fathers. More importantly, it is OK to choose a single life. Peace and happiness can only be found in oneself... not in marriage or any other thing in this life.