₦airaland Forum

DeGLORIOUS:
➜Feminist theory. You can't seek for equal right with men and expect to be happily married.
➜ You won't enjoy your relationship with your man. If you got no respect, forget it. No man will want to marry his fellow man except gay.

That is a general misconception; many of the feminists you know are actually happily married. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Again, wrong! Not all men are tiny-brained. Some actually understand what a partnership means and how to effectively implement it in their relationships with their women. 🥱🥱🥱

Learn to speak for yourself alone in these things. 🥱🥱🥱

aktolly54:
get irritated for buying things for yourself? LADIES, IS IT TRUE? IF YOUR HUSBAND CAN GET THINGS YOU NEED FOR YOU AT A MOMENT, YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND HE HAS BEEN DOING IT BEFORE AND WITH TIME, HE WILL CATCH UP BUT WHY GET IRRITATED FOR GOD SAKE

Nonsense! If a man cannot afford a woman, he should have no business with that woman at all. 🥱🥱🥱

For that woman to continue, she would need to have a legal contract drafted to ensure that the man not only pays her what is due her but also ensures that not a single dime is left unpaid after the grace period that is specified by her in the contract. 🥱

bloomingpurple:
➜This verse follows Lemuel’s mother’s warning about alcohol. She tells her son that kings and leaders should avoid strong drink because it clouds judgment. Then she contrasts that warning with these words about the poor and the distressed: “Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.”
At first glance, it might sound like permission. However, upon careful reading, it becomes clear that this is not advice; rather, it is a contrast. Wine is for those who have lost hope, those who cannot see beyond their pain. But for God’s daughters and sons, for leaders and people of purpose, drinking is never the answer. https://thebloomingpurple.com/forgetting-troubles-or-facing-them-lessons-from-proverbs-317-for-women-of-purpose/

Lemuel and his mother were never known in that book as people who even honored the YHWH of Israel during their time. Why are the words spoken by this woman to her son immortalized by Christians? (For all we know, they were both probably idol worshippers like Solomon, Lemuel's father ended up.) Do Christians also immortalize the words of Jezebel to her children or the words of Herod Antipas and all the other leaders of Judea? 🥱🥱

Also, Proverbs 31 was written by a woman to her billionaire-class son, who had abundant resources available to his potential wife for her to set up all that is detailed in that entire chapter. Why force this as a template for women, without first requiring that all your Christian men ensure they are like Lemuel — a king and a billionaire at that— before they then go off looking for a woman to take their resources and build herself an efficient system, such as what is described in the rest of that text. 🥱🥱

CaptMarvel:
➜ saying being a virgin does not benefit any women in any community is outlandishly gross. so you prefer decadence in our society brought by sexual immorality and perversion to chastity, unh? Think again bro.
➜ Men are generally wicked, so crime against women has been there, virginity or not, and a woman that tries to keep herself does better in helping the society curb this menace of perversion in our society.
➜ You can't look around without seeing young ladies already messed up themselves, even the ones in relationships have their eyes outside, having one or two extra boyfriends outside, tell me how comfortable do you feel in this setting?
➜ There are lots of things you will add to your equation up there and will still give you your purported "4" but that in itself can be reduced or taken out completely if good virtues are added.

1. Wrong! It is a fact! The virginity delusion does not benefit women. Rather, it keeps being further manipulated and deluded as far as their status in society and life in general. 🥱🥱

2. Declaring that the killing of 137 women every single day, globally, by men in their families or those they are in relationships with(irrespective of their virginity status), should be of no issue, reveals you are clearly one of the evil men you refer to.

For a girl or any woman, virginity does not guarantee her life will be spared by men who wish her dead, nor does it guarantee that she will not be turned into a baby mama by her husband, and certainly does not guarantee her a beautiful life in a relationship and career. (Men never mention the virginity-to-baby-mama pipeline where literal virgins are abandoned by the very men who promise them heaven and earth if they would give it to them.) Right here on Nairaland, we have read thread after thread created by the very men who went seeking out these virgins, only to then find fault with them and send them back to their fathers after getting them pregnant. These women were virgins but are now babymamas, to be insulted and ridiculed by the very men who told them virginity made them different from other women.

The concept of virginity is valueless to women. Only men crave such nonsense, and mostly men who were themselves unable/incapable of maintaining their own virginity past age 14, for that matter. 🥱🥱

3. You also look around and see many men with more than one woman at the same time — you rarely hear of women killing men for this? Why is it OK for men to do but when a woman does, it becomes a reason why something bad should happen to them? Isn't that the wickedness of men you were referring to? 🥱🥱

4. Nonsense! Virginity is meaningless to women. 🥱🥱🥱

This is pure wickedness! That lady should sue him and all the others, abeg! Have them each take out a page in a National Newspaper to broadcast their apology to all eyes.

cutecommend:
➜None of the Exes of several single ladies may ever or has ever reconnected again with intention to marry these ladies. Even if these ladies desperately need husbands or joking bring up the idea of marriage to their Exes, such may idea may be diverted. Another thing is that some of these exes may not even be willing to reconnect for sex with these ladies while they have no suitor or fiance.
The issue here is that, when some of these ladies get fiance to marry & have a wedding date set, they may demand for good-bye sex from the Exes that never wanted to marry them. These Exes may sleep with them when they go to share wedding cards. These Exes may even bring up the idea of goodbye sex.
When a husband has side chics in marriage, it may be a consequence of the good bye sex the wife had before the wedding. Husbands have no excuse for cheating.

Men have been demanding goodbye sex from their exes — Strippers and so on—for the longest time. Many of these so-called goodbye rendezvous never even end after the wedding has taken place. And society has literally mostly turned a blind eye to the practice for the longest. Those exes and/or strippers never came back with the intention to marry, and society has been all fine with that, too. So, why the noise over women wanting the same courtesy to be extended to them? 🥱🥱🥱

Porksupplyib:
➜ Divorce should never be encouraged.
➜ Often times the marriage can be helped if the right effort is put in place, but we have arrived at the junction where everyone just seems to advice breakup up and down as if it's that easy. If you fail to address the real issues, breaking up solves nothing. No marriage is easy. Learn that.
➜ Violence should NEVER be encouraged in a marriage, and most times the way to stop it is by counselling both couple. First and foremost, women should look well before marrying, don't marry an agressive and unstable weak man who can't control himself. If you do, be ready to be super submissive and cub ur tongue completely.
➜ Guys, learn to control urselves, u gain NOTHING from physically harming a woman. Know yourself and know the woman u want to marry before marrying her. If your lady has a sharp tongue, don't expect it to reduce in marriage. It will rather become sharper. Know this,
If a woman keeps pouring petrol to the fire of a weak man, she is the fuel of the violence. Cus she is equally violent and abusive with her tongue. Look well before you marry. Divorce helps no one.

1. Yet divorce(spousal abandonment of wives) was encouraged during the times of your ancestors and still continues unabated, as men are encouraged to abandon women whom they no longer find appealing or desirable.

2. Oftentimes mostly applies only when the complainant is the woman — she is told that divorce should not be considered, even when cheating is the abuse in question. But the moment a woman is said to have cheated on her husband, the man is immediately encouraged to abandon/divorce her.

3. Women, like men, make mistakes when picking a partner. When a man is the one who made the mistake, he is told that he can easily send the woman back to her father and the bride price taken back from them. But the moment a woman is th complainant, she is told that the same marriage — even if violence is the issue — can be saved? 🥱🥱🥱

4. Same way divorce has for the longest helped men in this same society is the same way divorce can also help women in this very same society. Divorce should be normalized for women in the same way that it has been normalized for men for the longest time in this same Nigeria.

kiddaz:
➜So very messed up bro. Reading the comments from first page to here irks me to the bones. If there was ever any real love and commitment between the couple no one (M or F) will remarry under short notice. It's even a suspicious move. Some are even mentioning different instances of same situation. Just because someone you know has done the same doesn't make it right. These days I talk less I just read people carefully and accept them the way they are make person no come because of my correction start to pretend to be who they're not. So many fvckdup people in society not just online. I just observe and treat accordingly

. Who decides what is right? You? Others? Who? 🥱🥱🥱

So long as no legal crimes have been committed, individuals are free to decide for themselves what should be right or wrong. 🥱🥱🥱

Kingpele:
The problem is jumping into marriage without proper knowledge of the partner and what marriage supposed to be

That ain't the problem. Mistakes/failures are guaranteed for you and everyone in this life. It is not that you made the mistake, but what you do after you discover it that determines your success in life.

For the longest, we have always known how even our ancestors abandoned women whom they were no longer interested in without batting an eye. That was divorce and remains acceptable when men do it. But when a woman thinks of divorcing her husband, the entire adugbo comes in to tell her she is wrong. That is what needs to change. Adugbo should come to congratulate women who seek to divorce their husbands, too. Divorce should be normalized for women, same as it has been normalized for men for the longest. 🥱🥱

jojothaiv:
➜Stuck on Stockholm syndrome is a thing here not only in marriage even in politics and geography, more reason you see some people are ready to defend their oppressors with the last drop of their blood...

Sometimes I think it is in the water or food down there or maybe the air. 🥱🥱🥱

sochey:
➜Thank you so much ☺️ Have you voted?🥺

yes.

Dee60:
➜Divorce is not the answer. Premarital counselling and education should be emphasised. Men are also sometimes on the receiving end, mind you! Yes, some cases are bad but there are others that are redeemable.
There is a movement that seems to encourage couples to part once they think they are 'irreconcilable'. Young couples these days don't even stay one year before buying the advice to quickly seek Divorce. Soon, the society will be filled with children with no fathers. That doesn't help. Don't listen to naysayers and people who already feel that marriage is bad before they even go into it.
➜ If it becomes abusive, first seek counselling and make reports. Separation or divorce should not be the first option as some want to preach these days.

Your post makes no sense! So many religious couples who are stuck in abusive marriages today got premarital counseling. As a matter of fact, most abusers are known to love bomb their victims during the courting phase, leading to their victims not even realizing what is to come until well after the marriage and maybe after pregnancy has been confirmed. So, exactly how does this premarital counselling and education solve the issue of abuse when it mostly only shows up after the marriage and maybe pregnancy?

2. If it becomes? So, you are not even looking to prevent or minimize, but measure it up as much as possible before deciding divorce should be the outcome? 🥱🥱

Global Statistics
➜137 women and girls are killed daily by a partner or relative, according to a 2025 report from the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC) and UN Women, using 2024 data.
➜ This means a woman or girl is killed by someone in her own family or a partner about every 10 minutes.
➜ In 2024, approximately 50,000 women and girls were killed by intimate partners or family members, accounting for 60% of all intentional killings of women and girls globally.

Rather than seek to first save lives, you are busy insisting that reports first be made and minds first be convinced of the existence of abuse in the relationship before the women consider their lives and safety? So, the report can't be made until after the woman has first secured her safety and distanced herself completely from her abuser, abi? 🥱🥱🥱

phineas:
➜ Summary---Women don't give up everything to submit to or marry an irresponsible man that cannot protect and provide for the woman

Wrong! In this life, people make mistakes. What is wrong is when we sit tight in our mistakes, while we allow others to use and abuse us for that one mistake we made in life.

Let's normalize divorce as a society so people don't feel they need to stay in an abusive relationship when there should be absolutely no reason to do any such.

michael132:
Is like asking y do u stay on this earth living with so much suffering...
Brother life must continue..must bear some certain things to achieve some certain things

Marriage and abuse are not to be compared with life. Why? Because life is not a choice that you made for yourself, but marriage is, and remaining in an abusive marriage is both a choice that you made for yourself and can easily unmake without needing to lose your life for it. 🥱🥱🥱

We dey enter 2026 in a couple of days, let's start making more meaningful comparisons, abeg!

TemporaryHansel:
Most stay in it because they can't survive without the men. No need for any long epistles about what is obvious.

That is the programming they have been brainwashed with, not a fact. Many women who eventually overcome that fear to leave can adjust after a struggle and go on to live even better lives than the one they had in those marriages.

Sandralight:
➜Wow so many reasons
1) The woman is hoping the man will change
2) The woman have given birth to so many children and can't take of it them herself, so she sticks around because she has no options
3) Financial reasons
4) wanting to be a married woman even if she is dying in the marriage
5) Family pressure, some parents will want their child to remain remain in a marriage because they fear what others will talk
6) Some women think Marriage is a "Do or die" thing and no matter what they won't leave
So many reasons

When women are brainwashed from a young age into believing they have no worth outside of a relationship to a man and marriage, they should not be blamed when they succumb to their brainwashing, especially if it is all they have really known?

Babisco1930:
➜Destigmatising Divorce: Society must stop viewing divorce as failure; marriage is not life's ultimate purpose, and fighting for a "turbulent home" often results in an endless war where a woman loses her peace and dignity.
Stockholm Syndrome: Many women remain in abusive relationships due to Stockholm syndrome, a psychological coping mechanism where victims trauma-bond with their abusers, eventually sympathising with and defending them.
Fear of Leaving: Women often stay because they have sacrificed their identities, careers, and social support systems to "submit" to the marriage, leaving them isolated and fearful of starting over alone.
Dehumanization: The goal of an abuser is to degrade the victim, effectively converting them from a human being into something helpless—likened to a tree that cannot run from what is coming to kill it.
The Source of Abuse: Abusive behaviour stems entirely from the oppressor's deep internal issues, not the victim's actions, though abusers manipulate victims into believing they are the cause of the "triggers."
The Addiction Cycle: Abusers entrap victims using an emotional rollercoaster of extreme meanness followed by charm; this creates a chemical dopamine addiction in the brain, similar to drug dependency.
The Path to Freedom: Escaping an abusive marriage requires identifying the abuse, setting firm boundaries, and rebuilding a strong social support system to counter the isolation tactics used by the partner.

Divorce should be, once again, normalized in African societies, so women can know to leave even before abuse begins. 🥱🥱🥱

Zackattack:
➜All those long epistle is summarized by this comment.
When we tell women to learn a skill and have a sustainable job, they think it’s for men.

Almost 50% of the married women out there are the breadwinners in their abusive marriages.

virginboy1:
➜Many naija modern women are liabilities to themselves and their husbands, as far the abusive husband has money...they will stay...
They will choose a abusive, woman beater psychotic rich husband...over a hardworking struggling man that will pamper them with love.
liability mindset is a curse....God abeg

1. It is always the poverty-ridden Nigerian men who can't even afford to hire outsiders to do for them any of what their wives do in their homes for literally no cost, who go around calling women liabilities. You ask the same man to go hire himself a housemaid, surrogate, cook, nanny, bangmaid, etc., to take care of even the services a wife offers, and he will start to twist his mouth like say lizard enter am. 🥱🥱🥱

2. You mean when the same men who pampered and showered the women with love during the courting phase— many of these men were praised by friends and family, and many in society as having impeccable backgrounds —, only to show their true colors after marriage as the abusive monsters they truly are, it is still the woman to blame that your so-called good-men are in fact chameleons/wolves-in-sheeps-clothing?

Nice! I wish you the best, too!

brain54:
✓ For you suggesting or insuinating that he has to take similar actions...
As you would in similar circumstances!

Well,one of the possible reasons why he created this thread is likely because he still holds some regret about how he reacted when to the opportunity. What is wrong in suggesting he may still be able to seek the man --- use Google to locate the lookalike and maybe connect to him --- out to learn more of what infact happened that day? Would that also be wrong because it would make him less of the fear-driven individual who he has always been and more of someone else that is like me?

brain54:
✓ He is not you..You are not him!

Where do you have me stating that he should be me in all of this? 🥱🥱

ariesbull:
✓ Reasons why married women are respected in many societies:
1. Perceived stability and responsibility
Marriage is often associated with maturity, commitment, and responsibility, so married women are viewed as more stable and dependable.
2. Role in family building
Married women are traditionally seen as central to nurturing families, raising children, and maintaining the household, which many societies highly value.
3. Cultural and social recognition
In many cultures, marriage brings a woman formal recognition and status within the community, increasing her social respect.
4. Moral and social trust
Married women are often perceived as more morally grounded or trustworthy due to societal norms that associate marriage with good character.
These reasons reflect traditional social views and universal truths; contributions, regardless of marital status.

Storyland! 🥱🥱

You mean the same women who were once considered equals to men in society (or even higher depending on their status while single) only to be regarded as being beneath their husbands the moment said women claim their Mrs badges -- marriage is a literal demotion for women in society as they become nothing more than subjugates expected to sacrifice even that which is their human rights for the sake of marriage? Na those ones you dey talk say dey respected? Nonsense! 🥱🥱🥱

No spew this okponu bullsheet my way again, abeg! 🥱🥱

SenecaTheYonger:
And you couldn’t even stalk him to the church!

That too. If say na me I go follow am find out exactly who he is, how he ended up in that location, etc. 🥱🥱🥱

Chidollars1994:
✓ why will I see him like my father that have returned when he is in the grave

But you hinted at exactly that when you stated that fear caused you not to inquire about his identity and so on. Or are you always frozen in fear whenever visitors show up in your compound? Why else did you let fear rob you of an opportunity so cool?

Chidollars1994:
we thought he was a ghost

Are you sure, because your OP tells me that you talked to him and sent him on his way.

Chidollars1994:
...Somehow, the man calmly approached us and greeted us. We responded, still in disbelief, our eyes fixed on his face. He then asked for directions to a church close to our house. We pointed him in the right direction, and he left.
Till this day, none of us has ever seen that man again.

If you had in fact seen him as your father returned, would you have really done that?

FriendsAndFans:
➜A loving spouse is compassionate and not a fighter.

Is a married man who stays out late at night instead of being home with his family and kids, the loving spouse you insist his spouse must be to him? Ever heard of the term reciprocity?

FriendsAndFans:
➜Ok thanks for understanding the important information

I don't understand... hence the question mark right after the statement.

FriendsAndFans:
➜It's right up there in the initial Post where the woman got physical with the husband. But your own addition to the narrative is no where to be found.

She stood up to him with strength meaning she threw the first punch at him? 🥱🥱🥱

FriendsAndFans:
➜So does that warrant a physical confrontation?
➜ Even men, with equal strength and capacity to damage don't often fight each other.

Simply raising my voice at the woman sitting next to me could be construed as a form of physical confrontation, so yes.

2. Well, that is not this married woman's business to have to concern herself with now, is it?