₦airaland Forum

dogzymallo:
well i have red through and i agree with the poster. for me that travels a lot i find the problem to be that we men in Nigeria take u ladies that are outside the shores as too western like in dressing and thinking and most of us men cant match that ,that is why we tend to run away from u babes but if we really ask this question are u people real? as in behavior and others well u babes should answer the question. u marry a babe from abroad first u have to match her dressing behavior and others then work too, the way u babes take men that grew up at home as second class men to the ones that were born abroad. u have to show us that u babes can do what our mothers at home do to their husbands that's being submissive and respecting then u will see the changes too. we are here and expecting good Nigerian girls living outside

But also as a man you need to show us that you are like our Fathers and is a man that is responsible, and someone that will take care of his home by any means necessary, Where are those men at?

^^^but Cork, which one do you bring home to you parents??

Us women want to scream all of this liberation stough, and how independent we are, but then you want to turn around and ask a  man to pay for things like making hair, and basic needs- just because you guys are dating?  We then wonder why men feel like they can say and do anything they want to us!   The man isn't even your husband for crying out loud? NO way!!! Ladies depend on no one but your self- as that is all you can count on when S*iT hits the fan. A mate should be something that is desired not wanted just for financial reasons!!! When that man becomes your fiance/husband then that is a different story- but untill then  make your own hair, buy your own clothes, and get your own pocket change!   You are in a relationship to find companionship not necessarily help each other in financial reasons.  Investment? We are not talking stocks and bonds here- Her parents should have invested on her head before she left her parents house to go to school, not the job of her "boyfriend".  They havent even been dating that long!Like I asked before  what was she  doing before  having a boyfriend and how was she managing?She needs to  continue to do so, and stop trying to take advantage of that poor man!!

oludashmi:
OH!! Ladyjide, I (and several other people) actually thought it was your experience cos your reply too wasnt that clear but I will go there and do my comments. thanks.
APOLOGY MADAM.

No problem! I figured that when I saw your response!! Fortunately the person, that wrote this is not me! No hard feelings over here!

Mr Temple:
Just wish I'm qualified for screening.

^^ so when does luck meet opportunity ?

Run and don't look back. You are simply trying to date her and not be her father! How has she been managing before meeting you?

Well- when it comes to love this way, "My heart beats silent"

I am a woman that falls in this category- and the reason I refuse to date Black- American guys is that mostly we share different family values. I have dated them in the past, but things are really different. Now not all black Americans guy fall in the category that I am saying, but there is a large majority. As Nigerians, we are taught that the father is the head of the household and family comes first. Education is important, and with hard work- anything can be accomplish. Most Nigerians in my Age group do not come from broken homes and lived in a house with a mother and father present. A lot of times here in the United States a lot of men do not have that understanding and all they know is a broken home, There for that is not what I want for my family in the future, and would prefer to date someone that gets it!

oludashmi:
LADYJIDE! good you replied, I love your courage  read the boldened parts one by one.
1. If you didnt see anything wrong in it, why were you so nervous about it before and on that day?
2. It may be that serious and even if it is not, I (and many of us) have seen few ladies who didnt kneel on their day but it never made NEWS on any media cos pple tend to overlook some things but you are actually making NEWS out of your arrogance  by coming here to announce it much so that you have been married for some time now but your conscience still wouldnt rest. Your legs wouldnt have been amputated for a 3-sec kneel afterall and wouldnt have changed your name or look. Before the advent of cakes, women used to kneel to feed husbands with palm wine, kolanut etc.

3. What is your worth? A billion dollars or pounds? Going by worth, I doubt if you are and can ever be as ambitious and independent as I am but I am trying to put so many things in place so that I can have a good home (not a demi-god as husband or slave-master but a friend and supporter of my our goals) and still achieve all I have ahead of me cos imitating a white woman will only make me end like her (they change husbands like cloths and are never at peace all in the name of equality).

4. Yes! he is not God. But 3 secs kneel will not make him God either afterall you have knelt for someone b4 (parents, granny or aunts), are they your God? You can as well have waived your traditional wedding instead of being nervous and planning it ahead. He prostrated for your parents and other members of your families, Are They His God? Just tradition but still doesnt matter whether you did it or not but you came to announce it.
5. After he had prostrated for your parents and other members of your families shouldnt you have derived the happiness frm that?
6. Just as it is a small gesture to you so it is to him.

Sometimes, we women create issues and headaches for ourselves just becos we think we are civilised and widely read now. That is why I still doubt if I can ever join any women equality or women rights group cos someday, they will protest caring pregnancy alone and need men to carry it too. They will protest why husbands have to ask for sex and demand law on how many times a man should demand it in a week. Some of them are divorcees, some are single mothers while some married ones have homes already hotter than hell and they are looking for pple who will be like them. They will make issue out of no issue. Instead of channeling their energy towards protesting the rate of women dieing during child birth - we loose more than 100 daily in Nigeria (and other women related ailments) and ensure success is achieved, they will just be looking for pieces out of peace .

LADYJIDE, is your husband aware of all of these? Pls show him this post so that he can be proud of you Be careful in washing your dirty linen in public cos you will end up creating a wrong impressn of yourself.

1.I am going stop you right here and take this as a misunderstanding on your part,as obviously you did not read the original post.  THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME!! I am not the person who wrote the  article- I simply reposted it as I topic. I DO not know the blogger,and I am not married yet ( go back and re- read my first post!!!) and then come back and apologize!! Thanks

2. I AM NOT MARRIED- !!! THIS ARTICLE IS NOT ABOUT ME, nor was it written by me- Go back and re read!

3.  Like I said before- I know my worth- You doubt if I am as ambitious as you? Girl please- I am not going debate independence or ambition with a stranger, but I know who my parents raised.   I do not need a man to define my worth-nor do I need something that is deemed as tradition - to make me feel less of a woman. I know who i am- and if I do not know that prior to getting married then- I guess I will be a lost cause. My worth has already been defined. That is also apparent from my  accomplishments thus far- if you want we can go tid for tat- dollar for dollar- pound for pound, naira for naira and see who wins this battle. Everything I have I worked hard for, and nor would I let something on my wedding that they would be done out of respect- make me feel less of a personn. Bottom line I ALREADY have put things in place and HAVE good home, so if that is not ambitious I am not sure what is.

4. No- one prostrated for anyone in my family yet- but we will cross that bridge when it comes that time. I know my GOD---------------------and I know who I serve, If you are getting married to a person who thinks that they are GOD- well I think that woman has bigger problems to deal with than worrying about kneeling to her husband1

5. Bottom line if my husband wants me to kneel and feed him on my wedding day- then I WILL do just that!!!!!

5. I DID NoT write this article-nor do I know the blogger and I DO NOT HAVE A HUSBAND- next time read my post well-----!!!!

oludashmi:
LADYJIDE! LADYJIDE!! WHERE ARE YOU? Read THESE and you will be free from all your worries and at last you will experience peace for the first time
[/b]

CASE CLOSED! CASE CLOSED!!!

I am here- but have given my self a headache reading some of these post--and had to stop, lol-- I think some of you guys are joking in some responses, and taking it a little too far- Like I stated before, I dont see anything wrong with it as it is tradition, and if that is what is needed for a few seconds on my wedding day to make my husband happy- then so be, such a small thing for the man I stood before GOD and said I will be with him for the rest of my life for better or for worse---Is it really that serious? but all the talk of the symbolism which says that I am below my husband by doing so is craziness---now that isnt going fly, I know my worth as a woman, and demand that respect. I would hope to not marry a man that would even think such talk is ok, and would know that we are partners. Despite him being the head of our household- he is not GOD, nor a slave master but my husband! He will get the respect he deserves, but I also command such respect myself as a woman and his wife! I would want my husband to get down on one knee and propose- as that is what would make me happy, and the man that I will marry would hopefully not think twice about such a small gesture for the one he loves---A little goes a long way, I am going to go back and read the post!!

[quote author=mama-gee link=topic=497893.msg6603188#msg6603188 date=1282247528][color=deeppink]I mean, nobody would force you to kneel. . .It's just that men like doing it.

But for a woman to feed you while kneeling down is completely delusional and uncalled for, your wife is meant to be your partner not your slave.

Btw, A man must learn to stop acting like a baby, you men should should feed your wives not the other way round.[/color][/quote]Men like doing it? lol Now that is funny!!! Not even, - where did you hear this from- I belive men do it because it is tradition in the US---not because they like doing it. Half the stough folks do in relationship like compromise are done not because they like to do it because it is what would make your mate happy!!!

michelin89:
Lose fat in my thighs? Those are my treasure. But I repeat: she has the fat in the wrong places. Fat is not fat.

Fat bosoms are not seen as a problem, neither is a fat backside.

But fat arms and a fat belly are.

Exactly- where she has her fat may be her treasures, (lol) and  we can agree to disagree---fat is fat----- !! Fat bosoms are not seen as a promblem for some, and you are right neither is a fat backside, but for some these are PROMBLEMS, Some men dont like any fat on their woman!! We cant be sure if this isn't the case in her situation!!! For some once fat stops growing in the bosom and thighs- it then goes to the next spot- hopefully it wont be a belly!!!  Bottom line- and I am not in any position to judge - just stating my opinion-- Just be healthy- and fat is not healthy!!

michelin89:
Exactly my point.

I am also 5"4 and have fat thighs. I know wetin I dey talk. A lot of girls weigh less than me and they are just about the same height, yet they have the fat belly syndrome.

No disrespect intended but-Fat is fat no matter where it is! Healthy is healthy, !! The major issue I think deals with the man she is calling her fiance!!! Would you loose weight in your thighs because you fiance who claimed to love you in the beginning now seen you as fat because of his friends ? At the end of the day I guess it is really about how comfortable are you with your own body image!! Obviously she wasn't - and she has worked to bring it down- but still not good enough for him!!! Its hard enough being judged by society- but the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with?? That is too much to bare!

michelin89:
She is just 5"4.

And she must have the fat in the wrong places reason why it's so evident to her bf.

She should come down to at least 62kg.

If what she is saying is accurate- 5'4 and a size 10, is not remotely  fat, she is 154 pounds- How much more weight could one at this weight  have at  5 ft'4 that is in the wrong places?? Average height for a woman is 5 ft 3   and  she is very near a normal  and healthy BMI ( acording to medical professionals)!  She possibly could stand to loose a few pounds- and most folks these days could also! She should come down to what she is most comfortable with, and not him. She should be healthy for the sake of her own personal gain- not to suffice her fiance!! I would be able to understand if she was skinny when he met her, but gained weight-- but she was bigger before- and has even worked to loose it!!!  What more does this guy want- after this then what will it be?? Perhaps he hasnt seen any recent pics- but never the less he needs to get a clue!!

fantababy:
did u read my previous posts @ funky baby?
I was a US size 16 (UK SIze 18) , 7 years ago.
I gradually came down from a US size 16 (UK SIZE 18) to a US Size 12 (UK size 14). It took me 4 years to reach a US Size 12 and has maintained since.
I met my fiance as a US Size 12 (UK size 14). Within the last 4 months, I have reduced from a US Size 12 (UK size 14) to a US size 10 (UK size 12).

I used to weigh 78 KG, April this yr, but am currently 69/70KG.

Girl you should be commended for your efforts in trying to bring the weight down!! I just hope you are doing it for you and not for him, in the long run you will feel better about yourself and not give a damn what him or anyone else thinks about you!! And you are a size 10 for heavens sake!!!! Not big at all!!!

Bottom line, you have to look at your own tolerance level, and say to yourself are you able tolerate a man that cant even stick up for you when his friends say bad things, and would even tell you something hurtful that they said.  If you feel the need to drop some weight do so, because YOU want to improve your image for yourself, and you want to be healthy. Not for the sake of the way his Friends portray you !!! He either loves you just the way you are, or doesn't love you at all. Stick your grounds and I hope it works out for you

kabukabu:
what a masochistic fool this sorry naija boy think he is
No white woman will ever kneel to feed you cake, punk.Rather you will spend the rest of your life kneeling and eating the cake between her legs.
I hope you never marry a Nigerian girl,you don't deserve any one of them.
From a Nigerian Man

Ouch!!! Tell him how you really feel !!!  Every man does not deserve a strong Nigerian woman!

Solozzo:
This is an interesting and vexed post and I thank Ladyjide for bringing it up. Ladyjide only brought to our awareness how many modern women feel about some of the aspects of our traditional ceremonies that clash with our modern way of thinking, but I do n't think she would have had the courage to refuse the elders or the audience to kneel to feed her husband. Kneeling down to feed your husband is just a ceremony that has nothing to do with your being submissive to him in the future, but failing to do so in public ceremony would only give people a false impression of your true nature and even create difficulties for u.

I am glad you understood!! I was simply re posting something that I found to be an interesting read- The original creator of this article- is not someone that I agree with and too each its own!! Tradition is tradition!

homerac7:
@ ladyjide, since we r discussing Yoruba tradition here, i shall say a yoruba idiom for u to find out its interpretation.

eni t'a ni k'o se to, to l'oun o le se to-to-to.

it si simply a traditional CEREMONY!

it is only a symbolic and harmless gesture anyone can do xcept d individual has some misunderstandings somewhere. afterall d groom is even d one who does d most 'humiliatin' acts in d ceremony.

my dear, it's a no issue abeg.

Ok- I am glad you feel that way. I dont feel there is any issue as well!!

[quote author=Maj.Gen. link=topic=497893.msg6594300#msg6594300 date=1282144329]Where is Ladyjide in all of this? she started this and has chosen to remain silent now. Nuf respect to Invisible!, say it like it is sister. Every human on this earth has roots. We, as africans are throwing away our traditions and trying by force to embrace the white mans ways. We forget that even the white man has roots and traditions which they follow. Go to any typical Irish or Scot wedding ceremony - The couple use their feet to break glass. The question therefore is "will they be breaking glass at home everyday"? How about the normal intertwining of hands by the couple to drink wine, do they do this at home everyday?
Kneeling down at the wedding ceremony is our (yoruba) tradition and is simply symbolic of respect and submission to your husband, the captain of your boat, the one to whom you are a help-mate, the father of your children (regardless of the position/style you used on the bed at the time of conception ). But most important, you are kneeling down before the one you love truly.
Ladyjide, its no big deal to kneel for your man, afterall, he is De MAN in your life. [/quote]What do you mean where am I, If you read it. as I am sure you have. I  stated my thoughts earlier !! I DO NOT See anything wrong with kneeling down to feed my husband, Not a bid deal- it is tradition for us Yorubas, Every wedding I have been to I have seen it done, even here in the United States

davidylan:
she better kneel down that day . . .
Its good training for all the kneeling she will be doing till we're 90.

Really David??

0hsisi:
If it's Yoruba custom for a woman to kneel in her wedding gown to feed the husband a piece of cake,then let her kneel,it's just a few seconds anyway.
Why would you want to offend the elders around and perhaps start on the wrong footing with your new mother in law because of a simple harmless traditional gesture?
Is it worth it?
Igbo women kneel at the traditional wedding to offer the cup of wine to the husband
I did it
Every Igbo woman I know did it
It doesn't take a thing away
It is part of the traditional ceremony and that's about it.
The was the first and last time I knelt before him in public,the rest of the kneeling is done privately and I'm not complaining about that

You are right!!

^^^ True!! It's not a big deal- its your husband- that you just vowed too!

Leave her- she is a cheat, and honestly you guys will never have an honest relationship! She is cheating- You are cheating---Time for yall to move on!!

You need to wait utill she is of age-That is only a few more years! If you love her like you say you do-she is worth waiting for!

This article was taken from a Blogster- the website is-www.Gbemispiece..com   I thought it would be a interesting topic for Monday.  I personally do not see the big deal and I don't think it is necessarily humiliating or be belittling. Whats your take on it?( I DID NOT WRITE THIS BLOG- nor do I know the owner)~ You can try and contact her via that website and try to get her to defend her writings!


Kneel Down and Feed Your Husband
"I have been having conversations with people all around me about the Nigerian (Yoruba mostly) tradition of the wife kneeling down to feed her husband cake at their wedding. My sister and I like most women of our age group love, love, love attending weddings. Especially Naija weddings. That's where we get to mix with other Naijas, check out people's fashion sense or lackthereof and pretty much have a good time. One thing that drives us both crazy is the Naija or is it Yoruba tradition of the bride kneeling to feed her husband a piece of their wedding cake. It just drives me crazy. What's that about?

In all of the weddings that I attended where the bride knelt down, there has never been a move on the groom's part to join her (indicating that they are partners) or even dissuade her from the discomfort of kneeling down in her gorgeous gown. They usually smile smugly and enjoy the attention. Guys I have talked to say it's about submission. It is humiliating more like it. One of the reasons given by older people is that it shows that the girl has been well brought up. I just plain don't like it. However, it is a personal choice. If a woman wants to be submissive, then it's up to her. I just don't like the way it is portrayed as an act of respect. There are many ways to show respect without belittling a human being.

At my wedding, I was nervous about being asked to do it. Sometimes, the person or persons overseeing the cutting of the cake (usually friends of the parents) will not ask the bride to show this sign of respect but guests at the wedding might yell "kneel down, kneel down" and she'll end up doing it. Anyhow, at my wedding, I was all tied up in knots because I didn't know whether or not I'd be asked. As we were making our way to cut the cake from our table, I kept telling DH "I'm not doing it, I'm really not". We had already had the discussion. Several times. Yet, I was nervous about having to disobey the officiant. Luckily, she didn't ask me to, neither did his aunt and uncle standing behind us, nor our guests. All that nervousness for nothing. In fact, contrary to the typical kneeling down, she asked us to seal it with a kiss. Nice."

http://gbemispiece..com/2006/06/kneel-down-and-feed-your-husband.html

Very childish-and petty!

double08:
I kiss my girl first thing in the morning,we dont care if we brush or not,we simply don't give a phuck

Nothing wrong with kissing the person you are in a relationship with first thing in the morning- regardless if they brush teeth or not!

sexylogan:
look, u people, especially the guys shud please give the poster a break. she has opened up to

share her concern with NL's and clearly is looking for some advice on how to meet and possibly

establish a long-term relationship with a responsible Nigerian man. As some have said, maybe she has

set her standards too high without even knowing it but from her comments, that doesnt seem to

be the case. My dear, i wish you the very best in your quest.

Ha!! It is ok- You know I am good a defending myself on here. I am glad you and a few people understood exactly what my post was meant for. Thanks. Maybe I have set my standards high, but I do not believe so. My wants in a man have been reasonable- Just be a honest man, and I am willing to start from there. A lot is given on my part and a lot is required.

Depending on why the person cheated, and if they get caught. Once a cheat in a relationship- always a cheat!

I would probably wait until the 2nd or 3rd at least. You may not have any chemistry with the woman after the first date so it is best to get to know the person. As woman I appreciate flowers on any date, but as a man I guess you should be your own guide !

A joke-