₦airaland Forum

Nice analysis from the Judges. You guys really have cat-eyes.

@Mazi critiqued everybody's work but ignored mine, despite the fact that i reminded him. I find it strange though.
Is the work that bad?
Ok,now i get it,the work is special. lmao!!

Anyway,no need to critique it again,i wont even bother reading it. The curiosity is dead.
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All izz still well!

Mynd_44: The next post about depression or anything unrelated to the competition earns the poster a BAN: 5 days

at the bolded..

How da hell did i miss the hidden posts? Nooooo

@Mynd,what were the hidden posts about? I don't want to make the same mistake those whose comments were hidden made. Tell me what they did.
Thanks..
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All izz well!

jovialjov: Err...I think you forgot something here

Hahaha!! Nice one.

At first i was confused by later figured out what you meant..

By the way,it was an omission on purpose,dear.
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All izz well!

OMA4U: My guy don provoke... Tak am easy o

Lmao!! Abeg oo..
Why i go provoke na? I didnt know i sounded harsh ooo..

Abi you wan set me up? You wan make me look like sore loser shey? ..
Your pan no go work..lol

I was just pointing out things . Its no that serious nah.
HBG,no mind this guy oo

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All izz well!

Omolola1: WHAT LURKS IN THE DARK
Kslib

Quote me if I'm wrong. From what I read and understood in the first paragraph, Mike was on his way to Andy (his best friend's) house in the middle of the night...

Mike stepped out and swung the gate back to its position with reckless abandon,causing the gate to make a loud bang.
"Geez', he poked his bottom with his fingers, serving as penance for what he just did as the 'bang' echoed its-way up the sky and the street beyond.
"Hope i didnt wake you guys", he smiled looking left-right..
"Not my fault, folks, blame it on this loud mouthed gate", he said in a sarcastic tone as he raised up both hands in surrender to the air.


Where was he when the above conversation took place? In Andy's house already?
Who was he talking to?

It took me a while to understand that Mike was still within his compound, which made me wonder who he was talking to when he said "Hope I didn't wake you guys." Was he talking to himself? Because if he was, you didn't tell.

You constantly made the mistake of writing "Mike" as "mike". Try to proof-read your work before submitting next time.

He shook his head and made a 'yimu' mock with his mouth.


I laughed when I read the above. What is yimu? I might not know the meaning of yimu, some other person might not know the meaning either. Understand that you are writing to a larger audience, you should never leave them confused at any point in time. Instead of 'yimu', you could have used something like 'funny.'

The storyline is okay though. I would have really loved if it didn't end up been a dream. I already knew that was where you were heading to since Mike never got to Andy's house, so I wasn't disappointed when I got to the end of the story

This is your punishment for distracting my night's read, Martha teased as she(who was 3years older) gave her younger brother mike(who just turned 21, two days ago),"a tongue out"...
She winked at mike(who was now sobbing like a baby and looking like a scared rat).
Martha shook her head in victory-- she finally defeated the almighty mike who never admitted to being scared of the dark.


The above wasn't necessary. Fine, you wanted to give us details about your characters, you wanted us to know their age, but what significance was Martha and Mike's age at that point in the story?
I want to know...because I didn't get that part.

You could have just said:
Martha teased as she made jest of her younger brother, Mike who was now sobbing like a baby. . .

With a little push, you would do better. It was nice.

Thanks for the correction/analysis. I've learnt from it..
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All izz well!

HumbledbYGrace: What lurks in the dark

WHAT LURKS IN THE DARK!
(2,500 words)
By kslib...
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1.. In Africa we have types of scary stories but I am yet to read a vampire story, even if its just in a dream. Pardon my ignorance but your work

All iz not well my brother.

2..Spacing, I was like this before. I submitted my script without spacing and it was among the ones that ended in a trash bin. I was told plainly if I want to make it in writing I should go and read first.

3..I guess the climax is when Mike was bitten on the neck right? Your pesuasion didn't really do it for me. Somethings need to be believeable, how can a guy, go to another guy's house because he couldn't sleep

4..Description; Madam Ishi's lessons have really paid off, I doff my head when it comes to her descriptive prowess. Good job there.

5..Dialogue, please google how to do right by it, you are still lacking.

Repetion of words, its a no, no in one paragraph. I believe you can do better if you put effort and READ.

1.. So cos you've never read any vampire stories in Africa, now means any story that involves vampires should be shoved aside? Besides,i never included any vampire in my story. I only described the old woman in a way i thought was scary,i wonder where you got your vampire theory from?
You said even if it's just in dreams:: Like seriously? I have dreamt about UFO's and i'm sure many people must have dreamt about many strange things also.. THIS FIRST POINT OF YOURS HOLD NO WATER AT ALL.. ##No offense##

2.. You just said spacing and you didn't specify where in the story lacked space when there should have been one..

3.. I never wrote at any point in the story that mike was bitten. I didnt say he went to his friends house cos he couldn't sleep. He wanted to visit his friend who just flew in and for some strange unknown reason,he felt that was the right time..
It was a dream and strange things happen in dreams that's why i said his reason for deciding to go out that time was strange..
Well,i guess you were in a hurry to just finish with my boring story,that's the reason why you rushed through the whole thing.. Its fine though..

4.. What does Ishi has to do with my work? No wahala.

Lastly,you placed my work at 9th position.. Well,its not easy to come 9th out of 15 sha BUT honestly,i would have preferred it if you had placed me at 15th but critiqued my work accordingly..
Pls learn from @omolala..

Erm,look at the bolded and learn from your mistakes. That's not how to spell. .. Thanks for the critique though.
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All izz well!

Nice..
Trust me,you are doing a very good job..
I am enjoying your work.

@Mazi,so my work is that bad that you left the space blank,scrolled down and typed "All izz not well".
!! Hmmn..

All izz still well!

glowingscenes: keep reading...

Hmmn,trying to pull a stunt? Lemme watch and see sha..

This post of yours kinda made me relieved sweetheart(Am i allowed to call you that? )..

I cant wait for your surprise via the next update sha.. By the way,for the umpteenth time,your work is fantastic..
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All izz well!

Damn,kaye you too much joor.. You never disappoint with the quality of your updates..

**clears throat**
Erm,kaye if eva and sean are going to have a quickie in the bathroom,pls endeavor to post it in the sexuality section and drop the link here..

Mazi_Omenuko: The link to this discussion thread is there, at the beginning and at the end also. I don't intend creating yet another thread for this competition, so we have to make use of the two available.

I modified that post immediately i saw what Mynd did.. Guess you were faster than me..
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All izz well!

Mazi_Omenuko: We are on frontpage now.

Yaaaaay!!!!


Mynd,thanks on behalf of all the 15 disciples....
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All izz well!

Damn,geeeezz!!!!

I cant read this anymore. My heavy heart cant bear it.

Glowing you too much but why you wan kill yemi na?

Hehe!!
It just gets more interesting,day by day..

C'est moi:
Fab....

That's nice..