LEONARDO DICAPRIO
But it's pretty far away. Maybe we can
just cut to the next scene and be there
already?
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
No. It seems the editor doesn't know
the meaning of "pacing" and opted to
show people riding around on horses for
half an hour instead.
LEONARDO DICAPRIO
Sally Menke, you are missed.
On the way to CANDYLAND they
encounter one of LEO'S MANDINGO
FIGHTERS, who was caught trying to
run away.
LEONARDO DICAPRIO
(reading from How to Get an Oscar
Nomination for Dummies ...)
It says here I need to be a real bastard
and do something extremely evil and
disturbing to make you love to hate me.
Having this poor helpless Mandingo
slave ripped apart by wild dogs should
do the trick!
THE MANDINGO is ripped THE Bleep
APART by RACIST DOGS. LEO makes
SWEET EYE-CONTACT LOVE with JAMIE
as it happens.
EXT. LEO'S CANDYLAND
PLANTATION
JAMIE, CHRISTOPH, and LEO arrive and
are greeted by SAMUEL L.
MOTHERFUCKING JACKSON, who is at
least 200 YEARS OLD.

INT. MANDINGOS 'R' US -
MISSISSIPPI (IN THE DEEPEST PART
OF THE DEEP FUCKING SOUTH)
JAMIE and CHRISTOPH meet LEONARDO
DICAPRIO, who's wearing GEORGE
WASHINGTON'S TEETH for some reason.
LEO has a front row seat to a brutal
MMA FIGHT, aka MANDINGO FIGHTING.
LEONARDO DICAPRIO
I do declare, gentlemen. I have always
depended on the kindness of strangers.
Please, allow me to introduce you to my
bodyguard ... James Remar?
JAMES REMAR
The hell? I'm playing another character?
COOL! I'm sure Tarantino brought me
back for a reason and not just to kill me
off twice in the same movie!
LEONARDO DICAPRIO
Uh, yeah, sure he did, James. So,
Christoph, I hear you are interested in
buying one of my Mandingo fighters ...
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
(wagging finger)
Uh-uh-uh, we wouldn't want things to
progress too quickly now, would we?
Let's discuss this deal back at your
Candyland plantation.

Also JAMIE brutally murders FROSTY
THE SNOWMAN, who is WHITE, and
therefore RACIST.
CHRISTOPH eventually finds out that
SLAVE OWNER LEONARDO DICAPRIO
owns JAMIE's wife KERRY
WASHINGTON.
JAMIE FOXX
OK, now let's ride onto Leo's plantation
violently, kill everybody violently, and
rescue Kerry! Violently!
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
(wagging finger)
Uh-uh-uh. Then we will have a bounty
on our heads. We must acquire Kerry
legally.
JAMIE FOXX
Well, we've made a shitload of money
bounty hunting, let's just approach
Leo's lawyer and buy her!
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
(wagging finger)
Uh-uh-uh. Then the story would be over
in under two hours and without a
violently over-the-top climax, which is
unheard of for a Tarantino epic. No, we
must pretend as though we want to buy
one of Leo's Mandingo fighters first,
then offhandedly buy Kerry and skip
town with her.
JAMIE FOXX
But what happens when Leo finds out
we were just dicking him around? Won't
he get really angry and come after us
like Don did?
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
Not to worry, Jamie. My plan will go
completely to shit long before that
happens.
JAMIE FOXX
OK then. Let's shake on it.
(extends hand for a shake)
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
(pulling a gun)
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Back the Bleep
off, Jamie! YOU MUST NEVER ask to
shake my hand! Not EVER! I've got
Howie Mandel syndrome big time, and
so I am VERY sensitive about shaking
hands! I'll let you live this time, but I
vow to kill the very next man who tries
to shake my hand!

KLANSMAN JONAH HILL
(appearing)
Maybe Quentin Tarantino was counting
on his audience being too stupid to
know that in favor of seeing comical
KKK members being brutally killed.
(collects paycheck)
(vanishes)
THE TOOTHMOBILE has a CAVITY filled
with DYNAMITE and it EXPLODES! Lots
of KKK members are KILLED, including
DON. His RED BLOOD spurts all over his
WHITE HORSE. Are you noticing a
theme here?
JAMIE FOXX
So, Christoph, I have fulfilled my end of
the bargain. Time to go rescue my wife!
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
Or we could do some more bounty
hunting throughout the winter and go
rescue her when it's summertime.
JAMIE FOXX
You're right. Even though Kerry's been
a slave her entire life and is probably
being raped or tortured at this very
moment, I'm sure she can hold out until
next spring.
THIS HAPPENS.
JAMIE and CHRISTOPH kill a bunch of
WANTED CRIMINALS, because getting
the CLEMENCY PAYS ACHIEVEMENT is
just too much bother

DON JOHNSON
What in the Jesus Bleep is going on
here?!
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
Sir, I have a warrant that says we can
totally kill the shit out of these guys.
DON JOHNSON
But Jamie whipped that one guy a new
asshole first!
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
Uh, that's in the warrant, too. Trust me,
it's all legal.
DON JOHNSON
Well, I guess I could just shoot you both
dead and no one would be the wiser ...
or let you go and try to kill you later.
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
I vote for that second one.
So does DON, and later that night, he
and his KLANSMEN argue about their
cheap knockoff SCARECROW MASKS
before surrounding THE TOOTHMOBILE.
DON JOHNSON
Wait a second, I saw Roots. I'm pretty
sure the KKK didn't show up until
AFTER Reconstruction

JAMIE wanders off and finds HONKY-
CRACKER BROTHER M.C. GAINEY, who
is about to whip THE BLACK off of a
HELPLESS SLAVE.
M.C. GAINEY
Jamie? Is that you? What the Bleep are
you wearing?
JAMIE FOXX
I am here to exact revenge on you for
savagely whipping my wife in an
oversaturated flashback.
M.C. GAINEY
But she called me "lard ass"! That really
hurt my feelings!
JAMIE FOXX
Then I hope this bullet makes you feel
better!
JAMIE kills GAINEY, then WHIPS THE
FUCKING Bleep out of GAINEY'S
BROTHER and shoots him IN THE
FOREHEAD, THE SPLEEN, THE HEART,
BOTH KIDNEYS, and then 14 MORE
TIMES IN THE FOREHEAD.
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
Whoawhoawhoa, Jamie! I leave you
alone for five minutes and you start
killing evil slave owners WITHOUT ME?!
I am seriously starting to regret
unchaining you right now!
JAMIE FOXX
Look! The last Honky-Cracker Brother is
getting away through that cotton field!
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
Ooooo! Cotton!
CHRISTOPH shoots GAINEY'S OTHER
BROTHER and 17 GALLONS OF RED
BLOOD spurt all over the WHITE
COTTON

EXT. DON JOHNSON'S PLANTATION
(IN THE DEEP FUCKING SOUTH)
JAMIE and CHRISTOPH ride up and are
greeted by COLONEL SANDERS. Whoa,
wait, that's DON JOHNSON? Holy shit.
DON JOHNSON
Pardon me while I use the N-word for
several minutes in a comical fashion.
This should make up for all those times
I couldn't say it around Philip Michael
Thomas.

[left][/left]Hey wait a minute, I'm James Remar?
Oh shit! That means ...
(is fucking shot dead)
CHRISTOPH shoots all the SLAVE
TRADERS and FOUR GALLONS OF
BLOOD spurt onto the screen, followed
by SIX MORE GALLONS of BLOOD.
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
(unchains JAMIE)
Greetings! I am looking to collect the
bounty for the Honky-Cracker Brothers
and you know what they look like, so
let's team up. Also I will help you rescue
your wife Kerry Washington because
there needs to be at least one good
white person in this movie.
JAMIE FOXX
But I don't know anything about bounty
hunting!
CHRISTOPH WALTZ
Then allow me to teach you! Just think
of me as your own personal Obi-Wan.
But first you must visit the wardrobe
department and choose your costume!
JAMIE, given the freedom to dress
himself, chooses to dress up as AUSTIN
POWERS.
JAMIE FOXX
This blue crushed velvet suit just feels
right, baby, yeah

FADE IN:
EXT. TEXAS - 1858

CHAINED SLAVES are forced to walk
barefoot through at least THREE
DIFFERENT SEASONAL CHANGES by
EVIL SLAVE TRADERS.

CHRISTOPH WALTZ approaches in his
TOOTHMOBILE.

CHRISTOPH WALTZ
Good evening! I am a German dentist
turned bounty hunter and I wish to
purchase Jamie Foxx.

JAMES REMAR
No way hosay.
(pause)

The greatest Lawyering Series of all times: Boston Legal.....It won so many awards and accolades that no other law based series can compete with it till date. If you haven't watched it, then I leave u with just 2 words, DENNY CRANE

The greatest sci fi of all times: 4400. I am still hurt that this beautiful, creative piece was hacked prematurely so that Heroes can come on board and to think that they had copied most of their ideas from my beloved 4400 makes it my Most Hated Series of all times.

Greatest Period Pieces: Game of thrones. It's just simple. Any series that makes me to want to be with a dwarf and be damn proud of it is to me a winner.

I CAN ASSURE YOU SIR that YOU WANT ME in YOUR TEAM.

I have learnt that silence is indeed golden. Never ever be a sore loser and when a victim, always tell urself that it is nothing but a stepping stone to achieve greater heights.

Chai, Ego umu mmadu!!!

YuzedoII:



Lady Winona, hola at me, i wanna wife you up!!!

Lol! I mean, forgive me but I'm already married.

Denn:

i will tell you the doctor's fault in my own "layman's" view.
the doctor checked and found a low PCV, administered blood and despite this found even lower levels, he decided to administer more....and more and more.......
its like saying a car engine has a low level of oil so you add more, you check and it has a lower level so you add more and more.....

why administer more fluids when the problem hasnt been found. please note that there was no mention of the ailment from the doctor's statement. this implies the doctor did not conduct the proper tests or did not refer the patient to a specialist on time.

i expected to read something like 'Bisi was diagnosed of an acute case of XXXXXXX after several tests. this resulted in her having a low PCV despite administering 40 pints of blood to her over a YYY period.

Irrespective of the aetiology of the disease, the truth is that u are there to treat the patient first and then the disease. Take for instance, this patient that is obviously severely anemic. Do u first wait to find out the cause of the anemia while she dies from the anemia itself or do we first resuscitate in this case, by giving packed red cells or in places where it is lacking sedimented cells under frusemide cover? I wld choose the later cos at the end of the day, ur aetiology, if eventually found will have little or no meaning if ur patient is already dead. I'm sure they know the cause of the disesase but it's against the ethics of medicine to reveal it for public's consumption. An autopsy will also be useful here.

Denn:



i pray not to be treated by this kind of doctor....even for Nairalandism (addiction to NL)

I don't see where the doctor had erred. He had simply explained d situation in a way that any layman can understand it. If he had said that her PCV was static at 18L/L despite 40 pints of packed cells been infused due to possible aplasia of the red blood cell evidenced by lack of erythrocytes query cause, would you have understood him? Let's be fair here.

She's still legally married to kris humphries(had wanted to write her first husband but realised that this is her second marriage). Again, people are speculating that her child if born would bear the surname of the 2nd husband but I doubt that happens cos of his desire to annul his marriage to kim. Again, looking at her elder sis's body during pregnancy, I'm pretty confident dt kim will be all bloated up in the face n god knws where else with all those plastic surgery she has done which might interfere d normal fat distribution in her body

I just googled shellac. Don't see ur point.

Oh well, I guess I should start by apologizing because I'm about to burst a lot of 'bubbles' here.
First of all, that picture right there is totally normal. Like someone commented, it is a primitive reflex specifically the palmar grasp which is present in ALL babies and is considered abnormal if absent. So, while this news will be such a sensation to those in the non-medical field, to us, it is a meh situation.
Secondly and this goes to jelitta, why the f*** do u ve those false nails on u! My God!, u re in a special care baby unit with a preterm, and from the look of it, a very low birth weight neonate at that in an incubator with resuscitation going on and u ve those false nails on u! The baby's chances of living are minimal at best without having u to add to the risk. Jesus!! I'm concluding at this point that u re a medical student or a student nurse cos I refuse to believe that u re a houseofficer or resident doctor cos u wld ve been seriously cautioned or punished.
Now dt I've vented my anger/concern, u all can carry on

It shall be well. By his stripes, you are HEALED. Go with his grace.

odun joy: from my research i think it's only in Nigeria here we get scared if the baby did not cry.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110325194507AAWVDq0

Sweetheart, going to yahoo to get answers can hardly be called a research. Those people re equally confused and a woman in labor under excruciating pain wld hardly ever knw in the first min or so, the state her baby is in. I will stop here.

Wow!!! This is way better than any novel. It's real time, the suspense is intriguing and I'm quite impressed. I am trying to put myself in the op n d 'alleged' scammer's shoes and these re my conclusions. For the op to have posted this n is persistent in his quest for justice, I guess it's safe to say that he 'might' be correct in his claims. The burden of proof I suppose lies with Mr Eze, surprisingly, he is not straight forward in his dealings n frankly, and I beg u all to excuse my language, does not care 2 f***s what u all think of him. In fact, he just might be the most confident accused person I know for now which is strange considering that his business, integrity, family's reputation n indeed his freedom are all on d line. Here's what I think, it's entirely possible that his name is false although I highly doubt that since the last time I checked, to open a bank account, one needs to provide an ID of some sort. So, his real name is Chibuzor Eze, hmmmm, and from his posts, seems to be quite literate though not so intelligent. D pic dt was posted of him, if accurate, depicts a man who is confident, charming and can talk his way out of anything, heck he even convinced the op that he will pay him if the op can recant his statement which d op in desperation actually agreed to, I guess to get his money back, I will do the same. This is a man who can't be bothered cos his line of business is largely done online. Shut him down today, and he rises up with a different identity tomorrow. Soooooo, what to do......hmmmm....My contribution is dt we need to get this to the FRONT PAGE to get more publicity. I only got to knw abt this thread by clicking on the trending icon and then had to scroll way down b4 I saw this. Since the MODS n Seun are yet to post this for reasons best known to them, my suggestion is that if there is anyone out there that has his or her thread on the front page, he or she shld modify d name to throw more light on this case. It's high time we stopped waiting for MODS to post relevant topics like this on the front page, we OWN THIS SITE n thus ve the sheer power due to our mass alone to manipulate n state what shld go on here. I mean, they can't ban us all. Kinda like how we let our politicians to completely f*** with us, again forgive my language, while we re made to think we can do nothing. Well, the scammer, sorry 'alleged' scammer has that mentality, n is using it now to bully the op and the rest of us into falling in line, well, since the MODS, Seun n this govt via the EFCC are not ready to do anything, it's a clear cue that we shld device a way to get some modicum of JUSTICE delivered. We might not stop him from scamming more people, true, but we can make his personal life and space a living hell. Let's all give him a N30,000 equivalent worth of E-JUSTICE.

Just learnt that d boy is from a broken home and the gun used was bought by d mom

I am training to be a baby doctor and out of all the births I've attended, I rarely see a normal baby dt does not cry. To be on the safe side, even when all its vital signs are stable, the baby is still sent to the special care baby unit to be carefully monitored. It's better to be safe than sorry. I guess all I'm trying to say is that crying is one of the most singular parameters to judge whether the baby is biologically equipped to survive in its extra uterine environment. A lack of cry can suggest many things, the lungs, brain and the oral cavity can be impaired, cold stress, hypoglycemia, birth asphyxia, hypoxic encephalopathy, meningitis or tetanus if the cry is abnormal. The list is endless. In summary, u want ur baby to CRY. His or her life might just depend on it.

It's really heartbreaking. All those innocent kids all excited about xmas but unaware of the fate that awaited them!! God, please bestow on the families affected the grace to pull through this. No more death. Rest, rest now in peace. Amen

NEWTOWN, Conn.--A shooting
rampage in this small Connecticut
town
on Friday morning left 28 people dead,
including 20 children killed inside their
elementary school, authorities said.
The dead included the suspected
gunman, whom law enforcement
sources identified as Adam Lanza, 20.
Police said that Lanza first apparently
killed his mother, Nancy Lanza, at the
home they shared in Newtown. Then he
drove in her car to Sandy Hook
Elementary, the school at which Nancy
Lanza taught kindergarten.
In the car, authorities said, were three
guns: a .223 caliber “Bushmaster” rifle
and two pistols, a Sig Sauer and a
Glock.

At the school, authorities said, Adam
Lanza shot and killed six adults —
including the school’s principal — and
20 children. They were shot in two
different rooms of the school, police
said.
Police were called to the school after
9:35 a.m., and officers searched the
classrooms for a shooter. When they
found the gunman, however, he was
dead by his own hand. No officer fired a
shot.

President Obama, in one of his most
emotional speeches as president, wiped
away tears as he spoke about the
shooting from the White House’s
briefing room. “Our hearts are broken
today,” Obama said. He promised
“meaningful action to prevent more
tragedies like this,” but did not say
specifically what he might do..

Culled from
m.washingtonpost.com/politics/sandy-hook-elementary-school-shooting-leaves-students-staff-dead/2012/12/14/24334570-461e-11e2-8e70-e1993528222d_story.html

Hmmmm, I guess dt solves it then. The men would then have no one to talk to, sleep with or elope with. Brilliant!!!

Indian village bans mobile phone use by women
Wed, Dec 05 01:15 AM EST
PATNA, India - (Reuters) - A village council in the eastern Indian state of Bihar has banned the use of mobile phones by women, saying the phones were "debasing the social atmosphere" by leading to elopements - a move that set off outraged protests from activists.

In addition to the ban, the Sunderbari village council in a Muslim-dominated area some 385 kilometers (239 miles) east of Patna, the capital of Bihar, has also imposed a fine of 10,000 rupees ($180) if a girl is caught using a mobile phone on the streets.

Married women would have to pay 2,000 rupees ($36.60).

"It always gives us a lot of embarrassment when someone asks who has eloped this time," said Manuwar Alam, who heads a newly-formed committee tasked with enforcing the ban, referring to queries from neighboring villages.

He said the number of elopements and extramarital love affairs had risen in the past few months, with at least six girls and women fleeing their homes.

"Even married women were deserting their husbands to elope with lovers. That was shameful for us," Alam said. "So, we decided to tackle it firmly. Mobile phones are debasing the social atmosphere".

Local officials have begun investigations, saying that such bans cannot be allowed in a healthy society, while women's rights activists called it an assault on freedom that could potentially end up harming women by stripping them of one source of protection from trouble, such as unwanted advances by men.

"Girls and women are capable enough to protect themselves," said activist Suman Lal during a debate on local television. "Technology is meant to be used, not to be banned...The order is nauseating."

Fellow activist Mohammad Islam said it was "disappointing" that the village council ignored the many advantages of mobile phones before placing a ban on them for one reason.

"I want every girl to be given a mobile phone so that she could call up family members if she has a problem", he said. ($1 = 54.6400 Indian rupees)

(Reporting by New Delhi newsroom, editing by Elaine Lies)

U knw what? I am beginning to believe that the front page topics are bought. It only explains the ever random topics we are forced to view these days on the front page. I used the term 'forced' cos at first, u wonder who or what this topic is all about, deeming it all so important cos it's on the front page, only for you to click and see a relatively unknown subject being talked about with little or no relevance to anything that will affect ur life aka how does it change the price of anything in the market. I'm not saying that the MODS should only feed us with politics/disaster related topics etc, I only want them to be upfront about the sale of front page slots so that we ordinarily citizens will know that there is such an opportunity to 'advertise' our ideas out for a fee. It is only fair.

Just thought I should post this when I saw this topic on the front page. Pls and pls, intake of Vit A tablet can cause severe teratogenic effects for the pregnant ladies. In other words, taking Vit A while pregnant esp in the first trimester can cause serious damage to ur baby and since most women are unaware they are pregnant till well into their 2nd month, it only stands to reason that u avoid the drug.
Secondly, there are 3 vitamins listed there that are fat soluble namely Vit A, E and K. If these vitamins are taken in excess, it comes with its own side effects. Vit A can give u meningism that is equivalent to having same symptoms to one afflicted with meningitis. K will cause uncontrolled bleeding and while I'm not too sure about E, as long as it's fat soluble n taken in excess, it can and will give u adverse effects.

So, in summary, pls be careful. From experience, eating a well-balanced diet and exercising right with minimum stress are key factors to help ur skin. My 2 cents.

It depends. If we parted under amicable circumstances, y not? But, if while we were together u were the meanest, vilest, most abusive being I've ever had the misfortune to meet, then trust me when I say that u've dug ur pit meeting me cos nothing will give me more pleasure than seeing u rot here on earth while gently. ushering u to that tunnel where u'll meet more darkness. Iñ Summary, it really depends on the circumstances at which we parted.

Okija juju and mike tonic, please stop cos u guys are really on top of ur game as grade A comedians. Mike, hun, I doubt u re 26 and a surgeon in US of all places, earning 250,000 and still left with the stamina to sleep with spanish and hispanic women. Dude, REALLY? And okija, sweetheart, just stop with the jokes, kk. Still laughing.