₦airaland Forum

Government announced that if U have 5 kids, ur salary will be increased to #500,000. A man heard the news and said to his wife, I have a kid with my girlfriend. I'm going to bring him so we can add him to our 4 kids. When he came back, he saw only one of his kids remaining.*
*He asked: "Where are the other 3?"*
*His wife replied: "You are not the only one who heard the news.* *THEIR FATHERS HAVE COME FOR THEM!"*

The greatest shock u can get is having sex with ur pregnant wife n suddenly the hands of the child grabbed ur dick n say
papa abeg see my eye oo..

my EX says i act childish but her DAD screams any time NEPA brings LIGHT well i admit it

Menstruation Testimony! During church service, this 16-year old pastor's daughter stood up and said "praise the Lord!" everybody shouted with joy, "Hallelujah". She continued: "since the age of 13, I've been experiencing painful monthly periods. But now, after a series of Bible studies and prayers with brother Jimmy in his house, my monthly periods have stopped for more than 3 months now. No more pain, no more menstruation. You can see I'm even getting fatter and prettier. We are starting to pray seriously about the small problem of vomiting, especially in the morning. Praise the Lord". The whole church was silent! Brother jimmy fainted I can't laff alone abeg join me...

Son:mum why did aunty faith name her daughter diamond? Mum: you know some people name their children after what they like most. Son:so what is the meaning of my name? Mum:dickson please leave me alone.

When i post a joke and there is no like, i just assume that all of u died of laughter.

DID YOU KNOW? Every beautiful girl have an ugly friend, but if you don't have then you are the ugly friend.

One day grandpa and grandma were watching a sermon in tv,then the pastor asked them to place their right hand on the screen and the left on any part of their body for healing,then grandpa placed his hand on his dick,grandma said "its like u didn't get him,it is meant to heal not to raise the dead"

That moment u are ask to wash the dishes...then u pretend not to see the big pot ontop of the stove. your mum will nau ask if ur eye is deaf

The way GTBank female staffs explains the opening of an account is so Sexual, They be like.. "I will open it for you and you will put something inside, okay?"just dey open untill u miss your period.

U failed geography in high skul Buh u knw the prefect weather for sex God is cleaning ur cane wit cameroon pepper # nonsense

U failed geography in high skul Buh u knw the prefect weather for sex God is cleaining ur cane wit cameroon pepper # nonsense

JOKE for the day.
: A plane was about to crash and there were only four parachutes in the plane. Meanwhile there were five people in it. The first person was Cristiano Ronaldo and he said: I'm the best footballer, I cant die now". So he took one parachute and left. The second who was Aliko Dangote said "I'm the richest man in Africa and I'm too young to die". So he took the second parachute and left. The third was Muhammadu Buhari and he said: " I'm the smartest head of state that never went to school in the world so I can't die now, my people still need me". So he took one and left. Then it was left with President Jonathan , and a little school girl. Then Jonathan said to the little girl " take the last one, I'll sacrifice my life for you". The little girl replied no need for that "there are two parachutes left. With shock and surprise Jonathan asked her: "how come?" The little girl replied: " Buhari took my school bag" thinking it was a parachute...ABOKI NA ABOKI..Don't laugh alone...

NB; No hate please it's all composed to make us laugh

An Aboki was coming to Lagos on a Sunday morning on getting to Ogoja he bought a goat to give to his neighbour .When they finally got to Berger people were coming down from the bus and the goat took advantage of that for an easy escape. Immediately, the bus driver alerted the Aboki that his goat had fled instead of running after the goat the Aboki sat unruffled in the bus laughing at the goat and when he was asked why he did not chase the goat he said” kai whalahi no mind the goat, make e run, the address wey we dey go dey my pocket”

.
Today I saw a woman pricing school fees "Aunty, How much if we remove geography and Physical Education, I want him to become a doctor not a traveller. OK, what if he comes to school only Monday, Wednesday and Friday?

Chai Recession?!!!!!

One girl told me that when the trumpet will sound , the whole world will go for judgement only NIGERIA will NOT hear because of generator sound

Chai, ATM queue wahala..
Yesterday afternoon at First Bank's ATM, a girl walked up to me and said, "Please sir I'm in front of your back".
Out of annoyance I replied, " Come and stay in the centre of my front".

Na wa oooo nothing wey person eyes no go see for dis country ehn
I met a beautiful girl at shoprite today who
gave me her number when I got home only to realize that its today's date she gave me
090 10 09 2017. Menh!

PARENTS PLEASE TAKE YOUR CHILDREN TO SUNDAY SCHOOL...
A teacher came to class and asked a question
TEACHER: Who killed Goliath?
STUDENT 1: it's not me
STUDENT 2: I wasn't at school that day.
STUDENT 3: I don't know.
The teacher went to the Headteacher's office and told the HM that students in that class don't know who killed Goliath.
The HM came to that class and asked...
HM: Who killed Goliath?
CLASS: we r not the ones..!!!
HM.: If u don't tell me who killed goliath, you'll see fire today...!!
CLASS : We don't know.
The HM turned to the teacher and asked; are you sure Goliath was killed by someone from this class??
The teacher fainted....!!

_James walked into a bar and aggressively_ _shouted his order to the bar man "Please give me_ _N2,500 isiewu and Big Stout and then give_ _everyone a N5,000 isiewu and Big Stout because_ _when I eat I want everyone to eat." The bar man_ _processed his request and gave him his meal and_ _everyone else theirs._ _When they finished enjoying their meal he shouted_ _another order " Give me a bottle of brandy_ _(mellow wood) and give everybody else a bottle of_ _whiskey (Johnny walker black label) because_ _when I drink I want everybody to drink." Everyone_ _was happy and singing James' praises saying "He_ _is the man"._ _When James finished his drink he shouted again "_ _Give me my bill and give everyone else their own_ _bill because when I pay for my meals and drinks, I_ _want everyone else to pay for theirs."_ _His burial is this Saturday. He was beaten to_ _death._

*JOKE OF THE DAY* *!*
===============
A crowd gathered at an accident scene and a smart and nosey journalist wanted to get d story first hand. *"Make way, I am d victim's son" he shouted. "I said i am d victim's son"* he continued shouting. Slowly d crowd paved way for him. *On getting there, lying lifeless, in front of d car was a goat!*

I don't know why someone would make a post on Facebook about being Sick and come and tag people to it .....
and the post would now read
*FEELING SICK with Cynthia Onyinye and 67 others...*
please abeg...its ur sickness..... sick it ALONE

koyeni:
keep it up bro...kudos

Anything to make you guys laugh sir

ijobaooorun:
A job well done bro. Keep it up

thank you sir

I was at a wedding ceremony earlier today, the officiating priest asked if there was any one who had anything to say regarding the union of the two.
Hell broke loose when a woman at the back with a child started walking to the front toward the couple; the church was 'dead' quiet and the bride fainted!
The priest asked whether she had anything to say, and she said "Yes"
"We cannot hear you very well at the back!!!"

Hahaha the way women Dey hustle marriage now ehn pass the way Messi Dey hustle World best player this year...na so I'm jam two fresh babes for bank today Dey just about wetin men don carry them see

Abeg there's more to this story jorh...are they talking to primary school kids?..the guy don chop puna con fail her

Conji na Bastard...but I really don't understand this life sef...that was how a man was caught three days ago, sexually assaulted his neighbour, almost raped her n he claimed she always dress provocatively (which is a very stupid reason)...but now see this old idiot, trying to rape a very little girl...No breast or nyash...they should just cut his dick off and offer it to the less privileged(i.e those with dicks less than 3inches)...God Punish any rapist anywhere, Gay men will rape you to death till you lose consciousness...Amen

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Hey Guys Can I get a thank you if any of my post has made you laugh
NB: more jokes loading.....

On a Bus going from Ibadan to Lagos, the phone of a girl sitting close to me rang, she
picks it and said:
"Honey, i'm in a bus going to Abuja for the burial, i will call you when i get there".
Another girl's phone rang, she said:
"Sweet heart, i'm on my way to Port-Harcourt for the masters degree form, please send me credit for the trip".
The other one's phone rang, she said:
"Alhaji sorry, i'm on my way to Owerri for the interview, i will call you later.
A Guy who was sitting at the back of the bus suddenly raises his voice in anger:
"Driver, stop please, pack this bus, where exactly is this bus going to!!??

Guy : Doctor, my gf is pregnant but I always use protection! How come its possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story. There was once a hunter who always carries a gun whenever he goes out hunting. One day, he took his umbrella instead of his gun and went out. A lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the lion, the hunter used the umbrella like a gun and shot the lion. The lion died!
Boy : Nonsense!! Someone else must've shot the lion.
Doctor : Glad you understood the story!!

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