₦airaland Forum

adolfe bad:
Are you beautiful, neat, fun, intelligent, understanding and submissive?
Do you know how to love and take full care of a man?
Can you cook?
Do you have proper skills in house-care, kids raising?


are your attitudes well nurtured (or are you the type that easily hits a man at the slighest provocation?)

do you know how to LIVE WITH and cooperate fully with a man, how to respect him and his judgements?
Do you know how to love your man for WHO he is? Even if he makes silly mistakes?.,.
and understand that just like every other man on this earth, he canNOT be perfect?

Well, those are some criteria (not necessarily all) if you want a REAL nigerian man.,.

YES

bawomolo:
kai kobe has spoilt you people.

on a serious note, can someone with a different religious background from yours holla.

I am a LAKERS HATER!!!

No-  I believe in being equally yoked in religion- a house divided in religion will be a house divided for ever!! Unless one is willing to modify their beliefs for the sake of love, Me I am personally not.

kokoye:
^^^ I dont want you to have to go Nigeria because I do not believe in long distance relationships. Neither am I encouraging you to lower your values or expectations - this will just make you unhappy and depressed in the long run. and by the way, smart guys do not break up with ladies, they encourage the ladies to break up with them.

I just do not want you to start thinking guys are running because you might be more accomplished. Believe me, it is not a good way to start off.

You deserve what you hope for . .you have made yourself ready in the financial aspect . . a lot of guys here are still trying to accomplish that and may too busy to 'see' you. That's where your positive attitude, confidence and reference will come in.

I do not want you to start thinking negative . . that's why I am trying to help out, since I know some guys who are ready but not really looking - guys strive to be financially stable first.

goodluck again.

At this point I don't feel my accomplishments hurt nor help me,in my search for a mate as I take every day in stride. I understand the struggle of trying to find your way, as i have been in it, and every day work to improve my self for the better of my family and my future. My parents taught me hard work at a young age, from seeing their struggles and ensuring that I worked hard for every thing that I wanted, and I still do. Working in The USA is hard especially for us "BLACK," women- especially those of us in white male dominated professions. I fight everyday to make sure that I get equal treatment, and ensure that I am on top of my game no matter. Those are the same basic worth ethics, that I would like to instill in my children in the future and want the same thing in a mate. I am one who knows how to separate my professional life from my personal life, and I do not by any means think negative on anything at this point in my life, because if you knew how far I have come you will understand my struggle and my view points in life. I guess I may come off as someone with a hardened heart, but that is not the case- I guess I am just misunderstand by some. I haven't giving up on LOVE just yet as I know what GOD has for me is for me regardless. Nothing will be able to stand in the way if it is im GODS plan!

oYaTo:
Hey lady. .don't eat me up!

I only made those observations based on what you posted.

Ok, I admit I was wrong now that you've made things clear.

Wish ya the best sis. .

_{Would have considered ya, but you're a year older. .}

Its cool- just defending my honor!! Just dont assume something on someone before getting to know them is all i ask!

oYaTo:
See Sista,

As much as I want my future wife to bring something to the table as well (so I no go die cos of the whole burden), I wouldn't want her to carry that attitude around the house like some trophy or something, which is exactly what you're doing here, judging by the number of "I've got this, I've got that" you've been so kind bring to our attention.


@kokoye How far with the Howard University gal now. .why dont u extend the same service you're rendering to our dear sista to me as well?

Well I guess that is where you got it twisted- being educated and working hard for what you want- never gives any one in any relationship certified permission to have a attitude in any relationship. I was raised in a two parent household- my parents have been married 35 yrs and still counting and my mother was submissive to my father regardless of her education background. That is how I was raised, and exactly what I take in to every relationship I go in- I am a believer that a man should be allowed to be a man and is the head of the household. Please dont make assumptions with out fact !

occam:
@ Ladyjide I don’t have the right answer to your question (honestly nobody does) but this is the way I see things:

Fact: most men (including Nigerians) are playas. That’s undisputable. You need to show a guy that you are the woman that he’s willing to spend the rest of his life with. Sistas, you’re not doing enough in this area. Guys need to feel that the girl is not a shaje , or club girl that will disappear after a huge pay day.

Nigerian guys are playas because most girls only want to go out with men that can pay their bills, buy them some bling, bling… you get my gist.

Listen, the journey of life is not linear, but one of mountains & valleys with speed bumps to test you. A guy may have a solid career today (with nice wheels of course), before getting married and 3 years after the marriage, he’s riding “okada” Guess what? He’s family will blame the woman for his downfall due to her witchcraft. End the marriage; stick with the “quality” guy or what else?

You can find a right Nigerian man anywhere. Even your thread has generated email responses from some great guys. Follow them up; you never know. Best of luck and hope you meet the right man.

Your response was by far the best I have received thus far. Thanks- I appreciate the honesty

kokoye:
Specific tribe . . or you dont mind?

alright then . . send your details to kokoyemalibu@gmail.com.

send whatever you would like the person to know about you . . religion, willingness to relocate to another state. .

we'll start from there.  I'm sure you know it takes two .  . .all I can to is hook you up with a few guys (who are really really planning to settle down), maybe thru facebook and then it'll be up to you guys.

I have friends (33 and above) who are thru with school . .they cureently work and want to settle down.

When you meet a guy that is really ready to settle down, the ball is in your court, really.

goodluck

Specific tribe- I am not so picky there as well. I am Yoruba though- my email is

ATCAfricanProfessional@gmail.com

kokoye:
OK here we go again.

Again, I will tell you that this opinion of your is not goin to help you at all. Are you really sure you want successfull relationship . . or you have accepted your fate and started making excuses . . or you were expecting to buy a naija guy with your education??

If the latter is the case, maybe you should go to nigeria and get a man . . i'm sure you will find loads who would not mind.
[/quote
!

Truth is truth my wise brother, you may be a Nigerian man, but when is the last time you tried to date one? So untill you begin to date men , you cant tell me what us women are presented with out here in 2010!! Case point!! Not all guys are as great as you think you are or your friends. What is this my fate you talk of ? What ever GOD has planned for me will be, and that is ultimately my stance! My opinion is just that - my opinion and wasn't written for your critique!!! To date I have yet to have any man in any relationship I have been in break it off with me- it is I that have broken it off! I refuse to be lied too---PERIOD. I know what I want and what I will accept- and refuse to dumb my self down because the egos of some men cant take a women who has done well for her self with out using her womanliness!! I dont think I have to go all the way to Nigeria to get a man at this point, I would rather deal with all the head ache here first

^^ Ok Matchmaker!!

oYaTo:
Hmm babe. .you're sure your attitude is not what's driving them off?

You kinda sound like you might not have any more regard/respect for the guy as soon as he provides you with what's missing in your life - kids (or the label "Mrs" , as you feel you can fend for yourself.

Just an observation. .

Perhaps that's it, my attitude, You need to take another observation if that is what you came up with brother. Because a women comes to the table with her own- she  has an attitude ? You guys can't have it both ways either !!

kokoye:
Ladyjide, this is a public forum - you will have to learn to ignore some posts here and not take things too personal. take and reply to only those posts you choose to.

what's wrong with you droping your statistics here . . nobody know who you are . . just yet.

Not taking it personal as I am woman enough to dish it out and woman enough to take it, just pure ignornace on my behalf is not cool!!

Stats- Nothing really specific or picky- just someone between the ages of 29-40 , No complexion specific, Taller than 5'ft 6 who comes from a good home who has an understanding of family values!

kokoye:
Cool. what are you looking for: age range, height, complexion?

You need to be attracted to the person at least. not look at him like 'what the $#@%#$@

Send your email address- will send you that info off line!

SA Lady:
Guys I just came in here to represent the 9ja boys I know. They are good guys and they know what they want. One among the village crew I know is battling with traditional/cultural issues that prevent him from marrying outside his tribe. We all dont know if we should believe this but I got into a conversation with one of his cousins in Australia and she confirmed it. Unfortunately he is being labelled a playa. Sometimes I think he is just being a typical guy moving from one girl to the next until he can find what he wants. Everybody is entitled to being with th eone he wants. He is in a relationship and cares for his girlfreind however its risky for the girl as this guy may have to make her a second wife when he dicides to marry. The situation is actually very funny because he is delibarately delaying the marriage thing to avoid cultural issues and requirements.

The other guy married to an SA girl with two kids (part of the village crew). A good man I've never seen a woman being so spoiled by a man like this girl. A happy and young couple.

My cousing is getting married this coming December (this is now an educated 9ger crew), a good man. One kid together and been in the relationship for somemtime before they could decide to get married.

A number of them who are friends of friends, I see them at Sunday get together's with their children mothered by SA women. Some of them have no intentions of marrying these girls, however they play their fatherly roles very well and are there for the baby mama's when needed.

I guess in the end according to me boys will be boys. It doesnt matter where they hail from. They wont stop until they find what they think is miss right.

If you are still single out there, open yourself up to whatever possibility. Dont limit yourself to 9ja boys only. ZWELIBANZI zulu word means (the world is broad)

Actually a friend of my cousin got engaged a white boy after a traumatizing breakup with an SA black guy. She is that kind of girl who would never pass a second look to white male for anything and generally cant stand white folks, but next year she'll be one of them. Again the world is broad, you never know whats going to happen.

At least you posted in a respectful manner- your point is taken! Thanks

alexmark:
first ask yourself are you among the one you asking for or you among the one you lookin for.

I only ask for what I come to the table with!

Tosinville:
Besides i would like to see d pic of dis shawdie who's lookin 4 a quality nigerian dude, jus wonderin maybe she's quality herself not only by outward appearance cos d obese ones(phatty) in america r d ones dat always look 4 wat they can't get. . . . Tell her now to drop her facebook email to search 4 her, she won't be proud to do so cos she knows herself dat she aint quality.

I know you aren't referring to me a grown woman as shawdie?? Boy please!! Nothing else to say to you! Drop my facebook-----yeah I wont be proud to do so because I have a personal life to uphold and it will not center around trying to prove young boys like your self wrong on this site, Whether I am quality or not! Grow up- and then come back and talk to me in a few years!!

I am getting a little weary of continuing this discussion as some of you guys have taken it to a whole new level. This topic was meant as a discussion and not a complaint, Relax folks dont be so up tight!A few folks have giving some valid points but a lot of what is being said is ignorance!!

At the end of the day I don't look at a man for what he has. All I have asked for is the basics and that is where the men are falling short these days. Honesty, most lie with out a conscious these days. With no regard!! Find me an honest man and we can start there! Education I got that, own money have that also, place to live I got that as well, car don't care what kind you drive either as I have my own!! Just be honest and that is a rare thing these days dating in 2010!! One questioned if I am a quality woman, maybe I am or maybe I am not. That is for another to judge as I never boast myself unless one is merely intimidated by mere facts of myself!! Saying that quality individuals naturally attract quality individuals is a lie!!! Ask me how I know?? Give me the hardworking, Nigerian man with family values, God fearing,truly single and honest and I will work with him! Until, then most of you are doing nothing but talking!!

Onyema1:
@Ladyjide, are u in NYC? if u are, I would like us to have chat.

No I am not in NYC!

kokoye:
Lady Jide, where city are you in?

This is coming from a family man o. I am just trying to help cos it makes no sense at all to go import someone from another part of the world. Better to settle down with someone that's already used to the system here.

Guys the import thing was a joke!! A little sarcastic humor, but I am in Philadelphia! ! East coast

Onyema1:
Ladyjide, are you in NYC? If you are, maybe we can chat if you want to.

No I am in Philadelphia! !!!

swiftycool:
@op, the quality single 9ja guys are all around or not too far from u, getting hooked 4 keeps by the real quality single 9Ja girls. If none comes 4 u, or stays with u, or u just seem not able to match any to your standards, then u probably dont really fit into their own description as a quality lady or your personal standards expected of them are unreasonable based on various factors!
Afterall we keep witnessing & hearing about hundreds of our friends who are quality 9ja guys and girls in the US getting hooked up & head 4 d alter barely few mont hs to about 2 years of searching. Me says check yourself,
Talk about IMPORTING a or someone bringing a quality guy 2 yr door, (like he never had a life before u found him). Like u said to some1 earlier; please take no offence.

I dish it out so I can take it, no offense taking! The mention of importing a man was a joke .I guess it went over your head!!

jay bee:
Then get back into the dating game them. I'm sure you'd agree with me that u can determine quality by face value.
Be open minded and you just might never know.

I am trying to get back in it ! Who knows I may be hooked tomorrow!

jay bee:
Quality is somewhat relative.
Are you looking for Nigerian men to date or 2 settle down with?
If you are looking for the ones to date then I'm sure you shouldn't have any problems attracting them as long as you move with the right crowd, attend the right functions and above all be on the attractive side.

I don't have any issues with dating, as most women dont . NOW settling down is where the issues seem to
be. I have been out of the dating game for a while, I just ended a long term relationship . So I guess this is all new to me again!!

Tosinville:
@poster, u see datz wat turnd me off about dis black american ladies, they aint submissive to their men jus because of few stash they're getting dats y u see single mothers everywhere in their country stil lookin 4 men. . . . So wat u r tryin to do now is dat u want us to answer wat u posted first right when u already know d answer to dat? Hmm! Dat question is silly 4 sayin aint no quality men jus because of so many trials wit d black american men dat didn't work out 4 ya 4u to come down on NL to ask 9ja guys indirectly dat can do wat u want right? U aint serious yet.

And you read and replied to this thread,  with no answer so that makes you more quanity!! How old are you anyway? Small boy maybe with the way you talk, Thanks for your
wisdom, smart Guy!! Boy please, the rate of single mother's in Nigeria is on the rise, because of the lack of stand up men,  who these days do not understand what it is to be a man .there is no exscuse!! Luckily I was raised by a real Nigerian man and will Not accept any less

tpiah:
true talk.

blame it on decadence.

Exactly!! I want to blame it on something.

Some of you guys are worse than a bunch of gossiping school girls, only a few have attempted to answer the question I originally posted. Lets get refocused here, this is what I asked?

Maybe it is just me, but on my side of the world( USA) it seems that these days there are a lack of single, quality, honest Nigerian men out there!! A lot of men will say the same for us women as well!!!  The problem seems to be that there is not a lack of quantity these days, but truly of quality.  Maybe I am looking in the wrong place, but my question is where are they hiding, or do they no longer exist!! Will one have to settle in 2010?  Lets get the dialogue started!


Answer that, The fact still remains what it is. Are there any honest Nigerian men these days? Leave the rest for another thread that you begin in Nigerians dating white Americans, black Americans etc,

So lets have a frank discussion and set something straight.
I never stated anything was wrong with dating American MEN, been there before done that and not going there again.
There are different family values I belive a nigerian man has versus that of an American.That is not EVEN The topic that was presented , I asked about the Nigerian man, not the American one and definetly not the white one. At the end of the day
My preference is my preference nor am i going debate with a Nigerian born person about why i dont want a white man. That is not even serious!!
Stick to the topic guys!! So I guess what you guys are tellng me is that what I am asking is too much, figures!!
All the talk of the American woman is rubbish and hear say!!. What do you know about an American when you aren't willing to date or talk down about your Nigerian woman!! Guys get a grip and a clue, and this is coming from a Nigerian women born in the United States, liviing the so called " American dream " at the end of the day its all BS!!! Lets do better guys stop talking down about your Nigerian women!!

tarano:
Ladyjide the question to ask is this,  are u a quality Nigeria woman, I swear a quality Nigerian woman should be neat, beautiful, good cook, and friendly   then you should not have a problem finding a Nigerian, U can try guys , in the midwest

I believe myself to be a quality Nigerian woman, as that is what my parents raised!! I am all of those small things and more, but it is more for someone else to judge me versus me blowing my own horn!! In my city there are a lack of Nigerians in my age group, so that is part of the problem. I do not frequent the Midwest part of the country, send one my way!!

[quote author=mama-gee link=topic=494146.msg6544266#msg6544266 date=1281402777][color=deeppink]Yeah right.[/color][/quote]Hey Hey!! It is worth a try mama gee!!

OgidiBoy:
That's not very nice I'm dating a white girl and we talking of marriage after school

Hey calm down, what you want for your life, and what I want for mine are two different things!!! I personally don't do white meat, I likes mines dark!!

[quote author=kenis link=topic=494146.msg6544240#msg6544240 date=1281402430][/quote]Thank you KENIS!! You are far too kind for highlighting for me, I was really expecting you to bring the man to my door step and drop him off for me!!lol

OgidiBoy:
East coast Nigerians are just as bad, most guys on NL are from the East coast. If you don't mind me asking, have you tried dating a white dude ? I

hear they make better husbands.

Oh SH*T, Now you are talking crazy, i will pass on the white meat!!! Thanks but no thanks!!! I am single but never desperate!!

davidylan:
lol. I know a couple of Nigerian female professionals here with an attitude, approaching them is akin to forcing a horse to the stream to drink. To be honest i suggest you expand your net, foreign men are not really a bad idea.

Maybe you should change your approach, and maybe they would change their attitudes!! and where do i get these foreign men from?uhmm lol

OgidiBoy:
I'm not wishing that on you sis LOL!!! If you in the Houston or Dallas area then I feel your pain, the Nigerian guys there are DOGS "including me"

search out west I hear the men there are more matured. Good luck and keep us informed.

I dont wish that on myself- See you I like just be honest!! At least you admitt that you are a DOG!!! Ha!! I am not in Dallas or Houston, I am on the east coast and tenured!! West coast might have to make a visit

OgidiBoy:
Don't mind them, that's why most of our men now go home to marry. I see it alot here in Houston Nigerian women that are clocking 40 and still looking for a husband.

So maybe us Nigerian/American women should do the same go home and marry, and import them back to the US, I would hate to grow up and be an old maid with a cat Ha!! LOL