Labans's Posts
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 Jokes Etc › Drafted Into The Army by Labans(op): 12:55pm On Feb 27, 2007 |
This couple had been dating several months and came close to having sex several times but at the last moment she would stop him.He was drafted into the army and on his last night at home pleaded with her to go all the way. She said she would if he could come up with a better rhyme than hers. He agreed. Her rhyme: If that should ever come to be,I'll throw my pussy out to sea. His reply: If that should ever come to pass I'll strap my balls to my ass, use my pecker as an oar and row that pussy back to shore |
| Jokes Etc › Really No Comparison by Labans(op): 12:48pm On Feb 27, 2007 |
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?" The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic, ''Try doing it with the engine running." |
| Jokes Etc › A Texas Baby by Labans(op): 2:47pm On Feb 26, 2007 |
A Texan Is drinking in a New York Bar. He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texan baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Texan baby boy." Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Texan baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you , so how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born. The Texan father takes a slow swig from his Lone Star, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans in to the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised." |
| Jokes Etc › Dirty? by Labans(op): 2:44pm On Feb 26, 2007 |
During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine. In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 joysticks (touching door handles etc.) An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs. In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept! Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands. Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands. In a lifetime 22 workmen will have examined the contents of your dirty linen basket. At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests. Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other peoples' anal gases. HAVE A GREAT DAY, And WASH your damn hands!!!!!!!! |
| Jokes Etc › Two Men by Labans(op): 2:40pm On Feb 26, 2007 |
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland." The other guys responds proudly, "Yes, that I am." The first guy says, "So am I. And where about from Ireland might you be?" The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am." The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I. And what street did you live on in Dublin?" The other guys says, " A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town." The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?" The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course." The first guy gets really excited and say! s, :And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?" The other guy answers, "Well now, let's see, I graduated in 1964." The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 too." About this time a woman walks in to the bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender walks over to her shaking his head and muttering, "It's going to be a long night tonight." The woman asks, "Why do you say that?" The bartender replies, "The Murphy twins are drunk again." |
| Jokes Etc › Nuclear Power by Labans(op): 2:24pm On Feb 26, 2007 |
Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?" |
| Jokes Etc › If You Are 30 Or Older: by Labans(op): 2:16pm On Feb 26, 2007 |
If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning . . . uphill BOTH ways . . . through year 'round blizzards. Carrying their younger siblings on their backs . . . to their one-room schoolhouse, where they maintained a Straight-A average, despite their full- time, after-school job at the local textile mill . . . where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter . . . with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! And talk of about hardships? You couldn't just download Bleep! You had to steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options! We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, a collections agent - you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!! Just like LIFE! When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed! Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little brats! And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire. Imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!!!!! |
| Jokes Etc › Replacement Unit by Labans(op): 1:59pm On Feb 26, 2007 |
A guy was in a bad car accident and after months of recovery he still had a problem. He had to have his penis amputated. He went to see the doctor and was reassured that he could help. "First of all you have to pick a new penis," said the doctor. The physician picked up a box from his table and said, "This is our 6 inch standard model. It is dependable and will cost you only $6000. It comes with a lifetime guarantee." The man said, "Okay, that's about right, but what's in the other box?" "This is our 9 inch super model. 9 inches of muscle to please any women. But this will cost you $9,000." The man said, "Oh yeah, that's the one I want. My wife will love me forever. But does it also come with a lifetime guarantee?" "Yes" "What's in the third box?" The doctor picked up yet another box from his desk. "This is our super deluxe model. It's 12 inches of all beef and will drive all the ladies wild. But if you want this much power you'll have to pay $12,000." The man is really on a roll and is tickled pink. "Doc, that's it, that's the one for me. I'll be the envy of everyone I know. But does it have a lifetime guarantee?" "YES SIR!" The man had just one more question, "Does it come in white?" |
| Jokes Etc › Tickle Me Elmo by Labans(op): 2:40pm On Feb 24, 2007 |
Tickle Me Elmo There is a factory in Northern Bonny Island which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday, " "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles. Not 2 Testicles |
| Jokes Etc › The Pope by Labans(op): 2:06pm On Feb 24, 2007 |
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by thereception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script. All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An 'R'! They left out the 'R'." God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R' , the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!" |
| Jokes Etc › Re: Water by Labans(op): 6:14pm On Feb 23, 2007 |
Alexos:@ Alexos, You and i who looks like an alcoholic?  |
| Jokes Etc › The Way Children See Things! by Labans(op): 12:45pm On Feb 23, 2007 |
The Way Children See Things! NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt! HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago. OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents." KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now She's hitting the bottle." MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4- year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning, " DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn , and into the hole he gooooes." SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear. |
| Jokes Etc › Old Folks by Labans(op): 12:17pm On Feb 23, 2007 |
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. "Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly." |
| Jokes Etc › Bad Food by Labans(op): 12:14pm On Feb 23, 2007 |
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake." |
| Jokes Etc › A Woman's Electronic Hair Dryer by Labans(op): 10:40am On Feb 23, 2007 |
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limit, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!" * |
| Jokes Etc › Kill His Wife by Labans(op): 4:01pm On Feb 22, 2007 |
Man goes to a hitman and asks him to kill his wife. Hitman: Sure, but it will be 10K Man: OK, but I want to know how you are going to kill her? Hitman: I will use just one shot, just below her left tit Man: That's no fucking good, I want her dead, not kneecapped |
| Jokes Etc › A Woman Takes A Lover Home by Labans(op): 3:15pm On Feb 22, 2007 |
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$150" Man - "Sold." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$350" Man - "Highway robbery. Sold" A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The boy says, "$500"The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that , that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going To take you to church and make you confess your greed." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here."The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in MY closet now." |
| Jokes Etc › Two Hundred Naira by Labans(op): 3:10pm On Feb 22, 2007 |
"Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me two hundred naira?" "Certainly not," she said. "If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?" "He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'" |
| Jokes Etc › Lovemaking Aid by Labans(op): 3:06pm On Feb 22, 2007 |
Ewis walked into my office carrying a strange looking bottle. "What’s that?" I asked. "It’s a bizarre product we found." "What does it do?" "It is supposed to be a topical lovemaking aid for women," he said examining the bottle. "When applied to the, er, umm, clitoris a rush of blood is let in and the woman is supposed to experience pleasures she’s never dreamed of." "Gimme that stuff!" I said grabbing it out of his hand. I looked at the directions for use. It said: Apply liberally with tongue. |
| Jokes Etc › Dog's Haircut by Labans(op): 3:02pm On Feb 22, 2007 |
A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her #500, she was outraged. "I only pay 100 bucks for my own haircut!" The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't bite, do you?!" |
| Jokes Etc › Two Brothers by Labans(op): 1:42pm On Feb 22, 2007 |
[b]Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors, and led an exemplary life. As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities. One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy afterlife. One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven." God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere." "I'm sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and wish I could see him again." "You can see him if you wish", God said. "I will give you the power to gaze into hell." So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell. Before long he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg of beer, and in the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde. The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing. I have found my brother, and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell cannot be that bad." God explained. "Things are not always as they seem. The keg has a hole in it. The blonde doesn't." [/b] |
| Jokes Etc › Water by Labans(op): 5:38pm On Feb 21, 2007 |
WATER, It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter (about a quart) of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 2.2 pounds of E. coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we are consuming 2 pounds of Shit every year from drinking water. However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting. And alcohol itself is used to kill bacteria. WATER = Shit RUM,WHISKEY, GIN & WINE = HEALTH Free yourself from Shit, drink BEER!!! It is better to drink wine and talk Shit than to drink water and be full of Shit. |
| Jokes Etc › Bank Account by Labans(op): 5:36pm On Feb 21, 2007 |
Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. |
| Jokes Etc › The Life Cycle by Labans(op): 5:32pm On Feb 21, 2007 |
I think the life cycle is all backwards You should start out dead and get it out of the way. Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then, You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case. |
| Jokes Etc › Teenage Daughter by Labans(op): 5:31pm On Feb 21, 2007 |
The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone." |
| Jokes Etc › Re: A Very Ugly Woman by Labans(op): 5:19pm On Feb 21, 2007 |
daznitro:Well, that depends on your measurement! lol  |
| Jokes Etc › Reasons Why Women Are Like Soccer Pitches by Labans(op): 1:38pm On Feb 21, 2007 |
Reasons Why Women Are Like Soccer Pitches 1. There is a vast difference in grounds with regards to length and width, thus varying the quality of the play. 2. Pitches vary from the well-grassed to the completely bald. 3. Remember it is possible to score at both ends, but one end per 45 minutes is favourable. 4. Tackling from behind is not always an offence - check with ground owner. 5. Be careful, as after a few pints a ground appears to be of Premiership standard but in reality would not even be eligible as a council dumping ground. 6. Only some grounds offer five-a-side facilities. 7. Don't ever make public your desires to play at Wembley,also,never mention pitches previously visited. 8. Extra time is dependent on subsequent pitch bookings. 9. If the ground does not seem to have under-soil heating suggest calling the game off, possibly even contact coroner. 10. When building a team it is always nice to finish with Seaman at the back. 11. Wet pitches allow for long sliding tackles. 12. Always tread carefully when leaving the pitch and entering the tunnel. 13. Personal morals may be compromised by local derbies. 14. It is illegal to play on small, unturfed pitches. 15. From time-to-time the goal may be obstructed by a highly absorbent goalie. 16. Russian grounds are frequently more grassy. 17. Very few grounds are found with executive boxes. 18. Be wary of grounds with room for coaches. 19. Always be on the look out for grounds that host ladies football two evenings a week |
| Jokes Etc › Re: A Very Ugly Woman by Labans(op): 1:23pm On Feb 21, 2007 |
funty:You can say that again |
| Jokes Etc › A Vet by Labans(op): 8:56am On Feb 20, 2007 |
"Darling," whispered a frail little husband from his chair. "I'm very sick, would you please call me a vet?" "A vet? Why do you want a vet and not a medical doctor?" asked his wife. The husband replied, "Because I work like a horse, live like a dog, and have to sleep with a cow." |
| Jokes Etc › A Travel Agency (blonde Joke) by Labans(op): 8:48am On Feb 20, 2007 |
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- #5000!" So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the #5000 cruise special, please." The agent says, "Yes, ma'am," the he grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her into a large inner tube, pulls her out the back door and downhill to the river bank, where he pushes her in and sends her floating down the river. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays down her money, and asks for the #5000 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on his cruise?" The second blonde replies, "They didn't last year." |
| Jokes Etc › A Very Ugly Woman by Labans(op): 8:45am On Feb 20, 2007 |
A very ugly woman walks into Mr Biggs with her two kids. The Mr Biggs Greeter asks, "Are they twins?" The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?" "No," replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice. |
| Jokes Etc › Morning Poem by Labans(op): 8:30am On Feb 20, 2007 |
I woke early one morning, The earth lay cool and still When suddenly a tiny bird Perched on my window sill, He sang a song so lovely So carefree and so gay, That slowly all my troubles Began to slip away. He sang of far off places Of laughter and of fun, It seemed his very trilling, Brought up the morning sun. I stirred beneath the covers Crept slowly out of bed, Then gently shut the window And crushed his little head. I'm not a morning person |
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