₦airaland Forum

I personally do not see anything wrong with your thoughts, as they are true! Now where the line should be drawn is when those ideas are used as a means to disrespect and abuse women.  As a woman I have no issues with cooking, cleaning, taking care of my husband and children, but there is also a level of respect that a women should be given as well. As a girl growing up in my house, my father stressed those things such  as a women taking care of home, but he also stressed being educated and independent . The idea is just this:  I do those  things not because I have too, or is because that is what I was born to do  but I do those things because that is what I choose to do to ensure a happy home. As women I believe we should be able to be independent enough to hold our own outside of our homes, but be conscious enough to know when to turn it off when dealing with our personal lives. Now do not get me wrong ever MAN is not worthy of a such a woman,

ALL?? Not so, pick wisely!

iice:
[color=#9900ff]Is that from Dexter?

Yes. . .a deal breaker yes. Perpetually lying, please i no get time.
Somethings are not worth lying about but like kokoye said, everything is relative.[/color]

YES! YES!! Dexter spoke to me!!! True talk though! lol

No some of you guys are missing the point. The OP problem has nothing to do with the fact that this woman was successful. First of all they weren't even married and were living together ( not judging just pointing out some facts). You wanted her to pretend that she is your wife, but not even willing to give her the proper title? .  Never the less  whats to say even if she wasn't successful she would not be acting the same way and doing the same thing?  Next time pick a better mate. Now you have an uneducated woman who honestly has no real choose but to do all you ask- what else is she going to do, I can show you lots of women who are successful, and who have no problem taking care of their man, and all of their womanly responsibilities with out hesitation!! Now will those women choose you is a better question?

I have a friend who has this form of cancer, and honestly I will keep your Uncle in Prayer. With my friend, his started in his nose, and he had it removed. Due to the type of cancer, he was unable to get chemo therapy because this form is not responsive to it. He only received radiation. It has since come back and went to his lungs, he has also had it removed again. His prognosis is not good, but by GOD grace the medical plan at this point is to get regular scans and to keep having it removed, because there is truly no real treatment for this. That is what the Dr's say , but GOD truly has the final say on it all. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts, because I know how tough this is to cope with!

I guess relevance is a matter of opinion!

kokoye:
^^^
Na, we aint talking about that kinda lie. There are white lies and black lies.

That one is a dark, black lie. And the person who'd tell that kinda lie does not really like you anyway.

and just so you know, some chatterboxes do lie all the way thru 

Point well taken!

sharp man:
The item I value most in a relationship is HONESTY. I can't tolerate anyone (especially someone i love so much) lying to me.

I had this girlfriend that i hoped to marry. She claimed she would never lie to me but i noticed she was telling half truths and concealing information from me. I was totally disappointed.

In my opinion - lies, half truths and outright concealing of information are all the same.

I have since moved on but i find it really hard to forgive her.

I value honesty as well, but that small thing is a rare find these day! Shame shame!

kokoye:
'Everything' is relative.

I'm sure you dont want a chatterbox.

How many men have told you they want to sleep with you on the first date . . .or you think they really dont want to?

I would rather have a chatterbox, than a mute- who pretends,  For example- telling me you do not  want to sleep with me on the first date when you really do  is far different than the scenario of  letting  me know  you have a wife and a few kids back home in Nigeria when you are here trying to date me!!  That is info that is worth sharing dont you agree?

kokoye:
Depends.

I kept quiet about somethings when I met my woman - just felt she did not need to know at the time. Of course, I told her later on when I felt more comfortable with her . . well before we got engaged and married of course. You cant lie to me well into the marriage - I may not forgive for that one.

Of course there are things you definately need to be upfront with me about from day one.  But there are some white lies or silences I can overlook or even forget at the very early stages of a relationship.

If, as a lady, you mistakenly farted on a first date in a restaurant . . would you own up to it?    

I respect what you are saying, but keeping quiet to some is as a good as a lie. Why not put everything out on the table from day one! I am one of those people that feel this way.

ZIM DRILL:
we lie from day one of dating we promise each other heaven and earth

Who does that but  men,

"Never lie to someone who trust you and Never trust someone who lies to you"?

This quote spoke wonders to me this past week so I decided to open it up for a friendly Nairaland discussion! This is one of my biggest deal breakers in dating, but maybe I am just being unrealistic these days. From my own experience it seems like lies and dishonesty are the norm these days in relationships. Kind of a what she/he doesn't know wont hurt her/him? So my questions is ,
Is a lie a deal breaker for you in your dating relationships and would you leave someone who you found out continuously lies to you? Most times the lies maybe small but some will say small lies later leads to bigger ones! What are your thoughts?

If you want her then why are you even questioning? You havent even given us a reason as to why she is your ex,

Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. Some men really do look like what one would call a "ladies man"!

Well- some say that when you look for sh*T you get Sh8*t, and that is exactly what you got! The fact that you even felt the need to do that- shows that you did not trust the gal from the beginning, Move on

What is important is the vow you are taking standing before GOD- A vow before GOD is no small thing!!

I do not see anything wrong with both couples sharing in the responsibilities of the wedding as we would share the same in house hold expenses. In the past , the woman's side fits most if not all the bill for the wedding here in the United States. Times have changed and you do not see this as much anymore.

MRbrownJAY:
as for independent women, what man in his right mind would turn down a gal that can pay her own share of the meal, holidays etc, lol!

]

Belive it or not there are ALOT of men who would rather go for the non independent gal- because they feel they can control the situation better !! I speak from experience on this!

henryhemon:
Like mr.brownie said it'll take a vry sily man to turn down ms.independent bt i guess there are no ms.independent or they're just 1percent of the total women population.
We need re-branding of Nigerian women cuz they've the most bizare mentality u can tink of just a few are different.

Well- obviously there are a lot of silly Nigerian men out there, because that is what a lot of yall are going for these days!! That is real talk!

MRbrownJAY:
dont get me wrong, i know that there are a lot of fukced up bush mentality around here (NL) but the sad truth is that men can only act this way because most women out there are willing to go down the same path.

if a woman is willing to throw away her dignity because of a BB or recharge cards then why do you think some "wolves" out there are not going to take advantages of that?

- how do you expect married people to respect one another when they got married for the wrong reasons?
- how do you expect women to respect themselves when MONEY has more value than anything in their lives?

but hey, if this thread is just a "male bashing fest" then go ahead. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . lol!

In this I guess I can only speak for myself. I was raised to be an independent woman, and work hard for the things I want and not expect anyone to give anything to me. I also understand how there are some girls that were not raised the same, What you saying is true about the BB and recharge cards--- but the problem I have is that when you guys have a woman that does not need any financial support from a man, no to talk of something as basic as BB and -is Ms Independent, educated etc, you guys cant handle it and still cheat, lie etc, or think she is automatically a B*tch!! Some of you guys get off with the fact that a girl relys on you for things! Why??

henryhemon:
@ladies,
yes its d truth dat men do that but its a better truth dat most Nigerian women think the best ting they can do 4 a man is sex which is vry absurd.
I ve frens dat even tink am abnormal 4refusing sex,also they tink d way 2 a man's hart is sex or 2 your pocket.when u help one without sex,they see u as a fool. Am nt makin excuses 4men though but it beats me wen a girl tinks d best n only thing she cn offer u is sex.

True, True!

[quote author=Inked_Nerd link=topic=524842.msg6883606#msg6883606 date=1286326371]
It just baffles me, then people wanna get on my case when I say its cheating. With all honesty, how do they expect to find a serious relationship/wife/ husband when they keep using excuses like this to sew their oats. I swear, the more I hear stuff like that the more it makes me think twice about some Nigerian men. I try so hard not to let one man ruin it fro the bunch but its just ridiculous. Freakin' hypocrite, they'll sit around screwing everything that comes their way but when a woman does the same thing then she's pelted with names. Smmfh!!! I know in my heart that there are still good men out there. . . Its just a matter of finding them before the bad ones corrupt them.[/quote]We are on the same page with this one!! I just had the same argument with two Naija guys earlier today. It really hit a nerve! The sad thing is not any one of them would come out and tell the main "girlfriend"( who is of course being faithful) that they are still screwing other women!! Cowards!!

Their house their rules!! I would personally work hard in order to move out ASAP!! Just remain safe!

[quote author=Inked_Nerd link=topic=524842.msg6883427#msg6883427 date=1286322968]From what I have noticed, some people on NL don't see dating in the western sense. Some Nigerians think its ok to be with someone and still have s.ex with other people while still being with one person. I've noticed though that no one has referred to it as an open relationship. I'll see people starting topics about being with a girl and having s.ex others on the side but not wanting to consider it cheating since their not married to the person. Personally that is a load of crap to me. For example in the thread where the girl said she found condoms in her boyfriends car, I noticed a lot of guys said that is they guy in question had in deed cheated on her that it was ok because he's "technically" single because he wasn't married to the girl. S**t like that don't fly with me. If I'm in a relationship with someone and it is not an open relationship, whether we're married or not, if the personal steps outside of that relationship then its cheating.[/quote]Real Talk Inked !!! I do not get this if I am not married I am still single thing even if I have a girlfriend!?? What is that !! Now if it was us the women saying such a thing we would be called all kinds of sluts!!!!

Kingsleyinfo:
well for me really i know what i want from a woman and that is absolute honesty cos thats what i'm willing to offer

plus all the other bonuses that come with the package

but on the other hand most women do not even know what they want

but thats their problem

Good for a friendly debate!!!
Most women ? and whats the problem with MOST men? My thing is this- when a women knows what she wants, and lets a man know- most men will go and mess up a good thing with his dishonesty and lies!!

abioila:
even if d person neva had d opportunity?but u can't u send d person to skul or sumthing?

Maybe to a University- but someone that can not even read or write , Hell NO!!!

kokoye:
Not worth it.

You send the person to school . . .the person starts making more money . . you are expecting returns on your investment but the person is now too busy to even have your time . . you get pissed, get a gun and kill the person.

1. Honesty at all cost, dont lie
2.Unlimited GOOD sex- please have a strong back!!
3. Be a strong minded NIGERIAN man- but be soft enough to give me as a woman the- affection I need when the times comes!!!!

Tosinville:
I'm wondering can any black lady of nowadays do what D-SENSE defined as a GOOD GIRLS?

NONE!!! Black girls were good girls gone bad now so none of them fit the criteria as a housewife now just for hit-and-run.

Seems like it is something easy to find , these days

Education, dating a illiterate man is difficult especially if you are educated yourself-

Yes, and a little something extra at that time of the morning!!

190:
what else are u expectin 2 hear

dump him of course!!

^^^ Yes! Yes!! DUMP HIM,

[quote author=D-sense link=topic=524597.msg6869758#msg6869758 date=1286151888]A good girl to me nowadays is who stands by u when in pain ''poverty'' anyhow u call it, who tries to cover u up when u re unable to do that,who is ready to suffer with u claims to always listen to your advice. Finally who loves u from her hearth not from Lips.[/quote]Good definition,