₦airaland Forum

If yorubas feel sharia law will bring infrastructural development ,security and economic stability to their region let them have it , its a welcome development.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvgi4-MMExI


15 reasons why your country is poor.

GeneralShepherd:
The jury is still out on that one but I strongly reject the notion that MOST Nigerian men are not kind. Most signifies a majority and that isn't true at all.

Another issue contributing to this factor of increasing number of father who abandon their kids is the dire economic situation in the country.

Nigerian men are highly sort after by women from other countries around the world

Nigerian men actually don't treat foreign women the same way tho that is the truth.

As for your submission of blaming it on the ecomonic situation ,that is hardly the case as the very example i gave is that of a very financially stable Celeb,this has been on for centuries ,it didnt just start today. There is this saying that "a child will always look for his/her father when they are grown" so the Nigerian man uses that as an excuse to absolve themselves of responsibility.

GeneralShepherd:
I still strongly suggest that marrying someone who is kind is the best path. A kind woman and man will most probably make a success of their marriage. If the marriage fails for some reason their divorce will probably not be nasty

One thing I have personally noticed is that most feminists have lost their kindness on the altar of the god of feminism .

So what will we now attribute the number of deadbeat fathers littering every corner of Nigeria to?

Except you are insinuating that most Nigerian men are not kind .

GeneralShepherd:
In as much as it can be argued that the West has become gynocentric in recent years, it does not mean that divorce laws need not be strengthened in Nigeria.

Do I like divorce laws and child support laws no? Is it being abused? Yes every law has loopholes but it does serve it's purpose and that giving women who are genuinely in danger an opportunity to leave their marriages and have a decent life afterwards.

Anyone who argues that women dont have equal opportunities in Nigeria isn't wrong but the truth of the matter is that everyone in Nigeria is as oppressed as the next person.

Nigeria is simply a lawless country where anything goes and so more laws to protect women won't even change anything.

However I feel it is fair to support your child after a divorce and not leave the women empty handed also. It is only fair to do so EVEN if the divorce is her fault

but do the Nigerian men ever have the mentality tho? A very good case is segun arinze, the last time his daughter was in the news we know how it was . A father who simply felt since he was divorced his duty to his child ended. This one is even a known celeb o.

GeneralShepherd:
Obviously this person must be trolling, I don't believe there's someone that genuinely holds that view on this forum

you will be surprised there are alot of them o. Him and his goons ,lol.

GeneralShepherd:
Wow wow wow who knew I would see the day when MGTOW an association of angry white men will make it to Nigeria!!

Alu!

maybe the black angry nigerian version are angry that women are even allowed education, cos that has led to them not obeying rules set by their husbands . cos a particular person keeps saying women are empowered enough and they should be grateful that they are even allowed to comment on nairaland and have an opinion on issues in the internet. Lol

pansophist:
It is expected that if a lady allows a man to impregnate her, then, she should also be willing to co-parent the child with him, if not, then why will you want to be impregnated by a man that you do not want to be present in the child's life? If he is good enough to be the sperm donor and provider, why isn't he good enough to be a father? From your writeup, all I could deduce is that the value of a man to you and the other women agreeing with you is that your only need for a man is his resources and his sperm. Not that I am surprised, it is what I have always known and written so much here on nairaland that women do not love men in the way men understands love. Women love children the way men love women (and the way men understand love), and you just validate those positions I have always held.

Furthermore, If your aim is to raise better men, then, it is counter-productive to that goal to reduce the role of his father to a mere provider only. Isn't it child abuse to deny a son the ability to bond with his father? Also, your goal has been implemented in the west already, and the result is disastrous. Please take your time and google the following keyword, ''the effect of growing up without a father on boys''. The statistics speak for itself. It is depressing. Please for the sake of your son, read it up, and ask yourself if it is what you plan for him.

Men and women bring a different energy to parenting, and a sound child needs to be raised with both. Where a woman will nurture and prevent their child from danger, a man will armor you and give you the necessary arsenal and tactics to withstand that danger and thrive. A man will teach his son honor, to be tough in spirit and know where to be aggressive and fight, he won't be a weakling, but a strong man that other men will respect, and other women will want to be with. You cant do this all alone and if you actually plan to raise a son without his father, from the depth of my heart, I already feel sorry for him. I want to believe that you are genuinely motivated from a good standpoint, but it is not the solution and will give you the opposite of your intended result. The solution is to find a good man and raise your son/daughter with him.

The way you people always call America one would think it is the only country in the world ,how about Germany? How about sweden? How about Uk? Or those other countries don't have this same situations too?You said, i should google the effect of growing up without a father on boys i am guessing the statistics is from the US.

How should we generate statistics for the disaster in our own country? The effect of present but invisible fathers? Cos you cant tell me all the fraudsters ,rapist ,armed robber etc have no fathers.

The truth is the average Nigerian man thinks his only duty to his house hold is to drop money for food and up keep, if a child turns out well ,they claim glory, if the child doesn't they quickly push the blame to the mother.

So why wait for people who are conditioned this way? Even on this thread ,someone was already blaming women for the waywardness among youths not once did it cross their minds to ask what roles the fathers played in this. Sadly this is the reality out there "pikin wey good na e papa own, pickin wey bad ,me e mama own". So women might as well take the bull by the horn .

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Nne always try to understand the reason behind every statement made by anybody here before quoting that person.Go back and read the message from the person I quoted then come back and relate it to my comment,that way you can understand me better.Thanks.

i understood you perfectly, women should have a dress code for little girls for a better future of our nation building ,did i miss something?

JONNYSPUTE:
.. I don tire sef. She keeps running round and round.Let her believe whatever makes her happy.

i am not running around, this is a thread for women to wake up,maybe if you tell us how dress code is paramount to future nation building ,we will all learn from your line of thought.

JONNYSPUTE:
. Did you even read what I said? I said I was correcting what she made her daughter wear not what she herself is putting on.Please don't always be in a haste to quote somebody.Read, understand then quote.I don't give a damn with what any adult,be you a male or a female puts on. Those ones can bear the consequences of their actions.

oh my bad ,what she made her daughter wear, probably a top and bum shorts i am guessing, which you think will have a great effect on our nation building in future i suppose?

JONNYSPUTE:
. I answered it unless you didn't read it all.

lol so a 4 years old boy is the only one you can correct ,but you feel obligated to correct an adult because she is a female?

JONNYSPUTE:
. This is exactly what I'm saying. Most of you ladies are always erratic when such things are mentioned.It would have made sense if you had first condemn her actions but no,you jumped to defend her just because she is a woman. With this attitude,both gender is going to feel the negative impact. Like I used to say,I'm not in competition with any woman concerning gender issues. Let all join hands together and make our society worth living.I will definitely correct a 4yrs old yahoo boy or a 4yr old boy smoking Igbo with serious beating.

you didnt answer my question o. Do you think the things i listed are not destructive to nation building than a half dressed lady? Its a simple question,nor be fight.

RottenBanana:
Women sha.

Even though you know the answers. You just want me say something socially petty that you can capitalize on.

I won't let you insult my intelligence so I will play a little game with you.
I will list one benefit a man brings to the table that women seldom brings. I will tell another one if you can tell me something the woman brings to the table that the man doesn't.

1. FINANCIAL BENEFITS

So what this means is women who can bring financial benefits to the table have equal respect. Any thing else?

This thread is about women waking up ,so the pointers from you can lead us in the right direction, more points will be appreciated.

JONNYSPUTE:
...You are right about this.My main worry is the attitude most display when you want to make a correction especially if you are guy.I was just thinking about this yesterday.Attended a traditional wedding at Nsukka,saw how a woman dressed her little female child that is not upto 4yrs,called her attention to it and she told me is non of my business.Well,I kept mouth shut but really,they are not helping matters. I wish that ladies of this generation and the next to come will atleast be teachable,learn when to admit wrongs and take corrections.

Have you ever corrected a yahoo boy before? Have you ever corrected a guy who smokes igbo or tramadol before? Have you ever corrected a cultist before?

Or you think those vices are not as destructive as a half dressed lady?

RottenBanana:
It depends on which aspect of relationship between both genders you are talking about .

If we are talking about romantic relationships, you can do the math yourself.

Ask yourself what benefits people look for in romantic relationships. Then ask yourself which one is one sided.

you didn't answer my question,OK let me be direct what qualities will a wife possess that will be of value to her husband to earn his respect?

lilwetdick:
i will have to say women have failed their children

if women were trainin up their children in the right way, our society will be good but i have seen many women defending and supporting their children
who defraud people.

Many women will support especially the girl child to dress the way they like in public, see if women were actually doing their work , Nigeria will be a better place but i am sorry to say many of them arent doing anything.

Exactly my point, the key to the thought process of society rests in the hands of women ,how are we raising our children? These are the same children that will because adults in the society.

Any norm or value starts with upbringing which the woman is directly involved in.

RottenBanana:
Respect is not given, it is taken. If you are not respected, it's because you don't deserve it. If someone has a mental picture that you don't deserve their respect. You simply haven't earned it. It's now up to you if the price of their respect is worth it. It's a free world.

Stop confusing respect with self worth. Anybody can think highly of themself because of the quality they think they possess. But to someone who those qualities have little or no value to, you don't automatically get their respect.

When women start taking responsibilities that benefits men. Men will have no choice but to respect women.

The men who disrespects women are the ones that are not benefitting anything from them.

In few relationships where the woman brings more to the table, the man respects the woman. The woman calls the shots.

The issue I have with this thread is that you are blaming you problems on men again.

Nobody owes you anything.

can you please highlight those responsibilities that benefit men that the modern women need to start taking so we can all learn and work towards in your words "earning the respect of men". Also you can also do well to list the qualities you feel are of value to men that will make them give a woman their respect.

RottenBanana:
OK. Goodluck convincing everybody to start pitying you because you bleed throughout the day.

But if you want respect, you will have to earn it.
That is just how the world works. Sorry.

self worth doesn't seek or earn my friend we ignore and discard. Lol.

It has been proven that it is a dead end trying to earn respect from a person who already has a mental picture that you don't deserve it.

RottenBanana:
So your explanation is that women need more validation from men and men need to start saying nice things to women so that they can progress.

I believe you can do better than that.

saying nice things is actually supposed to be part of sane and well groomed humans irrespective of gender,not just men.

Many men would rather roast their balls than agree their woman have made an impact in their lives because they feel it will only bring a sense if self worth to such women.

Over and over again full blown narcissists have used this tool to the extent their victims develop Stockholm syndrome . you can dodge all you want but psychological manipulation is a very powerful tool to control human behavior which is why someone can be talked into strapping themselves with a bomb and setting it off. This form of emotional manipulation might not be to that extreme but it has great consequences never the less.

RottenBanana:
Well that is more of an excuse than explanation.
You can't tell people to stop expressing how they feel about you. You can either live with it or change your behavior towards them.

If you'll stop playing the victim as usual and start being responsible, you'll will agree with me that we live in a world where women are actually more celebrated than men. I bet you didn't even notice last Tuesday was men's day. If it was women's, Nairaland Frontpage would have been littered with different threads reminding us that "Women are special" because they are women.

The bolded is actually the reason for this thread tho.

So who told you people not to litter the whole front page tho? If women are not special maybe you should try bleeding through out the day lets see. That it self is a special and divine engineering by the Creator.


Its not an excuse but an explanation, if you don't see it that way, your perception,i cant help you with that.

I dont know about other parts of the world but here in Nigeria , when a marriage fails its is always the woman's fault, even when she is physically assaulted, it probably because her mouth is too sharp ,you will hear things like "you sef when he starts with his madness ,avoid him and keep quiet" . oh so they know he has madness ,how cool.


My main focus is on this phrase "she could not keep her husband,which is why another women snatched him from her" .

I have heard this phrase over and over again, and i sometimes wonder the thought process of the people that blurt out this utter load of rubbish from their mouths . Its just absurd that an adult is supposed to be kept by another adult in a supposed union/partnership/relationship.Sometimes i am tempted to ask how is a woman supposed to keep a man, you might hear, pray , be nice do this do that, so in exchange for presence ,a woman has to be pay a price for it,she has to earn his presence by seeking divine intervention so it seems.

An adult man who is supposed to have free will to make rational decisions is now supposed to be kept , sigh!. Why does a woman have to be shamed for her husband's inabilty to keep his penis inside his trousers? I wonder.

maynation:
I tell these boys, they can't win any argument without them sounding shitty, unruly and even cowardly mentioning their fellow unintelligent kiddos to come to their rescue(this isn't working anymore so they've resulted to using female monikers )
Anyways, I was just smiling @ every point you all made on here.
Good work and Good thread.

lol, you know them well, hiding under female monikers is the new tactics for them, lol ,boys will be boys ,how low they have gone ,lol

maynation:
Thought I was the only one who noticed this


Nairaland and her Alpha males wannabes.

i know about three already, lol its disgraceful that they have to pose as women to win argument ,lol . From their tone ,if you observe carefully you will know.

CHoccolaTE:
Dont mind them

they even go as far as hiding under female monikers to comment now o, how desperate and insufferable can one be,lol.

RottenBanana:
Look at them. Always looking for the easy way.

Brainwashing your children is not going to give you power. With greater responsibility comes greater power.

Can you please explain how men are subjugating and conditioning women?
Rationalizing irrationalities will not change reality.

Instead of you to start taking responsibilites like men. Continue playing victim and you will remain the victim.

if you had read and understood you would have known how women were being conditioned.

Anyway let me repeat, constantly being told you have nothing to offer, you don't matter ,these are tools for psychological conditioning . Many therapists and psychologists will even call it a perfect covert emotional manipulation tactics .

CHoccolaTE:
In addition to being criminally inclined many men are also blockheads that dont understand opposing points of view.

These topics you mentioned I have read every single one of them including the lazy dolt that called his wife to return back home to serve him breakfast and the woman has her own job and is a co provider. I know what's up.

In the building I live presently and have lived before, there are some useless men like that.
Even where I work there is this jobless man that comes to the betnaija shop sharing our building, to waste whatever money he borrowed or stole on betting and then goes home to beat her up out of ego and frustration. Everybody on the block knows the guy. In my former office my boss made the mistake of marrying a guy who has a diploma while she herself has masters, she had to divorce the him after the daily beating from the man was too much for her to bear. Why was he beating her up? Because of low self esteem and because he felt she is now too arrogant for him.

What these small boys on nairaland do is spend all day on American forums and American websites, all day, never leaving their houses, they learn American ways of life and then come to a Nigerian forum thinking things are the same in both countries. Clowns that dont know jack about real life but want to argue.

sadly they don't want to fully implement the american way they are already practicing ,lol

liberalchick:
Family court doesn’t care if it’s a man or a woman. Communal property AKA what is earned during the marriage (not the entire fortune of the man/woman) is sorted out, then the higher earning couple pays alimony and child support.

Rich women who earn more than their spouse also pay alimony to the man. Madonna, Britney Spears, Mary J Blige etc Halle Berry pays child support to her baby daddy.

You people always use rich people the 1% to criticize the law when the main motivation for such laws are the 99% of Americans who earn mostly 5&6 figures. The alternative will be the Nigerian way, where a woman will be kicked out with only the clothes on her back, women constantly living under the threat of “get out of my house!”. As more women are becoming the higher earning spouse, more women are paying alimony now.

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/more-women-are-paying-alimonythat-includes-supporting-their-exs-porn-habit-2018-05-23

People will always try to find loopholes or take advantage of laws that are intended for those who really need it, it doesn’t mean the law does not serve its purpose.

i replied one with Adele and Wendy Williams' case but he came back to view and didn't have anything to say again. These boys here are hopeless liars. Just wait they will either ignore this your comment cos they know it is the truth or twist it ,lol

Duggedised12:
yeah i read it and i was really impressed by the thread ,well done once again .

thanks sis

Duggedised12:
food for thought.

This is why women need to do better, i don't k ow what our mothers were thinking when they let their sons roam free to become vagabonds to the earth ,na man na man, e don't turn fraudster ,rapist, ritualist ,armed robber, you name it. Smh.

this is why i created the other thread, women need to wake up, they need to untilise the power in their hands, this is not a battle of might but of tactics and that tactics is to raise better moulded men through our kids.

Duggedised12:
Don't mention ,just learn not to stop and throw sticks at every dog that barks at you so i was told by a gracious lady Ariza since that day my outlook to these demented dolts who have a sociopath as their mentor changed ,you can do it too.

Thanks alot for this.

Duggedised12:
Dont let these boys get into your head, that is the biggest observation i have made so far. Other than that, good job, and i found your thread on women waking up a very interesting read, kudos.

thanks .

Duggedised12:
learn to ignore some comments. Word of advice .

noted,thanks.